" Am'I unworthy to love? "

Demonise POV:

“ I’m full. “ Aziyah lick the spoon and put it in the bowl of soup that’s now empty. She’s sitting next to Fergus while he’s staring at her with so much affection in his dimmed eyes.

“ Instead of having fun indoors, how about we go shopping instead? “ I witnessed how she chained her hands to Fergus. But in Fergus' eyes, I can see no disgust but fondness.

“ But you said your dizzy? Are you ok now babe? “ Standing next to them and hearing their lovey-dovey convo made my heart aches. I was supposed to be the one whom he cared the most, but why do he let me feel that I’m not even worthy to be stared?

“ I’m fine babe. Let’s go shopping? You know that I wanna spend time with you. “ Aziyah leaned her head on Fergus' shoulders. He didn’t even brag against it like what he always do to me. Instead, he carries her hair and stared at her with pure contentment.

I felt a bang of pain in my chest when I saw him smiling. His smile that’s true and the first time that I saw. Why? Why do I feel that I’m the third wheel? Why does my heart assumed that our relationship can still be fixed? When in fact, it’s already broken in the first place?

“ I’m j-just gonna wash the dishes. “ I pick up the plates and walk away. I didn’t even intend to take a glimpse at them because I know that my heart can’t take it any longer. After reaching the kitchen, my hidden pain overflows.

“ W-why? “ I whispered while my sight is getting blurry. Tears are the evidence of aches, and my hands that’s trembling are the confirmation that I’m weak. I’m weak to him. I’m a coward for him.

I wiped my tears and started to wash the dishes. Hoping that when I get back, I can’t see their love anymore. Hoping that one day, Fergus will do the same to me and will love me like he loved her. But------ I know that it’s impossible!

“ Why are you so slow? “ My body stiffed when I heared his deep manly voice, followed with a step. I can hear his footsteps that’s getting near my direction. “ Are you afraid of me, Demonise? “ His unexpected question made me wonder.

Who would not be afraid if a person like him is the reason why I’m leaving like hell? “ Go tour your girlfriend around sir. “ I said and look at him while he’s also looking at me. “ I’m not gonna disturb you again. “ I added.

His sexy lips curved a steamy smile and his eyes are filled with amusement. “ Aziyah is using the comfort room. She’s not yet here. “ Fear embraced me when I saw him walking near. With face full of hidden emotions, I can sense that he would do something.

“ W-what are you doing Fergus? Don’t come near me! “ I tried to stop him using my words but he didn’t listen. Instead, he moved his head showing that he’ll continue.

“ Now what? Earlier you called me sir, now you’re calling me by my name. Do you know what I preferred the most? “ While saying those words, a sudden emotion runs in his dark eyes. A strange emotion that I can’t name.

“ Honey… “ He whispered right into my ears and that’s when I realized that he’s already in front of me. Breathing next to me, talking next to me. “ That’s what I liked the most Demonise… “ He mumbled then caress my hair.

“ H-honey… “ I murmured out of consciousness. Fergus wearing a black sleeveless shirt made him even more attractive. With his white pants paired with a black shoes. He’s the perfect definition of the word ‘ center of attraction! ‘

“ That’s my good girl… “ He said and the next thing he did, caught me off guard. He bends his head down and moved near my face. Because of shock and fear, I didn’t have the chance to move.

“ Uhmm… “ I moaned when he gently kissed my lips. His big hands landed at the back of my neck. Forcing me to answer his kisses and touch. The feeling is so unexplainable. Being gently kissed by the person whom you loved for five years is an answered prayers. However------

“ F-fegus! I-I can’t b-breath! “ His kisses went wild that I can’t even catch my breath. His hands that’s forcing me to kissed him is so uncomfortable. “ Aww! “ I exclaimed when he bit my lip after releasing me. That causes my lip to bleed.

“ That’s my reward for you honey… “ He licked his lower lip and smirked. “ For being a good pet. “ His words are like a sharp knives that stabbed me. How can he do all these painful things to his own wife? Did he think that I’m just a joke?

“ Get yourself ready! Aziyah wants you to join us. Behave yourself. “ After saying these sentences, he turned around and leave. He didn’t even say sorry for what he did. Or asked me if my lip's fine. How rude!

“ Why did I even fall in love with him? “ I asked myself and wonder. It’s all my fault in the first place, I didn’t object about this marriage even though he’s not interested. I was deeply in loved with him that It came to the point of doing a silly proposal. But now, I can’t do nothing about it.

After clearing my mind and making sure that my heart is fine, I slowly walk to the living room. While I’m slowly getting near to those two people, I tried to encourage myself and put a smile on my face. Watching them with full love, I discovered that I don’t stand a chance anymore.

“ Oh! She’s here babe. Let’s go? “ Aziyah said then stand up. No wonder why Fergus cherish her, she’s an apple of his eye. With those well-shaped brows and eyes, paired with her sexy smile. Aziyah is a big catch after all. “ Babe? “ She added and stared at Fergus.

“ Change your clothes Demonise! “ His sentences are so hard that by just hearing it, my heart starts to beat so fast again.

“ I’m fine with these sir… “ For the first time in my life, I objected his idea. But this does not mean that I can dodge his wrath next time. “ I’m comfortable with these. “ I added and take a glimpse of him that’s sitting in the sofa together with Aziyah.

