three

His face was inches closer to mine. I could feel his breath burn against my lips. His tongue peeked from behind his top lip, sliding over his teeth. My chest brushed with something similar to excitement following through into my stomach where it stayed, swirling. Zhan's hand curled around the back of my neck, his fingers sliding into my hair and tightening as he pulled my head forward. Our forehead tilting to meet and our eyes unsure of where to focus, jumping from lips to eyes.

My eyes fluttered against the heat, my face seemed to emanate, my hands balled into a fist at my side. Zhan tilted his head upward in one swift motion, our lips connecting in a slow, soft, closed-mouth kiss.

My eyes opened as Zhan leaned back cautiously, looking for my reaction. It took me a moment. Everything seemed upside down, and my head felt jumbled. My bottom lip was still wet from Zhan's kiss and it took me a while to realize that I'd just flicked my tongue out to run over them.

That's when reality slammed into me. My body flew up in a rush and I launched myself from the bed. The main thought circling my mind was the fact that I'd got my best friend, saliva stirring inside me. I had a sudden urge to spit, but I kept myself under control. Zhan was now sitting upright on the edge of the bed, looking at me with a panicked expression.

"Wha-what did you do? " It wasn't a question that left my voice in a high-pitched murmur, but more of a realization. Zhan, what the fuck? My voice was straining to keep itself low, shocking the more prominent emotion at the moment. My breathing was faster than before now, my head pounding with words that told me I wanted it and words that told me to smack him.

His sister suddenly stood up, adjusting her ear plugs, yawned and walked out of Zhan's room.

I paced back and forth, trying not to think about what just happened, which wasn't successful since the most dominant thoughts was of Zhan's fucking lips.

"I can't do this," I muttered, storming my way over the door.

"Wait, Yibo, please just wait." I stopped, but didn't turn around to face him. Problem was, I didn't need to. Zhan did that for me. His hand took a firm grip on my arm and twirled me around, my feet stumbling backwards so my back pressed up against the door, "Don't leave," Zhan's eyes looked up at me through his lashes- a heavy feeling of regret emanated from them. He rested his hand on my shoulder at the door. His eyes were flickering all over my face, as if he was trying to find the words to tell me to just stay.

I'm sorry he whispered

"I thought you- you didn't back away, Yibo. I just thought "

Well, you thought wrong, Zhan. I forced anger into my features with a look that asked him to back away. He ignored it and step a little closer. I would've moved back if it weren't because I was sandwiched between him and his bedroom door.

"You always do this." He said, his head dropping and shaking from side to side like a disappointed father. Reminded me all too much of my dad.

Always do what?

This! The hand that was gripping my arm moved to gesture between the two of us. You lead me on, pretend you want it and act like it's just a game and then, when I do something that doesn't suit you, you flip out.

"You went beyond the game, Zhan. You fucking kissed me." I gritted out, my jaw clenched. Zhan huffed out a disbelieving laugh.

Don't even fucking act like you didn't enjoy it. His eyes turned cold and his voice dropped low and dangerous. " That's why you lash out, Isn't it?" Because you hate the fact that you liked it.

"You want me, don't you?" You just don't want to admit it. Then, like the flick of a switch, his features grew back to worry as he sighed, Yibo, please, just stay.

No, I shoved him away and slipped out of his room and out the front door. I stood there for a while, in the cold. The sky was growing dark, merging into the night. I started walking down the road, anywhere away from Zhan's house, where he couldn't find me. Once out of view, I reached into my pocket and I pulled out my mobile, which followed by a deftly dialing the area's taxi.

The entire journey home was full of agonizing replays of what had just happened. But instead of them ending where they did, they continued into what might have happened if I'd leaned back in and kissed him again instead of jumping off the bed; my thought comprised only Xiao Zhan, even after I'd reach home and climbed into my bed.

It used to be all fun and games, just me and Zhan messing around and nobody needed to know, but kissing? Kissing changed things. I mean, come on; I never used to get a hard-on for him and now I'm getting excited just by the mere memory of his lips touching mine. That's just.. just wrong.

What the fuck am I going to do at school tomorrow? I can't just go back to how we were. I won't even be able to look at him without thinking about it. The worst thing about this is the fact that everyone just expects me and Zhan to be glued to each other, because that's how we've always been.

I show tomorrow and I act even the slightest bit different, one of the boys is going to notice something. I pulled the duvet over my head and stared into the darkness for a while before finally thinking fuck it, and slept off.