Chapter 28

Dear dairy:

Feels like the world is coming to an end. Covid 19 has stopped most things, most events, gatherings, most importantly, most people lost their jobs.

The 31st of December won't be the same anymore, it won't be like it used to.

Thursday: 31 December

I came back from work with so much excitement that's it's the last day of this year and I'll get to spend it with Travis. With my ex, Duncan, it was tradition that we spend Christmas and New years together, everyone in our families knew that. On Christmas it'll either be with his family or mine, we'd take turns. And New years were ours. Even with my ex best friend Benjamin, holidays like this were important to us, but with him we only got to spend New years together. Every year on the 31st of December before midnight, he'd walk from whatever party he's at and spend those remaining hours with me. Then after a few long hugs after midnight, he'd leave heading back to where he was. Those are awesome memories. I loved that about Benjamin, through all the shit I put him through he still looked at me with love, a true friend.

Later Travis calls and tells me that he's on his way to come get me, but you know Travis and time don't go hand in hand. I'm laying on a long sponge outside with my mum, it's a clear sky and it's gonna be dark pretty soon.

As I roll and turn besides my mum, my phone rings.

"Hello",

"I'm gonna be a bit late", Travis says. "But I'm totally on my way",

"Really now?", I sigh. Travis and being late, that's no surprise. "Just know that when the clock strikes 9, I ain't going anywhere", I warn him, and I'm being serious.

"Okay", he chuckles. It won't be funny when its 9 and he isn't here.

My mum and I chill, later joined by dad and we chat a little about not so important things. I end up falling asleep due to waiting and boredom.

Flashback to 25 November 2016

I could swear things were alright between us, but unfortunately they're not. What you see ain't what you get. Today Duncan woke up with a bad dream, and sadly I was part of it from the way that he looks at me. I have no idea what I did in that dream since he doesn't wanna talk about it. He's so upset that he's even taking all the frustration out on me.

I'm now starting to ask myself what I did wrong. What did I do to deserve all this treatment from him? Yes I mess up most times, so does everybody, but I've never cheated on him. I swear I never did, I love him so much, with all my heart and I'm showing that to him every single day. But whenever he's upset he thinks I'm cheating, he'd be so suspicious over anything. He gets that look which says 'I don't care what you do' all over his face. Why can't I be happy without being upset the next day? Is this some kind of haunted past payback? I love Duncan, can't he see that?

My mum always tells me that Duncan and I ain't meant to be. I'm slowly starting to think that maybe she's right. I've sacrificed so much for him, I've been so patience with his crappy jealous fits.

We've been fighting a lot, we've been arguing about silly things which made me think we ain't even gonna survive this relationship. Sometimes I think he's tired of me or maybe he's  realised that I'm not the kind of girl that he wants.

Back to reality

"Hey, Nina", mum shakes me and I slowly open my eyes. "Wake up your phone is ringing",

I jump up and grab my phone, quickly swiping the answer icon with my thumb. "Yeah?",

"I'm by your house, let's go", he says then hangs up.

I grab my other phone and say goodnight to my parents.

"Hey babe", Travis is by my gate with a huge smile on his face. "Would you get me some water please", he hands me an empty bottle.

"Okay", I grab it and turn back to my house. Plus I forgot my facemask, what if we bump into policemen on the way to his Gran's. Just when I get back, we waste no time and start walking to his Gran's. I've even forgot about his car, I enjoy walking with him now. We pass by a food trailer on the way and we buy some chips which will be our last meal of the day. He's hungry, says he haven't had a chance to eat anything during the day.

"What do you wanna do?", he asks as we walk in his house. "Wanna listen to music? Watch some movie?", as he asks Sakhi and Sam walk in.

"What's up fellas?", Sakhi greets with a huge smile on his face. I wasn't expecting any company but these are Travis friends.

"Hey man", Travis replies.

"I'm glad theres something to eat cause I'm starving", Sam says, rushing to take a seat near our meal. He's always hungry so I'm not surprised.

