A Woman Among Women

Author's Note: This scene contains discussion of suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised.

Ranko sat at a little round table at her favorite sidewalk cafe, fidgeting with her menu as she stared at the empty white wrought-iron chair across from her. As good a seat to sit in judgment from as any, she thought darkly.Nodoka - Ranko refused to think of her as her mother - had asked Ranko to pick the restaurant for their first getting to know you lunch. She'd chosen the little sandwich shop because it was close, it was cheap, the food was good, and it was wide open to the outside. If necessary, it would be easier to run.Nodoka had suggested that they meet at 12:30. Ranko had been sitting there since 11:03. She dared not be late.She'd worn a light, airy pink dress and her white wide-brimmed hat with the pink ribbon around its crown that she'd purchased along with her bathing suit for her Bangers on the Beach appearance a few weeks back. Silver heart earrings dangled from her earlobes, and her hair was pulled back into a bouncy ponytail with a pink ribbon. Izumi's bridesmaid gift, the silver star pendant with the diamond in its center, lay between the tops of her breasts. And, of course, she was never without the pair of engagement rings Akane had given her.Perhaps the part of her ensemble commanding the majority of her attention was the silver guardian dragon that slumbered as always around her left wrist, hiding from the world the shameful secret that had put her in this position in the first place. She was tempted to remove the bracelet, just this once, to allow Nodoka to see the scar of what had ultimately been her son's mortal wound, though it had taken him nearly eight more months to die after receiving it. For the moment, she needed her constant companion to lend her its strength, and so it stayed. In a sense, seeing both her diamond solitaire and her dragon bracelet on her left hand - the side of her body where her heart was - reinforced to her that wherever she went, whatever danger she faced, Akane, her true mother, and her sisters were with all her. Even when, as now, she sat by herself, she was never truly alone. Not anymore.Where the fuck is she? Is it even time yet? Fuck, I need to buy a watch. Fuck, I need to check my makeup. Fuck, I need to quit fidgeting. Fuck, I need to quit saying fuck.She needed everything to go perfectly today. She didn't know what Nodoka had meant by an evaluation the other day. There had been a fair amount of debate between Ranko and Akane as to whether her intent was to see how masculine Ranko still was, or to see how feminine she had become. Akane's suggestion had been to go with jeans, a nice blouse and skip the makeup, but Ranko had ultimately made the decision on her own. "If she's going to judge me, she's gonna judge me on the person I am, not the mask I put on for her," she'd said, and Akane whole-heartedly supported her decision. In fact, Akane had even helped her with her makeup and the application of the pink gel polish coating her fingernails."You shouldn't wear a hat at a restaurant, you know. It's rude."Ranko swallowed, looking up at the visage of dread itself as Nodoka walked up behind her, rested her ever-present bundle against the edge of the table, and took her seat.Her ass isn't even in the chair yet, and I'm already screwing up. She snatched her hat off immediately, perching it on her knee under the table. "Yes, ma'am," she said with a defeatedly hollow voice."There. That's better. Now I can see you." Nodoka smiled tentatively. "Have you been waiting long?"I thought they were gonna kick me out if I sat here ten more minutes and didn't order anything, she thought, but Ranko smiled brightly and shook her head in the negative. "Not at all."Ranko picked up the menu, holding it in front of her face. She knew what she intended to order an hour ago; she only wished to hide her face. Making eye contact with Nodoka - seeing those brown eyes that some dark corner of her mind remembered looking down at her as an infant - back before the person reflected in them was a her, was like staring her own ghost in the face. There was something profoundly unsettling about it, and that was before the inherent threat the woman posed to her current life was taken into account."So, Ranma, what's good here? I'm in the mood for a good soup." Nodoka perused the menu, allowing herself to glance over it at the girl who would call herself her daughter.She received no reply."Ranma? I'm talking to you. Are