Chapter 6: Death

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-February 2016-

Mommy!

I don't have any idea what was happening. I can see my grandmother sitting on the floor and seems like she's not recognizing any of us. She's not in her own self.

"Daddy! Let's rushed her to the hospital now. She's in pain." I am crying as I can see my mommy screaming in pain and she even doesn't want to be touch and keeps on asking who are we.

"Mommy, this is your grandson. Balong" she also calls me balong which is my childhood nickname. "Hmm!!! Wag niyo ko hawakan! Hmm!!" she remained in her position bowing her head crying and still she don't want to be touched by anyone.

"De! Get the taxi we're bringing her to the hospital" My mom bursted out crying.

I looked at my siblings and they are also crying then I looked back at my mommy and she's  hurting, she's having a hard time!

Mommy Nerly was diagnosed as Diabetic patient eight years ago unknown to us she started to develop a complication on her bladder and it's a cancerous one.

She don't want to do chemotherapy sessions that's why after the surgery a year ago and I think it started to get worst and I think the medicines are no longer enough.

"Mommy, we are going to go to take you to the hospital come on I'll help you to stand up." I tried convincing my mommy to stand up to go to the hospital and be checked

"Don't touch me! Aahhh! I don't know you!" She keeps on yelling because she is hurting but she's still resisting and doesn't want anyone to touch her.

Her hair is messy and she's just staring at nowhere and her eyes won't meet ours like she really don't know who we are. Daddy then forced mommy to go inside the taxi by lifting her.

Mommy keeps on punching him while he is putting her inside.

"Kirk, I'll bring Khalil with me make sure to lock the doors as you go to sleep ha? And I'll update you from time to time." said my mom while crying and also wiping my tears.

"Yes mom! I'll make sure they are safe" then my mom kissed me on my forehead and said "Be strong for your siblings" and she went out to bring my grandmother to the nearest hospital.

"What will happen to mommy? " My sister asked me while crying "Nothing will happen to mommy. Let's just pray for her fast recovery so we can be with her again" I said while trying to calm her down by patting her back.

"Let's go to bed now and tomorrow let's all hope mommy will be home okay?" I turned

the lights off as we lay down on our bed covered with blanket full of worries and hope for our grandmother.

***

I woke up early in the morning feeling all good and bouncy as I start to do the chores like washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and stuff.

I went to the refrigerator to get the Chayote inside the vegetable bin and fetched our knife and chopping board.

"Did you already bathed Ryan?" I was startled hearing my grandmother's voice as she is always inside the bedroom laying down and weak as a feather.

"Yes mommy!" I walked towards her and hugged her "How are you feeling now mommy?" I asked her and kissed her on her forehead.

"I'm okay now, I felt energetic today." she suddenly grabbed the Chayote and the knife and started peeling it "Let me do it, I won't be tired just by chopping these." she said so I sat opposite to her and stare at her face.

For me she's still beautiful and those wrinkles on her face are signs that she went through a lot of hardships just to give us love and care that we need. I'm so happy that I have the privilege to stare at her and be with my grandmother all this time.

"Are you going to school today?" she asked with a sad tone "I only have one subject today which is programming so I can prepare later" I saw her sad face as I said that "Okay, I think one day absent is fine since you're feeling well" I smiled and hugged her again.

"I want you to graduate and finish your studies" she said while looking at me and I can see all the love and hope in her eyes "Yes, mommy as long as you will be the one to accompany me on stage?" this is my greatest dream, my mommy holding hands with me getting my diploma.

I don't really like my course as which is Bachelor of Science and Information Technology in Polytechnic University of the Philippines.

Actually I should have been a Linguistics or Business student however my mom told me to go and take BSIT instead because it's a high paying job.

So I did try to get interviewed and even tried to sabotage myself by not answering the mathematical equation even though I know how to solve it but miraculously I got in.

I was welcomed to the BSIT community because of my honesty. Epic Fail.

"You should take care of your mom and siblings as well since you are the eldest" she lifted Ryan and put him on her lap.

"Yes mommy. I will do that and I will find a job that can provide our needs." then I hugged them again.

"Don't forget to yourself. No matter how stressed you are you should always look good as you are already becoming a man and might bring home a girl someday?" I looked at her and she is smiling. Is she teasing me?

"I will definitely find a girl and make her pregnant so you can see your great grandchild" I said trying to crack a joke.

"That will be good if it will happen now" she replied seriously "What's with that wary face?" I looked at her.

"Nothing, I'm just hungry is it still not ready?" We laughed and share stories the whole day.

It feels like a dream seeing her all this strong and cheerful.

**********

I opened my eyes and saw the plain white ceiling and the darkness around me and I realized that I was dreaming remembering what really happened to my grandmother right now.

Mommy...

I looked at my baby brother and my lil sister and on their deep slumber and saw a tear fell on my sister's cheeks from her eyes. I also started to cry again.

I'm afraid right now, afraid of the possible things that might happen.

Mommy...

Then I heard a beep from my phone. It was a text message from mom.

Omma:

Balong, you need to go here now in the hospital. I think mommy is waiting for you.

