Writer's Block

Ranko groaned, glaring at the tiny notebook in her palm as if it had insulted her somehow. "Seriously! What the shit rhymes with orange?!" She tossed the Japanese to English dictionary to the side atop the thesaurus, reaching instead for the red hardcover rhyming dictionary on the far side of the bar.She flipped to the section for the letter O, groaning and slamming the book shut after a moment as she found no listing for the word she sought. She snatched the green pencil from behind her left ear angrily, throwing it at the mirror behind the bar in frustration. "I'm never going to get anything done in time." She watched her reflection in the mirror as her head slumped into her hands."You think maybe you're forcing things a little too much?" Mei hopped up, sitting on the bartop with her pale legs dangling down next to Ranko. She idly picked up the dictionary, opening it to a random page near the beginning. "Oh, hey, here's something. Aardvark. I bet you can work that in somewhere."Ranko rubbed her temples with a groan. "That's not funny, Mei. I've only got a few days."Mei smirked, turning to another random page. "Snorkel?""Just stop. Please? This isn't helping." Ranko groaned, letting her head drop to the bartop.Mei chose another page, smirking. She really hoped to make her sister laugh. "Casserole. Definitely some potential there."Ranko reached out, snatching the book out of her hands and slamming it to the polyurethane bar top. "Seriously! How the hell am I supposed to do this?" Sighing, she tossed the notebook to the countertop in exasperation.She just had to come up with something.Not only had she ruined Akane's chances on the volleyball team, and destroyed Akane's family, but now, she had a choice – she could break her word to Akane and record Sneak for the album, or she could risk everything she'd built with the band. There was no third option she could see, and she'd been searching for days already.The label would love Sneak. Ranko was sure of it. It was catchy, it was upbeat, and it was sexy. But it was also four and a half minutes of aural venom directed at the person she loved most in the world. She couldn't bear to make Akane suffer that humiliation again every time she walked by a radio. Her stomach turned at the thought of making Akane watch hundreds of people cheer her on every night for reopening that wound. She wouldn't.As it was, Ranko was having to pretend to be some douchebag's girlfriend behind Akane's back just to try and undo some of the damage she'd done that night. She hadn't even told her sisters about that, and wasn't sure if she was going to. It was utterly degrading for her, but she didn't know what other choice she had.She still had no idea how she was going to fix things with Mr. Tendo, but it would probably involve going back to Nerima. Which meant facing… him. Having to stand there and face the wilting shame of knowing Mr. Tendo didn't think she was good enough for Akane anymore because she wore dresses now was one thing. Having to look her father in the eyes and tell him that she wanted Akane to carry on the martial arts tradition instead, while she played the doting cheerleader girlfriend? To tell him that all she wanted in the world was to sing and to curl up in Akane's arms for the rest of her life? She'd sooner go back to the Yokai studios and walk through that fire. But it would almost certainly have to be done to put things right for the woman she loved.And all because she sang that fucking song.She'd kept it to herself for weeks. Even after she'd had Crash compose the music, she was on the fence about whether she'd ever bring herself to sing it. She'd decided that if she did, it would be done in private or on a slow night, and in a much calmer way, where it could have started a discussion rather than dropped a bomb on their lives together.Instead, in a single moment of weakness and rage, brought on by an argument and unfortunate timing on the part of Akane's teammates, she had opened Pandora's box, and what she let out just wouldn't stop wreaking havoc on Akane's life. She would give anything to take back everything that happened that night. Crash told her she'd regret it, and he couldn't have been more right. Akane had given her everything she demanded from the stage that night, and it had caused them both nothing but stress and pain."I screwed everything up, Mei." Ranko buried her face in her hands, her voice muffled by them. "And I can't undo any of it. I'm such an idiot!"Mei shook her head. "Uh-uh. Not happening, missy. You're not gonna talk about yourself like that. I won't allow it."Ranko rolled her eyes. Not even if it's true? "All I wanted was for Akane to let people see us. And now, everyone can see us, just in time to watch us fall apart, and the guys want to make me do it to her again. And again. And the only way I can save her is to come up with something else, right now, and all I can think about is how scared and sorry and tired of all of this I am.""What did Akane say about it? About releasing Sneak?" Mei scooted closer to Ranko on the countertop, pulling her knees under herself to sit cross-legged."I haven't talked to her about it. I can't. There's just no words for it. What am I supposed to say?" Ranko opened the little notebook again, speaking in a mocking tone as she ripped out the topmost page and crumpled it up angrily. "Hey, Akane, remember that time I sang that song and humiliated you in front of your friends, and made you give up everything you cared about in your life for me? Wasn't that a great time? Remember how I promised I'd never, ever do it to you again, so you didn't leave me, like I deserved? I'm thinking it might be fun to do that to you every single day for the rest of our lives, do you mind?""I don't know how you should say it, Ran-chan. But I do know that not talking to her about how you felt and what you were going through is what got you in this mess in the first place." Mei fiddled with one of her pigtails, sighing. "At least tell her what's going on. Maybe she'll surprise you. Maybe she'll have another idea."Ranko shook her head, looking at the new blank page at the front of her notebook as if willing it to take form on its own. "No. I'm not going to ask her for that. I don't deserve her help with this. I got myself into this mess, and I'll get myself out. Somehow."Mei sighed, sliding her backside off the counter and hopping to her feet on the customer side of the bar. "You know, little sister, sometimes you really are hopeless.""What's that supposed to mean?!" Ranko swiveled on her stool, tossing the empty notebook aside again."You have four sisters, a mother, four bandmates, friends at school, and a girlfriend who loves you more than all the stars in the sky." Mei reached over the bar counter for the soda gun, pouring herself a glass of caramel-colored liquid and watching idly as the foam at the top of the glass began to slowly dissipate. "One of these days, you're going to finally get it through that pretty little head of yours that you don't have to do all the hard stuff alone."