you not paying attention?" Nodoka waved her hand over the top of the redhead's menu board, but the teen's eyes did not move from the menu. She ignored her mother entirely.Nope. Try again, lady. Ranma's not here right now.Nodoka sighed, placing her menu on the table. You win this round, kid, she thought. She's tougher than I thought. She cleared her throat loudly. "Ranko, I asked you a question."At the sound of her true name, Ranko dropped her menu to her lap immediately with a scintillating stage smile. "Oh, yes, of course! The wanpaku sandwich is my favorite, and if you get a bowl of zosui alongside? To die for."Nodoka nodded. "I suppose I'll have to try that, then." She set the menu on the table horizontally, crossing her arms on the table and looking over her child. Or, what remained of him. To Ranko, it felt less like the prideful gaze of a mother, and more like red-hot scrutiny of every micrometer of her form, every breath, and every slight mannerism."You're very pretty today," Nodoka said, sipping at the water glass that had already been waiting for her upon her arrival.Ranko blushed, setting her own menu down as well. "Thank you, very much. I might have gone a little overboard for a sandwich, but…" I still think it's crazy how much I look like her. Even more so than my boy form did. I always thought I probably got my looks from the girl that drowned at Jusenkyo, but… I guess something about your genetics survives the curse after all. That's neat, I guess."Nonsense." Nodoka set her glass down. "It's never inappropriate for a lady to take pride in herself."Ranko nodded. "I can't always do it. I'm still learning some of the finer skills, but Akane and my sisters help me a lot, especially when I'm gonna perform." So, I played it right, then. Another point for me. With the hat thing, the score's two to one. Your move, Nodoka.It was so surreal for Nodoka to hear her only child talk about her sisters. Plural. Then again, she'd just complimented her son for how ladylike he was dressed, so perhaps her preconceptions were already out the window for this conversation."Your… sisters." The word felt alien on Nodoka's tongue. "Tell me about them?"Before Ranko could answer, their waitress approached. "Hi, good afternoon and welcome to Sato-kun's! Do we know what we're having today?"Ranko nodded, but waited for the elder woman to order first. Deference. Be a good girl, Ranko. Just like when you went to see Akane's dad.Nodoka smiled up at the server. "We'd like two of the wanpaku sandwiches, and two bowls of zosui. I'll have an oolong tea, please, and she'll have… Ranko, what would you like?"The redhead smiled warmly at the unprompted use of her name. "Just some more water when you have a second, please, and thank you." The last thing I need is caffeine giving me the jitters right now. I've got enough of my own. She handed the pair of menus up to the server with a silently-mouthed thank you.Ranko waited until the server had gone back to her counter with the ticket to respond to her mother's question, but when she did, there was love pouring from her eyes."My sisters are… gods, how do you even… They're not just my sisters. They're my friends, and they're my heroes. The things they've gone through and come out stronger for it gave me hope when I had none. And like, the whole family is all about picking up broken girls and putting them back together again. I can't even describe how much they've done to be there for me, to take care of me, to pick me up when I fell down… I can't even fathom how you pay off a debt that big, but they never ask for anything except love. As I've built my new life, my new personality, I've tried to incorporate things I've learned from each of them. Izumi's style, Yui's strength, Mei's playfulness, Aya's wisdom. The best things in me came from them, and from Mama." She did not shy away from using the honorific to describe Hana in her present company. She wanted Nodoka to know in no uncertain terms that mother was a designation that she had not earned."Excuse me… mama?" Nodoka coughed on her tea a bit.Ranko nodded with a smile. Three for me, one for you. "Her name is Hana. She owns the bar I work at, the Phoenix. She's like nobody else I've ever met. She's fierce and strong, and so gentle too. She doesn't just listen, she squeezes your hurts out of you like a tube of toothpaste so you can't hold anything back. She just refuses to abide sadness and worry and she fights like he… like crazy to protect me and my sisters, even from ourselves sometimes. Most