Get your hands off her hips

I can't help but stare at Nat, feeling my heartbeat go up. "You found my file?" She nods and takes a sip from her drink. Wanda rubs my back and gives me a comforting smile. "I am here with you, you don't have to go through this alone." I nod at Natasha, a sign for her to continue. "Your father's name was Gustav Ivanov, and your mother's Darya Ivanov. She took your father's last name when they got married." I let the words float through my head, repeating their names over and over again. Gustav. Darya. Gustav. Darya. "Both of them came from Russia, and you were born there as well. This gives you the Russian nationality. Your parents fled to Sokovia when you were one year old in the hope of creating a better future." It's like shadows of memories flash before me, present enough to grab my attention but not clear enough for me to understand. To remember. "This is why my mother used to sing Russian lullabies to me…" I whisper, while staring into nothingness. I can feel Wanda her presence in my head, she doesn't say anything but she's just there. It's enough. "Your father worked in a factory at a conveyor belt, he did long hours. Your mother was a cleaning lady in that same factory and wanted to take an extra job as seamstress." Vaguely I can remember my father coming home late at night, at a time when I was already supposed to be asleep. Most of the time I was just waiting in my bed though, waiting for my daddy to return. I would only fall asleep when I heard the door open and his voice rang through our small apartment. "The attack on the building you lived in was an act of war, they were not entwined in wrong business and it was not directed at them. I don't know if that gives you any comfort, but I thought you would like to know that." It did. I don't remember actively worrying if either of them had been working for the bad guys and it had been a payoff. But now that I know that wasn't the cast, I notice I can let go of a tension I didn't know I had been hosting the last couple of years. "Thank you." I whisper towards Natasha and she nods in understanding. "I also managed to figure out your birthday." Shock fills my eyes and I stare at her in awe. "You did?" "Yes, it took quite some digging but I managed to find your birth certificate from Russia. I have some ties there." "I can't believe it…" For quite some time I have wondered how old I am, how long Hydra has kept me locked up. And I'm on the edge of getting the answer. It absolutely terrifies me. "Do you want to know?" Natasha asks me and I'm immensely grateful for that question. For the fact she doesn't just inform me. I know that most people would, but Natasha understands. She knows the feeling. So she doesn't. "Thank you for asking me Nat. Yes… Yes I think I want to know." She gives me the time to take a couple of deep breaths and I take a hold of Wanda's hand. Her slender fingers, adorned with her typical rings, squeeze my own and it has a calming effect on me. I already feel more ready for this than before. I nod at Natasha and she gives me a small smile, filled with understanding. "You turned 17 this year."

Natasha gives me a moment to process the information she has just given me. "Your birthday is March 7th." For a while I just stare at her. She leans back in her chair, taking a sip from her drink and keeping her eyes on me. Just watching me work through my emotions. Wanda, who is sitting next to me, is rubbing my hand and her presence is there in my head. I have an actual birthday again. Even though my birthday is also the death day of my parents, I can't help but feel a little happy at having a day to call mine once more. 17… I am 17 years old. I have an actual age to tell people when I introduce myself. "Are you okay Lidiya?" Wanda asks me and I turn to face her. "I am 17." I tell her, my voice sounding absolutely astonished. "Yes you are." She smiles at me. That's when realization hits me. I was nine when Hydra took me. "I am 17…" I repeat, but this time my voice sounds broken. I can see Wanda her eyebrows frown in worry, and Nat just inspects every one of my movements. "What's wrong malysh?" The brown haired beauty asks me, and she places her hand against my cheek. This is when I notice that my cheeks are wet. With my fingers I wipe away the tears and look at them, it's as if I'm surprised to see them. "Lidiya?" Wanda brings my attention back to her. "I am 17!" I repeat once more, sounding desperate. Desperate for her to understand. I can feel her presence pressing against my mental doors, it's her way of asking me if she can come in. I open them and let her enter, giving her access to every part of my mind. Every part, expect for the room where I keep all of my confusing emotions about her. That remains locked. She explores every room and every corridor, her presence feeling warm and comfortable. When she pulls back I can't help but feel a little sad at the absence of Wanda. I look into her eyes and all I can see is understanding and compassion. "You have been locked up for 8 years." It's a statement, she channels my thoughts into the open. I nod in agreement and once again the tears are streaming over my face. I know it's stupid to be so upset about it. I already knew that I must have spent years in that cell. But still… Still it gets to me. "It's okay to feel upset by this." It's Natasha's voice that I hear and I turn my head to look at her. She is still sitting in the chair, observing me. She might not be a mind reader but with the training she had had, it was a close second. "It's stupid. I already knew it was years but still, now that I know how long exactly it feels worse. I don't understand why they kept me that long, why didn't they just kill me." I can feel Wanda tense at my words but I ignore it, keeping my eyes on Natasha. There is no sign at all that my words did something to her, she still has the straight face she had before. "Because you were the perfect lab rat for them. They could experiment all they wanted on you, and if you died it wouldn't have mattered. That is why they kept