My Message To You, The ‘Us’ Who Suffer And Happily Live

In this world seen through the eyes that lacks the joy of color, an individual's face painted their vibrant shades onto my perception.

Their smile was graceful, calming, and composed, accompanied by an empathic half-lidded gaze of gold. A flair of gold, and a wavy hair glistening in gold. Powerful, soothingly so; either that, or the color yellow was really prominent within a feline's eyes.

Yes, this individual, or should I say, this 'boy'—he radiated a warmth I had never felt before in all my existence.

A human being, untainted by impurity and sin. This boy glowed his golden radiance through the color that he brought into my world.

Before I knew it, I found myself comfortably nestled in his lap. It was so comfortable, making my urge to sleep even more powerful. In a different, unfamiliar way.

Tears fell from the corner of his eyes.

Who, or what made this boy sad? If only I still possessed the strength I once had, I would do everything to preserve this warmth.

Not to mention, how extremely delicate this warmth was; for how fragile its source was.

"It must be lonely, isn't it?"

Ah, I must be the one who made him sad.

"Struggling for who knows how much, only to fail at the end of the day, and marked by the stigma of weakness on your heart."

Or was he talking about himself?

After listening to the crack he had in his voice, the view I had about his smile turned the impression into a melancholic one.

"You see, little kitty, it always took me ten times more effort to understand and learn things that might easily be comprehended by others."

He gently caressed me with his hand.

"Things like school, chores, and many things at home, at the mall, at the restaurant; I find it hard to understand their concept, more so doing them as tasks interact with them.

"This… makes my mama and papa disappointed, you know?"

Having a family, it must be nice.

But would it be as nice if the strings start to loosen?

"Expectations of me doing anything will be thrown into the bin now; lacking potential and progress towards the future–– I'm fine with it either way. Even if the other kids bully and mock my existence, I'm fine with it…

"But I'm not fine with mama and papa finding acceptance in my incapabilities… it hurts, seeing their forced smile beckoning upon me.

"As if they paint themselves a fake color to ease the pain in my lack of normalcy."

"Meoow~"

I purred and caressed his hand back.

I could only do this to ease his conflict. Only this and nothing more.

"Hehehe, that's why, I like books and fantasy stories more than anything~!" The grace and melancholy that existed in his face disappeared immediately, as they were replaced by whimsical demeanor like that of a playful pup. "So detached from this painful world, looking at those fictional wonders eased my longing for normalcy; but at the same time, makes me really want to be inside one of those worlds~!

"I still can't understand them as much as everything in my current life, but it still fascinates my guideless eyes!"

He is like me.

Always looking through the glass window, fantasizing and endearing what was beyond.

Just like how I played around with my simulated playground, this boy found his peace with books and fantasy stories as his last crutch to survive.

Also is this just me, but did this boy possessed quite the vocabulary for his age, despite his struggle???

Is he secretly old? An elf?? A short eared elf???

I lacked the Ineffable Factor to pry upon the truth. Only the common sense of my experience middling with fake humans and that of the first man I extracted could guide me in this trying time.

Not to mention, almost half of my knowledge and memory have been disintegrated into the void at this point.

"Say, little kitty, how about I read you one book when we arrive at my home?" he said as he held me by the armpits, facing at my whiskers with radiant joy. "Papa has a cat at home too. Surely, he won't mind another one!"

Hmmmmm. Sure, that sounds like a good idea! I think!

Held in his arms, he walked away from the shabby alley and into the street beyond, hugging the outer border of a black paved road, occasionally trampled by things made for transportation like 'cars' and 'motorcycles'.

"I have a cute little sister too, you'll like her, I promise! Unlike me however, she is much smarter. Verily, she is able to find a way to keep you at our house when papa doesn't agree!"

If possible, don't trouble your little sister.

"Oh, oh! I also have this scary friend of mine. Her name is Stehno. She is really tall and strong! Always following me at school, punching away all of the mean kids who bully me!"

Is she your friend or your bodyguard?

"She also always ensures the room and the area I visit at school is safe from sharp and dangerous things!"

Is she your bodyguard or your overprotective mother??

"Outside of that, she is really playful yet blunt and honest around me. There was a time where she held a sudden questionnaire about my preference for an hour straight, it's surprisingly fun!"

Hmm, yes. I know this pattern. Kid, she has a crush on you. One hundred percent.

"So I kinda think of her as my caretaker most of the time."

She got caretaker-zoned!

