Chapter 52 – Fears

The next day, Phase 1 was over and the Kaminoans scientist would examine the ultra-accelerated aging process of the clones and the consequences on the organisms by several means such as vivisection.

As Taun We predicted, the five girls grew up finely into beautiful women in their mid-twenty and Layan had to admit that Lyn wasn't wrong, Shae Vizla was a gorgeous redhead with few able to equal her.

"We did all the tests. A few defects we were expecting such as damaged telomeres and a major deficiency of most of the organs, were reported. These defects shouldn't appear with clones grown more slowly."

"And what was the cause of all the deformations or death before reaching maturity?"

"We grow each clone according to different parameters to verify the data you provided us and search if we could upgrade the results. So far, your data are perfect and we will continue the experiment following it."

While they were exchanging about the results of stage 1, the embryos created for stage 2 were floating inside the blue nutrient liquids of the artificial wombs.

"The clone who will receive the serum's injections are labelled from SV-0031 to SV-0045. I respect your desire to obtain a super-clone, but using so many serums may lead to the death of the subjects. Finding the perfect combination may take years."

"Isn't it possible for you to create a serum combining all the researched features?"

"Our specialty lies in cloning and everything DNA-related; physical enhancements isn't. Those who research this research topic are often killed either by their own creations or an organization interested in the said researches. Furthermore, most of these researchers prefer to use the cybernetics rather than biologically enhance an individual."

Taun We said simply and Layan understood, the best case of this type of enhancement was famous and even sided with the Separatist during the Clone Wars. The infamous and immortal Durge.

"I hope lady luck is on my side. When will start the serum's injections?"

"At the end of stage 2, not before checking the integrity of the clones. We can't rush the process."

He left Taun We in the laboratory and headed for Jango's apartment. This time, it was Boba who opened the door with his toys in hands.

"Pre Vizsla is all yours. I'll go back for some time and come back in one month with the artifact I told you about. During this time, try to bring back your sister from the mental institution."

"I don't need you to tell me. I was readying my equipment and blasters."

He made clear with Jango for him to cut his ties with the separatist in a bit more than two years. This way, he could stay on Kamino to train the clone of Shae and also it would lessen the effects of Jango defection on the timeline. Layan wanted it to stay pretty much the same until the beginning of the Clone Wars. After this, things will have to change.

Layan departed from Kamino the next morning, happy that his personal wish to have a mandalorian in his team would soon come true. Even more, he had to search in detail everything he retrieved from the Vizsla hidden storage room.

"The only thing to do in the next six months is to continue your training. I may travel to Kamino from time to time, but except this, you won't have room for breathing before your trials."

Lyn and Layan were sitting in the lounge, drinking and discussing. Meanwhile, C2-V2 and HK-47 were playing Dejarik using the holotable.

"What will happen after the trials?"

"We will have a conversation, just the two of us about me and the future. Then your training will continue, but will have more practical for you to accumulate fighting experience. I'll also start to teach you the few skills I know of the dark side. I only have a bit more than two years left to make of you a skillful warrior."

"Why two years and why should I be ready to fight?"

Layan didn't answer and just looked at her with a thin smile.

"The usual?"

"The usual."

Lyn sighed but motivated herself. Only six months left to wait for him to answer her interrogations. She knew he wanted her to become strong, and his motivations must be serious for him to hide it from her in such a way ever since her training started.

"You're hiding something big. I am wrong?"

"No. You can say that what I know can change lives of billions if not trillions of peoples."

He said it almost with tiredness in his voice, but it was true that she almost never saw him relax ever since she met him. He sleeps little and when he isn't training her or working on droids, he was training without stopping for hours.

The only time she may have seen him relax was during their stay on Corellia. Ever since their arrival on Ossus, he was constantly working on something.

"Is it tiring?"

"What?"

He was a bit surprised at her question and raise his tone unconsciously.

"If you really held the lives of billions in your hands; Is it tiring? I'm not stupid, I see how you are always occupied to something, and when you finish a project, you're starting another. This is because of it, because you don't want to fail and let all these people die or whatever?"

He was a bit surprised from the statement of the fourteen years old girl, it was strangely mature, and she wasn't really.

"No, I don't care. Maybe I'm heartless, but thousands could die, and I wouldn't care in the same way. I want to save my master, my family, and the few friends I have. If I am tired, it's because of fear and anger."

"I told you we should always stay in balance and never let our emotions take over us, but the truth is I'm constantly afraid. Ever since the first day I met you and the girls, I'm afraid. Afraid of failure and watch those I love die. Afraid of falling to the dark side and becoming the one who will kill them. I'm angry at myself because I feel fear and compromising my own equilibrium in the force."

She listened totally stunned by what he said, his tone was low and remorseful, it was as if a dam has broken and he was telling her what was weighing on his shoulder. His expression turned bleak. Maybe it was because of the alcohol he drunk, or because he was talking about it to someone else, but he wasn't able to hold back his fears.

"That's why you're always working. To…"

"To prepare myself for the events to come and use it as a moving meditation to keep myself in check."

She wanted to respond but didn't know what to say as he was for teaching her skills than the Jedi and Siths philosophy. He barely started teaching about this topic. Before she could talk, he resumed.

"I kept my warnings about the dark side at the minimum, but let me give you an example.

There was once a Jedi who breached the code. He fell in love. He was a powerful Jedi and one of the most promising of his generation, but he was afraid and prideful. He was searching a way to save his wife if misfortune should fall upon her.

The masters of the council weren't giving him the recognition he thought he deserved. This pride pushed him away from the order, near a Sith who used his pride and fear for his wife to manipulate him. He fell to the dark side thinking this way he could save his wife, but he was wrong.

Said roughly, there is two types of darksiders, the cold and manipulative, more of a true master of the dark side, and the other one who let himself be controlled by his emotions and didn't act using logic or rationality, more of an amateur, or beginner in this path. He was of the second kind, he was controlled by his emotions, by his anger and fear.

His Jedi Master tried to stop him, he thought his wife brought him to his hidden location, making him thought she betrayed him. Influenced by his anger, he killed her and fought his master. He lost and was left for dead while being burned alive. In the end, he was saved by his Sith master and lived a life of servitude and suffering.

The moral of the story is that the dark side corrupt, that's why I was so strict when you were boosting your fighting prowess using your anger. I treaded my path carefully, wavered at a few occasions, and slowly learnt even the most basic powers of the dark side while making my best to not fall to it and become a monster."

He paused for a long time before sighing and telling his thoughts.

"And now that I became stronger, to an extent I would never dare hope to reach before. My resolve is once again swaying."

As the ambience became gloomy, Lyn decided to ask the question which appeared in her mind after hearing him talking about his feelings.

"You would have preferred to be normal, insensible to the Force?"

"I don't know. If I wasn't force sensitive, I would have died decades ago, or at least would still be a powerless slave. I met my master because of it, and you too. In the other hand, being force-sensitive can be seen as a burden. We can't feel emotions the same way others do; and how many families were destroyed because of the force?"