Chapter 11

As I said, self-preservation over empathy or connection any day. I just wish it was easier...

-Joseph-

I look down at the ground, waiting for her to look like her normal tiny scary self again. "That's what you saw wasn't it?"

"What?" She growls

I smirk, teary, sob-story Ayle is gone now. It's back to the willful Outsider, Subject 14.

I look up, manufacturing a composed look on my face. "That's what you saw in you're nightmare. When I found you, you were screaming for Bey. They took her away to fight for them I'm guessing? You dreamed of when they took her away."

I pause as she stiffens "Bey is your sister, a child you raised who the Ashari took from you, although why they would take a weak little child beats me"

"Fiucky yun" (Fuck You)

"I suppose she could be somewhat useful if her acuity is special in some sort of way..."

Subject 14 stands laughing "Get out"

I look up at the patient, willing myself to look firm "We're not done, I'm your doctor. I'm briefing you and trying to get you to cope with the nightmare that sent you, a dangerous Outsider, into hysterics."

She turns, glaring holes into me "You don't know shit. Get out of my prison cell-" I stand as she begins marching towards me "Before I throw you out!"

She begins pushing me out as I protest "Subject 14 please calm down-"

"GET OUT"

She shoves me through the door, leaving me on the floor.

I huff, dusting myself off "Well that went well"

________________________________________________

Home is relative, but that's where I want to be

-Ayle-

It's supposed to be night now. That's what the voice through the door told me, probably Riley, the other doctor. Her shade was much softer, sympathetic, and although I couldn't see it, I'm sure that the white in her shade was making its blue hue a pretty color of the sea on a sunny day.

I had shoved a chair against my door, effectively stopping the anxious doctors from getting into my room. They could if they really wanted to, but I suppose they're giving me space. The meals I hadn't eaten were still lying there on the floor next to the door where they had slid the trays in.

He lied to me, he made me think he cared for just a second. Even his shade had lied to me. I let my connection to him make me naïve. He just wanted information.

Pretty lies...

This place is full of them, he is full of them. Everything is cleaned to perfection, everyone is too polite, they were all made to look perfect.

But shades don't lie at least not until recently.

Everyone here felt angry, frustrated, conflicted, scared. The air was heavy with their urgency to leave to go outside the bubble they were in, to escape.

Joseph and Dr. Palvo, Riley, were really the only one's I'd seen wear anything other than compliance on their sleeve.

I was wrong though, Joseph is just as programmed as the rest of them. I'm blind when it comes to him. The yellow of his shade should've screamed cowardice to me immediately. I ignored it and now I'm here, hating everything.

I miss home.

I miss the night sky. I miss my lumpy bed made of furs. I miss finding new ways to make fish taste less fishy.

I miss Bey.

I close my eyes thinking about our last good memory. It was the night before we crossed the border into Asharia. Bey insisted that we risk it so we would have her favorite desert fruits over The Frost. I was stupid, acting less like her parent, her protector, and more like the fools who lead their lives on a whim. That's how you end up dead or taken.

We were enjoying the warmth of the night, something that we never had. The sky was perfectly clear and Bey insisted on staying up to see the stars.

When the sky lit up with the rivers of light, present every night during the moon's peak, Bey asked me to tell her the story one more time.

Once again, I would groan and tell her that she's heard it a thousand times over. Of course, she would always win, and we would look up at the night sky and I would tell her again.

"There are many theories on what the light rivers are; they could be a trick of the moon's light, magic, or something to do with something called magnets." She would always laugh at that. "But Mai and Fai always said that the rivers are the souls of our Ancestors. Once they died, their souls, their shades, their time on Tera would be sent to the heavens and made into the purest light." We would always stop at this point, watching the lights shift and move before I went on. "Their colors are what colors their shades are, their length is their time spent on Tera, and their dance is their joy. They are filled with joy to dance and swim along the lights for the rest of eternity. And every night they share their joy with their family on Tera, to make them happy one more time."

She would ask me if Mai and Fai were with them and I would always point out the brightest lights in the sky, unknowing of who they were, and tell her "Of course they are, they are the brightest because they see our joy and that makes them happy" She would giggle and I would tell her to go to sleep, knowing she wouldn't close an eye before the lights left the sky.

I sigh, shoving my face into a pillow.

I miss our old life.

****************************

The next morning, I get dressed in clothes from the stand in the room. I ignore the banging on the door as I look at a cleaner, softer version of myself. I hate it.

Sighing I move the chair, just as the door splinters open, leaving the group falling onto the ground.

It would've been funny if I weren't going to be here for the next six months.

I step over them and make my way down the hall "Let's go, training begins"