Shutter Shock

I let out a startled scream as I fly up into a sitting position, immediately getting dizzy as the blood rushes to my head, and I need to support my head on my hands to keep from passing out. "Why… does it feel like I'm waking up over and over again…" I mutter under my breath. I slowly glance to the side of me, fully expecting to see somebody in the bed with me, but it was nothing but blankets. There is no one else here but me. The blankets are pearly white, covered with heavy and superbly elegant embroidering in a dull gold color. The weight of this thick piece of cloth holds down the lower half of my body that is enveloped by the luxurious item.

Shocked, I glance around, only to notice the bed that I am lying on is enormous. A King, no, even larger than a king; the bed is oval-shaped at the foot, a rather large column on each "corner" of the bed that seems to be hooked to the headboard, sideboards, and footboard. Each piece of the bed's frame was carved into heavenly, smoothened shapes and curves, almost something you would think to see in marble sculptures or ancient Greece architecture. Painted a faint, faded golden tone, it gleams from behind the curtain draped along the canopy poles connecting the top of the columns. The curtain, cream in color, is also embroidered with golden flakey leaves and vines weaving up, down, and around the translucent, silky fabric.

My eyes trailing up, the even more extravagant ceiling catches my wandering sight; it must have been painted by a master. An entire story being told on the tiles of the roof, every section becoming different pieces of the life of a doomed woman fated to lose the love of her life. It almost makes me cry, seeing this scene when I wake up; what kind of maniac would put this type of art above a bed?

De ja vu, the room beyond my bed is darkened, and little light leaks through the window on the opposite side of the room. It is relatively large, sparsely decorated with luxurious furniture and furnishings, vases and paintings, dressers, vanities, chairs, and couches… it's hardly a bedroom at all! I can't see much, but maybe sparse is not the proper word to describe what I see before me.

This… isn't Zero's home anymore, is it? I must be somewhere completely different now. Did he kick me out? Tell Sterlo to remove me from his sight and his home? Was my act unforgivable?

Why does this thought sting my chest?

"I must be in Sterlo's home… sigh…." My voice cracks, and I shake my head in disbelief. What did this man do to my unconscious body? I can see that he changed my clothes…

For some reason, I raise my hand to my throat for confirmation. Fogginess in my brain, an unconscious sense is telling me that something really did happen. My fingers tentatively clutch onto a cold, hard, thick hunk of metal. A soft cry leaks from between my lips, my fingers lightly tracing the metal to the back of my throat. A collar…

Why am I wearing a collar… the collar? He didn't… did he? While he… had me under…?

I jump out of bed, stumbling as soon as my feet hit the ground. I catch my footing quickly and run to the door, flinging open the door as soon as my fingers manage to grasp and turn the knob, only to be confronted by a certain man on the other side. He lets out a slight shout as he takes a reflective step back to avoid the collision, a tray being held cautiously in his hands covered with plates of food and drink that he no doubt made for me. My crazed eyes on him, my hand still clutching the knob, I make a start to yell but swallow the words. His smell…

I inhale deeply through my mouth, tasting his scent but managing to keep a hold of my thoughts as I finally open to speak before I can no longer do so. "What have you done?" I croak out, being washed by the dizziness and sickly-sweet aroma. I catch Sterlo tilting his head to the side in confusion, his hand coming from under the tray to wave through the air… and a snap rings out.

Confused myself, the fog dissipates, and I can clearly see the puzzled expression on his face. "What are you implying, my dear?" His voice soft and concerned, his free hand reaches out to rest against my forehead.

I wretch myself away from the touch of his slightly chilly fingers, my voice coming out in ragged puffs, my anger unquenched. "This… what is this?!" Cracking, my voice screeches as my hands grab and yank at the collar with enough force to burn the skin on the back of my neck.

As unfazed as ever, Sterlo tilts his head to the side gently, a small smile planted on his lips. Propping the tray up with both hands once again, he takes a confident step forward. This forces me to retreat further into the doorway, not wanting him to get any closer to me out of fear of what this newfound contract may mean. "My sweet toy… Let us take a moment to quelch this calamity and take a seat. It seems that you do not remember the events of yesterday?" He takes another step forward, unconcerned with my wary glances and trembling form.

