Beginnings

Renée was assessing her appearance in the mirror, feeling a little flustered and disappointed.

It had been 6 weeks since she had been kicked out by her parents and left to come to Leeds. Her injuries had improved significantly but the severe beating had left her with some discolouring and scars littered across her skin. The marks that the beating had left behind were fading but it would take much longer for her mind to heal too. She could still hear the screams in her head. She could still see Dante's crumpled body, his green eyes piercing into hers.

She'd never fully forget the events of that day for the rest of her life but perhaps she could forget them a little. Her mental health had been going down lately though it hadn't been exactly ideal to start with, to begin with.

For the first few weeks, she'd been unable to sleep alone without crying out, nightmares plaguing her. She was still finding it difficult to shut her mind off. She was constantly on edge feeling like anything could happen at any moment and that she had to stay alert.

She realised that she was shaking just thinking about it and gripped her hand to keep it still, urging herself to stay calm.

Today was a big day for her. It was her first day in a new college, in a new city. She'd been wondering for weeks what it would be like and if she'd make any friends. She intended to stay to herself though. She'd had enough of being in the spotlight all the time. No one needed to know who she was.

She fake smiled at her reflection trying to see if she could convince others that she wasn't slowly falling apart.

She then assessed her face and arms feeling satisfied that the scars and faint bruises had been concealed. She didn't need another reason for people to be staring at her.

She'd avoided looking at her face too much until now. There was no doubt that her appearance had improved but she knew. She knew that she wasn't the same girl she used to be.

She was a nervous mess and it wouldn't take long for her to break down.

No. You'll be okay.

You'll get through this.

You're strong.

If she could get through today without having an anxiety attack or drawing unwanted attention to herself then it would be an achievement on her part.

She could be whoever she wanted to be. That thought was comforting because she knew she didn't have to act anymore. That sure was refreshing.

She looked over her reflection in the mirror one more time, feeling a little better but not exactly comfortable.

She had decided on a pair of leggings that were now baggy on her short legs and an oversized hoodie, not wanting to be noticed. She also felt like she didn't deserve to look good when all she wanted to was climb into her bed, pulling the covers over her head and blasting music in her room.

Truth was, she was still hurting. It still hurt knowing that her family didn't want her in their lives anymore.

Correction, her father didn't want her in their family anymore. If it wasn't for him, she'd still be there. She'd never have lost Dante or had her heart broken. She'd still be with Mum and Anara.

Anara.

She missed her sorely. She missed her antics and the way she used to steal her drinks from her. She missed talking to her sister about anything and everything. It was the small things that she missed. Anara had been the only one to help her when she found out that she was pregnant.

She truly was the best sister that anyone could ever ask for.

She could feel tears in the corners of her eyes and sighed to herself feeling frustrated. She didn't want to be weak. She didn't want to be crying all the time. It was the memories that upset her the most. There was so much uncertainty and she doubted if she'd ever see them again. It was near to impossible as long as her dad was around.

Sighing a little, she stared away from the mirror and dragged her feet out of her room, struggling to stay positive.

She trailed down the stairs and made herself some toast. She ate in silence and when she had finished, she grabbed an apple for later before slipping a book into her bag.

She went back upstairs and peaked her head around Nana's door who was fast asleep, curled in a ball. She kissed her cheek and then slipped out of the room quietly.

She stroked Bruce and waved him goodbye before locking the door. She'd secretly hoped that she could have said goodbye to Nana before leaving today. She just needed someone to tell her that everything was going to be fine.

As she made herself comfortable on the bus she quickly typed out a message to Nana to reassure her that she had made it safe for when she eventually woke up.

Her nerves were slightly on edge as she got closer and closer to the college but fought off her conflicting thoughts. It was only natural for her to feel out of depth and slightly curious seeing as she had never been to a public school in her life. They seemed fun but it had never been an option at home as her family were far too prestige to send her to a public school.

She stepped off the bus and then walked through the gates of Blackburn College. There were groups of students chatting and laughing with each other in the courtyard and she felt a few people staring at her. As if she wasn't nervous enough.

It had been a while since she'd been the new girl. She was used to being known by everyone but maybe she could use this to her advantage.  She set her phone to silent and checked her watch to see that she had a few minutes before her first class started.

She found her locker and dumped a few of her books that she wouldn't need until later. As she was in the process of sorting out her books, she heard a voice say to her,

"I've never seen you around here before,"

She'd been so concentrated on sorting out her books as to not draw any attention to herself that she jumped in fright. A prominent blush then appeared on her cheeks as her eyes met a pair of black ones that belonged to a freakishly beautiful boy.

She had to slightly tilt her head to get a better look at him. He had to be at least 6'1 whilst she was only a mere 5'2.

She was entranced by his high cheekbones and dark chocolate skin. He raised his eyebrows curiously at her odd reaction. She blushed again when she realised that he was waiting for her to say something.

He smiled at her widely, showing off his perfect teeth and she smiled briefly back to not come across as rude.

" I didn't mean to scare you." He said.

"You just took me by surprise, that's all." She avoided his gaze and returned to shuffling her books around before shutting her locker.

"What's your name beautiful?" She watched him bite his lower lip in a seductive manner and internally cringed.

He was incredibly predictable. And she wondered what he saw in her to approach her.

She looked like a mess and she knew it.

" You don't need to know." She said bluntly before turning around to leave.

"I'll find out eventually." He replied.

She narrowed her eyes at him and tutted, " If you're going to find out then why would you ask?"

"It means more coming from you," He said with a small smile. "I'm Alcidio by the way. But most people call me Cid."

"I didn't ask. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a lesson to go to and I'm sure you do too."