of the times, if I'm being honest with myself. She's forgiving and kind and so, so, generous. She took me in when I had nothing, and gave me everything I could have ever dreamed and so much more." She's everything you and Pop weren't.Nodoka bobbed her head in acknowledgement. "It sounds like you were very lucky to find them.""Oh, yes," Ranko said after finishing chewing her mouthful of breadstick. "I don't know what I did to make the gods decide to drop me on their doorstep, but it changed everything for me. Without them, I'd probably still be homeless." And Nabiki would have never found me. Akane would have never found me."I'm sorry? Did you say homeless?" Nodoka sat up bolt-straight in her seat. Genma Saotome, what did you do to this poor kid? Girl or no, she's still your… our… child.Ranko nodded sadly, a wave of shame crossing her face like a passing shadow. "So, Akane and I told you about the whole thing with how I can't… change back anymore." She fidgeted with the bracelet on her left wrist again as she spoke. "For six months, I tried everything, looking for a way to fix it. Everything from acupuncture to witches to martial arts, to medicines and lotions and potions and whatever else I could get my hands on. And I got to a dark place for a couple months. A real dark place. A place I didn't think I was gonna ever make it out of."She bit her lip. Don't cry. Don't cry. Yes, crying is feminine, but it's also weakness. Feminine is good. Weakness is bad. Why is this so damn hard to figure out what she wants? Why couldn't this test come with instructions?!"I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of what Pop thought, what Akane might think, what you might think, if you ever found out about me. Everybody saw me not as the person I was, but as the empty wrapper of the person I used to be, thrown away because nobody wanted it anymore. I… I hated myself. I hated my face, I hated my body, I hated my voice, I hated my name. I lost count of the number of nights I fell asleep hoping I'd never wake up, and was disappointed the next morning when I did."She sighed, tossing her unbitten breadstick back into the basket at the center of the table. She was rapidly losing her appetite anyway. "Eventually, I just… ran. I know, it was a cowardly thing to do. Believe me, I've heard it from Pop already. Violently. I just couldn't have them look at me like that anymore. Like I was broken. Like I was put together wrong. I already felt it inside, I didn't need them reinforcing it, ya know? And I don't think they were even doing it on purpose to hurt me. Well, Pop was, probably. I just didn't care what happened to me anymore. I left the Tendos' with a few thousand borrowed yen and the clothes on my back, and slept in a park for a couple'a months while I was looking for work. I might have lasted, maybe another week. If I'd have spent my eighteenth birthday alone in that park in the cold…"She trailed off. She doubted Nodoka wanted to hear much more of it, and she didn't especially want to relive it, either. She dreaded to think about what her life would have become if she had not wandered into that bar. If she were being truly honest with either of the women sitting at that table, she very much doubted she'd still be alive without the Phoenix and the formidable women who ran it.Ranko looked up at the sensation of touch on her hand, and found Nodoka's hand cupping hers on the table."But you're here now. You're good now." Nodoka tried to smile. Why can't I say it? Why can't I just tell him… tell her… that I was wrong to have ever let Genma take her? Everything she's been through is my fault."Yeah." Ranko sat up in her seat, pulling a smile back onto her face. "And what a difference it's been. It's been a crazy ride to get here. You'd have laughed your head off at me, probably, just watching me trying to figure out how to put on a bra and stuff. I was so pathetic when I got here. I think Izumi might have thought I was raised by actual cavemen."Nodoka managed a weak smile. "Or panda bears, if you and Akane are to be believed." She nodded her thanks at their server as the bowls of soup were delivered. "So…" She was desperate to change the subject. The thought of her child - of any child - contemplating suicide alone in a city park had shaken her to the core of her being. "You said you're in high school?" Nodoka furrowed her brow inquisitively. "At your age? I'm surprised to hear that."Ranko nodded. "Yep! I started my senior year of high school this week. We're the Yusue Lions." She