"W-what do you mean…?"

"Take a seat… you have nothing to be in fear of." Striding forward and past me, the light flicks on behind me, and I hear the tink of ice tossing around in a glass. Spinning slowly on my heels, my fingers still holding firm around the collar, I watch him with narrowed eyes as I take tiny steps forward, cautiously joining him at the small round table. He places the food before me with a soft smile, making no moves to console nor control me. Neutralizing the situation, he takes a tiny sip of the pink-esque liquid in his cup.

"I'm not going to eat anything until you explain this to me, Sterlo." I spit at him, refusing to allow him to maintain control over the situation.

"Darling –."

"Don't call me that." I interrupt with acid in my tone. Arms crossed, and my eyes hardened. He finally lets out an aggravated sigh before pulling out a cube from his pocket. This is a cube I have seen before. "A recorder?"

"No, Pheonix, not quite. This is what we like to call 'Nano-Sphere.' This one, in particular, is quite new, and has many uses, whether that be for nano storage, voice or otherwise, or holographic communication." He spins the item in his fingers before delicately placing it down onto the middle of the table. "This is reasoning enough for you to not be acting so… fierce." He sighs heavily.

"How on Earth is this going to clear your name?" I shout, slamming my fists on the table. The shock causes the glasses to rattle unsteadily, a bit of the liquid spilling over the table.

Sterlo now narrows his eyes in my direction, his finger still remaining on the top of the cube, pushing down on some sort of glowing button. "I am a gentleman; I never force a woman into any sort of arrangement. I would assume you would have known this by now. Everything I do is always consensual…dear…" He pulls his hand away from the cube, and it buzzes loudly, vibrating heavily for a solid thirty seconds. Suddenly, a bright light flashes and an evident, colored hologram from yesterday beams up from the cube. It is an unmistakable picture of me, and I recognize my outfit.

I make a move to tell Sterlo that this picture means nothing when it begins to shake. Sterlo appears in the frame to take the empty seat beside me, dragging a small table with him to place it between the both of us. Now facing one another, the view coming from off to the side, he clears his throat loudly. I gasp at the video, slowly coming to realize what this recording may contain.

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Pheonix?"

"If I wasn't, then I wouldn't be doing this, Sterlo." Came my snarky reply. Clearly conscious, my arms crossed over my chest; it seems to be me.

"Phoenix," Sterlo gives a sigh, "Are you of sound mind?"

"Yes, I am."

"I repeat, are you of sound mind?"

"Sterlo, I said yes. I understand that this is your contract for safety reasons, but can we speed this up?" Sighing myself, I lean forward to rest my elbows on the table.

The video playing before me comes with a shock, my brain throbbing as it tries to remember the events of yesterday through the foggy void. Yesterday….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Yes, yes, I know that you are in a rush. Tell me, for the record, why have you changed your mind? Why is it now that you have decided to go into the Ownership Contract with me?"

"Sterlo, what can I say? I just can't res –." His hand raises to cut me off with a slight, unsatisfied scowl.

"Please be honest; this is the best place to just let it out. Tell me your concerns, worries, fears, secrets… This will be our contract." He gives a small smile at me, his head tilt sending fire through my stomach.

Sighing again as I realize that he is telling the truth and I, at this moment, have no reason to lie. It is just us, and only us. "I fear for I have done… to Zero. I fear for what will come of my choices… but also, I fear that I will conform to him. I am not sure of my feelings, but this rock in my gut can't be good. This is not an easy decision, Sterlo." I lick my lips nervously. It's strange to be saying this aloud, but it will be good to get it out. It may help me come to terms with this life of mine, and in the end, I shouldn't lie to Sterlo since he will be the one to help me. He was the one who saved me, per se. "I think you can protect me, keep me safe. Help me forget about these feelings…." I clutch at my chest with trembling fingers. Yes… I want to forget before they begin. It will bring me nothing but grief. He will never reciprocate; if anything, he may kill me instead. The heartbreak that would bring…

"Do continue…" He mutters, completely enveloped in my tale.