"Oh right. I haven't told you my name yet." With the smile of thousands of suns, he finally introduced himself, "My name is Occam–– Occam Chariot! I hope you can tolerate me~! William!"

Occam, Chariot. Mmm, yes, what a wonderful name.

I don't know what significance and meanings it holds, but I think that it's a good name.

Wait, who's William again?

"Yup, that's your name from now on."

Ah, I see.

Well, I didn't hate it.

I kinda like it, in fact.

Having a name… It might be my first, outside of the fake names I emblazoned in my universe-sized playground.

I enjoy this warmth and fuzzy feeling.

"Oh, by the way," Occam said with innocent flair, "... I don't know the way home."

So you were lost all this time!??

"You see, there is this fun-sounded place called an Arcade," he smiled in embarrassment. "I remember that there is an event where you can get some free tries if you bring your school report book with you.

"Turns out the promo had already expired two days ago."

That's just sad. Wait, where is your report book?

"And I kinda lost the report book on my way attempting to go home."

Where is your caretaker?? Who let this gremlin step outside of his house??

But just before Occam could make another turn on the street, a suspicious white van stopped right beside us. It was so sudden, it lagged my feline brain, and probably Occam's with twice as much.

Like a group of special ops members—albeit cruder—they forcefully and hurriedly grabbed Occam into the cabin of the colorless transportation.

And for some reason, I was there too. Still in Occam's arms–– I think those strangers didn't even know I existed. Probably due to the remnant of my Ineffable Factors came into play.

Or that was what I tried to believe.

"Heh, for such a beautiful and sheltered kid, you're sure calm in this situation."

"Seems like we don't need to use this tape yet. Hahaha."

Occam then jolted his vision straight into one of the jolly kidnappers' faces.

That gaze was so embedded into its target, it latched into the soul of those who saw this happening.

"It must be painful, to be kicked out from the house because of your gambling habit," muttered Occam innocently.

"... What?"

The former jolly kidnapper's cheeky smile died.

"Oy, what's with that look? You forgot your wallet or something?"

"The kid mentioned something-something about gambling– Oh right! I heard that your situation got awry after your bank account got smoked by the casino a month ago!"

"Wooah, that's stupid as hell!!"

The kidnapper who's smile had faded did nothing by keeping his gaze at the kid. He cautiously moved away to the other side of the cabin.

"Man, your brain got bricked. Anyhow, kid, do you bring any smartphone with you? Kids these days bring smartphones with them all the time."

"Damn George, your head got even more bricked than Jonny. We're kidnappers, just inspect him directly with your hands instead of asking! Ehehe!"

"Ew, you're into that!?"

"Why didn't you go back home, George?" Occam suddenly intruded out of nowhere, still wearing his innocent expression. "You're worried about your wife left alone with your brother, right?"

"What…? What the hell are you saying!??"

"Damn it, Kent, we brought an autistic kid into our van."

"How did he know about my wife and brother!!"

"Woah woah, calm down, George. It's just a kid."

"Kent." Occam tilted his head, as if there was a question mark appearing above him. "If the thought of getting caught doing this really pains you so much, why don't you quit it early before it's all too late?"

"Wait, is that true? I thought you're okay with this, Kent."

"You believe this brat more than I do!?"

"OY! HOW THE HELL YOU KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE AND BROTHER!?"

This van is a mess thanks to Occam.

But seeing how they were nice enough to not immediately escalate into violence, I think I shouldn't really meddle with anything.

Occam might need some tape though––

Just before things looked like it couldn't get any worse, the car started to swerve left and right, and then took a drastic, sudden slam on the wheel. Everyone within the cabin of the van was thrown to the wall like baggage in turbulence.

As the nauseating driving was still ongoing, one of the kidnappers decided to take this matter into his own hands by banging on the partition to the driver seat.

"TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON FIRST! JACKASS!!"

A frantic, despaired muffle could be heard slipping from the other side.

"I-it's the building!"

"WHAT BUILDING!?"

"It's flying toward us––"

The existence of the van collided with something fast, gigantic, yet structured as if composed of many things. All of that became the power that impendingly caved the cabin from the outside.

The inertia of this vehicle was torn asunder. Components of this vehicle gritted and screeched. Impact reverberated, came to halt, and wreaked havoc, in such a short span of time.

The claustrophobic cabin of the van had become more than fear—it was horror. Air had been suffocated, space had been shrunk, while screams were silenced into a mushy faint of crushed flesh.

There was a little space even for someone as small as a child could move about.

And there—was the side where Occam leaned upon the messed interior of the cabin.

