Quo Vadis

Of course, the very reason why I'm fully committing to this digression is simple.

If I were to create a direct human vessel with the essence and soul I currently possess, that human would bear what would be deemed as the 'ineffable factor'.

The physical vessel would immediately implode if not continuously affecting everything in its surrounding in an absurd manner due to the sheer amount of intricacies that made me able to live in the Void. As such, stripping that very ineffability from my core is important.

There is a roundabout way to do this, which involves creating an avatar with a little bit of connection to my soul existing within this void, and having them act semi-sentiently on my behalf. Obviously, I'm reluctant to do this as it wouldn't really turn me into any kind of human.

I also could not bring most if not all of the knowledge I possessed into my new human vessel, as it would linger a stench that the void-dwellers could eventually sniff when I'm in my most vulnerable form—a human.

So, taking all of these factors into account, I have pried thousands if not millions of worlds and timelines where humans have built civilization.

It didn't take much time—only about a thousand years—during which I managed to filter through around 12 worlds that could potentially serve as destinations I would be transported to after my Apocolocyntosis was complete.

Interestingly, one of these worlds is the original home of the first human I extracted!

My selection process was based primarily on my interests, followed by the level of hostility in each world, as well as the specific location where I would open my eyes for the very first time.

I could rattle on and on about this, but the details would be too extensive for me to compress into a comfortable bite-size piece of information.

Thus, I intend to keep the final choice of which world a secret.

Not only for the readers, but also for myself! When the 'descension' occurred, a 12-sided die would roll, concluding which world that I would be transported to!

It's more exciting this way, isn't it?

In the meantime, my Apocolocyntosis has been making groundbreaking progress!

By transforming the initially indiscernible landscape of the void into that of a stable three dimensional-space, I stimulated the space previously occupied by my roots into a flat plane—a ground where my Apocolocyntosis took place.

There, my main body had morphed into that of a bud, constructing the intricate yet simplistic planar of the human body to its deepest essence.

As the material used in this process included tampering with my soul and ethereal extension—I'm putting it into simpler terms—I could feel every transcendent aspect of mine being stripped.

In anticipation of such a scenario, I left half of my roots disconnected from my main body, endowing them with a simple, automated instinct and purpose: to protect me from any harm.

Several thousand years had elapsed.

Finally, the one and only bud had bloomed.

A freshly opened membrane.

The new form that I had taken was drenched in translucent fluid, which still shimmered on my pale purple skin.

Obviously, I wasn't technically a human yet, nor were my essence and soul. However, I was getting closer to it, much closer than when this descent began.

After all, my original existence was the result of allowing my roots to grow stronger, larger, and transcendental by subconsciously hunting essences for over one quintillion, ninety-eight quadrillion, six hundred twenty-seven trillion, eight hundred thirty-six billion, nine hundred seventy-three million, eight hundred thirty-seven thousand, and eight hundred eighty-three years.

So yeah, a mere thousand years wouldn't cut it. I still needed more time.

Still, I'm quite content with the current result. While the semi-organs and brain have already formed, this new body resembles that of a plant, subconsciously intertwined with the roots that have transformed this vast expanse of the Void into a three dimensional space.

In some sense, I'm still not done.

As for my eventual appearance, I really couldn't choose between male and female this early on. After all, both scenarios held equal intrigue!

So for now, this early humanoid form of mine appeared to be androgynous, featuring a flat chest, yet a beautiful face and slender limbs.

I just can't wait till that fateful day, when I can finally walk amongst the mortals whom I have admired ever since the inception of my consciousness.

Connected to my subconscious will, an exuberant smile stretched from my humanoid body's lips.

That smile reflected back upon my very being, this sensational sensation; excitement after so long. This ripe emotion spawned a memory from the human who had first gifted me with thought. A deja-vu-like poem of such decree that molded itself into a new bud:

"Ah~ happiness: your beauty lies in the force of your being. You're like those who I always sought in the sad fireside corner of my poor night heart.

"Ah~ happiness, you are better than a well-beloved.

"Because I know that on the day of my final turbulence, you will be there, lying in my leaves.

"Ah~ happiness.

"So that you might once again attempt to enter my heart."

Indeed.

Maybe that was the moment I chose to stay ignorant.

Because after that––

There were lights.

Ripples.

And distorted cracks.

Shrill hymns tore at my eardrums and mercilessly beat upon my new lungs. From three-hundred sixty degrees on the left to three-hundred sixty degrees on the right—gazes suddenly shone at me.

Three-hundred thirty-eight million, sixty-thousand, and three-hundred divine entities of varying motifs and thematic appeared above my ever-expanding roots, pointing their weapons, ultimatums, prayers, revilements, and judgments upon me.

Questions shaped from a myriad of emotions smothered my happiness slowly.

There were many truths that I could draw from this moment to an end. But none were clearer than the fact that they all waited for me to be this vulnerable, intending to vanquish me once and for all.

Unaware of what fault I possessed for them to do this, my eyebrows furrowed with heavy dread.

From then on, I was forced to fight in a series of losing battles. Shower of world-ending concepts were thrown upon me like they were mere pebbles from a riverside.

