Chapter Two: Past Never Fades

I still don't know why she saved me.

Did she suffer from depression, too?

Was she like me?

Am I not alone in this world?

Who is she?

-

"Ajussi. Are you insane?!" she scolded, startling me. It's very rare for strangers to be rude to people. I stared at her annoyed face with amusement.

"Is there something funny?" she beseeched in curiosity.

"No." I said, my voice a little raspy.

I sat up, observing her worried expression. She pursed her lips and sighed. "Why'd you do it?!" She whined live a five-year-old while punching my shoulder with teary eyes.

"I-I don't want to live anymore." I stammered. She froze, and stared at me with a blank expression.

"Why?"

"The world's rejecting me. I don't know why." I said, shuddering slightly at the thought of my past as I stared at my muddy shoes. I sighed in bane.

"I can help you," she offered. I looked up at her truthful eyes as she smiled. What truths were hiding behind that smile?

"Help me? How?" I asked, pointing at myself with a confused expression.

She frowned. "I've taken pills before. My life is shit, and I feel like everyone hates me. Actually, I feel like I don't even exist a lot of the time." As she said that, I grew shocked.

Maybe she was like me.

Maybe she was...

"Why?" I whispered.

"Cause, I just died inside." She leaned into me to give me a hug. Her warm arms wrapped around my cold body.

It felt... nice.

I swallowed hard. "I almost died," I said anxiously. She pulled away and stared at my soft expression, our faces fairly close.

"But I saved you."

Tears welled in my eyes. "I-I don't want to be saved..."

She seemed shocked. "You should be thankful." She stood up and dusted off her jeans. "I better get going. I hope your ego kills you," she snarled brutally before she began to walk further and further away from me.

After she had just saved me.

I didn't know why I said those things to her, I only made her feel worse.

The medical team ran down the bridge before picking me up off of the ground. They took me to a hospital, where I would be treated.

-

After that incident, I felt like absolute shit. I wanted to die.

That girl... She just saved me, but I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to die, and that was my choice to make. Not hers.

I never chose to live, and I've never had anyone to care for me to make me want to... At least, anymore.

I guess the girl that saved me probably hates me now.

I laid on the hospital bed, thinking of ways to ease this horrible pain that I'd been enduring ever since Yol Sang Kim left.

When I took those pills, I'd never felt so alive. But when I jumped off that bridge... I felt redeemed. I felt like it was the best way to feel all of the pain that I wanted to feel so badly:

How a life can drain away.

How death can be felt by drowning.

How I felt so real and alive when I felt the pain of drowning.

I want to end my life. I want to feel the pain throughout my body.

I sat up in the bed.

I need to get out of here, I thought. My eyes scanned the room until I spotted scissors just across the bed, laid on a table. I quickly grabbed the scissors and cut the dextrose on my arms.

I got out of bed and walked toward the door, but a nurse came in the room immediately. She was shocked when she saw the scissors that I was still tightly gripping in my hand. "You should be in bed..." she said anxiously.

"Stay away from me, you bitch, or I'll stab you! I mean it!" I shrieked, frightening her.

"Please, calm down sir. You need to rest if you want to live," she warned, her arms moving up as a signal of surrender.

I scoffed. "That's the thing, dumbass! I don't want to live!" I shouted; my arms stiff as I aimed the scissors at the woman.

"We're only here to help you!" she yelled back. I stood there, processing her words before I shook my head in denial.

"No, you can't help me!" I yelled as tears threatened to spill out of my eyes.

"Yes, we can!" she retaliated, stepping closer to me.

I shook my head. "No, because you've never experienced losing someone like I have." My body began to shake as tears streamed down my face.

"I'm sorry sir, but you can't leave. It's our responsibility to keep you here!" The woman stepped further toward me as I knelt down on my knees, shaking as sobs emitted from my trembling figure.

"Just... Let me go!" I shrieked, looking up to glare at the woman. "Or I'll find another way out- I'll kill myself!"

"No! Calm down, sir!" The woman tried to kneel down in front of me, but I pushed her away.

"I won't, not until you let me go!" I exclaimed, standing up.

-

Min Jinu attacked the woman. He almost stabbed her, but he didn't. He ran out of the room, leaving the woman shocked and scared of what he would do. He ran downstairs and headed out of the hospital. He ran and ran, all the way to the bridge.

And when he was a street away from the bridge, he kept running, not paying attention to the fact that the traffic light was green.

Crash.

A car had rammed right into me.

...

...

...

Pain.

Pain striked me again, and I loved it.

But is this what I really wanted all this time?