CH42

Ian recalled a conversation he had with a homeless man who claimed to be a singer.

"Why am I a singer? Well, that's an interesting question. Then, why are you an actor?"

"Because it pays?"

"The small change you earn as an extra? I make about that much with my singing, mate. What's important is greed. What do you think when you see a good role?"

"I think I want to do it."

"Same here. When I hear a good song, I get greedy. If you're greedy for songs, you're a singer; if you're greedy for roles, you're an actor. Easy, right?"

It was a memorable conversation that didn't fade even over many years.

Despite achieving good results with "Ten Little Indians," the dubbing song "Let's Jump," and releasing "Any Time" under the name Ra-I, he didn't consider himself a singer because he never felt greedy for a good song.

He just thought of it as a good song like any ordinary person, until he heard the current song.

"It's good."

He felt greedy. He wanted to sing it.

It was a strange feeling he had never experienced in his life.

"I'm a coward. Praise, attention, expectations. Everything scares me. I avoid friends on the street. Ordering over the phone? Of course, I can't. Not you, right?"

The song that started with "I'm a coward" was beautifully blended with Ayla's delicate voice over a neat piano performance.

The shy confession of being a coward in the song resonated with the fears everyone has experienced at least once, offering comfort and warming the heart scarred by wounds.

"Ian, are you crying?"

"…Me, crying?"

Touching his face, he indeed felt the moisture. Rachel, more startled than someone who had cried, quickly turned off the song.

"Is it because you don't like the song?"

"No, I like it. I want to try singing it."

Hearing Ian's words, she smiled but then looked sorry.

There was a problem because she wrote the lyrics as her heart led her.

"Ra-I is both of us, but it seems I only included my story. Unlike me, Ian, you're good in front of others."

Ian gave a bitter smile.

Good in front of others? His past self was never that person.

How could he be with a face disfigured by burns?

That's why he liked playing a zombie. Everyone's face became grotesque.

Most of his acting career was spent trying to hide his face.

'If Adelia hadn't suggested revealing my face, I would have lived like that forever.'

He didn't know why he cried, but Ian thought he lived a life more cowardly than Rachel.

The lyrics of this song touched his life.

"I like these lyrics. I think they capture our story well."

"Really?"

"What's the point of lying? Then, shall we listen to the next song? There are many more songs to hear."

The rehearsal room was filled with the sound of music again, and Rachel smiled brightly.

As Ian hummed along with the song, the rehearsal room seemed to unfold into a sea of stars.

***

After listening to all ten songs, it felt like receiving a heavy assignment.

Even a genius can't produce results without effort. Considering how much effort was put into composing these songs, they couldn't be recorded carelessly.

School, filming site, rehearsal room, Gavin's office.

As he was caught in this cycle, an unexpected visitor arrived.

"Ian! How have you been?!"

"Nathan? And Director Isaac?"

Nathan, the child actor Ian met during "Sucker Punch," and his grandfather, Isaac, burst out of Gavin's office.

Standing in front of Ian, Nathan blinked in disbelief.

"What's this, why have you grown so much? What if you get taller than me?"

"Did I grow a lot?"

He had heard such comments often.

-Look at Ian. Shouldn't we shoot the next season quickly before the kids grow any taller?

-At least Ian still looks young. The other kids are more of a problem. I heard there's talk of moving up the next season's shooting because of it.

He had seen the staff of "Invisible Children" in emergency meetings due to the kids maturing rapidly and risking the loss of their child roles.

Occasionally, fans he met by chance also said he looked taller than he did on the drama, due to the difference between shooting and airing times.

'Well, even compared to the fast-growing kids, the height difference isn't that big.'

Aside from the occasional adult-like exception towering among the kids, he wasn't short.

This was different from his past when he was always smaller than his peers. Whether it was because he ate better than before, or due to the changes in his body after helping Daniel, he wasn't sure.

"You've grown a lot too? And congratulations. Sucker Punch is doing well."

"So I hear. Shame I can't watch it."

Ian understood that pain.

After consoling a sullen Nathan, Ian saw Director Isaac and was startled.

The once-kind man in New York now stood there with an angry face, and guessing the reason wasn't hard.

'That cornered Gavin must be the cause.'

Their secret project had been exposed.

Ian, swallowing hard, approached him with an innocent smile, pretending to know nothing.

"Director! I've missed you. What brings you here? Have you been well?"

"Ian."

"Yes?"

"We have things to discuss, don't we?"

…That didn't work.

Sending Nathan off to tour the building with an employee, Isaac coldly said,

"When I heard you two were sticking together in New York, I thought it was a good thing. But coming here and seeing this is ridiculous. Gavin."

"Why call me?"

"Do I need to explain to you the concept of NC-17 and TV-MA from the start?"

Ratings that mean no one under 18 may watch, even with an adult.

Isaac slammed down a DVD clearly labeled with the video rating and glared at Gavin, who avoided his gaze.

