chapter 22 - knees

*Heyy! Thank you so much for reading my book!! I'm really enjoying writing these characters, and i feel they've got a lot left to give. This chapter has smut in it, so if you don't want to read it i would recommend skipping. The next chapter will be out next Friday, as always!

Thank you again, and please leave comments on whether you like the book or not, because they really do help.

Lots of love

- Ruby <3*< p>

Zack's pov:

I smile as the door unlocks. Amelia comes almost running in, a huge grin plastered on her face. 

Her long blue and purple skirt trails along the floor, propped up my her platform doc martens which make a clicking sound as she walks. She wears a wrap black top which ties just above her waist, so i can see how her hips sway enchantingly as she moves closer. 

"Hey, how have you been?" Amelia asks, an air of urgency in her voice, causing her to be a little bit breathless. 

"I've been good. Just doing some cleaning, reading. Talked to Mack on the phone and said i want to speak to him in person sometime soon, he said that he'll find a time that both of us can do and get back to me. Then you walked in and i'm forgetting why i haven't kissed you hello yet," i say, moving closer to her. Something about the way she's smiling is driving me crazy. My skin craves hers; it's causing me literal pain to be this far away from her.

Amelia pauses infront of me, still smiling.

"Can i kiss you, Amelia?" i ask, not wanting to assume, especially as she's just walked in from therapy. 

"Yes, Zackary, i would like that very much." She smiles, teeth and all, moving closer to me.

When we meet, i swear my brain goes silent, if that's even possible. Nothing else exists apart from Amelia and her happiness right now, and her lips. Amelia smiles into the kiss, her teeth knocking clumsily against mine. 

"I can kiss you properly if you're smiling this wide! Come, sit down and tell me whatever it is that's making you so happy, baby," i say, taking her hand and leading her gently to the sofa. She sits down a little too close next to me, which i makes me smile at our casual intimacy. 

"Well, Sarah, my therapist, said that she encourages me and you to, um, you know, to see if i feel safe with you. As part of my PTSD recovery and management, of course. Purely scientific."

I nod slowly, "right, of course. And you trust me enough to feel safe with me, if i were to touch you like that?" I ask, my voice almost a whisper. I know it's stupid, but it almost feels as though we're discussing something forbidden. 

Amelia smiles again, "Yeah, i think i would. I trust you now, and i don't think that's going to change." We look at eachother for a moment; i don't want to speak or suggest anything until she tells me what she wants to do. 

"I just want to warn you about what might happen, if we have sex, though. Like my possible reactions," Amelia says gingerly, as if she doesn't want to scare me. I trace my thumb over hers, giving her a nod of encouragement to continue. "Sarah says that i might react in very different ways, and there's nothing i can do to predict it. I could cry, go into a flashback, dissociate, scream, be violent. I'm not sure, but i just want you to be prepared."

I blink, "Amelia, i am fine with taking things slow, if that's what you need to do. There is no rush from me, and if we do start to do something and you begin to feel bad in any way i will stop immediately, no questions asked. How do you feel about doing something?"

"I feel scared, but in a good way. Excited to be doing something new with you, a person who i know i trust. But also i feel overwhelming panic inside me, and it feels like no matter what i do i can't breathe. It's inside me all the time, and i can't stop it."

I take her hand gently and place it flat against my chest, covering my heart. Amelia looks at me, her expression distant at first, but the longer she feels my heartbeats, the sooner i can see her coming back to me, coming back to the present. When she is with me, i take her other hand and open it out where she rests it on her leg. I begin to tap each finger, counting out breaths. 4 seconds breathing in, holding for 4, out for 6. 4 in, 4 hold, 8 out. We breathe, both looking down at our hands. After about a minute, Amelia laces her fingers through mine and smiles at me. 

She gets up off the sofa, her hand still on my chest, and walks over to me to straddle me, sitting on my lap. Amelia kisses me softly, our lips finding eachother through closed eyes and indelicate rhythms. She begins to kiss my jawline, her teeth grazing there. I close my eyes from the feeling, letting it take over me, filling my body with heat. Amelia pulls gently on my earlobe and whispers into my ear, "Zack, i'm ready."

I take ahold of her face and bring it back infront of mine, kissing her hard, which makes her moan in surprise. Amelia grinds herself against me, and i know she can already feel how hard i am under her when she smiles. 

"Oh, hey, big boy," she says into my mouth. 

I growl, the overwhelming urge to taste her coming over me. "Can i eat you," i ask, basically panting now.

Amelia pulls away from me and smiles, wordlessly she nods. I throw her off me onto the sofa to my right; she squeals as she bounces. On my knees now, i kiss her passionately twice, but i can see how flushed her cheeks are, she's definitely ready. Amelia's hands go to her wrap tie to undo it, but i push them away.

"I want to do it, Amelia. I need to see all of you," i say, my voice practically a growl now. 

I untie her top, letting it fall to the side to reveal a lacy black bra. Amelia's breasts sit perfectly like this, they look plumb and soft. 

