The Same Old Thing

"You ignite, and you RISE!"Ranko pulled her fist down, waiting for the crowd to settle down. When finally they did, she turned and took the three steps down to the barroom floor, frowning a bit to not be greeted at the base of the stairs. She really missed it on the nights when Akane couldn't be here, but her girlfriend had a chemistry exam in the morning that she needed to stay home and study for.Ranko's bandmates disentangled from their instruments, waving to the crowd as they stepped down off the stage. Yui had pints of beer ready on the counter for Jacob, Ariel and Ken, as it was common for them to indulge in their vice to reward themselves after a set. Crash and Shin, however, typically preferred to go out back and smoke. Ranko rarely got the opportunity to relax like that because she usually had to immediately transition back into waitress mode, but the bar was pretty dead on this Monday evening, and Ranko barely had any tables to tend to. She could spare a few minutes to go hang out with the boys.Waving to Mei as she walked through the kitchen, Ranko pulled the steel door to the back alley open and exited. It was a little chilly for early November, and she was glad she'd opted for a pair of black jeans and a cute pink sweater as opposed to a dress today. Being out here still gave her the willies sometimes, thinking about Mikado. Lately, it was also hard thinking about another meltdown she'd had back there not too long ago."Hey, you." Crash nudged her with his elbow. "Good set."Ranko nodded absently. "Not bad, I guess. Not a lot of energy tonight."Leaning against the dumpster, Shinji sighed heavily, but said nothing."Maybe we need a couple new cover songs? Find something a little fresher, more popular?" Ranko leaned back on the building wall. She kept meaning to try and find a couple of cheap plastic patio chairs to put back here for the guys, but hadn't gotten around to it yet."Or a new original one," Shinji grumbled, flicking ashes aggressively from his cigarette.Nodding, Ranko gave a little sigh. "I know. I've been trying, Shin. It's just hard. Maybe the label will give us something soon, but Rise works so well because I wrote what I was feeling, and lately I've been kind of running on empty emotionally. I promise, I'll write something soon."The bassist growled something under his breath, tossing his cigarette butt to the asphalt at his feet, and pulling out another one to light from the half-empty pack protruding from the pocket of his blue denim jacket."Sorry?" Ranko looked up curiously."Don't, man," Crash pleaded. "Just drop it, dude."Shinji glared, tucking the unlit cigarette behind his ear. "You already did write something, Ranko."Crash rolled his eyes, throwing his spent cigarette away. "Damn it, Shin."The redhead sighed, hopping up and sitting on a pile of discarded wooden shipping pallets. "Shinji, we've talked about this. I'm never performing that song again. I gave my word.""Well, you should have asked us first." Shinji pushed off from the dumpster, striding angrily forward Ranko's seat. "It's good, Ranko. It's really fucking good. You're being an idiot. I think it's better than Rise, and we need new songs to fill up this album for Yokai. It could be a real hit. You and Crash did a great job with it. So get your panties untwisted and let's go do this thing, already!"Despite her defensiveness, Ranko couldn't help but feel her face flush. She knew it was just an expression, but just the concept that there existed on Earth a boy who knew she was wearing panties still felt a little weird to her. "I can't, Shin. I can't hurt Akane like that again. I won't. I should never have performed it in the first place. I know that's not what you want to hear and I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."Shinji glowered, throwing his hands up and walking away a few steps. "I swear, I don't understand girls sometimes. Mei does crazy, self-sabotaging shit like this all the time too."Ranko gave a dark little chuckle. "She is my big sister, Shin. I learned from the best."Crash hopped up, taking a seat next to Ranko on the pallet stack, and it wobbled for a moment. "Hey. I'm not taking sides here, but just something I want you to think about, okay? When you wrote Sneak, you felt a certain kind of way, right? And I get it, you feel like those emotions are bottled up in the words somewhere. But you could sing it now, just to sing it. Couldn't you?"Ranko sighed. "That's just the point, Crash. I don't feel that way anymore. I never should have in the first place."The guitarist put his arm around Ranko's shoulder, realizing too late that he probably shouldn't have. "You're not homeless anymore, but you still sing Rise.""That's different, man. Rise doesn't hurt anybody. I should have listened to you from the beginning. Sneak was a mistake. I wrote it because I wanted to lash out at Akane. I don't feel that way anymore, and I don't want to. I'm damn lucky she didn't dump me right there on the stage." Ranko kicked her legs idly, dangling them off the stack of wooden pallets."What if somebody else feels that way?" Shinji, now having lit the second cigarette, walked over to Crash's side of the pallet stack."Huh? Why, is Mei keeping you two a secret? If so, she sucks at it. Everybody in the bar sees you two making out between sets." Ranko smirked.The bassist sighed, leaning on the stack of wooden planks and taking a long drag of his cigarette. "Let me ask you something, Ranko. Right before we did Sneak that night, we did Cold Hearted. Did you write that?"Crash smiled to himself. Hey, I think he's onto something.Ranko shook her head. "Of course not. That's Paula Abdul!" She would tolerate no besmirchment of her hero in this alley."Why'd you pick it to sing that night? We'd never done it before." Shinji leaned forward, physically cornering her a bit as he awaited his answer.Ranko blinked. She didn't understand where this was going. "Because that's what I felt at the time, obviously."Shinji smiled with the confidence of someone who had just proved his point. "So, even though you didn't write Cold Hearted, you used it to give words to what you were feeling. You were able to use someone else's song to say what was in your own heart. Right?"Nodding, Ranko gave him a confused look. All of this is obvious, so why's Shin bringing it up? She shrugged in his direction. "Yeah, but what's your point?""Do you honestly think you're the only girl who's ever been kept a secret? Do you really think there's no other gay couples out there? No couples where parents don't approve of the girl's boyfriend? Nobody that's being messed around on? What if they need Sneak to say what's in their hearts, the same way you needed Cold Hearted? The same way you're always saying you hope people can use Rise? When you create, Ranko, at some point it can't just be for you anymore. It's gotta be for them."Ranko sighed. "Even if I agreed with you, it doesn't matter. I gave Akane my word. I came so close to losing her once already. I can't risk it. I'm sorry, guys."