Walk On By

Ulrik released my arm as soon as we fell through so I was once again flailing,except this time it felt like I was falling in space.It was inky black,with a depth that was perceived more than seen.Eerily,I could see my arms,legs and clothes clear as day,though all around me was completely black.It felt infinite and....final,as if I had just died and was sentenced to float around in this darkness forever.Until I turned my head to the right and saw Mr.Big Hairy Pompous Bear Man smiling at me."Afraid of the dark Judah?"

A little."Where the raspberry are we?" I'm falling timelessly and so is he.My hair is straight up above me,his incongruous bark-skin is glowing softly.Im freaking out and he's smiling at me with his long,obnoxiously white incisors glinting in the unseen light."This is The Deep.I am able to channel us through this realm to a place closer to Aorta.I cannot do this for more than four minutes or my life force will begin to ebb.If you had not wasted so much time I would not have needed to take this unnecessary risk." There's a slight growl in his voice.I pretend to be oblivious and start to rotate my feet slowly and extended my arms,like I'm on a unicycle.Might as well get with the program."What's the big hurry anyway?" I blink and he's right in my face."You touched the Freia! And now Gargol knows you're here! Before we just needed to cross the border undetected but now he knows you've arrived and will send the Noir after you." I look into his angry dark eyes and I know my face has gone completely blank.My brain is detecting nothing but gibberish again.He huffs away to my right and folds his hands, staring into the nothingness.I notice that his legs have disappeared and I can only see his feet.I blink a couple times.Close my eyes and open them.Blink some more.

Close.Open.

Finally,I detect a different shade of black where his legs ought to be,barely perceptible but there.His pants must automatically blend into his surroundings.I want to ask about them but we've got more pressing matters to address."So I'm guessing Gargol is the evil villain in this fairy tale?" He looks at me."Gargol is the last remaining member of the Foncé,the sovereign rulers of Nazir."I was getting dizzy from all these archaic names."Nazir? That's where we were just now?" "Yes,that is Noir and Gargol's domain.It is the only portion of land he governs after the Great War.Glob could only weaken his stronghold as his dominance was too great.He assassinated his entire family to inherit their power and now he strives to conquer all of Opa." This Gargol sounds like a real psychopath.A real 'Mad Hatter'/'Joker' kinda guy.I'm struck by just how unbelievable this all is.Here I am,caught inexplicably in this real life Disney movie.I pinch myself again just to make sure I'm definitely not dreaming."Hsssst!" He narrows his eyes and looks at me like I've grown horns.Ha,like I'm the weird one in this whole mess.I start to giggle and his face tells me he thinks I'm losing it.Dont worry bub, we're on the same page."You find the fate of Opa humorous?"

I choose not to answer that.

"What does your 'war between good and evil' have to do with me?" Before he could answer,all around us exploded with white light and I crumple into....crushed oreos? What was it with this place and chocolate? I fisted my hands into the Oreo soil,brought them to my nose,closed my eyes and inhaled.I felt the smile that split my face all the way to my bones.

"Aherm"

I also felt it fall and shatter.Leave it to him to pop my bubble."If you're done sniffing the dirt,shall we go?" I opened my eyes and mouth to deliver a scathing retort but was struck dumb.I fell back on my haunches and just stared. Directly in front of me the path meandered into groups of.....green cotton candy? These were dotted with what looked to be red and green round mint balls.We seemed to be in a valley of some sort filled with multi-colored bushes of fluff and candy.Flowers that were tootsie rolls and licorice,Skittles and M&Ms were everywhere.A few Freia were sprinkled throughout the clearing and weird popcorn looking insects flitted among the 'blooms'.The sky was deep orange,pink and purple,the light bright and brilliant.I was completely awe struck.My mouth hung on it's hinges when a real,live tiny gummy bear darted between the bushes and a sour worm climbed up a licorice stalk."What is this place?" The words came out in a reverent whisper while my head slowly spun like the lazy blades of a windmill.What I would do for my cell phone."We are in the outermost parts of Godis.Now you may partake of what pleases you for Glob is a magnanimous King and takes pleasure in the joy of his people."I stopped hearing after 'Now you may partake'.My mouth was full of heaven and I was pretty sure I was going to hell for eating something so sinfully delicious.My eyes rolled back in my head and some very scandalous moans errupted from my throat.Ulrik was yabbering on but no way could he diminish my foodgasm.Oh man,forget coke,just drown me in Godis Oreos."What a peculiar creature.Are you so starved that you must eat the bitter dirt? Have you no food in your domain?"

"Rawr rou khiddin mhe wright row?" I try to speak with a mouthful of ecstacy. I put up a finger,finish chewing and swallow."These are the best Oreos I've ever had and you call it dirt?" He shrugs his big shoulders."All of Godis is edible but for the dirt.It is bitter"

"Y'all must have really jacked up tastebuds" I grab another fistful as I stand.Fill my mouth with decadence again.

Oh yeah,that's it right there.

Sugar craving successfully abated.I turn in a slow circle,see a glossily dripping Freia at the edge of the path infront of me and walk towards it.Ulrik is behind me,still talking.I tune in at "....finally we can begin making preparations for war and.." I turned around so fast my hair flew into my face and wrapped itself around my tongue."You mean there really is a war?" The look he gives me is annoyingly deadpan."I grow weary of this constant reiteration.Have you not heard all I have said?" He folds his massive arms and gives me a look of exasperation.I roll my eyes.Grumpy old troll."Well excuse me if I have a hard time choking this stuff down," I wave an arm to encompass the land of instant diabetes."This is all pretty extraordinary,ok so just bear with me here." He loosens his hands and his unyielding face yields a bit."You seemed to 'choke down' Godis dirt well enough," he says to me as I lick my fingers.

"Stay out of my head!" I punch him in the arm and all but break every bone in my hand.I flash my fingers and try to flex them,meanwhile he passes me and continues ahead,but not before I see the satisfied smirk on his face.I stick out my tounge behind his back while I shake out my screaming appendage.Jouvenile,I know but damn that hurt.

"Wait up you big oaf," He doesn't slow his stride and I have to jog to catch up to him."You never answered me before,what do I have to do with all this?" We walk side by side in the gorgeous pink and orange tinged light,among delicious cavity makers,on yummy crushed Oreos as he explains to me my destiny.