Tears starts to fall without stopping after reading this message and I can't help but to ask myself why?

I don't have the courage to ask mom and I also want to stop thinking about the possibilities. So, I wake Mariah up as soon as I'm ready to go to give her instructions.

"Mariah! I need to go to the hospital right now. Make sure to lock the doors and don't open it if it's not us okay?" she nod as she was still scratching her eyes trying to wake herself up.

I rushed to the Jeepney terminal going to Marikina and was able to catch the very first ride. They rushed her to Inang Rodriguez General Hospital where she undergo surgery last year.

Omma:

'Where are you?

Me:

'Nangka bridge and I was caught on a traffic jam. How's mommy?

Omma:

'Take a taxi instead! You need to get here quickly.

I immediately went out of the Jeepney in the middle of a traffic jam and this bridge. I run to the right side when suddenly I got hit by a motorcycle.

"Hey!!!" yelled the rider on his motorcycle "I-I'm so sorry" I apologized as I was really not looking on my way.

I ran towards to the taxi bay and hailed the taxi cab who came first.

"Inang hospital" I told the taxi driver and fished my phone from my pocket to text my mom.

Me:

'I am on a taxi already mom.

I suddenly felt pain on my knees and arms and saw myself bleeding. Maybe because of what happened earlier.

Me:

I'm almost there mom.

Omma:

' I'm in front of the emergency room.

I saw my mom immediately and told the taxi driver to stop and went out as my mom paid the driver and we rushed inside the hospital.

I will never forget what I saw that day. My precious grandmother whose always protecting us all these years are just laying down on this bed and not moving at all.

She's just laying on the bed while my auntie is pumping her life support because she's in a state of coma right now.

Mommy...

"Mommy. I'm here now your grandson balong." I whispered on her ears and held her hands and felt that it's cold already.

"Are you feeling cold mommy?" I hugged her and saw her tears fall from her eyes. She can still hear me.

"Ma, mommy knows that I'm here" The tears falls rapidly from my eyes and I keep on hugging her "Mommy, yesterday feels like a dream" I will say everything that I want to say while she can still hear me.

"Mommy, thank you for all your support, love and care that you have given us. Because of that you've been through a lot of hardship and went on different trials in your life" mom started crying as well.

"I know that you are still fighting for us that's why you can hear us still. I love you mommy. You can r-rest now I know you are still trying and I know you are also tired" I can't suppressed my emotions anymore as I cried loudly holding my grandmother's cold hands.

"I love you mommy! I love you so much!" she's also crying as her tears continues to fall.

"Come with me" my mom held my hands and hugged me as I cried on her shoulders "Let's get you something, you need to calm down" she said while she herself can't stop crying.

"My own sister can't recognize me as soon as she saw me. I was like a stranger that she's afraid to touch" Nanay Merced her sister started crying as well.

"I just went to the comfort room and she started hurting herself and removing her IV fluids that is on her hands and when I touch her to stop her from hurting herself she asked me I am!" she added and suddenly she collapsed.

"Ma! Mama! Mama! Wake up!" my uncle's started crying as well "Ma! Wake up! Mama Nerly is in this state you need to compose yourself!" all of us cried because of sadness.

Sadness

Longing

"Balong, you need to go home na. Your sister and brother needs food and its almost lunch time." My mom's eyes are bloodshot due to lack of sleep and her crying from time to time.

"I don't want to be away from my mommy maybe she'll wake up soon. She can feel me mom! She cried as soon as I held her hands!" I am still hugging my grandmother and I'm starting to cry again so my mom hugged me as well.

"I'll tell you once she wakes up don't worry but right now you need to take care of your brothers and sister at home" She get her wallet and gave me the one thousand peso bill.

"Eat good food it's better if you can cook soup like Sinigang or Nilaga." I started crying again and I gave my grandmother a tight hug and a forehead kiss.

"Mommy, I'll just go home for now I'll be back as soon as you are awake already." I forced myself to smile.

"We'll walk you to the terminal" my mom and my grandfather walked me to the Jeepney terminal.

"Just focus okay? Don't think of anything else don't let yourself hurt okay?" My mom wiped my tears and I just realized that I'm crying again "Yes mom" I replied.

****

"Let's eat" I called them after I prepared out lunch which is Sinigang so we can get energy and this is one of my favorite dish cooked by my grandmother.

I suddenly received a text message from my mom.

Omma:

Pack up your things probably good for one week. Your uncle's will be there to fetch you and you need to be strong okay?

Mommy's gone...

I ran towards the bedroom and cried as Iocked the door so my siblings won't see me crying. I still can't believe that my grandmother who took care of us, love us, and care for us is know gone.

Gone to a place which I couldn't see.

The one whom I always talk with whenever I have secrets I can't tell my mom. The one who taught me how to cook.

The one who always teach us lessons on how to be strong and righteous. Who always protects us whenever my grandfather or my mother will give us a beating.

My mommy who loves us more than she love herself.

I don't know what to do now and I feel devastated.

I can't believe it. No! I don't want to believe it.

***