"Should have bought a drink atleast", Travis says.

"Are we eating or what?", Sam asks and I just roll my eyes.

"Let's feast", Travis replies and I shake my head.

"I'm full, you guys go ahead",

Sakhi looks at me weirdly but I ignore that. He walks to the kitchen then comes back with a plate, as he sits he dishes up some food on the plate and covers the plate with another plate. "This is yours", he says to me pushing the plate to my side.

I smile, "thank you",

"I was gonna do that, but thank you man", Travis says to Sakhi with a smile.

Sam turns to me with a smile then says, "Want me to get you some bread?". I laugh shaking my head, "No, and thank you",

We chill and I watch them eat. Around 10pm they get up to leave. I'm afraid to go out so I stay behind and ask them to be safe. Sam and Sakhi live nearby so I'm sure they won't get into any trouble. After a few minutes Travis comes back. He puts on some movie on his laptop, let's me lay my head on his lap while we sit on the couch and I end up falling asleep.

Just when the clock strikes 15minutes to midnight, I'm woken by some loud music. "Babe wake up", Travis walks in. Seems like he's been outside while I was asleep, alone, on the couch.

"Is it midnight?", I ask.

"No, quarter to, so wake up I have some fire works", he says.

"But didn't the President say light some candles and forget about fireworks?", I ask. He rolls his eyes and start searching for matches with a firecracker in his hand.

"We've always celebrated New year with fireworks", he shrugs.

"Maybe it's time for change", I shrug my shoulders with a frown and fold my arms.

With a smile he walks up to me, "you're afraid of fireworks aren't you?", I've always been afraid of fireworks. Growing up I used to watch fireworks from the window. My dad wound buy a lot of them and would beg me to come out of the house to watch them blow up but I've always been a chicken and preferred to watch from the window. Nala has always been the brave one. She'd cry to light them. Even now, I'm still not that brave one with most things. I'm even afraid to drive a car. My parents have begged, forced me but no, I won't do it cause of how scary I feel it is.

"I'm not afraid", I shake my head and look away.

"Oh really?", he gets closer and I feel his hand touching my face, making me turn to face him. "The ones I bought aren't that scary babe, they don't pop loudly like bombs or something", 

I stare at him, his face is pure, all I see is how madly inlove he is with me. I told him fireworks ain't necessary to buy since it's just gonna be the two of us but he bought them anyway, just for me. If there's one guy that deserves all my love its Travis.

I started dating Travis while still deeply inlove with Duncan, which makes me think, Duncan and Travis are the total opposite but they share one thing, they poured out their hearts when I first met them. I was deeply inlove with Teo when I started dating Duncan, so maybe with time I'll be headover heels for Travis too. Which scares me cause look what happened to Duncan and I.

Flashback 31 December 2014

Its 8:30 pm and I'm laying on the couch with my legs on the arm rest and my head on a huge pink pillow. My flat screen TV is on, playing singers awards or something on the MTV channel. The amp stereo is screaming loud music, top 50 playlist on FM local station. I don't even mind that it's two different things at the same time, watching awards and listening to top 50 playlist. My parents are sitting outside with our neighbors, my sister is with them and my brother is sleeping.

"Nina", mum calls out my name from outside. "Bring me another bottle of what I'm drinking", she's having bernini blush and she doesn't wanna say the name infront of my dad since he doesn't drink alcohol, I'm not sure how that makes her think that my dad isn't aware of what she's drinking. I get up from the couch heading to the kitchen, I open the fridge and see a piece of black Forrest chocolate cake on a plate. Instead of doing what my mum asked, I quickly get a fork from the katlari drawer. I start eating it from the fridge.

"Nina what's taking so long?", mum calls out from outside. I roll my eyes and grab the bottle of bernini blush and close the fridge, leaving the half eaten cake inside.

After handing mum her drink, I grab the TV remote and look for something else to watch. My phone rings on the coffee table and I grab it quickly, "hey", I answer.