"Ah… well, give and take, I suppose. You do this for me and… well… I'll do this for you? I know nothing of this world, I know not where I am or who I am, and I have nowhere to go. This is for the best…" I swallow my pride and my tears and my sorrow. I can't say that this is how I wanted things to go; I wanted them to stay how they were, where I could have a shot at being happy. But I ruined it… and I don't think that I can fix it. I don't think he will forgive me… I shouldn't ask him to. Zero has his own life, problems, and own way of life that is nothing like mine. We weren't meant to get along anyway. Sterlo… isn't so bad.

"You are making this choice on your own?" He questions, much like an interrogation.

"Yes, this is my choice, and mine alone."

"What is it that you seek from me?" He leans forward, waiting patiently for my answer.

"M…make me your lover, Sterlo. Your only lover. Make me your choice so that I can forget mine." It almost hurts to say this; I choke on the words. It feels wrong like I am betraying him. But I can't ask this of Sterlo and not give on my end, this is a contract after all, and I know how Sterlo is and how he feels. This is a contract, and I will make it, so we both benefit…

His eyes widen at my words, not expecting me to be so blunt, or maybe the words themselves surprised him. "You… want me to make you fall in love with me?" He asks this slowly but confidently. I suppose he can see through my words.

"Yes…"

"My darling… I cannot promise that I will love you the same. You see, I am a lover of all women… but for you, I will make this contract my promise to aid and care… to replace that of which you want to forget." He stands to look down at me with a crooked, sad slant of a smile.

Can't promise, huh? "That's okay, Sterlo… I don't intend to make you suffer so… and as this is a contract, then an end date would suffice? A date where you can get all the lovely little candies you want and live like you did?"

"A date, you say? Well, since I trust that you are a reasonable individual, how about we say five years, darling?"

Five years… of my life to Sterlo? It would be enough time, wouldn't it? To forget him? To learn how to live? Would it be enough for me to find myself? Five years is such a long time, but I have no time to dwell on that thought. I made this decision, and I must see it through… I have no other options. I nod to him, but I know he needs more than that. Hesitantly, I speak, "Yes…."

"To add to that, if any time before the end date, we both agree to discontinue the contract on mutual grounding, this will also dissolve our contract."

"My, I must say that I wasn't expecting you to also be reasonable." With a snicker, I try for a smile. He smiles back, recognizing my effort.

"Nano-Sphere, scan in the document." He shouts at the recorder, and in a flash, a holographic image of an aged collection of papers appears before me. "Read it, and sign to make sure this is correct and put into action."

This was it? I jump in head-first into shallow water and hope I hit the right spot. Sterlo will make me love him… or at least I will forget him. Even his name refuses to appear in my mind. "Will I have to wear the collar?"

"What? Of course! How else will others know that you are mine?"

I was expecting nothing less from his answer. I give another heavy sigh, pushing past my doubts and fears and hesitations. I trust him… enough to do this, to keep his contract pure. This is my choice. "I trust you…" I murmur, signing over the line at the bottom of each page of the agreement. My finger brushing the holograph pages, feeling the scratchy texture and the paper crease under my weight. This is real. Sterlo chuckles at my resolution as he comes over to my side, hovering over me as he signs as well with the tip of his manicured nail.

The contract explodes into glittery dust, and Sterlo's watch buzzes angrily. He taps the screen, and a brighter, holo screen appears before him. He points the screen at me, advising me to stand, which I do. The screen buzzes audibly as light shines over me. A ding blares, and the light disperses. "Did you scan my body?"

"As per the contract, this will let me know your vital at all times." He murmurs as he taps away on his device. A little astounded, I'm shocked to hear that minute detail. His watch will tell him my vitals? Can it say to him if my heart is racing, my temperature? How exact, how in-depth does it go?

"Please. Exact. The. Contract." The watch's staticky voice commands, shooting out a pixeled thin needle-like object that Sterlo promptly catches between his slim fingers.

"Wait, didn't we already –."

"A bloody kiss will seal the deal. A little barbaric, I know, but this is the strongest form of contract between a man and woman." He nods will a little too much excitement. I gasp and recoil a little with disgust. A bloody kiss! Why didn't he say this earlier! I wouldn't have so readily…

He swipes the needle against his palm, and a trickle of blood oozes from the thin cut. I freeze as the blood drips from his hand and is pulled down by gravity. Blood… it sends a jolt into my brain with a sting, and I barely manage to keep my eyes open. My body is screaming at me to run, flee, and my brain cannot understand why it also does not feel safe. My nerves are tweaking, twitching, begging, and screaming to escape.

