Saving Naruto's Ass (literally)

"It seems like you might not be such lost causes after all," Kakashi called out to Team Seven from the top of his tree branch. "I think I might like you, after all..."

A slight smile appeared on his lips, though with the mask covering the lower half of his face, it was rather hard to tell. Maybe he wasn't smiling at all, and Sakura was imagining things.

"So, get ready… get set… go!!"

Sakura immediately gathered chakra in her leg muscles and jumped away. She couldn't learn the Body Flicker without first learning the tree climbing exercise, but any shinobi her age could enhance their movements with chakra! It was her speciality, even, thanks to her excellent chakra control.

She first decided to hide herself in a bush, in order to think of a strategy. She couldn't be certain that everything would happen just like in the anime; Kakashi had already updated her threat level in his mental library due to her actions, so anything could happen.

Sakura peeked out of her bush to see what was going on outside. One of her two fellow teammates had also elected to hide, but the other one had chosen to stand and fight head on; though you wouldn't be winning any prizes for guessing which one had picked which option.

"Looks like it's a duel, then!" Naruto loudly proclaimed, with his armed crossed in front of him. "Our battle will be legendary!"

"It'll be one for the history books, alright," said Kakashi nonchalantly. "I'm sure this will go down in the annals as the most one-sided beat down of all time."

Annals…? Hang on, this was giving him an idea!

Meanwhile, Sakura was slowly inching her way to Kakashi's back and to his left, into his blind side. He had a Sharingan implanted into his left eye, but he kept it hidden most of the time under his forehead protector to avoid wasting chakra, making it his blind spot. Good thing it wasn't a Byakugan…

The fight between Naruto and Kakashi continued, though Kakashi clearly wasn't taking his opponent seriously; he had pulled out a dirty book and had begun reading it while parrying Naruto's blows with his free arm. But Sakura wasn't ready to strike yet; if Hunter x Hunter had taught her anything, it was that the hunter was at his most vulnerable when he thought he was about to complete a hunt.

Naruto punched, but Kakashi flickered behind him, his hands forming the Tiger seal.

"Not yet," Sakura murmured to herself…

"One thousand years…"

'NOW!' Inner Sakura roared.

Sakura jumped out from her hiding place and sank a fearsome punch into Kakashi's back… but upon making contact with him, Kakashi's body dissolved into a puff of smoke. And naturally, Sakura's momentum had to go somewhere, so she kept flying… and headbutted Naruto in the butt, sending him flying into the lake nearby.

She had no clue when Kakashi-sensei had made a Shadow Clone, but now that she thought about it, it made sense… The original Kakashi wouldn't have wanted to shove his own fingers into such a dirty place. It figured he'd make a Shadow Clone do his dirty work for him…

Crack!

Upon hearing the sound of a tree branch being stepped on, Sakura whirled around, but there was nothing there.

"You rely too much on your reflexes," Kakashi whispered into her ear. "Your senses can deceive you; you do know that, right?"

Sakura automatically struck behind her with her elbow, but her blow met nothing but air. She continued her angular momentum and turned around just in time to see Kakashi punching at her face; she lifted her arms to block, but somehow, she got hit in the stomach.

He had known that by making her raise her guard, it would obscure part of her vision, allowing him to strike her in this blind spot with his other fist!

"Blaargh!"

Sakura doubled over and fell on her side; her breakfast was coming out the wrong way… which was still preferable to the alternative; at least when one was in public.

"And that's why I told you all to skip breakfast," Kakashi said matter-of-factly, shrugging and shaking his head powerlessly.

It's at this moment that Naruto chose to strike back.

"How dare you do that to Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, completely telegraphing his sneak attack by shouting. "Now, you're really gonna get it!"

Naruto and seven of his Shadow Clones burst out of the water, splashing water everywhere. These weren't illusory Clone Jutsu clones; they were actual flesh-and-blood clones, with fully functional replicas of a human's vital organs and everything: Shadow Clones. For all intents and purposes, they were all Naruto… except that the fakes would disappear if hit even a little bit too hard.

"You're just exhausting yourself for nothing!" Kakashi called out to him, impassive even in the face of the eight Naruto bearing down on him. "The Shadow Clone Jutsu again? Talk about being a one-trick… eh?"

Unbeknownst to Kakashi, the reason why Naruto had waited so long to come out of the water was because he'd been waiting for another one of his clones to circle around behind Kakashi and grab him in a full nelson from behind. Even Naruto was beginning to think tactically; she needed to be better!

Sakura cupped her hands in front of her mouth and shouted fake spoilers to the sequel of the book Kakashi had just been reading:

"In the sequel to Icha Icha Paradise, Icha Icha Violence, the main character falls into a coma, and at the end of the book, he finds out that his lover is actually his sister!"

"Eh?"

Naruto's punch finally connected, sending Kakashi flying.

"The bells are mine!" Naruto crowed. "Too bad for you, Sasuke! You're going back to the academy, looooser!"

Naruto dashed towards the recoiling Kakashi, but he was forced to jump back when a flurry of shuriken blocked his way forward. But backing away cost him dearly; Kakashi took the opportunity to flicker away to safety. Sasuke emerged from the bushes he'd been hiding in; he had been the one to throw the shuriken…

"Where the hell are you aiming at, you idiot?" Naruto shouted furiously. "I almost had him!"

"You're the idiot," Sasuke scoffed. "I saved you; Kakashi was only pretending to be helpless. He'd have gutted you the moment you came near him."

"As if!" Naruto exploded. "You saw that I was gonna win the bells, so you just had to get in my way!"

Sakura narrowed her eyes; she was having some doubts about this Sasuke's authenticity. This all seemed a little bit… off. Had Kakashi begun using Genjutsu on them to sow the seeds of mistrust…? Or had Kakashi used a Substitution on one of his Shadow Clones transformed into Sasuke?

There was only one way to find out, so Sakura performed the Tiger seal, before laying a hand on Naruto's shoulder. She had never done Genjutsu release before, but in theory, as long as she disrupted the chakra flowing through their chakra pathway networks, the illusion would cease working on them.

"Release!"