"How are you?", Benjamin asks. "My friends and I are on the way to this other party a street away from your house",

"Oh, you want me to join?", I ask with a smirk. I know he wouldn't allow that and neither would my parents.

"Hell no, it's not a good place for you", he answers.

"And it's a good place for you", I roll my eyes.

"Oh boy oh boy", he sighs. "Anyway, I gonna pass by to see you",

"You gonna come with your friends?", I ask. He said he's with his friends and I'm guessing they wouldn't allow him to just leave like that.

"No. Hell no. I'll figure out a way to leave without them seeing me", he chuckles. "Plus they're already drunk to notice anything",

"Okay, see you when you get here then", I smile and hang up.

I roll on the couch playing games on my phone. Nala walks in walking like a zombie. "Please wake me up when it's almost time to fire up some fireworks", she says walking pass me to the bedroom and I nod in reply.

"Mum", I yell.

"What?", she replies.

"May I please go to a party with a friend?", I ask. I'm only trying my luck, not that I really wanna go to any party.

"What party Nina?",

I get up from the couch and head out to look at mum when she says no party. "There's a party on the other street that side", I point out the direction of the other street. "Ben will be there",

"Ben is a guy, and you're a girl. Ben parties more than you do and he knows how to take care of himself, plus his parents don't mind", And my parents mind, I roll my eyes.

"But mum-",

"Nina no. People are killing one another out there", she warns.

"There's a lot going on out there", my dad adds which is no surprise since he always support her. "Just listen to the news tomorrow morning and you'll hear how many people are sturbed and where they were sturbed",

My phone rings and I walk back in the house. "Yeah", I reply.

"Let me see you so I can go please", Ben says.

"Alright",

I walk out, "I'll be over there with Ben", I let my parents know.

"Don't go anywhere", mum replies.

My house isn't secured with any fence so my parents can still see me right here at the end of our lawn.

"Hi", Ben is standing under the shadows of a huge tree. I know its him even though I can't make out his face. "Are those your parents over there?", he asks.

"Yeap", I nod. "Are you gonna stand there the whole night?", I ask still standing at the end of the lawn where my parents can see me.

He walks slowly towards me, checks if my parents can see him and Yeap, they see him. "Goodday Mr and Mrs Pola", he calls out to my parents.

"Hello, how are you son?", mum answers.

"I'm alright, thank you for asking", he says then takes a seat at the end of the lawn next to me.

He sighs, not daring to look my way. "You okay?", he asks.

"I'm alright", I nod, moving a bit closer to him. That's when he looks at me. "What?",

"Your parents are right over there", he whisper yells at me.

"Yeah so?", I roll my eyes. "I'm not trying to kiss you or anything", I chuckle.

"Yeah whatever", he says. "Speaking of kissing", he starts telling me about a girl he met a few days ago at a party. He tells me all about her, how she looks, how she dresses, how she eats, about their sex, how she grabs on to him while fucking, it's too much, it's a lot, but I listen because that's the friend that I am.

Benjamin is my best friend, we have a favorite song together, he cares for me more than any girl that he fucks around with, I'm the first person he calls and the last one he calls.

"I gotta go", he says and I check the time, 23:30pm.

"I better go wake my sister up too", I reply. He gets up and I get up after him.

"I'll walk you", I say.

"No, I know where I'm going", he says.

"I insist", I stand my ground even though it's not necessary. "Mum, I'm walking Ben to where he's going I'll be right back",

"Don't forget to be here before midnight", she says. Every Year on this day before midnight we pray to thank God of the lives we still have.

"Yes mum", I smile. "Let's go",

I'm only a few steps away from my house when Ben stops me.

"That's enough", he says. "Please go back",

"Really", I gasp. "I wanna go with you to that party",

"No, hell no", he pulls me to his arms and buries me in his chest. He smells like a strong manly soap, in a nice way.

"Now go", he says after pulling me out of his hold and kissing my cheek.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he likes me more than friends. But nah, he's too cool for me. Goes to parties, have thousand girlfriends who he fucks every night, I can't compare.