trying to get control over you. If it worked, they would have a fire bender who did everything they wanted." She gives me the explanation I was looking for. All of my attention is fixed on Natasha. "How do you know this?" She shrugs. "I have experience with their way of working, and I have been trying to get into some hydra documents. I didn't manage to get to the file dedicated to you yet, but I did find some files about experiments they did using you. It turns out that they even tried the Winter Soldier program." I can hear the sharp inhale of Wanda her breath. "The problem they used to have was that people died before they could finish the testing. But with you it was the other way around. No matter what they tried, there was something protecting your mind. Keeping it your own." The Winter Soldier project, I remember Strucker talking about it. "He talked about it." I whisper. "Who did malysh?" Wanda her voice is sweet and comforting. "Strucker. I remember them dragging me to the chair where they did the experiments on. I already got used to it. He told me he was putting me through the Winter Soldier program, that I would finally be under his control. The pain was so intense, i'm surprised that I didn't turn insane because of it. They did it again and again, hours at a time in the hope of finally breaking my mind. I remember that I tried to escape into my head, push the pain into a door and close it."

I sigh and take a sip from my drink, thinking about what to say next. How to continue my sentence. "The longer they kept me a prisoner the better I got at it. Push the pain into a room in the back of my head, close it and walk away from it. Open another door filled with worlds that I created myself and escape into them, far away from the reality." "Compartmentalize the pain." Natasha whispers so quietly that for a second I doubt whether I heard it correctly. I look at her and there is something in her eyes that I find hard to place. I think she is thinking back of something but I'm not sure, I wasn't trained to read people unlike her. And something tells me that she won't appreciate it if I try to infiltrate her mind. So I decide to just go with a nod. "Something like that yes, it was the only way I could survive the pain." She nods and I do know where to place the emotion that covers her eyes now: understanding. Approval. And… respect? "When they had to admit that it didn't work on me after I don't know how many times, Strucker absolutely lost it. He smashed every piece of equipment to pieces. I remember the doctors and nurses in the room leaving as fast as they could, only the guards remained. That's when he…" I stop midsentence, remembering the pain he had caused me. It was nothing special anymore at that point, it wasn't the first time I went through a beating. "You can tell us. You can trust us." Wanda softly tells me. "Trust is for fools." My reply comes out immediately, it was something that I learned the hard way. "That's a wise way of thinking, however even I have to admit that you can trust your life in the hands of each and every Avenger." Natasha her words sound sincere and I kind of trust them. I take a deep breath and continue: "When he finished smashing everything in the room he turned towards the one thing that he hadn't touched yet: me. I remember him removing the shackles that bound me to the chair and pulling me out of it by my hair. I don't remember all the things he did, just that he started kicking me in every place possible and me waking up afterwards with almost every inch of my skin covered in black marks." I finish my sentence and both of the women with me stay quiet. A couple of seconds pass and that's when Wanda speaks. "The bastard. I'll kill him for it." I turn to look at her and am met with scarlet eyes burning with a fury I haven't seen yet. A part of me wants to tell her to not say these things, but another part of me knows that I will enjoy seeing Strucker die at the hands of the woman who started caring about me. So I take the middle way and stay silent. "He will pay for it Wanda, don't worry. I promise." It's Natasha and when I look at her there is no fury to be seen, only determination. I don't know what I did to deserve these two in my life, but I do know that I will be forever grateful for it. "Thank you, both of you, for being here for me." Wanda pulls me into a hug which immediately gives me a comfortable and safe feeling. Natasha just picks up her glass and raises it towards me. "You know, I was fifteen when Pietro and I volunteered for his tests." Wanda tells me. I pull myself out of her embrace and look up at her. "You were?" She nods. "When Ultron happened and I finally changed sides I was seventeen. I always thought that I had it hard but it's nothing compared to you. You didn't deserve it and I will spend the rest of my time trying to give you the life you deserve." Oh god, she is so amazing. Her words give me a warm feeling and I know that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her by my side in whatever way possible. I let Wanda feel the warm feeling she is giving me and she smiles when it reaches her. "Thank you." I whisper, my voice hoarse because of the emotions in it. "Wanda is 26 now by the way." Natasha says and when I look at her I can see the last of a wink. I know that in Wanda it must seem like Nat is teasing me once more but I know that this is her way of soothing my fears about the age difference Wanda and I have. It's only a 9 year difference, that's manageable. "Thank you." I send to Natasha, seeing her eyes darken for a second when she hears my message but relaxing when she notices that I don't make any attempts to infiltrate her mind. She gives me a small nod, small enough for Wanda to miss it but as I am watching her, I see it. "I'm going to use the bathroom, so I can freshen up a bit." I say and I get out of the chair and stand up. "Want me to come with you?" Wanda asks but I wave it away. "Thanks but it's not necessary. It's all the way in the back right?" Wanda nods and I go inside, making my way to the bathroom.

