Chapter 5: Siblings

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-PRESENT-

It is another Saturday morning and I went out of my bed to get some hot coffee to warm me up as I have something important to do today.

"Kirk, you need to go to Ryan's school to get the workbook for this week" said Tito Romero "Okay" I said as I took my last sip on  my coffee.

I went out of course wearing a face mask  and a cap to go to the elementary school bringing my brother's documents. Yes, he's going to start studying since he is already six years old but it's going to be a home study and an online teaching.

As I went back from school I started to prepare to go to my appointment today.

"Mariah, you are the one who's going to teach Ryan how to write using that workbook since he's afraid of you." I said then Mariah did grabbed the workbook from Ryan.

I went inside my room to prepare the clothes that I am going to wear after I take a bath.

After 40 minutes I'm already brushing my teeth on the sink and my siblings are busy watching some cartoons on the TV.

I saw my wallet on the bed near my clothes and because of what happened in the past I immediately checked if something is missing.

"Who entered this room?" I asked them but no one is answering "Who entered this room?!" my voice are a little bit louder this time.

"What's this fuss all about?" Khalil replied still looking straight on the television "I lost my 500 peso bill which is intended for buying lunch and renting washing machine so I can do my laundry!" I am getting annoyed.

"Khalil entered the room I saw him" said Ryan who is looking at me "Khalil?" he's not even looking at me pretending not to hear me.

"That's it? No one is going to answer and bring me back the money which we have left for our expenses?" I saw Khalil giving me a smirk and making faces while I am talking.

"Well, I don't care anymore! Find your own lunch!" I finished preparing for my appointment and went out of the house not saying any word.

Disrespectful

Ungrateful

Ill-mannered

This is not the first time that I lose money on my house and to think of the money is inside my wallet.

-December 2018-

"Where's my wallet?" I am looking for my wallet so I can go out and buy fruits since it's going to be a New Year's Eve tonight.

I found it on the table which I find it weird bacause my wallet is inside my bag and as I opened it I'm losing 1000 peso bill.

"Who touch my wallet?" I asked them "Why?" Mom asked me "I borrowed 10,000 pesos from boss Alfie and I am missing 1000 peso bill" I explained my mom.

My siblings looked away and just played with their phones "No one's going to admit it?" I asked them again.

"Let them be, I'll talk to them" mom said so I nod to agree then step outside to buy fruits for tonight.

-March 2019-

I only have 100 pesos on my wallet, Imagine a 21 years old only having a single 100 pesos on my wallet plus the bill receipts.

Nice!

"I'll take a bath now mom" My mom is currently watching kdrama on her phone.

As I went back inside the room "Where's my 50 peso bill?" I asked them as that is only enough for me to go to and from my work without eating finishing 9 hours in total in the office plus the travel time.

"That's only enough for my fare! To and from work! At this point I'm gonna walk to or from work right now!" This is nuts.

"Have some patience I'll talk to your siblings. For now just borrow from your friends at work" Fuck it! I should always be the one to have some patience when they are literally ransacking me.

So, I went out of our house and slammed the door out of frustration and used the 50 pesos to commute to work so I won't be late.

"Kirk! Wait for me, I'll just go to the HR department and submit this document for my health card update" said ate Ching.

"I-it's okay. I need to meet someone so I won't be able to go home with you today" I said to Ching so she won't be bothered by me not having a money for fare "Is that so? Okay! Chat me once you get home" then I wave her goodbye.

I can't believe that I am walking from SM North Edsa to Camarin, Caloocan it's like I am doing a death march right now as I am hungry and sleep deprived.

I started walking at 7:00 in the morning and arrived home by 3:30 in the afternoon drenched in sweat and I can't almost feel my legs!

I went straight to bed without even changing clothes and I was able to sleep immediately.

***

-PRESENT TIME-

Out of what happened at home I went to my appointment and now I am here in Centris walking to SM North Edsa for my appointment. While walking I saw the first company I worked at when I was just starting my career in this industry.

