he came and?

Choi Seungcheol, the owner of the voice, was looking perfect even in casuals. My emotions were taking over me, again. It felt like a fever dream, where he came for me and me only. I tried holding his hand and tried speaking whatever my heart wanted not my mind.

"Choi… Seungcheol…. You are here. I know I am dreaming, so don't leave me alone." I tried standing up, he was holding me tight.

"Erica, let's go home." Erica, this word from him sounded so wrong because he always calls me Eri.

"Don't call me tha-that, call me what yo-you always call me. Your, Eri" I was stuttering bad, probably.

We were walking towards the exit, I stopped. He halted his ways too, "What's wrong Eri?"

"Home? What is that? M-my home? Yo-your home? I don't ha-have one. I don't have anything." What was I speaking, and why?

"Eri, let's go home, you are drunk"

"Drunk? No, I am not hehe" *hiccups*

"You're drunk Eri, you are not like this, you don't even drink alone, you know, you shouldn't drink alone like this, " he was about to hold my hand but I didn't let him

"I want to feel light today, leave me and OH I didn't tell you, you look like my boyfriend who loves me a lot and I love him a lot too." I could imagine how silly my smile looked right now.

"Eri, I am your boyfriend, let's go home, now. Okay?"

"You feel like a fever dream, my love heHe" another hiccup

"Eri, I will buy you ice cream, now let's go" how does he know? This is the way Seugcheol acts, every time and he never fails to make me agree with him.

"OKAY!" he was holding me, tight and we were walking, I could barely see my surroundings, everything looked dim and blurry, I was feeling like I would stumble, but he was holding me securely, I felt safe.

I can see his car parked, he made me sit on the passenger's seat and saw him getting inside the car and he started driving.

The night looked so pretty, it's been so many days that I went out like this and my eyes started getting heavy, I don't know when I slept. The next thing I know is someone carrying me, the scent I missed so much, I craved for it ever since that day, it makes me feel safe. Everything feels like a dream, a dream I never want to wake up. I snuggled into his chest and held him tightly, I don't want to let him go in my dream at least, I've hurt him enough and I can't hurt us both here.

I felt the soft bed mattress under me, I was still holding him, afraid to open my eyes what if I wake up from this dream? What if this is not real and I am dreaming? I am afraid to let him go, everything was tearing me, everything was scaring me. The fear of losing him here was scaring me so much, I can't think straight and the effect of alcohol isn't helping me at all. My emotions were getting heavy on my mind as if it was only my heart speaking, my tears started to fall, he was still holding me.

"Eri, why are you crying?" I could feel him sitting on the bed near me, I was still holding his shirt tight. I was just shaking my head; refusing to open my eyes.

"Eri, don't cry, I am here, love don't cry" it felt so real, I could help anymore, I was crying a lot. I just woke up and hugged him tightly; for once I wanted to hold tight and feel him.

"Just, don't leave me for once" only I knew how tight I was holding the hem of his shirt

"I am not going anywhere Eri, I am here, with you" he hugged me, "Now look at me princess, I am here" I shook my head, fear engulfing me again.

"You will disappear once I open my eyes, I don't want to lose you here, just for once please stay like this, let me be in your arms, I missed you, I missed you so much. It's so hard for me, you don't know"

"I am not going anywhere now, love"

"Please don't leave me, cheol I can't do this anymore, let me be in your arms tonight, just for tonight, I won't ask for anything anymore."

He lied down beside me on the bed, he was cuddling with me, it felt like I went back in time when he used to come over and take care of me whenever something happened; I used to cry in his arms sometimes when I couldn't hold it anymore and he would just let me cry and still stay with me until I felt better. Whenever something stressed me, he would take care of me, he was there for me always. I remember how I used to return back to my apartment crying after getting neglected by my parents or having bad arguments with mum, he would just know I needed warmth, love, and comfort and he would come to me every time. I still don't know how he came to know that I feel drained and down after every visit with my family, he never asked me, I used to tell him how hard is everything. He never forces me, he just lets me out when I feel like

"That day was a lie and I can see through you right now because I still love you and you can't deceive me"

Those were the last words I heard from him before everything went black.

[morning]

The sunlight hitting on my face, I felt an arm around me and I was in someone's embrace, everything felt familiar, the scent felt familiar and I wanted to snuggle closer, I felt I was dreaming again because there's no way I would be in his arms right now, so I snuggled closer and he pulled me close to him and I closed my eyes again.

It was all a dream until I heard my alarm go off.

I opened my eyes, trying to adjust to the light of the bedroom, I looked at my side there was no one, but to my surprise, it wasn't my room and it wasn't my bed either. It wasn't unfamiliar and the moment I looked at my right side, there was 'our' picture near the nightstand, it was his house, everything wasn't a dream, I really was in his embrace for the whole night? But why isn't my mind working at all, I refuse to believe what I did yesterday night as a drunk

I stepped down from the bed, I was about to stand up but my head started to pain; as if it's tearing me apart. I sat on the bed again and looked at my phone '7:30 am'

That simply means, it wasn't a dream that I was in his arms, I snuggled closer and he pulled me closer, it was at dawn. I have no idea what happened yesterday and how I ended up here. Everything is vivid, I was searching for my bag, it was nowhere near the bed. That's it when I went to his closet, it was there, he always kept my things inside the closet whenever I throw them here and there. I took it out, everything was still the same, I missed it, the overwhelming feelings are coming back to me again.

I closed it and was about to go towards the door, my legs froze there, I saw him standing near the door, I couldn't take a step anymore. He was looking at me and I couldn't take my eyes off him, he was looking, at me with those soft eyes, those ender eyes with a mist of water which always make me adore him more. My brain stopped working while looking at him, I was clearly hallucinating when I got reminded of something, that maybe happened yesterday; I was crying in his embrace, no way right, I didn't just blurt nonsense things to him yesterday night. I was about to take a step ahead,

"Where are you going?" his words stopped me again, I can't do this, but I have to do him.

"Home" I replied having no emotions in my words and I walked towards the door.

"I made hangover soup for here, rest here for a while, I know you're having a headache, I know how badly it affects you" why he is taking good care of me? when there's nothing between 'us', we are 'over'

"I will take care of it, thanks" he is my ex, I can't love him anymore. I walked past him, he held my wrist, I stopped. His touches still do something to me, I want to go back to him, he is just right here, standing near me, but I miss him? I can't touch him, I can't hug him, can't feel him. He is making it hard for me to leave him, he knows it very well. I don't want him to get involved in any of this, I am good at hurting him, I can leave him once again without a proper explanation.

"What's wrong Eri? You can tell me, you were telling me not to leave but you're leaving now." I wanted to tell him out loud, to stop speaking to me, I am weak, I can't, I am a person who runaways from everything. I can't do this anymore.

"Seungcheol I am sorry, for whatever I did yesterday, but I don't remember calling you or anything, I am again sorry if I caused any inconvenience to you" and removed his hands from my wrist, without looking at him even for the last time

"You were crying yesterday, and told me not to leave you, that you can't do this anymore, are you okay? And you can never be an inconvenience to me Erica Hwang always remember that" hearing my name hurts from him now, I am not used to him calling my full name because he never called me except for the time, I was not listening to him for self-harming.

"I am okay and thank you for taking care of me yesterday. I am leaving, again thank you for everything"

'thank you for making me feel safe for once' I just hope he never heard my whispering words.

I stepped out of his room, and went towards the door, I wore my heels and I heard his footsteps approaching me, but I never looked back at him, I waited for him to call my name for the last time but it never happened, my eyes got teary and I opened the door and left.