Chapter 10

Jon was two years old when the king asked Ned to hold the North. Ned was to attack Pyke and stop the Greyjoys from taking Moat Cailin. Her husband would march with the strength of the Starks, Karstarks, Manderlys and Mormonts. They were ready to part within two weeks after the King declared the Greyjoys to be rebels. The night before they were to battle the Iron Islands was clear and calm. Spring was finally arriving. She brushed her hair delicately, Jon now slept in his own room. Ned insisted the boy needed his own space and also reminded her that he was no ordinary boy but the heir to Winterfell. "You coddle him too much." She hadn't spoken to him in a fortnight. He hadn't visited her chambers during that time either. She was not surprised when she heard the door open. Her lord husband looked at her and then to the bed.

She wouldn't make things easier for him. Ever since the King's visit they had rekindled their sexual relationship. The sex benefited them both, he was more passionate and disinhibited, they talked more after sex and it was not out of duty anymore. He was stubborn but so was she. Cersei looked at her aroused lord husband in the middle of the bed and decided to play with him too. She brushed her long blonde hair for another few minutes until she was happy to hear him growl. "Come to bed Cersei." She gasped when she felt him lift her from her chair.

She remained quiet even when he pushed her gown down. He and his lips aroused her. He nibbled on her collarbones. She remained passive, she knew he hated that; this man was all fire and instinct under that cold exterior and polite demeanor of his. "Jon is not a baby anymore." He whispered and rubbed her small back. He wanted soft and gentle. "This could be our last night together love." He never called her love. She looked into his grey eyes and wanted to hurt him. He loved her. She wanted to weep because she didn't love him. Things would be easier if she loved him.

He kissed her gently, teasing her lips open and trying to coax her. She moved her lips slowly too. "I love you my lioness." He said as he pulled her to bed. She was happy here but didn't love him. She didn't love him and it saddened her. She forgot about his slights against her person. Mayhaps this was their last night, she would give him what he wanted or at least she could try.

He lowered her to the feather bed and took his time with her body. She didn't have to pretend to enjoy him. She did, she liked when he mouthed her, his strong hands on her breasts, squeezing, his mouth biting, teasing. She sighed and moaned when he entered her. He knew her body very well and took delight in pleasuring her. She moaned, sighed, trashed until she begged him to stop. "Ned, please, no more. I can't." She whined; he was soft, maddeningly slow and relentless. She was spent but Ned wasn't, "I might not come back my love. I want to have the memory of your body fresh in my mind. I want to have your taste in mouth when I fight those iron men." Her husband thrust slowly and spent himself inside of her. He crushed her under his weight and only moved when she squirmed. "Do you really believe you could die?"

"I was in a war before my lioness. I know how easy it is to die." He said with his eyes closed completely relaxed. He called her lioness on occasion and always in the bedchamber. She enjoyed it but the word love. That was different, that was intimate, and she was his love. She didn't want to be his love.

They slept side by side; he sought her once more before dawn broke. He was to go after the first rays of sun. She woke up to his mouth on her. "Good morning lady wife." He said before he took her lips with his own. She barely had time to register movement when he slid between her legs. He pumped inside of her lazily; she had her pleasure with him earlier. Now it was his time. He ravaged her neck and shoulders. She arched her back, her lord husband was not interested in her pleasure but seeing him reduced to this mass of lust of flesh aroused her more than advisable. She wrapped her legs around his hips and enjoyed his growls. He was keeping a slow pace. "Faster Ned, please faster."

"No," he growled and thrust deeper. She opened her eyes and saw the movement in the door. She shrieked and Myra echoed her shriek. The servant girl was immobile by the door. Ned showed no signs of stopping, instead he thundered, "Leave now." Myra never heard the Lord of Winterfell raise his voice she sped off away.

Cersei tried to move and talk to the girl but Ned held her to the bed and pumped faster. She closed her eyes and moaned, "Ned, she could tell people."

Ned smirked, "She should have knocked, let us be kitchen gossip my love. Let the kitchens maids, the handmaidens know how much you please the Lord of Winterfell. I am sure such gossip will never reach your noble ears." He groaned when she raked her fingernails over his back. She climaxed around him in a great shudder, carrying him over too. She was breathless under him. He wore the biggest, most sated smile on his face.

She was about to mount him when they heard someone behind the doors. "My lord. We ride in less than five minutes." Ned kissed her deeply. "I want to see our son before I go." Cersei nodded and put on grey robes. Ned never said our son. He usually called him his son. She went to Jon's room. "Wake up sweet pup. Your papa is going away." She picked him up from the crib and tried to comb her fingers through his unruly dark hair.

