Part Two

The tour was over, and it was time for the prince to go back to his duties, and it seemed like for me too.

A man was running at me at the castle borders. It was the messenger of the king. He told me that there was an urgent mission. Monsters had appeared near the gates, although it was just one day after the clearance of the mission to get rid of them.

The others were already on their way, and with an apology to the prince, I got on my horse and went to the area.

Maybe everything would have turned out differently if I didn't go there. Perhaps I wouldn't suffer this much if I didn't go there. But I did.

It didn't take long for me to reach the other, but it was strange. Those monsters there were more skilled than the others we ever saw.

Especially one of them. He seemed like the strongest among them, making it a hard time for my team. I took over the fight with that one, and the others kept my back free.

I fought with everything I had, and thanks to all those years of training, I could tell he was holding back more and more as if it didn't want to harm me. At that time, I didn't know why and didn't hesitate to kill it. I probably should have… I…

I don't know what to do.

Without hesitation, I killed that monster. With all my strength, I pierced my sword through its body, and at this moment, everything changed, just for a moment. In a matter of mere seconds that generally would mean nothing to anyone else, I lost the fight.

I'm not talking about the battle against this monster.

That monster in front of me became human in my eyes. That human I had never seen in this life, whom I neither knew who he was nor his name, leaned his head against my shoulder, and I felt as if I just lost my life.

I was in shock. My whole body trembled, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I had to do it manually, but that felt impossible with all the other things in my head. I felt like I was being drowned in a sea where I didn't know what was up and down.

I didn't know which direction I had to go for me to free myself from this suffocating feeling. I felt how the blood in my vessels started to rush and how my body got warm in just one second. It felt like my heart just dropped, and my body tried everything possible to keep living but failed.

I didn't know what to do, what just happened, what I did. What was that? Who is that? Why is he here? Where is the monster? So many questions went through my head at that moment. It didn't end with that.

The monster, whom I saw as a human, looked up into my eyes with a bright smile on his face and tears in his eyes. His hands held my cheek. They were so cold, but at the same time, I felt a pleasantly warm and familiar touch.

Before disappearing to be never seen again, the person with the cold hands and the warm touch cried, looking into my eyes, saying: "I'm sorry, but I can't save you."

At that moment, I felt my heart skip more than one beat.

When he let go and fell to the ground. I no longer saw a human. Just the monster I defeated. With its death, the others seemed to let go of a loud scream as if they were shouting its name.

As if someone was calling the name of a beloved one in pain of losing him. Since when do monsters do that? Why does it feel like they have feelings? Those things were nothing more than ruthless beings attacking humans and creating fear.

My head hurt. My heart hurt. I just let go of a scream in pain. It felt like I had lost something, but I didn't know what it was, which was even more frustrating. Those were the monsters.

So why did I feel like I was the ruthless monster killing everyone without mercy and creating terror?

Now I know the answer. But that's for me to tell you later.

My mind went wild, and I finally lost it. I forgot what happened afterward. Waking up at the infirmary, the others told me that I was successful at killing that monster but somehow didn't move after that.

They eliminated the others and took me back. I apparently got a high fever and wouldn't stop screaming till I fainted. My head still hurt.

So many people asked me what happened, but I couldn't tell them. Cause even I wasn't sure what happened either. I mostly forgot what happened.

All I was left with was my headache and those strange feelings I didn't know about. The only thing I was sure of was that I didn't like that feeling at all. For now, I thought it was a one-time thing that would surely not happen again.

I was the hero of the kingdom. So many monsters died by my hands, and I couldn't stop protecting the people.

After the others left, the prince came in. No… Jack came. With no one in the room but the two of us, he rushed into my arms with a face that looked so concerned that I was happy to have him by my side.

We did nothing but stay like that for a couple of minutes. He didn't ask me anything, as if he knew I didn't want to talk and couldn't answer if I wanted to.

All those negative feelings seemed to fade away with the caring touch of this man. I didn't want to let go, and he seemed the same.

Why do I have to be the responsible one in those moments? I also want to stay like this. It was everything I could wish for, but I let go of him and told him I was okay. Or more like it's manageable, especially since he came. He should go and prepare for the ball.

Although I didn't know what that ball was for, I knew it was important. He had to go after his duties. This was enough for me. I was used to it, after all. Reluctantly he let go of me and left with a sweet kiss on my forehead.

Later that day, when the ball was about to start, I also got ready. My head was still hurting, and I was confused, but I couldn't let someone else escort the prince. So, when the moment came, I stood in front of his door, waiting for him to come out.

Eventually, he did, and I think I fell in love with him at first sight all over again.

I took him to the ballroom, where everyone was waiting for him to come. Everyone's eyes were on us, and walking there together nearly felt like I was walking him down the aisle, especially after the promise I made yesterday.

I thought I should vow to him again right in front of everyone. It was hard to hold back my grin. Since the prince had no partner, I had the honor of taking him to the first dance. I couldn't take my eyes off him and only had him in my mind… and that we should have worn white.

___

It happened again. A monster sight but this time even closer. Most of the Guards stayed at the ball so that the guests wouldn't start to be suspicious. I went too, not knowing what was waiting for me there.

This time they were normal monsters. It was easy to get rid of them but again. When I ended the last one, I saw a human again. Again! Why? Just why! I thought I was going crazy.

What was happening to me? Why was this happening to me? And instead of forgetting it again, I started to remember the face of the monster before, and all those feelings came back as if they never left.

My heart was beating so fast to keep me on track. I thought it was trying to escape from this hellish body. My head wouldn't stop hurting. My body felt hot again. It felt suffocating. I couldn't breathe. It felt like it just responded to my heart falling apart, and I didn't know why.

This time the monster didn't do or say anything. There weren't any warm feelings, but I saw myself killing a human again. Me. The hero. The knight. The one who should protect and not destroy. How did it come to this?

I didn't know what to do. At least this time, I was able to calm down enough to keep myself conscious.

After clearing the area, troops were sent out to search for more monsters, and I went back to report to the king at the ball. I did it silently as if I was talking to the king about routine matters without raising any suspicions, except for the suspicion of the prince, who told me to meet him outside in the closed garden.

Without even him asking me what was going on, I told him everything. I couldn't handle all this. I told him about the monsters who became human in my eyes. I told him what that monster or human said, what I felt. He listened to everything I said and embraced me while I cried.

I didn't know what to do, and all that frustration made me cry. If people were to see me like this, they would be ashamed to see the hero cry like this, but I couldn't do anything. And he didn't judge me, so I felt free to do so.

He went through my hair and told me that everything was fine. That it was ok. Those cliché-like actions of his were what calmed me down. I guess there's a reason why they are cliché.

I never thought that such a day would come. I wasn't some new knight who lost a comrade. I've been doing this for so long and have seen so many losses. But this was just too much to handle.

After calming down, I apologized and said that he probably thought I was crazy. I knew he didn't, but somehow, I still said it. Maybe I just wanted him to confirm that everything was fine with me. He did confirm it.

Not letting go of me, he told me that I must be exhausted from our extended mission and that I probably had a fever earlier, which led to all this.

It sounded plausible. I believed what he said. He was probably right.

He went back to the ball and told me to go to sleep. Even if I wanted to refuse and stay by his side, I knew this was probably the best action right now, so I did as he said. Back in my room, I took a bath and then went to bed.