Entry 9: Moved On

February 9, 2016

New Year, New Me!

Finally, I officially moved on from him! I'm happy that I got myself pulled out of that scary situation and I promised I will not let myself jump back to that scary cliff—especially when no one's even willing to catch me.

I didn't talk to him after that stupid suggestion he did, even if I badly wanted to talk to him that time. Now I wouldn't care whether he wants to talk to me. I guess, I developed another feeling towards him and that's none other than; anger. I'm completely pissed at him. I realized if he didn't want to talk to me, then fine I would not want to talk to him either, after all, it's his loss, not mine!

I welcomed this year with a positive outlook, and not even once I tried to throw a glimpse at him. I considered him invisible this time. But who am I kidding! I'm only doing that probably because I'm scared that my feelings towards him would go back, but no! This time, swear that I would not give in to his sweet nothings and different level of pettiness.

Sometimes though, I would feel sad recollecting our fun memories and our senseless talks. It might not make sense to others, but we understand each other. We understand each other… until we're not. There are a lot of things I was not able to write here but I guess it would just live in my memories.

I wish I could tell you more about the process I did just to get over him, but I don't think I have even undergone such a process. I guess, I just focused on myself and enjoyed life.

Oh! Before I forgot, Jastine and Dash were not a thing anymore, however, he's getting link with another girl but like I promised, I'll stop caring about his whereabouts and I would just focus on my studies. I think I'm doing a superb job with that because even if we'll have some encounter from time to time I would either ignore him or act cold towards him.

To be honest, I still don't know how to act normal around him, and I'm scared that if I am myself around him once again, I'll end up hurting once more and I don't want to go back to that endless loop; the loop wherein he'll make me feel special. Then the next morning, he'll treat me as if I'm a stranger to him. I don't want that anymore.

One last thing, for this quarter Paisley and I, happens to be seatmate! I'm glad she's my seatmate I could ask something about the lessons easily, or we could simply just gossip! Yap, we live for some hot teas! But, of course, I wouldn't mention this for that purpose only, I mentioned this because the one seated at the back was the girl whose Dash getting a link with, AND GET THIS! Paisley and she turned out to be good friends. Actually, she's kind of nice—to her friends! I'm intimidated whenever she'll be part of our groups because her aura felt superior and her whole existence screams attitude and power. She's gorgeous and smart too, but often she'll act all spoiled bratty?—but I don't know; I haven't really known her.

Probably, this is all the same in every section, but we're divided into different categories such as the smart ones, the popular ones, the quiet ones, and the others. I don't know where I belong because from time to time I would get along with other categories, but I know it does not mean I'm part of their groups now. Anyhow! I stated that because Jastine and Thalia; Dash's new girl, are part of the same group too! It is kind of controversial but both do not give a f*ck about it.

Dash has the guts to target girls who are all part of the same circle. What a weird preference. I'm not gonna lie though, all of them are smart and attractive.

February 15, 2016

Today, people really tried to test me. I hate this day; it makes me want to throw up! The school celebrated a post Valentine's Day, which by the way made the couples all lovey-dovey around me it makes me sick!

You can call me bitter all you want—I would gladly accept it! I didn't even know they allow the public display of affection in our school. The last time I checked it was one of the major offenses! Ugh! They're such sore eyes. If you're still not getting why I'm acting such a way—then keep up! Kidding! I'm happy for him, but I should not care for him anymore!

Seriously! He's making me go all kinds of crazy again… I don't know if he's doing this intentionally, or he really just loves to make fun of me. As I mentioned earlier, Thalia, Dash's new girl, is just seated at the back of my seat, therefore, Dash, would time to time—no scratch that, he would always switch seats with Thalia's supposedly seatmate—as a result, I would always hear their sweet nothings and annoying giggles. Sometimes, he would look in my direction and poke fun at my forehead, just like he used to do before. That's his favorite thing to do every time we'd interact, which I would either roll my eyes at him or curse him to death.

Of course, it's not what it used to before. You know, as I would playfully tease him back because it would obviously be awkward, especially Thalia's there to watch us bicker, so I would simply brush his teasing off. Like, I would pretend I didn't hear him and just talk to Paisley who's just beside me, but today's different.

Paisley's absent today! Yeah, I know a wrong time to leave me behind, Paisley! But I understand, she's sick after all. Anyway, the day went by, where a bunch of teachers would tease couples in our class. Yeah, Dash and Thalia were one of them, but they would ignore them and have their own world. While I'm just there—smiling and chiming into the teasing until one of my classmates decided to open up a wound, I'm trying my best to hide.

"You know, I actually thought that you and Dash have something going on…"

The audacity of this guy! Of course, that caught me off guard, but I think over time, liking Dash, I may have developed an outstanding talent, and that is to act all innocent! How stupid, right?

"What do you mean? We're just friends." I replied. See how innocent my answer was, but I could freaking feel tiny bullets of sweat forming on my forehead. I even end that statement with a scoff, as if telling him how ridiculous his thoughts were.

The whole day, that statement bothered the hell out of me, that I didn't even notice it's already our dismissal. It made me realized maybe I was not assuming at all. That maybe Dash had feelings for me too—because if other people could see that, why can't I, right? I mean, I think I felt it before, and I was just too afraid to admit it.

Because of that, I ruined the possibility of us for saying such things to him. Oh, my gosh! Why am I even thinking about this?! I'm supposed to be moving forward!! You're indeed hard to forget Dash Newitt!