I flinch back when I feel the warm sensation of his iron-smelling blood being brushed onto my lips with a soft stroke. I swallow my urge to spit and look up at him with a wary glance, the needle being held before me.

"This is your last chance to change your mind." He muses.

I scoff as I rip the needle from his grip and dig it a little too deeply into my palm as well. I pull it out and drop it to the floor in reflex to the sting of the pain. The needle vanishes as it hits the ground, and my blood begins to flow freely out of the wound. With no hesitation, Sterlo's forefinger is pressing into the hole, causing me to wince, before he brushes my blood over his own lips. I glare at him, my nerves on fire and a strange warmth stirring in the lower chambers of my belly.

"So…"

I suppose he could no longer wait, my stubbornness and previous consent having been enough clarification for him. This must have been something he had been waiting for for so long, as his slightly sweaty palms gripped both sides of my head so lovingly but readily. Without even letting me speak, he pulls me close to him and kisses me deeply, our drops of blood smearing together and invading our kiss. His fingers tighten around the side of my neck, his thumb pressing against my earlobe and his other hand quickly finding its way to my lower back and pulling me in tighter. My own hands get lost in his clothes as I shyly kiss back.

He doesn't allow this; with his urging, his heat enveloping me and his scent washing through me… He kisses deeper, more intricate, hungrily yet full of desire for me. I can feel his cravings for me, his lips dancing and his tongue caressing and convincing as it tastes me.

Without any notice, a moan slips from me, and I know a bit of droll has escaped as well as the weight of Sterlo both pushes me back and pulls me in. My mind is fuzzy and full of only him.

I taste him, and feel him, and smell him… and he tastes of sweet, sweet yet salty bliss, a mix of myself and a combination of iron on his tongue. It nearly drives me mad, and I lost a bit of myself in the kiss as my mind wavers, and I throw all care to the wind. I want more, more of this… I want more.

He must be able to feel my own desire welling up as he almost devours me at my conclusion. Instead, he pulls back with a huff of air. His eyes are wild with lust, but his self-control takes over to calm the raging bull. He takes a deep breath, the air being driven out from his nose. " I apologize…" He muses, and I can hardly believe that he is genuinely sorry for his actions. Another bright light blinds me from his watch, and a screech echoes and nearly bursts my eardrums. A sound of chains jiggling together and then a weight on my neck; with that, I know that there really is no turning back now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A strong surge of guilt washes over me as I realize that I really was just overreacting and accusing Sterlo of falsities. It feels terrible, as I know enough about him to have realized I was in the wrong. It's almost comical now that I had disbelief in the first place. My closed first presses tightly against my forehead as the video gives a pop before turning off completely.

"Would you like to see the contract?" I hear his voice ring out.

"No… no, it's all come back to me now." I groan. My memory really has been failing me lately, and now I have to apologize for another significant mistake. "I'm sorry," I whisper. I pick my chin up to see him eye-to-eye, and I repeat it, louder. "I'm sorry, Sterlo."

He smiles at seeing my calm, apologetic gaze, having already forgiven me for my actions. "You have no reason to be sorry. You did indeed have quite the rough day yesterday." He slips the cube back into his pocket, taking another sip from his now emptied drink, his food nearly devoured as well. I look down to see that I have eaten my own food as well, and I contain the taste of deliciousness on my tastebuds. Am I stress eating now, too?

The sound of chair legs grinding into the ground brings me to look back up at the moving figure of Sterlo as he closes the distance between us with two strides of his long legs. I almost recoil away until the weight of the collar reminds me of why he might be closing in on me. I brace myself… and the memory of his lips on mine sends a shiver down my spine.

Why did I have to remember that….