After I used the toilet I wash my hands at the sink and stare at my own reflection. Dark blue eyes are staring back at me with circles under my eyes. My skin is still way too pale and I can see my shoulders sticking through my t-shirt. I'm not familiar with the term 'hungry' anymore, after spending years with barely eating any food it went away. Wanda told me that I need to start slowly with eating again, my body can't handle too much food at once. I sigh and splash some water onto my face, trying my best to wipe away the dried up tears. After using one of the towels to dry myself, I take one more look into the mirror and leave the bathroom. Immediately I find myself back in the hustle and bustle of the bistro that Natasha has chosen to hold our break. Music is playing quite loudly and it's a lot more crowded than when we arrived. Immediately I feel my anxiety come up. I keep my gaze fixed on my feet and try to move through the mass of people. "Hey, you there, skinny bitch!" I hear a man call out, I assume to me, and I do my best to ignore him. My heartbeat goes up and sweat start to build up on my forehead. I am startled when I feel someone grab my arm and turn me around with force. I am now looking into the face of a man who is much older than me. Dark brown eyes look into mine and you don't have to be a world renowned spy to see that he is out to get some. I can smell the alcohol on his breath and I try my best not to gag. "I was talking to you bitch! It's very impolite to ignore a man who is talking to you!" He grabs my hips and pulls me closer, and even though I try to break free from his grasp it's pointless. I am no match for him and he probably doesn't even feel my effort. "Get your hands of my hips…" I say, trying to sound strong but only a whimper comes out of my mouth. Before I punch you in the lips, that's what I add in my thoughts. But I know that it would be no use, I would only hurt myself. "What did you say? I think you meant 'yes sir'!" I swallow, trying to make the lump in my throat disappear. I notice his eyes wander to my bosom and fear flows through my body. "Hey, you're staring at my…" "HEY!" I hear a familiar voice call out. Immediately I feel someone push the guy away from me with force. He stumbles backwards straight into a table. The people sitting at it look angry, and we are starting to draw attention. Wanda appears next to me and pulls me behind her, protecting my body with her own. I notice her eyes are still her own green color, she probably doesn't want to let the people know who she really is. I can only imagine the amount of control this demands of her. Natasha is the one who pushed the guy back and she is standing in one of her fighting stances. "Did you not hear what she said?! ONE: Get your hands of her...!" She gives him a punch against his hips and the guy groans. "TWO: Or I will punch you in the...!" She punches him in the face. I can hear a crack that makes my stomach turn and blood runs out of his nose. "THREE: Stop you're staring at her… HEY!" She calls out as he makes a sloppy attempt to punch back. She immediately turns around and kicks him in his crotch. He yelps out and falls to the floor. "Take a hint!" She hisses. I clinch to Wanda and even though I dislike violence, I am relieved to see the two women having my back. As we turn around, Natasha smacks a couple of bills on the counter and Wanda whispers: "Let me tell you what I think. I think you could use a mint." It's directed to the man lying on the floor and I see a shimmer of red shining through these beautiful eyes of hers. She puts her arm around my waist and pulls me even closer. Together with these two awesome women I leave this place, on our way back to the compound… Back home.