Revenge of the Chicken

Last night I attended a secret meeting (I won't talk about the content, but rest assured that it wasn't about vegans or harming dolphins), so when I returned home it was already late at night. The street was dark, there was some shallow wind reinforcing the omnipresent, creeping cold that tried to infiltrate my shell. So I strolled down this alley, there was a streetlight that was kind of broken, it was dimmed and stopped working every few seconds. It also made a lot of noise, so I couldn't really concentrate on the way ahead of me.

All of the sudden, I felt that something was very off and jumped backwards (no small feat with legs as short as mine) and only just evaded a barrage of eggs, deadly weapons in the hands of skilled masters, that were thrown at me from the rooftops. With a swift 360° glance my nimble mind concluded that I happened to walk right into an ambush, because what I saw on the rooftops was chilling my bones even deeper than the now seemingly insignificant cold.

The Chicken Gang.

They Remembered.

They Returned.

For Revenge.

And they threw eggs at me, what the hell??! In that moment, my mind went into overdrive. How hard did these despicable excuses of mothers with their half-carrot-looking beaks hit their heads to get the ingenious idea of throwing their offspring at me? I have my tank shell equipped. Seriously, it weighs a lot. It's good at tanking. I can run through a reinforced steel wall unharmed with this thing, granted I have the correct speed. Kinetic energy is one hell of a drug (I'm not addicted I swear).

They can literally only hurt my pride with an attack like this. I mean I would have understood if they threw their enemies (generally magpies and their allies, the doves) eggs at me but those were undeniably chicken eggs. Maybe they were too weak for their main fighting force and thus used as cannon fodder? Not too sure, but my time to speculate their reasons ran out at that moment so I returned my focus back to the street, where I was now approached by several chicken who tried to encircle the turtle.

Agile movement, by no means unpractised, showed that they came prepared. They seemingly had prepared for quite a long time (enough time to steal magpie eggs to throw). But they didn't attack. I already knew they wouldn't attack me in close combat. They are no match for my turtle skills.

Remember when I had to run from them in the past? Well, I was not wearing the appropriate shell back then. Now that I had my tank shell equipped, I was basically invincible. With enough speed I could just mow them down (I need kinetic energy!). But back to the point. There was no way to track me and my covert movements without 'his' help. He had to be here. And they were buying time for him and his perfect entrance. He wanted to get revenge for the chicken feathers. I was too careless.

There, the sky darkened even further. Like from a big thundercloud, my view of the stars was blocked. Eerie music started playing, reinforced by the clucking that the chicken chorus now squawked. They were summoning him, his arrival was near. Then, I almost flinched as lightning struck right in front of me and cast his distorted shadow against the house at the end of the street. The cold intensified (some of the chicken started to freeze lol), but the wind faded.

Cutting the sky in half, he glided to the ground like ashes scattering in the wind. Ashes that he usually leaves in his wake whenever he decides to demolish something. My Arch-Enemy:

Chicken Norris.

As always, landing with his red cape and his top hat that has a big "C" engraved.

Even during his landing, he began to intensively stare at me with his menacing gaze, almost terrifying glare that makes you feel like time is stopping as it freezes your blood. The moment his feet touched the ground, he unleashed his powerful battlecry of "CAAAAAAAW!", which resounded in the beaks of every single chicken around me as they recognized that their leader entered the battle, and charged at me to attack with his signature double kick.

The tactic behind this was actually really well thought out. He would use his petrifying eyes to momentarily stun the victim so that they had no way to protect themselves from his battlecry, which would stagger them further. The chicken around him coupled with the narrow alley would make the cry bounce off and resonate continuously, opening a tiny window for him to charge in while the victim was still suspended in confusion. Truly well planned ambush from him, I have got to hand him that, even though it hurts my soul.

Anyways, this wasn't our first encounter. I have learnt from past clashes. I knew his trap cards. However, with his girls behind his back, there was just no way for me to properly challenge his momentum. First thing I did was equip sunglasses to void his highly dangerous visual attack. Then I equipped earplugs to deafen myself from the incoming battlecry (it still hurts, the performance is amazing and even if I can't hear anything the soundwaves will cause damage, his usage of terrain is pretty good). Lastly, I withdrew into my shell to prevent damage to vital parts and activated my emergency nitro afterburners.

Facing his charge head on with my own, even his diamond-reinforced hypersharp claw-boots found their match and only left small scratches on my shell. The sheer kinetic energy of mine (WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!) caused him to temporarily retreat into the air to stage his next assault (never engage Chicken Norris in aerial combat). But before he could lock onto me, I already broke through his first line of reinforcements and had no intention to stop. Bouncing off the walls, I managed to overwhelmingly crush all the resistance they tried to put up (I LOVE KINETIC ENERGY). In the end, all he could do was watch as I spun for the hills.