Am I Even A Human

So now all I could think about was George. I could not get over the incident. Weather I was in school or at home, I had only one thing in mind which was is it really bad to have a friend. Remembering the incident, I clearly got an answer that friends are just for betraying you. And on the other side seeing people hanging out with each other and hypothetically they were have fun made me feel that maybe the problem was with me. I didn't realize the George thing was just a beginning of a story that proved to be life changing.

Months had passed. The winter had come to give chills to the people. And I was confused about everything. I would just lock myself in the room and wait for day to go over. My father was a great support to me in those days as he was the only person I could talk to. Once we were having breakfast and I was ready for school. I picked up my bag and someone knocked the door. Dad and I were gazing each other as anyone usually didn't come to our house. As dad was sitting on the chair and having breakfast, I decided to open the door. I opened the door and it was a lady with a bag in her hand as If she was travelling. I asked the lady who she was and she answered "Ask your Dad". I looked at my dad and he was surprised as if he had seen a ghost. I came to know that she was my mother who I thought was dead. I didn't even know how to react. I gradually came to know the whole story.

So let me tell you something about my childhood. At least what I could remember. So I was born in a small town named as "Rosk". I grew up here with my dad. I couldn't remember my mother at all. According to my father, the last time I saw my mom was when I was 3. I grew up basically alone and lonely. I didn't know what it feels like to have friends until I met George. At first it felt really good until he betrayed me. So coming to my childhood whenever I used to ask my dad about my mom, he used to divert the question until one day I pledged to get an clear answer. I was around 10 that time. I went to my dad and asked him about mom and he said "bring me water". Of course he did this to dodge the question but this time I didn't let it go. I picked up the knife and warned him to cut my arm until he answered my question. He answered because he had no other choice. He told me that my mom had died in a car accident while she was going out of the town. So this was about my childhood.

The only question in my mind was that why did he lie. So here's what actually had happened. When I was 3, my father lost his job and we as a family were short of money. So to earn money, My mother got into illegal jobs. She was a drug dealer. And the police identified her and an arrest warrant was issued against her. My dad didn't have idea about how my mother used to earn money until police came to my house and told my dad about everything and my mom was missing and father hypothetically assumed that she had ran away. And when years passed, he thought that she was dead. And he got a new job. But the interesting part was that she was back in middle of us. I didn't blame her about what she had done. After all she had done it all for me. And she perhaps didn't want to but situation made her to do so. Now the thing was according to law she was still a criminal and she was in our house. My dad and I agreed to keep her secretly in our house.

In the past year, some important events had happened in my life. It was like life had changed for me completely in last few months. I almost forgot about the tragic incident. All thanks to my mom. I didn't know her so it was kinda awkward talking to her but with time it was like she was as close as dad to me. We all would sit on the dining table and chitchat. That were some of the happy moments in my life. But again I didn't know that these were the last moments I would share with her. We decided to go for a family dinner at nearby restaurant. We had an amazing time and while we were coming back in the car George suddenly came in our way with a gun in his hand. It was raining heavily. He was wearing a black leather jacket. My dad stopped the car. He pointed the gun towards me I got down and I heard a gunshot. I quickly looked around the car and saw that my mom was bleeding. It seemed like the bullet had hit her chest. I screamed but it was useless. My dad started the car and we went to the hospital where she was declared dead.

It was the hardest time in my whole life. I was sitting in my room feeling nothing. It was like I had lost all my feeling. I was feeling numb. It is said that "imagination is the best weapon against reality". So I began imagining things. I could clearly see my mom besides me and even talking to me. My dad thought I had gone mad. I didn't attend school. She was continuously smiling at me talking about how cute I was when I was baby. I wasn't even thinking why George did it although the reason was simple "revenge".

I gradually started attending school. From school to my room and from my room to school. This was the life for me. One day I had lab class and the partner with me was a girl. She was looking at me continuously and I was ignoring her. The professor was teaching and he slipped of the floor. Everybody was laughing except me. I was not even moving my lips. I hadn't talked to anyone in school since my mom died. It was the time when someone talked to me. "Are you even a human?" She asked sarcastically. I didn't reply as if I had forgotten to speak. She understood that I was deeply depressed. The bell rang and I took my books and went out. "Hey, can we talk" she requested politely. I remembered how George was polite at first like she was. I without looking at her said "no". I went to my home.