She was quite aware that she wasn't giving a good first impression on Cid and she was being a little more blunt than usual.

All the pain and nerves that had been built up over the past few weeks was causing her to take it all out on Cid. She didn't even know him and she knew that he didn't deserve it but quite frankly she felt like shit.

She turned her head to see Alcidio following after her and felt annoyed. She hoped that she hadn't found herself a stalker.

"What lesson do you have?" He called out.

She quickened her pace and answered, "Psychology, now would you leave me alone?"

She was far too slow for him though. His height meant that he didn't have to run to catch up with her whereas her short and stubby legs meant that she was panting slightly.

"Me too." He smiled.

He watched Renée bend over a little, her hand on her heart. She had a terrible stitch from practically running away from him.

She never used to be this unfit before but the thing about depression is that it collapses time.

You become so focused on your pain and emotions that you fail to do the things you normally love to. You're fighting everyday with your demons and at times Renée had contemplated whether it was worth it to keep fighting her pain. Maybe she should just feel every inch of her pain until it didn't hurt her anymore.

She used to love swimming. She used to be really good at it. The sounds of the crowd cheering her on and the energy pulsing through her blood. It was one of the things she used to love to do but all that could be shown for her talent were a few medals and awards that didn't mean anything to her anymore. It could never replace the satisfaction and pride that she felt whenever she came out on top after weeks of relentless training.

"You have Mrs Woods, right?" Alcidio pointed to one of the classrooms and she nodded, trying to gather herself before she entered the classroom. After wiping away the tears that threatened to drop, she sighed and entered the busy classroom feeling hundreds of eyes on her.

She purposefully looked at the ground as to not meet anyone's gaze. She wasn't good with people. She never had been.

"Ah, so you must be our newest student?" A sweet and soft voice reached her ears and she looked up, a faint smile gracing her lips. She wanted her to like her but would have felt fake if she smiled properly.

The look of happiness didn't suit her these days. But she had to try her best to convince everyone that she was okay. Less questions would be asked if no one was aware of her current emotional state.

"You must be Renée Rivers." She said, still smiling before introducing herself too.

"Where would you like to sit, Renée?" Mrs Woods asked.

She mumbled something incoherently saying that she didn't really mind where she sat but the decision was taken out of her hands when she heard Alcidio call out that she could sit next to him.

Renée had a strong urge to roll her eyes. She couldn't seem to get rid of him and she wished that he'd give up trying to get to know her.

Mrs Woods then nodded her head in his direction and she dragged her feet to the back of the classroom and as she got closer to him, his smirk became more prominent.

"Renée Rivers." He murmured, moving closer to her. " What a beautiful name; it suits you."

She looked at him and scoffed at his comment.

If he thought that they would become friends then he was certainly mistaken. He didn't seem too bad but there was something about him that was putting her off slightly. She didn't know what it was but she was sure that she'd find out soon enough.

Mrs Woods soon launched into the lesson discussing and explaining the various aspects of social influence and Renée began taking notes frantically. She'd been out of education for a while and when she had been it wasn't as if she'd taken advantage of the opportunities that she'd been given.

As Renée continued to scribble down notes in her notepad she eventually looked up from the desk and was surprised when she found several eyes throwing daggers in her direction. All the girls looked like they could kill her and she wondered why.

Soon enough, she let out a breathless laugh at the situation.

Just as she had first suspected, Alcidio was very popular with the girls. She realised that she was now seen as a threat to others especially as he had wished for her to sit next to him in class.

They didn't have anything to worry about though. If it wasn't for her state of mind at the moment she probably would have been interested in him too. She wouldn't be against being his friend that was for sure.

After losing Dante and the break up with Rocky, she wasn't looking for any male attention. If anything, it was the last thing on her mind.

She didn't want to hurt anyone again.

"If you don't close your mouth any time soon, you're going to catch flies."

Renée suddenly felt a shiver run up her spine when she felt Alcidio whisper in her ear. She rolled her eyes at his words and tried to pay attention to the lesson after being distracted by her thoughts.

"What's on your mind?" He asked quietly so that no one else would hear his words except her.

"Nothing." She said. "Though, I'm a little curious as to why I'm receiving so many dirty glances."

Cid chuckled a little and answered, "I'm guessing that your arrival has made a few people feel threatened. It's nothing to worry about though."

"Are you single?" She asked.

"You're forward. But lucky for you, I like that."

He smirked widely and she placed a hand on her head, despairing a little.

"I just wanted to know if you have a crazy girlfriend who would attack me if she even knew that you looked in my direction. I've got to be ready for anything." She said correcting the miscommunication. "And don't flatter yourself. You're not my type anyway."

He placed a hand on his heart jokingly and then chuckled again.

"What, so you don't do friends either?"

Her eyes widened a little at his question and she frowned whilst he raised his eyebrows waiting for a response.

"No I don't."

"Well, now you do." She felt him stuff something into her palm and he got up from the desk and made his way out of the classroom.

It was only then that she had realised that the class was over and everyone else was dispersing out of the room. She unfolded the piece of paper and narrowed her eyes to read the small and neat letters printed on the sheet.

A phone number and an address.

She frowned once more and pocketed the note before packing up her things. She felt confused by the note and also annoyed.

Why was he so keen to get to know her? Why did he want them to be friends so bad?

She told herself that he was just a friendly person. Perhaps he saw something in her that caused him to approach her in the first place. Another part of her was telling her that he had an ulterior motive towards her even though she didn't want to think badly of him.

She didn't know how to feel about this.

There was one thing that was certain: she may be a new person here but day by day the pain in her chest was only making its presence more known.

It was going to be hard.

But she had no choice but to carry on.