Chapter 25

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM/INJURY

"How did you get all of those scars?"

Foster sits up, resting his head in his hands, elbows propped up against his knees. It's been a while since he has thought about them. The ugly reminders of how broken and empty he was. It's most likely a scary thing to see. It's why he put them there, so he wouldn't have to see. He could feel all of the pain, but he wouldn't have to see and be constantly reminded of the permanence of his decisions.

"It's kind of a long story."

"If you are comfortable with telling it, I have the time." Foster lays back down, turning onto his side and pulling C against him. He nuzzles his face into her neck and takes a deep breath of her in to calm himself.

"I used to be a really bad person. I still am a bad person but I recognize it now and I'm working on it. You make me want to be a good person." He takes another breath in and then out, blowing a few strands of Claudia's hair over her shoulder. "You've seen the pictures on my walls, right? All the ones of my mom, cocoa, and the one with my dad."

C nods her head, scooching closer to him, wanting as much of her body to be against his as she can. She can feel the anxiety start to creep into her stomach. Whatever he is about to say to her is probably something very difficult for him to share.

"My dad passed away when I was six. It's my fault that he ran back into that stupid street and got himself killed," Foster balls his hands up into fists, trying to keep some of the anger at bay. "For a long time after he left, I felt sad and hurt but that hurt started to turn into something empty and cold. I started losing any type of feeling other than a fading but still bitter throbbing in my chest. It's hard to explain but I hated it. I hated only feeling grief or nothing at all. I made some stupid decisions to try and get away from feeling like that."

Claudia grabs his fist and unravels his fingers, lacing hers between his, giving him a squeeze of encouragement to help him sort through his thoughts. The anxiety in her stomach replaces itself with worry.

"I made some friends who were a part of a not-so-nice crowd. We did stupid risky shit like get-yourself-killed shit. We also got into fights and sometimes those fights got ugly. I was lucky enough to get some sense knocked into me by one of the older guys and eventually, I stopped hanging out with that group. I got the scars mostly from that. Some were just me wanting to feel something, anything at all."

"What did you do after you left them? How did you fill up the time?" Claudia nibbles on her lip to bite back some of the other questions floating around in her head.

"When I stopped that I started doing school sports. I used to be on the basketball and baseball teams. I got bored after a while so I eventually ended up quitting which is when I started to sleep around with girls. I wasn't in a good head space and when one of those girls asked me out, I turned her down because I knew I couldn't be a good boyfriend like that. I knew I didn't really have any feelings for her. Then she sort of disappeared. People were saying she left school and hurt herself. I started to feel guilty. I stopped hanging out with people after that. I found myself in the library a lot during lunch and after school to avoid people but also to avoid my mom. I knew that if I went home immediately after school every day, she would worry about my social life and stuff. I didn't want her to worry about that when she deals with so much already. Before you, I just sort of existed, going through the motions, just trying to survive high school I guess," Foster trails off.

Claudia gives his hand a kiss and closes her eyes, "Thank you," she hesitates but eventually manages to spit out.

"For what?"

"For sharing all of that with me. I know it probably still hurts to talk or think about. So thanks for trusting me with that stuff." Foster just nods his head, too exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions he experienced throughout the day. He dozes off, C still in his arms. She follows shortly behind him.

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Warm bright rays of sunlight peek through the separated portions of Foster's dark gray and green plaid patterned curtains. Claudia peeks open one eye and searches around the room, trying to find any indication of what time it is. Once she spots the analog clock that hangs from the wall and determines that it's 7:20 in the morning on a Saturday, a small huff leaves her lips.

She slowly removes Foster's arms from her body and shimmies quietly out of bed, doing her best to let the boy sleep. He has been through a lot. Thinking about his experiences these last few days sparks an idea into her mind. Grasping onto that little whisp of inspiration she quietly jogs out of the room and into her room to begin preparations for her little surprise.

L and Cocoa perk up at the noises of life that echo through the rooms with all of Claudia's movements and decide to follow her around. After a few minutes of Claudia not realizing their existence behind her, L decides it's now or never. He does a little butt jiggle and pounces on his prey, Claudia's ankles, giving a vicious bite to each side. Claudia does a little yelp, almost stepping on the crazed baby cat. She scoops him up and makes her way to her room where the cat food is, deciding that her plan will have to wait just a few more moments in order to appease the hangry beasts surrounding her.

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Foster stifles a yawn and stretches his arm around his bed searching for his girlfriend's warmth. When he is met with only empty cold sheets he frowns and sits up in bed. He rubs some of the sleep out of his eyes and peers around the room, finding no trace of her anywhere. He groans and decides that means it's time to get out of bed and actually do something with his day.

He trudges to his bathroom, pulling off his sweat pants and boxers and tossing them into the hamper. He twists his body in a way that allows him to see the scars on his back that worried C last night. Glancing over every jagged pale mark, memories creep into his head. Memories of self-harm, beatings, and late-night hospital trips leave him wincing at his own recklessness. Shaking that imagery from his mind he grabs a towel and hops into the shower.

He feels unclean, disgusting, just overall horrible. He scrubs as hard as he can to take those feelings away but it doesn't work. He just grunts in frustration before eventually giving up and doing what he needs to do to finish his shower so that he can look for Claudia. Thinking about her speeds up his actions so that in a matter of minutes he is out of the shower, teeth-brushed, deodorized, and in fresh clothes.

He makes his way into the kitchen, stretching his arms and legs a few more times to get rid of any remnants of grogginess. After doing this, he spots C at the kitchen table, holding a cup of some warm liquid.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Claudia hums before taking a sip of tea from her mug. A slight blush spreads over her freckle-covered cheeks. Even after just waking up, he still looks so damn attractive. Her eyes trace over every part of his body, spending a few extra moments at his strong and inviting arms, before eventually meeting his eyes. She notices a small gleam of smugness in his eyes and turns away from him, embarrassed by all her ogling.

"Morning C. What are we doing today? or were you just planning on undressing me with your eyes until I can't stand it anymore and take you back to bed?" Foster flirts. He hunches over C, draping his arms over her shoulders, giving her a few pecks on top of her head. Claudia's hands join Foster's, pulling them even closer to her torso.

"I-I've got a few surprises planned out if you're interested," C stutters, embarrassed at her own inability to handle his teasing. She can feel his hot breath followed by his teeth grazing the outer shell of her ear. Goosebumps shoot up all over her body as she tries to maintain her composure.

"Sounds good to me," Foster whispers before placing a trail of kisses from her ear down her neck to her collarbone, leaving a few hickeys in his wake.