Please Don't Say You Love Me [Jeon Jungkook]

It was hard growing up with divorced parents. One Christmas with mom, another with dad. Actually, celebrating anything was pretty hard. But learning to love someone was much harder.

Growing up, I never really had a vision of what "love" looked like. Mom was always screaming and dad was always gone. I never left the house much because, what's really the point.

Throughout the years, I've had crushes and people have liked me. But there was really nothing more than that. I was never invested in the idea of a boyfriend, love was just a topic I never wanted to touch.

College was where I met my first best friend, Jeon Jungkook. He was the photographer, the Mr. Popular, the one-in-a-million guy that all the girls want. I knew in the back of my head that I told him we couldn't be more, and he respected my decision. It's just, sometimes I wished this barrier wasn't a problem.

"Wanna go out tonight?" I asked Jungkook. He was lying on the couch in my apartment. Even though he wasn't my roomie, he sure acted like it.

I was in the kitchen grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. He turned around to catch my eyes when I closed the fridge door and shook his no. "Got a date tonight."

I smiled at him and raised my eyebrows in shock. It really shouldn't have been a surprise though, Jungkook was a magnet to all the girls on campus. I'm still confused sometimes as to why he was friends with me out of every other girl.

"Who is it this time?" I asked him, walking over to the couch and plopping down right next to him.

"Do you remember the girl from the party?" He asked, taking my water bottle and taking a sip from it.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Which girl? There were thousands."

"The one with the really nice hair," he replied.

"You suck at describing people," I laughed.

He shrugged and took another sip from the water bottle.

"Can I get a name?" I asked after he didn't reply.

"It was..." He took a long break. Way too long. Gosh, he forgot the poor girl's name.

"Don't gotta strain your brain, Kook. It's all okay." I smiled, patting him on the head.

"I don't even remember her name! I should just stay here with you," he whined.

I grabbed the remote in front of me and turned on the T.V.

"Jeon Jungkook, you told this girl you were gonna go. So go."

"But I don't want to!"

"Then you shouldn't have made plans with her!"

He groaned in annoyance. Of course, he did, I was right.

"Why did you make plans with her if you didn't feel like going anyways?" I skipped through the channels, looking for something interesting to watch. I looked over to Kook who was looking at me. "Wait, unless you like her. Does Kookie have a crush?"

Jungkook grabbed the remote that was still in my hand and lowered down the volume.

"I do not like her." His voice was clear as day.

"Then why'd you make plans?"

It was like I struck a nerve in him or something. Jungkook placed down the remote on the coffee table in front of us. When he turned back to look at me, his eyes were dilated. It was like the answer was so clear in front of me, yet I still didn't get it.

"Because I'm trying to get you out of my mind."

Now, this came as a shock to me. Wait for what? Out of his mind? Me?

"W-what are you talking about?" I asked him.

"You. You're always on my mind. Do you think I like hanging out with other girls and leaving you here? Do you think I like the idea of leaving you alone? God no, I hate it so much. And I know that you have this whole thing about love and I told you I'd respect it but fuck, I love you."

I bit my lip and held back the tears at Jungkook's confession. My heart dropped whenever he wasn't around. It dropped at the thought of him and some girl together. I wanted to punch myself for feeling this way because deep inside I knew it was something I had to get used to. All my reasons were valid though, I just couldn't give him the love that he deserves.

"Y-you love me?" I asked him. I could hear how shaky my voice was.

"Yes. And I know you can love me back."

Jungkook grabbed onto my hands.

"Kook..." I tried to pull my hands away from his, but his grip was too strong.

"Please. Can we give us a try?"

"I-I can't."

"But why?"

"You know why."

"Your parents made those mistakes, not us. We are not them. Come on, stop being afraid. Give us a chance."

"That's the thing. What if this is a mistake? What if we are a mistake?"

"Then make this mistake!"

"I really don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Jungkook said. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "I love you."

"Please don't say you love me."

"But I-"

The knock from the door caused both of us to fall into silence. His date, hangout, the girl was on the other side.

Before I gave him a chance to talk, I got up and opened the door. She was so pretty, probably could give him everything I couldn't.

"Have fun," I smiled at Jungkook.

He looked at me with sad eyes. I knew he wanted to cancel on her right then and there, just to stay with me.

"Go. Have fun. I'll see you later," I told him.

He grabbed his keys, gave my hand a squeeze, told me the words "I do," then left.

He does.

He does love me.

A door knock rang through the apartment somewhere in the middle of the night. I didn't bother to check my phone because the brightness would be too much for my eyes.

I yawned as I made my way towards the door, my eyelids dropping every few seconds. I heard my feet shuffling on the ground until I hit something.

"Ouch, stupid-"

When I opened the door, Jungkook stood on the other side. He was dripping from head to toe which made me realize that it was raining outside.

"What are-"

My eyes flew wide open as Jungkook pulled me inside his arms and kissed me. I shivered at how cold he was and how tightly he held onto me.

"Kook," I gasped when we pulled away.

"I love you," he said. His words were clear and blunt, like that was the only thing on his mind ever since he left. He made it seem such a hard thing so simple.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. When I left, I knew I made the worst decision ever. You know how hard it was for me to focus on her when you were the only person on my mind."

I didn't know how to reply. It felt like everything was happening all at once. Seeing Jungkook standing there got my heart skipping beats again. And oh god, I might regret this but...

"I love you, too," I whispered to him.

♡♡♡

Nothing's been proofread, sorry for the mistakes.