drunk?

I wanted to let out everything, I booked a cab, thankfully it was easy to get a cab at this hour and I went to the bar, I don't usually visit and even if I ever did it was only for countable times with Yoona, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua. It was always us together and he would never let me drink more than three to four shots, because he knows my capacity way too well. He knows how easily I get drunk, I just realized he just knows everything; just everything about me. He remembers all the small details about me, each and every, I wonder how does he remember everything so clearly. He always takes care of all the details, all the small details, everytime.

I paid for the cab and went inside. It is the bar where we used to come, I don't remember when we visited last, it was definitely one or two years ago, the bartender was familiar she knows me too. We visited rarely but she knows us. I went to her and took a seat.

"Hey, how are you? It's been a long time, are you that busy?"

"Yes, quite busy." she smiled at me

"You are alone today?"

"Yeah, seems like that?"

"Something's bothering you?"

"Yes, kind of, well… not kind of, actually a lot, it feels like I will go insane. Can you give me a strong drink? I really want to relax and feel light, once I feel better I will go home"

Drinking is not my coping mechanism, earlier it was hurting myself but I stopped because I found comfort in him and he was my coping mechanism for all the emotions but now I don't know what to do anymore, I can't start hurting myself, again, never. And I can't go and breakdown on Yoona, I want to get rid of these things alone, I don't need anything anymore, I am feeling just empty, lost, unloved, unwanted shut. These feelings won't just go away. I want to feel light, everything's heavy here, everything's feels so heavy. I can't deal, I am such a weak because simply nothing is working for me right now.

Lia served my drink, she looked at me, "Take care okay?" I nodded and I took a sip, the bitterness hit me hard then slowly it became sweet. I was sipping it slowly slowly, not wanting to have the bitterness only. I was starting to feel light, light headed, the more I had, I was feeling better, as if there was no worry left inside me. It was my dreamland, where I wanted to stay, I looked at the glass, it was empty, I asked Lia to make one more, but with a bit stronger amount of alcohol this time, I liked the feeling. She served me, I was enjoying it, very well aware that it was making me drunk and then, it hit me I am alone and there's no one to take care of me.

The thought of me alone, hit me and I drank it in one go, Lia was looking at me only, I smiled brightly at her, I was getting sleepy, it looked like it was tough to keep my eyes open, I was feeling drowsy, but I was still smiling at Lia. Without thinking twice, I blurted out "I miss him so much, he won't look for me anymore. I know, I am just an ungrateful person in this world hehe"

"You are not, you are one of the best person I have known" it was her reply

"You don't know me, I am still in love with him, why am I doing this to myself"

I smiled at her, sweetly. I looked at her with a pout, my cheeks felt hot, I touched my cheeks they were really hot. "Lia, my cheeks feel so hot, I feel so hot, do I have a fever?" I smiled at her and these were the last words, after that everything went dark and my head dropped on the table. I passed out.

After sometime, I felt someone is shaking me, and calling my name continuously. It felt like, I know the owner of the voice, yes I am dreaming again. The familiar felling, aura; everything felt so familiar, just perfect so perfect like a dream.

"Eri, Eri wake up, I am here see." If this is a dream then let me live this dream, I am in my own dreamland for now. I slowly tried opening my eyes, it was him.

"Eri, open your eyes, I came."

Choi Seungcheol, the owner of the voice, he was looking perfect even in casuals. My emotions were taking over me, again. It felt like a fever dream, where he came for me and me only. I tried holding his hand, and tried speaking whatever my heart wanted not my mind.