9- Iris

It's been 7 years since I last saw my mom.

We usually went to her the last 2 weeks of October to celebrate her birthday. The days she allowed us over shrank with every passing year; she wasn't not a person who appreciated commitment.

The last time we only visited for a single night because she said she had things to do and couldn't have us over for long.

She mentioned there was a custom party at her building so I went as Mary Poppins. When we got there, mom was in the kitchen washing the dishes, it looked like she already had dinner and I couldn't say that I was hungry.

I instead hugged her and she pushed me away, that wasn't new she always did that… there was a lot of times when I would fall asleep on the cold floor in hopes for her to notice me, wake me up and take me to bed but she always left me there until Zach came back and carried me home. Oh, how much I wished I didn't want to try hard and be more accepting of this like Zachary.

That day we stayed in perfect silence watching TV a cushion away from each other. Zachary went out to meet with his friends when mom decided she didn't feel like going to the party in means of getting rid of me… but I stayed with her.

No matter how long I live, I'll never forget what mom did to me, she taught me how demeaning love can be. She simply tossed me out and told me she won't be here next year, she said she's had it with us and we shouldn't try anymore.

I waited for Zach's return downstairs and passersby were people in customs… there were mom's holding their daughters' hands…

After I'd sobbed into my custom's skirt and was scarred for life of Mary Poppins. I was grateful that mom and dad had Zachary before they had me and I wasn't at all left without a good family.

When Bliss came about, she was instantly the family member I never had. I would notice myself sometimes having to stop myself from asking her to simply move in with me. Juicy has Blue, Dani has her massive family and when I saw Bliss I felt like I wanted to claim her as mine just like they had their own sisters and all.

After mom's ditched us, I never dared visit that part of town. But I mustered all the courage I had in me and visited for Bliss because I was jealous everyone got to hang with her individually at work and I didn't. I thought it would be hard but it wasn't at all.

We talked about our small families and how we never wanted our balconies to remain empty. To have it always filled with strings and laundry pins holding clothes. I know I'll probably use a dryer to do the job but the metaphor of it stuck in my mind… so much that I was planning on asking my dad to build me a balcony; our house doesn't have one. I want it to face the little garden we have at home so I can have a landscape and a view similar to the one close to Bliss's work.

Of all people, Bliss must be the one I share this with because she'd know exactly what I mean by building a balcony out of the blue. It's been about 10 days since we last saw her and I want Bliss to come around; it's weird not being called Irish for long and I don't like this kind of weird.