grinned, making a cute little clawing motion in the air between them with her fingers – something she'd picked up from Shiori during one of their last routines together a few weeks back.She rolled her eyes, lowering her spoon in her hand until it clinked against her bowl as she swallowed. "My gods, you weren't kidding about that soup. It's terrific!"Blushing, Ranko nodded. "I can't do it quite as good at home yet, but I'm trying. I feel like it needs a little more sweet somehow, but adding sugar just makes it weird."Nodoka shrugged. "Have you tried using soy milk? I think that's what they've got going on here, since the menu said it's an option for people with dairy allergies."Ranko's eyes widened. "You are a fucking genius! I've gotta try that!"Nodoka snapped her eyes up disapprovingly. "Watch your language, young lady."Shit. My bad. Three to… or was it four to… I don't know. Keeping score is stupid. If she hasn't stabbed me yet, I guess I'm doing good enough.Ranko looked down, blushing. "Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry. Music industry, it kinda comes with the territory."The elder woman chuckled, shaking her head with a slight roll of her eyes. "Yes, I suppose I do forget, you could do a lot worse, having spent your teenage years in a bar seven days a week."The teen motioned to Nodoka's now-empty bowl. "You finished with that?" Her mother nodded, somewhat curious as to why she would ask. Ranko gathered the spoons, nesting the bowls into each other and placing all of the spoons in the top bowl before covering the stack with a napkin and placing it on the edge of the table."Ranko, you do know they have servers here, right?" Nodoka fidgeted with her as-yet-unused chopsticks as she watched her child's reaction."I do, yes." Ranko frowned slightly. "And I'm also a waitress, and so I know how much easier people doing little things like this makes the job for them. Every couple seconds you can save them matters." Right on cue, their server approached, taking the stack of dishes in one hand with a grateful smile after dropping off the pair of sandwiches.She's considerate. That's something. Good. Nodoka beamed, dare she believe it, proudly? "So… school?"Ranko clapped her hands, admonishing herself for having lost track of the conversation. "Yes! School. Sorry. You were asking why I'm behind. Well, Pop… let's just say the only school he was interested in was his dojo. I missed a lot of school when I was younger, and it just made me further and further behind, and neither of us much cared, ya know? Nobody asks for your report card when you're punching them in the face, so it didn't seem all that important." She grinned, amused with her own joke."I missed four whole terms of school after… ya know." She motioned to her body, hoping Nodoka would get the hint. "And when I tried to get back in, I was just comically behind. But my sisters helped me a lot, and I busted my butt trying to catch up. I basically did a year and a half's worth of school on my own at the bar before getting into Yusue last year. I'd hoped to graduate in one year, but…" Ranko glanced down at the tiny, almost imperceptible burn scar that still remained on the edge of her right palm. "I was pushing myself a little too hard and had to slow down."Shit. I shouldn't have said that. Is she going to think I was too weak to continue?She scrambled to resume speaking before Nodoka could take control of the conversation. "I didn't want to slow down or nothin'! I was telling everybody I was fine, but my mom and Akane basically forced me to give some stuff up. But, now I'm almost done."Nodoka nodded. "Any favorite subjects?" She bit into her sandwich as she waited for a reply."Definitely not math! My English teacher last year was great. She helped me with some of my song lyrics. As for this year…" She blushed deeply."Well? Go on…" Nodoka sipped at her tea, amused.Ranko beamed joyfully. "I'm in a music class. It's only been a few days, so it's too soon to say what I think of the teacher or anything, but just… getting to learn how to read music, so it isn't like looking at Viking runes or something when we write our songs. I want to understand it all. I'm sure that's weird, since I'm just the singer and as long as I know the words, I'm good. But it's like… I don't know, a crazy obsession or something." We won't talk about the dance class right now. Still figuring that one out.The Saotome matriarch shook her head, swallowing a bite of her sandwich. "It's called passion, and it's admirable. So, what