I try to push away the eager tremble, doing my best to hide my fluttering emotions. I know it's useless; Sterlo is the master class of the workings of women… He hums slyly at the expressions twisting my face, leaning in close to blow a hot, musky wave of heat into my ear. This does cause me to flinch, but not because of disgust. "S-Sterlo…"

"I know you are not yet ready to invite me in; the hesitation is still quite reasonable. I will not force you, as I do quite like when a woman has reached her limit. Yes... I will wait with glee until the day that you are unable to stop your hands from –."

"S-Sterlo!" I yelp, his breath on my neck and his words implanting themselves into my soul. I slap a hand over his mouth as I turn to glare at him with embarrassment. His hand comes to cradle the back of mine, planting a kiss into my palm, his tongue following quickly after. Even more shocked and flustered, I try to pull my hand away but to no avail. His other hand comes to cup my cheek as his voice vibrates the soft flesh of my palm.

"I do say that I will not let you wait in peace. You are mine now, and I hope you keep this in mind at all times." He pulls my hand from his mouth, and his lips are once again capturing my own. The memories and feelings washing over me again, I cave in to his desire without a second thought, his words 'mine' ringing loud in my ears. I push back into him, my lips taking in the kiss with a hint of excitement.

This is what I signed up for… this is what it will take to forget him…

Sterlo pulls back suddenly, that our lips release with a sickening slap of a sound. I almost let out a groan of complaint until I see the unnerved tint in his eyes. "Hey.. what's wrong?"

He doesn't reply, just gives a sigh instead. Shaking his head to me, he leans back to give a soft peck onto my lips, too quick for me to give back in response. "Your lips feel much too wonderful." He speaks loudly as he stares unwaveringly into my eyes. It's the kind of gaze that makes me wiggle in my seat. "But I cannot, in good conscience, take advantage of you so… not yet. Not while your heart flutters so for reasons unpure." He gives a sturdy nod, preaching his preach, the sacred way of life forming into words.

"That's a bit…."

"Ah… as per contract, this is how I will enact your wishes." He places his hand on my head and ruffles my hair, smiling warmly at me. "Ah, I do have some business to attend to. This took a bit longer than expected. If you must call upon me at any time, do use this." Shuffling around in his pocket, he pulls out a watch similar to his own but more petite and bright pink. He places it onto the table with delicate digits and plants another quick kiss upon my lips, giving a slightly apologetic look as he pulls away. It makes me chuckle; he must be holding back a lot of his desires to appease me and his oh so virtuous proclamation.

"I will be back! Do feel free to make yourself familiar with my home!" He shouts as he retreats from my room, his lean yet muscular back taunting me as he leaves. His footsteps growing quieter until only silence remains. I sit there in stuttering silence, the dead finally settling around me and the voice in my head speaking freely.

What am I doing? Why am I here, and how will this solve anything? I'm just runni—.

I shake my head and the flutterings of my thoughts. I don't want to think about this; I don't want to think at all. My head is filling with so many things that I can't seem to wrap my hands around. My dreams too real to separate from the reality that my world is shifting around them. I am unsure why this is happening, what is going on, why my memories can't seem to sit still… and I am sure that there is a reason. I am sure that, if I were to find out… to remember or search for this answer, it would bring only but pain. If that weren't true… why does this make me tremble so? Why is my heart aching?

His face soon takes over my thoughts, and I grit my teeth in anger, anger at myself for being so childish and stupid. I… I am the only person who will take care of me, and that should be first and foremost. I don't have the strength to worry about anything else… not with these burned scars in my brain.

With this thought, I leave the room to wander Sterlo's home, getting a feel of what is where and defamiliarizing myself with… with his home. Though similar in many ways, Sterlo's is much more extravagant, much pinker, and much more expensive looking furniture in every corner of the house. Everything is decorated, filled, polished, and maintained to the utmost scale, and it's impressive. How rich are these two? How much money can two friends have?

It befuddles me that I ran into them in the first place. How did they get there, or how did I? It's strange, Dijack informed me that this was a place I would never see in a million lifetimes, as I was born to be poor, yet here I am. How? Where was I in respect to them? They wouldn't have been wandering around the poor ground below, and I couldn't have gotten above so effortlessly… right?