“ You’re wearing such a short clothing. It's too revealing Demonise! Change your clothes upstairs. “ I was so surprised hearing this from my rude husband. His eyebrows are in a line and the way he stared at me is so sharp.

“ B-but---- “ I was cut by his. “ Don’t make me repeat once again woman! “ I want to brag but I don’t have enough rights to do so. His intimidating aura is too hard to deal with.

“ F-fine… “ I shrug my shoulders and answer him the way he wanted. I was defeated once again. I was about to go upstairs when Aziyah speak up.

“ Her clothes are fine babe. I was also wearing the same as her but you didn’t say anything about changing it. “ She said. I look at her and saw that she’s confused. Who would not be? If my so called ‘boss’ would brag about how his ‘helper’ dresses? Tsk!

“ Let’s just go right now. Ok babe? “ Her disappointed tone earlier became sweet and a little bit flirty. She kisses Fergus' cheeks and look at him with puppy eyes. How Annoying!

“ Fine… Are you happy now? “ He said. I thought that he’s going to say ‘ no ’ for a reason. But knowing how much he loves Aziyah make me question myself. ‘ Am'I unworthy to love? '

***

“ We’re finally here! “ She shouted with full of excitements. Sitting at the back seat, I witnessed how their hands clasp with one another. Finally we're here! This place is suffocating.

I watch how Fergus goes out and open his limo car for Aziyah. Me in the other hand, serves myself. SM is a huge mall and being here again is rare. When I was a kid, my parents used to brought me here and will spoiled me with toys and clothes.

But when I and Fergus got married, I didn’t get the chance to spoil myself anymore. He controlled my life and my heart. I thought that being a good wife is an enough reason for him to love me and stay, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough.

“ Come on! “ He said. I followed them and get in. I move my eyes to explore the beauty inside. It seems that this mall became much more bigger and wealthier. For the past three years, I’ve been prisoned in the house and now I’m back.

“ Let’s go to the female dresses babe? “ I heared Aziyah asked Fergus. He didn’t say anything and I watch how he take Aziya's hand and go inside the stall for female clothing’s.

“ I guess I’m just here to lift their shopping bags. “ Well yeah.. I think that it’s the reason why they’ve let me join them. Silly you self! You’re assuming so much.

I don’t want to go inside with them that’s why I stayed outside the stall. Seeking for a place to stay, I saw a bench near the arcade. Which is, not so far away.

I turn my head and seek for them inside while I’m still waiting outside. Observing that they’re happy choosing some shirts, I decided to walk near the bench and sit there. I don’t have money so I can’t buy for myself. Maybe I’ll just wait for them to finish shopping.

“ Dem? “ I seek for this familiar voice and found out that it’s actually Tim. My good-looking cousin. He’s wearing a white polo shirt and a black pants. Together with his black shoes and sunglasses, that added his charismatic presence.

“ Are you alone? Where’s your husband? “ He asked while getting nearer and nearer. I noticed that other girls are turning their heads for him. An eye-catching person indeed.

“ H-he's with his business partner! “ I don’t intend to lie but I don’t want him to know the truth about us. From the very first place, he's against to this marriage but I begged him to marry Fergus.

“ You look pale. Are you ok? “ He sat beside me and touches my head to know if I’m sick. Watching how much he cares for me, I’m still lucky to have a cousin like him.

“ I’m fine cousin… “ I said and smiled at him. He’s expression suddenly changes. It seems that there’s something bothering him.

“ What’s bothering you Tim? “ I feel uncomfortable when he looked at me directly in his eyes. There’s a nameless emotions that are currently running in his brown eyes.

“ Right… “ He said. “ I’m your cousin. “ He added. I was slightly puzzled with what he said. His lips formed a sweet smile and his eyes are now with full of care. He raises his right hand and touches my messy hair.

“ If I was not your cousin----- “ He said trying to move my hair aside. “ Will you stay by my side and open your heart for someone like me? “

My mind froze for a second and my thoughts are deeply confused. “ W-what do you mean? “ I asked hoping that I’ll get some answers from him.

“ N-nothing… “ He broke the connection with our eyes and travel his gaze elsewhere. “ Don’t mind what I said earlier Dem. My silly mind is just so noisy… “ He said and chuckled. He’s laughter is a little bit different, or I was just thinking so much?

“ Ohw.. Why are you here by the way? Are you supposed to be with your business thingy? “ I said trying to hide my chaotic thoughts. I added some laughters so that he will not be bothered with my hidden agendas.

“ I’m just wondering around. My mind and heart needs a rest. “ Saying those sentences, made me feel weird again. It’s like, there’s something he wants to say.

“ How about you? It’s good that your husband is not so strict anymore. “ He look at me again with those sweet smile and I can do nothing but to smile back. I was going to open my mouth and say something when I heared a dangerous deep voice in front of me.

“ Who is he? “ Oh God! His dark eyes are more darker and his eyebrows are almost in a straight line. He gained lots of attention from the crowd even with his angry look.

Tim locked his gaze to him and he also did the same. Why the heck am'I so unlucky? With my cousin knowing the truth, and my husband saw that I’m with someone else.

“ Fergus! “