I remember the me that is full of dedication to earn as much as I can doing all sorts of overtime. "I almost stayed like 12 to 15 hours inside this office everyday" I whispered to myself.

An 18 year old boy running from that overpass to the 11th floor of this building for him not to be late. He is in a messed wearing old clothes, worn out shoes, hungry, and sleep deprived.

"I was happy whenever payday comes. I'll text my mom to meet me somewhere to eat outside and treating them to what they want" I walked slowly reminiscing my old and youthful days on this street.

Are you tired now?

I asked myself and think silently for five minutes until I answered 'Yes, I'm tired now' I stopped in the middle and took a picture on the bridge.

'Step on this railing and breathe deeply and just look straight in the sky

Said my thoughts as I heard my phone beeps as someone texted me a message and it was my sister.

Mariah:

Hey! You thick-faced drama king! Ryan is already starving and you can bear not to give us food?! How dare you! You are just creating your drama again that even though no one stole your money your just going to pretend that we stole it?! You are just thinking of yourself you pig! You just think of your own stomach! You are just happy that you will eat outside with your friends while we are starving?! Fuck you!

Mariah:

'Why? Did your craziness attacked again?! You crazy depress motherfucking pig! If your gonna kill yourself then do it!

Me:

You guys are funny! You wish for someone who's providing your needs to die? Wherein this is not the first time it ever happened that someone stole money from my wallet. Why? Isn't it enough that I put myself aside and provided your needs?

Mariah:

Tss! Let's just say it's true but where do you expect us to get food?! You left us with nothing!

Me:

Then find that 500 peso bill and by yourselves a food!

I went up on one railing looking at the sky with that humongous cotton ball like clouds when I received another message.

Omma:

Think straight, I'm going to find someone to borrow money so I can go home later I don't have time for this drama.

If you want to go away and have your own life from us then do it! I'm also tired of all your rants and complains!

You can go here to my workplace so we can talk about it. If you want.

What should I do? I asked myself while crying out of frustration.

I love my mom so much even though she's not understanding me. She's still my mom after all of the heartaches and pain from all of her decisions.

What would my mom feel if I die by jumping from this overpass?

The other me:

You should jump so you won't feel those emotions anymore, that suffocating pain that you are feeling will all be gone once you jumped from here.

Me:

Should I? I'm actually tired. Tired from sacrificing myself and neglecting my own happiness for my family's sake.

The other me:

Jump! You should jump now while theres no one around you!

Me:

You should fix it and leave from your house if it is suffocating you! It's better to sort things out with your parents first before you leave home.

The other me:

Can you feel the worth of your sacrifices for your family? Do you remember how disrespectful your siblings are towards you? They just need you to provide their needs and money like an ATM that they can just withdraw cash whenever they want.

Me:

Try to remember the pain and the suffering that you experience last time you tried to kill yourself. Never ending pain and you can't even eat for two weeks! That thing they put on your birdie which caused you extreme pain when you need to urinate! Would you like to suffer again?

It's better to be hurt physically than emotionally right? Now I don't know what to do to myself. My mind has a lot of voices and I don't know which one to choose.

My phone suddenly rings which startled me and made me lose my balance and I almost fell from this overpass.

"Aahhh!"

Luckily, I just fell on the floor not below the overpass. I think it's not my time yet.

I fished my phone from my pocket and saw Mr. Cornel missed calls already.

Cornel:

I'll wait for you here in front of Miniso SM North Edsa Annex.

I almost forgot our appointment so I stand up and started walking again towards SM North.

***

It's hard right? Being born from a problematic family who don't understand you and only want me for something they can benefit on.

I still can clearly remember my mom's eyes that day I commit suicide where in I can't see any worries or concern about me like she was forced to send me to the hospital like a work requirement.

And the way my siblings treat me or talk to me if I have money and when I don't have are really different. Two-faced? Yes, I can say they are having two faces depending on what they need from you.

I am on my own.

Alone in this darkness again where no one understands me and that fact tears me apart little by little.To the point where I tried commiting suicide not just once but many times already.

I am weak but there is no one for me to lean on.

I am alone and I am on my own.

***