"To think you'd watch such things with a kid. Do you have no sense at all!"

"…It wasn't only those ratings we watched."

"The fact that you watched them at all matters. Could you say the same in front of Ian's parents?"

Gavin, rendered speechless, was cornered by Isaac.

"I didn't care about you hiding being a phasmophobic, but this is wrong. If this is how it's going to be, just come out with it."

"That can't happen, you know that."

"Sigh… Then stop relying on Ian's help. I'll help you instead."

"…You will?"

Now that Gavin's fear of being exposed as phasmophobic, along with the fact that he was producing a movie, was out, accepting Isaac's help seemed fine.

Gavin was intrigued, but Ian had to swallow his disappointment.

'I haven't even seen the last episode yet.'

He wasn't clueless enough to ask if he could just watch the finale of "Invisible Children."

Of course, it wasn't all good news for Gavin.

"The condition is you have to confess honestly to Director Middleton."

"Why!"

"Why? Because he's someone who has been affected by your actions and has been helping with the production. It's better to muster courage just once than to tremble every time he comes around."

With no room for rebuttal, Gavin agreed with a groan.

Isaac then turned his attention to Ian.

"You heard that? You don't have to worry about Gavin's projects anymore. You're too young to carry the burden of a director as well."

The weight a director and an actor must bear is different. There was a clear concern that if the project failed, young Ian might feel responsible.

Having come this far, Isaac decided to say everything he had been holding back.

"Honestly, I've been worried about the roles you've taken on so far. What were they?"

"A survivor in a zombie world and an elementary student from a wealthy neighborhood."

"More precisely, an elementary student close to a psychopath. And the role in Gavin's movie won't be of an ordinary child either."

The character he was supposed to play was one of the alien hunters, not exactly normal in the setting either.

Ian just nodded to the questions Isaac already knew the answers to.

"Adult actors are influenced by their roles, how much more for a young one like you?"

"I'm fine. I haven't had any problems so far."

"You may be fine now. But will you be fine later?"

He couldn't say that he had eaten enough life experiences to not need to worry, nor could he dismiss the genuine concern of someone who cared.

"So, what would you like me to do?"

"I'd like you to try roles of pure and ordinary kids, even if it's just an extra."

Ian's start was anything but ordinary. He had skipped all the experiences that typical child actors go through.

"You might not see it now, but there are roles you can't experience later. You'll grow up faster than you think."

"True, you do age quickly."

Ian nodded in agreement, prompting Gavin to burst out laughing.

"Ha, an 11-year-old talking about getting old. Do you even know what that means?"

"I was talking about the director. He's aged so quickly he can't even watch scary things."

"Grr, see? He can't take on pure roles. That's his character right there."

Gavin, who had interjected only to be shut down, received a disparaging look from Isaac.

It would be nice if he showed a bit of the reserve he has outside. It's embarrassing to call someone like that a friend.

After a moment of thought, Ian nodded.

"I'll do as you say, Director."

"Will you now?"

"Yes!"

Ian reflected.

Worrying about maintaining a child actor's image or about image consumption wasn't like him.

If he had been pragmatic about problems, he wouldn't have strived to be an actor with a scarred face.

'Anyway, I can change all that depending on how I act in the future.'

Unlike when he had to live with a hideous face, now he wanted to act to his heart's content.

Reminded of the wish he harbored upon returning to the past, Ian got up.

"Then, I should get going. I need to start looking for roles now. Can you tell Nathan to come play at our house later?"

"Of course. My grandson will love that."

Isaac smiled warmly.

He looked forward to the ordinariness Ian would show.

***

"Ian, you came looking for a role?"

Adelia tilted her head.

"I heard you joined WBE. Why did you come here without telling the agency?"

"Of course, I told the agency. But waiting quietly isn't my style."

Adelia rested her chin on her hand, watching Ian.

He's truly a unique child actor. Amid his busy schedule, he still occasionally seeks out news, drawing peculiar attention.

'Was it because he was friendly from the moment we met?'

Perhaps due to her stern appearance or her daunting title as a casting director, child actors always seemed to fear her. Ian was the exception.

And so, she wanted to give him good news.

"What to do, there's no suitable role for you to play. I'll let you know if something good comes up."

"No extra roles available?"

"Extras?"

He started at $30,000 per episode. Now, his rate has doubled.

And he's looking for extra roles? Thinking it odd, she called Ian over to the monitor.

"There are quite a few extra roles that just require a brief appearance of the face. Just wait a moment."

She listed the projects in need of child actors, including movies and dramas.

"Too many? Want me to pick something good?"

"No, it's okay. I've already decided."

Adelia, curious about who would luxuriate in having such an expensive child actor as an extra, watched with interest.

Ian pointed at the top of the list.

"Golden Hour? It's a decent medical drama but… huh?"

His finger slid down the screen.

Leaving a long streak on the monitor, Ian smiled broadly.

"From here to here, please."

Adelia blinked.

She must be too tired. She's hearing things that don't make sense.