about after high school? Have you picked out a college yet?"Oh, she's not gonna like this, Ranko thought grimly. "I've thought about it a lot, and I just don't think college is in the cards for me. Akane and I can't really afford it while she's in school too, and no decent school would accept me with my grades. Plus, they don't really have degrees in singing and dancing."Nodoka nodded with a judgmental hmm. "They do, actually. While I see your other points, though, I can't say I approve of this, Ranko."Ranko sipped at her glass of water, buying herself a moment to try to cool her emotions. She was losing her patience more quickly than she imagined. This weighed-and-measured shit is getting old, lady. Where were you to help when it could have made a difference? I'm doing this on my own, and I don't see you writing a check, so maybe take it easy on the disappointed Mary Poppins face over there."Lucky thing I didn't ask you to, then."Impertinent brat! You can't speak to your mother that way! Nodoka sat up straighter, taking a moment to pull her emotions back under control. Set a good example, Nodoka."Still, you need a backup plan. Music doesn't last forever." Nodoka pursed her lips in frustration. She can't be this flippant about her future! What am I thinking? Stop it, Nodoka. Don't get too invested. You're almost acting as if you've made up your mind about her."It does if you make sure to not suck at it," Ranko said with a confident scoff.The Saotome matriarch shook her head, her eyes rolling. "We really are going to have to work on your language, little miss. And I've not heard any of your music other than the song you were rehearsing in the bar the other day, and it was… not bad."Not bad? Not bad?! Oh, fuck you, lady."Oh, that reminds me!" Ranko pulled her purse from where it hung on the back of her chair, unzipping it and pulling out a shrink-wrapped compact disc. She offered it across the table with both hands, putting on her best stage-fake-smile. "Here. So you can hear more." She smirked darkly. Watch my language, huh? "I think you're really going to enjoy track seven."Nodoka flipped the jewel case over, reading the track list on the back. "...Freak?""Yeah," Ranko said with a slightly sadistic snicker. "It's one of my favorites. I wrote it for Pop." But it might as well have been about you, too."Speaking of your father," Nodoka said with a glower. "I gather you two aren't speaking much these days."Ranko rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair exasperatedly. "I've seen him once in two years, and I had to break his jaw that time. I hope I never see him again. I hope they put his a– his butt in a zoo."Her mother cracked the smallest hint of a smile in satisfaction. At least she's trying. "So your martial arts training is complete, then?""I guess so." Ranko looked down dejectedly. Gotta get me where it hurts, huh? "That's pretty much off the table for me now.""I don't understand. You don't forget all of that training just because you don't use it every day. You may be a little rusty, but…"Ranko cut her off with a wave of her hand. "No. You don't get it. The thing that… well, left me stuck like this? It screwed up my skin. So, like, the slightest touch of anything can hurt like you wouldn't believe. It makes it awfully hard to last in a fight. I'm pretty good until I get hit, but I get wiped out pretty quick if somebody's actually fast enough to hit me."She'd really hoped not to have to face the reality of her diminished fighting abilities this soon in her conversations with Nodoka. Fighting prowess, maybe more than anything else, was what her father had promised the woman when he tore her young son from her arms. Now, it was a girl with a bow in her hair, one that could barely hold her own in a fight against far inferior martial artists, that had to tell her how utterly she missed that mark now.Nodoka nodded, rocking back in her wrought-iron chair and lowering her eyes. "I see."It can't be. Not after everything. Not after I gave you up for it."Hey, I didn't ask for this, alright?!" Ranko's back stiffened. "I used to be unbeatable, before all this.""No one said you did, child. It's just… disheartening." Nodoka sighed, putting down her nearly-finished sandwich.Exhaling slowly and heavily, Ranko placed a handful of bills in the little plastic tray with the check. Can't really afford to be eating out right now, but I'm not about to ask her to pay and make her think I can't."Yeah, well… Live in my life long enough, you get used to disheartening."