Ned wore his armor, he held Ice with his right hand. Jorah Mormont, Rickard Karstark and Howland Reed were by the gates of the castle. Cersei held no illusions as that what they were thinking about her. Her hair was messy and she was sure Ned left marks the night before. Ned saw her as soon as she walked out of the castle. She wore a heavier cloak and had bundled Jon up too. It was cold still.

Ned picked Jon and kissed his forehead. "Be good for your mother little wolf." Eddard laughed when the babe nodded and grabbed his cheekbones. He put the babe by his hip and then kissed her. It was a slow kiss. She kissed him back just as slowly. "Take care my love." She nodded and cried because he called her his love and she couldn't call him her love.

She truly became the Lady of Winterfell that week when Ned left. She ran all the affairs with maester Luwin advising her as much as he could. She lamented the fact that she was a woman for the hundredth time. She felt powerful in her husband's absence. She oversaw all the details and preparations for the planting of the new crops now that spring was near. She was in charge of sending supplies to the Wall and managing the demands of the common folk. Maester Luwin commended her in her abilities to run a castle such as Winterfell and also be able to properly care for Jon who was melancholy because of Ned's absence.

Cersei didn't notice her lack of moon blood until after her third cycle. She met with maester Luwin who confirmed her fears. "My lady Stark this is wonderful news." Cersei cried and shook her head. "I don't want to. You can't force me."

She stormed out of the maester's chambers and went to Jon. She clutched his sleeping body to her chest. She wept and lived in constant fear from then on, she passed her fifth month, she ate healthily and tried to rest as much as possible. This pregnancy was easy on her. She didn't experience any nausea or any other malady. She had a lot of energy, unlike her previous pregnancies where she had been moody, easily emotional and sick but she was worried about her belly. She had been very sick with her second pregnancy and when she had been pregnant with Joffrey she had been tired, sick and too emotional for her liking. She was fine; the only changes she noticed were her swollen breasts and her rounded belly. She was in her fifth month when she felt the baby inside of her kick hard. Joffrey had been a kicker too. She wiped her tears she wouldn't think about her dead son. Jon was by her and could feel the kicks too. Jon looked puzzled at her. "That is your baby brother Jon." The two year old didn't know the concept of brotherhood.

Cersei received ravens about the siege at Pyke led by her lord husband and the king. Ned hadn't written anything. Her lord husband was too smart for that. It was general news, the iron born were weakening. She decided against writing him about the baby. Cersei did not want to say anything because of her history with pregnancies. She was terrified, she sought comfort with Jon; her little pup grew stronger and bigger every day. She watched as he played with wooden swords. He would play with some servant boys but Cersei didn't like him playing with the common folk. There was nothing she could do because she was busier with Winterfell. At night she dared hope that the baby she was carrying arrived healthy and didn't die. She thought about Jon, what if the baby lived and it was a boy? Could she love the baby more than she loved her pup? Her son was the true heir of the North.

She went to sleep that night and woke up screaming from a horrible nightmare. In her dream she gave birth to a boy. Jon and him grew up as brothers. Father came to visit when the boys were eight and ten years old. Tywin Lannister grabbed her hands and gave her a dagger. "Kill him, kill the bastard." Cersei cried and looked at the boys who looked exactly the same only her flesh was shorter. "Mother." Jon looked at her with hurt eyes and tears when she stabbed him in his heart. She woke up "JON OH JON." She ran to the baby's room and cried in relief when she saw him asleep in the small bed. Ned insisted in no cribs anymore. "He'll be training with a sword next year." He said and opposed to moving the crib to the new room.

She wiped the tears and thought about her unborn child. She knew at once that she wouldn't, couldn't kill Jon or strip him of anything. The child in the cot was as much hers as the one in her belly. Jon had saved her from despair, when nothing held importance to her Jon had brightened her life. Jon became her salvation and she couldn't forget that. She would never cast him aside. She cried bitter tears of desperation. That night she realized how alone she was. She missed Eddard, after the King's visit a year Ned had spent all his nights with her. She carried Jon and went to her bedchamber and tried to sleep but couldn't. She stood up from her bed and went to Ned's quarters and opened his wardrobes. They smelled of him. She put Jon on the bed and then put on one of his tunics. She hugged Jon and slept fitfully. After that night Cersei slept in Ned's quarters. She let Jon sleep in his rooms however. She knew her lord husband was correct. Jon couldn't be coddled too much. He was to be Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North.