I rip at my hair in confusion, unable to process the train of thoughts running rapidly. What am I supposed to be doing, working towards, working away from? Do I have a goal, or did I? What did I want from my life; what did I want to be? I feel so empty and so lifeless; the aching of my heart is starting to seem like it's due to the wind blowing through its comatose chamber. My head bursts with a stabbing pain, and my body is then consumed by the burning of my flesh. I hunch over myself, letting out an airless whimper as my hands grasp at my body franticly, trying to force the pain back into its slumber.

No, don't think about it… don't think at all. It will hurt you; it hurts me. This shuttering pain will eat away at me if I remember… I don't want it, please!

I beg, plead for it to leave. I would let it all go, let it vanish from me if I could just not feel this pain. I don't need to know… I don't want to know. I don't, but… I just feel so empty.

"Asmodeus, I beg of you… save me."

A crash of lightning or the image of it deafened my ears and blinded my sight, the sudden shock causing me to stumble back out of fear of my death. Rubbing my eyes roughly and quickly to ease the bright splotches scattering my focus, I take a deep breath to attempt to reduce the ringing in my ears. Dizzy and off-centered from the sudden loss of two of my senses, I aim to stand up to put myself in a better position to fight if I needed to. My palms cupping my ears, the loud, wooing RRRRR loud and painful, the yellow polka dots tinting the world around me.

"What the hell… was that." The earlier words having left me without reservation, I am utterly shocked to see no one before me and not a speak of dust rattled by what had just occurred, almost as if it didn't happen. I stumble into the hallway, chasing this dream-like thundering to see no one in the hall or escaping out the front door. Other than the damage to my eardrums, there was no different sound but my pants and panicky steps. "Why… why is no one there? Am I – am I going crazy?"

I wobble my way to the door with an erratic pulse, the explanations crowding together to form a coherent thought from the madness before me. My hands clash with the wall right of the door, the button to the elevator eye to eye with me as my slumped body begins to cave from the stress.

Is it me… is it?

I look to the doors to see them sealed tightly shut, the crease between them barely noticeable. No one is here… no one in here, but I have to check; I need to be correct. This wasn't some imaginary slap; my yellowed spots and broken eardrums are proof of that. Something… something is here.

Before I manage to steel myself to reach for the button, a knock resounds against the metal door, and it sends a flurry of questions over the mass of hysteria. It's a solid, quick three thuds in recession.

Knock knock knock

My head slowly turns to greet the door again, expecting to see it haltingly being pried open, but to even more of a surprise, I see a knob. Golden in color and round in shape, it shines against the light reflecting its polished surface. The air escapes my lungs, and my face must be as pale as a sheet. Why is there a knob, a knob that wasn't there moments before? And who… who could possibly be on the other side? This is an elevator; you cannot just get in and ride to a floor to knock on someone's door…

I look to check the button, but it's no longer eye-level. There's no sign that a dial was even here to begin with. No shape pressed into the wall's paint, no shadow of its presence, not even the holes from the screws that held the panel in its place. It's been erased from this plain. With a tremble, I spin on my heels. The knocks at the door continue their steady pace as if they were knocking for the first time each time. Unhurried and unbothered, it continues on and echoes in my ears. The sound booming so loud that I'm beginning to believe I imagine it, and the sight before me did not help to disprove this.

It was indeed Sterlo's home; everything was the same as before. Nothing was moved, burnt, shifted even by centimeters; it was quiet and still, except for the knocking.

Turning back around, I prepare myself to face whatever is awaiting me on the other side of the door. I take many deep breaths, my pounding heart refusing to still and my hands tremoring with fear. It will be okay… I have to tell myself. I repeat it over and over in my head, it sounding more like a lie than anything. I surge forward, the door before me, not just a door, a door that would in no way be suitable for an elevator, and grip the knob with my wavering fingers. I don't turn it; my hesitation overwhelms me.

"Who… who is it?!" I shout to the stranger and get no response. I don't even get any hesitation as the knocking continues as if I hadn't just screamed. "Who is it?!" I shout again, but to no avail. I thought as much, but that didn't ease the despair. Was it Sterlo playing a prank on me? Did he think this would make me desire him more?

This thought helped ease some of my worries, even if they were not viable. Anything was better than what I was thinking. I turned the knob, knowing that what confronted me on the other side may be the last thing I end up seeing.

Or that I may end up wishing that it were.