I resisted with all my might, yet no matter how many divine entities I slashed, hacked, tore, and imprisoned within isolated dimensional realms; they reappeared as if someone had placed them back on the cruel chessboard.

They also sealed the three dimensional plane that I had created, barring my exit from the realm meant to protect me.

This might have been my first time gazing back into hopelessness, devoid of anything to grasp upon, not even the thinnest of hope in sight.

But, recalling the experience I had within my simulated bubble, I was reminded of how resilient humans were in the face of adversity; their determination to spite the heavens even when the wheels of progress were barely within their sight.

So I did the same. Even though all I saw was light within my hope for darkness, I kept crawling and crawling, plowing the seeds of opportunities with every action I took.

Juggernaut corpses were reanimated in my stead. Stretch onward then spread about; O my tendrils! Embark and vanquish! Die and be reborn to fulfill the wish of this childish master of yours!

The computational core I used to create a simulated universe was on full throttle, helping me maintain the battlefield that stretched upon thousands if not millions of light years distant.

Ahahahaha! Foolish gods and deities! And whatever lies in between! I've lived and consumed more than what thee could ever imagine!

Haughtiness emanated from my new lungs, but instead of confidence, it stemmed from desperation and struggle.

Yet, just like how forces of nature only yield to their own whim, the seeds were swept away by the storm and thunder without any hope of recovery.

In just a few hundred years, my roots had dwindled to ninety nine percent less than their previous size.

And as I weakened, barely able to resist their miracles and chimes, they sealed my perceptions before amassing their final attack.

I might have finally lost…

To be aware of life was a fascinating moment. Truly, a distant semblance.

A, why did I sense burdening knots forming in my new lungs?

I didn't need to know the reason.

But deep down, I already knew the reason.

Long before all of this transpired, my only source of light had embraced a firm belief into something I clung to dearly.

I don't want to die.

I haven't achieved my humanity yet.

I only want to be human, and nothing more.

Yet even this wish of mine couldn't be granted, even with all of what I am.

Truly, the despair I experienced countless times within the simulated world couldn't even compare to the real one. This despair, this dissonant tolling––

But still.

Even then.

Till the end, this childish abomination on the diagram found its footing, in saying:

"I truthfully desire, therefore I am!" Putting up the clutch of my half-broken humanoid's arm, my new lungs screamed for the pain to cease, while my new heart begged my body to persist in existence and turmoil.

With only a fragment of essence and form left by the ever faring war, I tore a miniscule amount of space and crammed every inch of my soul into an ultimately cramped space––

Painfully, forcefully, and powerfully, I slunk through the abysmally torn gap in the cosmos.

I survived.

What followed was nothing but darkness.

For hundreds, if not millions and billions of years in utter solitude.

Is it because I have regressed my existence, I became much more attentive to the passing time?

Time felt much slower than before too.

Lonely.

Painfully.

And intoxicating.

It continued until a point where I chose to shut down my mind.

And embrace nothingness.

In its entirety.

Empty.

And empty.

"HISSSSS!"

Then.

Something roused me from my eternal slumber.

A stimulus after an uncountable passage of time. It felt jarring, uncomfortable, and far from exciting.

For all I sought was peace, eternal deliverance from this tormenting existence.

"MRRAAAOWWW!!"

Gah! Just what in the void-calamity are these nuisances!?

Without knowing it, I opened a pair of my eyes.

View of the world I was familiar with yet not at the same time had bestowed its presence in front of me. Colors seemed duller and lonelier than I remembered, yet there was hardly a trace of shadow and darkness in this world.

"HISSSSSSS!"

There stood a giant… 'cat' in front of me? It adopted an aggressive and cautious stance with its teeth bared. The surroundings bore an eerie resemblance to a slum or backstreet, though the size seemed larger than the time I was in the simulated bubble.

Wait–– so it's not that this world is bigger, bright, and lacks color…

I tried to move my body around. The colossal cat that was hissing at me was startled to the point of fleeing.

Indeed, it appeared I had turned into another cat? At least for now.

Had I been reincarnated? Upon inspecting my essence and soul, and since it was possible to perform a self appraisal to begin with—it seemed like I had entered this feline body like a vessel.

The 'ineffable factor' still resided within me because of it. Just, not to the extent of what I once possessed like before.

My possibilities and capabilities had been significantly diminished–– As if my essence had been wrung dry by the isolation and emptiness of death.

It could also be the effect of the half-assed Apocolocyntosis that I performed–– Yeah, it's definitely because of the incomplete regression.

Although, for some reason, I felt a severe lack of understanding on how any of this worked… Regardless, my concern for my own existence had dimmed a couple of eternities ago.

I couldn't even recall what I had once desired or dreamed.

I'll just stay here and wait for hunger and dehydration to guide me to the afterlife.

Indeed, that's sound enough of a plan.

I care nary of anything, nor everything of this world now.

All I seek is peace with the void.

A tranquil and hushed slumber.

Undisturbed, and painless…

"So you're the same as me."

A gentle voice startled my ear canals as I lazily yawned my eyes.