My "imaginary mom" asked me about the school and I told everything about that girl. Mom said "She will be a caring friend" and then my mom disappeared. I couldn't sleep as I thought I was probably rude to the girl. I remembered a quote I had read somewhere. The quote was "Blackness is not a monolith. We are not homogenous people; we are not all the same". I quickly realised that I should talk to her. Maybe she was going to help. But I thought was this a call to be cheated again. I was confused. I didn't know what to do.

Next day I went to school and I saw her and I waiting for her to see me. But she was busy reading book in a class. I kept observing her the whole day and to my surprise she had no friend at all. Unlike George, she was in my school from a long time and if I could remember properly, she was with me in the middle school as well. School was off and I was on my way to home. I had to buy some stuff from market. I want to the shop and the girl was there. I went to checkout the items and she saw me. "Why were you observing me the whole day?" She said looking at me fiercely. I was unable to make a eye contact to her. She seemed like a monster. I replied "sorry" and went out the shop with taking the items. I was walking and I realised that she was following me. She came close to me and grabbed my hand and asked "what is the problem with you?". I thought maybe I should talk to her and after all I had nothing to lose. And I thought what is life without a risk. I talked to her about everything that happened in my life particularly in last one year. She said emotionally "I'm really sorry about that". I said "By the way, what's your name, I forgot to ask". "Chloe" she answered smilingly. We got know each other very well in that one conversation.

Next day I went to school and I was feeling better than all other days. It seemed that that one conversation nearly cleared half of my mind and I was getting over everything. Chloe and I had lunch in the cafeteria together. She had no fiends like me. I got know her better. I got to know her father was a businessman and her mother was a homemaker. She had a younger sibling. It was unlikely that she was hiding anything from me. I felt all like all I needed was in front of me from my childhood. I was just very late realising it. I thought if I were friends with her from the beginning. Maybe my mom would not be dead. But yeah it was useless to regret things that had already happened. I used to go to her house. I met her dad and mom. They were really nice to me. She also met my dad. But I at sometime, maybe even for a fraction of second thought that should I still believe a friend. Finally I thought about it whole night and eventually got an idea. I thought to test her loyalty. Of course I believed her or maybe I wanted to believe her. But I had to do this. I would be broken if something bad happened again.

So the next day I went to school, I saw Chloe. We both greeted each other and everything seemed normal. I had a plan in mind. When we were taking our lunch, I secretly put a letter which was written by me. The letter said that if she would steal some files from my dad's office, she would get rewarded with huge amounts of money. I had written the place where the file was to be delivered and obviously I kept my name as anonymous. I hoped that she would tell me about the letter. The school closed and we went home. I was in my room looking at my cell phone that it would ring. I had been staring at it for about 2 hours thinking of all possibilities but fortunately it rang and it was Chloe. I jumped with joy and was hoping that she tells me about the letter. I picked up the phone. "Hi, you need to meet me ASAP". I went to her house straight to her room. She was waiting for me with tears in her eyes. She told me everything and I was happy as hell. However I didn't had guts to say that I did it for testing her. "Don't worry, just ignore it, everything would be fine" I said with  possibly some regret in my heart. I asked her come with me to my house for dinner.

On our way to my home. We talked about a lot of things and honestly I moved on. I

probably forgot about everything. I came to know that Chloe loved to dance. She said " Next time, would you dance with me". I answered "sure" very confidently although I didn't know a thing about dancing. But then something bad happened. We were walking and George suddenly appeared and this time he had a knife in his hand. He ran towards me and with anger trying to kill me. I did whatever I could to self defence. It was a miracle but I took away the knife from his hand. Chloe was on the roadside screaming for help. George ran towards Chloe and he punched at her face really hard and he ran away. Chloe was bleeding very badly from her mouth and nose and she got unconscious. I quickly called the ambulance. Luckily the doctor said that she was fine. She needed some rest. She was able to talk to me and told me that she was fine that gave me some relief but I was feeling really bad that because of my past mistakes she had to suffer.

Why do the bad things happen when everything seems perfect. It was clear that George was not going leave me until he killed me. The things went back like before."Why me?" was the question that didn't go out of my head. Now even started to think "Am I Even A human?"