"My god, Amelia, your tits are magnificent," i say, unable to restrain myself from kissing her skin. I kiss the tops of the exposed skin, itching to see the rest. While my mouth gets to work, my hands slip around her body and unclasp her bra, which i take off with the top and fling across the room, which makes Amelia giggle. Her breasts fall slightly, almost bouncing as they settle into their natural position. Her nipples are already pinched, my tongue gliding over the right one first. My fingertips draw rings around her left, sending shivers down Amelia's body so hard that she begins to squirm. 

"Please, Zack. Please touch me," she says, her voice quiet from need and restraint. 

I take this as cue for me to slip the skirt past her waist, throwing that too. Amelia is left in her purple thong and nothing else. I take a moment to admire her body; red and purple stretch marks dress her stomach, her waist curves out in the most captivating way, her hips and thighs are perfect. "You are perfect, Amelia," i say out loud, because she deserves to hear what i am thinking.

Amelia rolls her eyes, "Zack, please just fucking eat me out, i need you," she says, and i become aware of how hard i am just by looking at her like this. Her hips trying to grind on the air just for some relief. I kiss her stomach, leading down to the edge of her panties. I use my hands to touch her thighs, her legs gently, my fingertips tracing circles and patterns to make her hypersensitive. She groans, her hips still rotating. Using my teeth, i bite her thong and begin to pull it off her, over her hips, thighs, down her legs and onto the floor. Enough foreplay, i decide, kissing her clit straightaway. Amelia gasps, groaning again, this time in pleasure.

My tongue glides over her, trying to taste all of her. Amelia tastes like caramel, like summer, like the sea and sunshine when you need it the most. She tastes like happiness and sex all rolled into one. I use both my hands to spread apart her legs a bit more, then send my right to trace up her stomach and settle on her nipple, pinching it lightly to make her squirm even more. I draw circles over her clit, making sure that i press lightly to build pressure up over time. Taking my left hand back, i remove my mouth from Amelia's body and put my middle and index finger into my mouth, looking up at her to make sure she's okay. Amelia nods, biting her lip. I run my fingers over her clit and she rocks her hips back and forth again, grinding against me, i move the fingers down, to feel how wet she already is. Didn't really need the saliva, then. Using my index, i slide it in gently, feeling her walls contract round me, i can tell she's close just by her breathing. 

"Two, please," she pants.

I slide my middle finger inside her too, gently at first, making her moan deeply. My mouth finds its way back to her again, and i make sure to put the speed and pressure on her clit. I move my fingers deep inside her and she moans louder, calling out my name. My fingers slide in and out, building speed as my tongue goes faster. Using my other hand, i cup her breast hard, making Amelia's back arch in response. Her hands go to my hair, pulling hard while she grinds her hips, pushing her clit against me. My fingers make a wet noise and i chuckle against her, which sends her over the edge. Amelia moans loudly, swearing profusely. Her back lifts off the sofa, her legs beginning to tremble. I pump my fingers faster and harder, my tongue going side to side on her clit because that seems to be what she prefers. Amelia grips my hair harder, her legs shaking and moving. She swears a final time, as her climax comes to an abrupt end. 

Quickly, i take my fingers out of her and take away my mouth. Amelia lets go of my head, pressing her palm to my cheek. I take her other hand and hold it while she catches her breath. She opens her eyes and looks down at me, taking back the hand on my cheek to cover her face. 

"Stop getting nervous, baby, you are beautiful," i say, still on my knees infront of her. Amelia looks at me from behind her hand and smiles, putting it down.

"Are you okay?" i ask her softly.

Amelia blinks. "I think i am, yeah. Zack, that was amazing. I didn't feel unsafe or triggered once, probably because he never touched me like that," she says with a laugh. 

"Can i go and get you a wet flannel? Or would you prefer if i carried you to the bathroom so you can go to the toilet or shower or something?" 

Amelia looks at me for a moment, and then another moment. She frowns, "Are you serious?" She asks.

I nod, "of course i am. I want to take care of you. Because you trust me and i trust you. Because you are someone to be treated with kindness and respect."

Amelia's eyes twinkle and she shrugs, "then can i have a wet towel?"

I nod, "coming right up, princess."

I stand, straightening my knees, leaning forward and kissing her softly. Amelia smiles at me in a way that breaks me, like she's waiting for me to hurt her in some way, or tell her that she's not good enough. How anyone could treat someone that they love like that, i will never know.

I walk off into the bathroom and run the tap to make sure the water is a bit warm but not too warm. I wet a flannel and bring it out with me, presenting it to Amelia. She thanks me, uses it and hands it back to me, uncertain. I take it to my washing machine and throw it in, ready to be washed with the next load. I come back to the sofa and sit down next to Amelia.

"Can i get you some clothes? Or do you just want to sit there naked, which you can?" 

Amelia shrugs. "Kinda like being naked with you," She says as i slip my arm around her, her legs rest on my lap, her head on my chest. We sit here, because we can and the world didn't end when every time Amelia got hit, or everytime i cut myself. Right here and now, we are just people, happy to be existing at the same time, with eachother. We sit here, intertwined as an act of love, of tenderness, of safety. I remind myself that i am allowed to be happy, allowed to be alive.