With a thin structural rebar piercing through his skull, right in between the brain.

"Hahaha, I'm still alive, I guess…"

Pained groans and breathing were masked behind a layer of indifferent smile. How he hadn't died directly upon impact was beyond me.

His jittery gaze slowly turned around to me. The smile widened, as if he didn't want me to see the awful color behind his vice of gold. That or, he just didn't seem to care about his pain.

"I'm sorry, William. I can't get you home––"

As much as I wanted to be by his side to ease the pain, half of my body had been crushed by the caving roof, with most of my muscles being pierced by the same steel bar on Occam's skull.

"Still, it's a little disappointing, I guess. To think that, I will die before I can become a human." He tried to control his breathing, yet not moving as much to enlarge the wound on his head, prolonging the suffering that he must endure. "I always dreamed what it feels like if I was born the same as everyone else, to see the same world as they do, to speak the same language––

"After all, I'm only nothing but a monster in their eyes, aren't I?"

It was that melancholic expression again, but––

"Truly, I truly want nothing and nothing more." Occam tried to reach out his hand to me. He was so calm, so gentle, yet so pained, and put into hell-pitted despair. But what he decided to show was—a smile with a vice of gold. "But to caress my humanity in its entirety, telling that it will be fine, telling that everything is going to be alright.

"But what is humanity in the vessel of a monster? Can it still be deemed as humanity?

"I'm afraid that I still want to know more."

Right.

Occam Chariot.

Maybe meeting you seemed to be much more than a fate after all.

With all my might, I dragged my body out of the ditch, forcefully severing half of my body and my left foreleg.

And using what was left of my Ineffable Factors, I flew over in front of him.

"Occam," words were constructed, reverberated from my own very soul.

This might be the best course of action, after all.

"I'm sorry for your pain, William," he said, gazing that pair of golden pupils into my core.

"... Do you wish to attain humanity?" I asked him.

Our dreams have different roots, but both are the same.

"What are you saying, William?" His voice cracked and whimpered into the corner, before backing up its inferiority to stand upright. "My humanity has always been there, weeping, shrinking in the corner of my poor black heart…

"But, I'm going to die soon. So it might be a bit more lonely when I'm no longer here… If only I can live longer, enough to see it smile once again.

"Thank you, William, for reminding me that I have a human heart."

And thanks to you, Occam, I remembered the reason why I decided to survive.

The reason why I still persist in this existence.

"You see, Occam, I actually love humans more than they love themselves. To the point that, I started to wish that I was a human myself.

"And so, my dear Occam, do you see yourself as a human?"

Occam went silent for a moment, leaving his kind smile filling the silence.

And that very same smile was the one to answer my question.

"I always tried to be one, every single day, and second–– Obviously, there is not a time where I see myself as a human being. Not in a single time.

"But maybe, if I were given more time, I'll try harder to be one, ahahah."

After hearing the answer, I began burning the core of my existence, converting them into a fuel to keep my Ineffable Factors burning bright.

The warm darkness filled this personal space of ours.

"I'll help you survive this life. In return, you must attain the humanity that I dearly longed for, while also keeping yours to burn bright." In just a spark, I have disassembled my equivalent of 'soul', allowing it to flutter in this cramped air. "To be more human than any human, I shall burden you and me, by leaving 'us' with that heavy, and painful task."

Yes, us.

At this moment and before, Occam's soul was too weak to even exist for an even more prolonged amount of time.

Even if he didn't die now, his soul will die after 2 years, leaving an empty husk with barely any warmth in it.

But my soul came from a different, stronger, and persistent existence altogether. The moment I meld my soul into his, the fused soul should be strong enough, that it would still be finding a new life after this life was taken again.

And the moment I fuse my soul with his, both of our individuality will die, and a new being that consists of our existences will come forth into reality.

That will be 'us'.

Of course, this new 'us' will definitely have the Ineffable Factors that I'm having as the former resident of the Void. Which might serve as a very severe problem in the future.

Regardless, I'm sure that the 'us' in the future will burn the bridge to that past when they get there.

Yes.

This new 'us' will probably not possess any recollection of this moment at all. Nor will they know the memory of when they were still living in the Void, dreaming to be a human being.

But it will always be a human being, and nothing more. Even if they didn't possess arms and legs, neither a heart nor lungs to rise from trial, and even if they appear to be a monster in the eyes of others.

They will always be human and nothing more.

And with this, I shall peacefully end this regard.

Sincerely, William.

May joy and suffering forever accompany your fool's gold heart.