The Unwanted Flower

Restless.

That was I four years ago. I was disturbed by fear and guilt. Sinner! Immoral! Merciless!-- my conscience shouted loudly. Kill it! Kill it! I need to kill it!-- the words that I chose to listen to.

I am born with good brain cells, making me a remarkable student since then. But this plaque that was entitled to me jailed me in adoration. Adoration that brought me to fear mistakes. Afraid to stain the sparkling eyes fixated on me. Scared to break the trophy in my parent's hearts. So I... So I always do smart and good.

It didn't last long, one day at my sixteenth years of existence, I give life to my fear. Who's to be blamed? Me. Why? Because I am blessed with intelligence but I ain't wise. What gives life to my fear? My fear to be unloved.

I've got my goal set, my first, my last. For his heart to be mine forever, I thought I should give him all. Believing our wild romance, thinking he's my fate, I give my woman treasure. He can take it all, all of me, as long as his warms surround me. I fear being unloved thus I gave him all my love.

I am blinded by that sweet culprit. It got me too deep, too deep, too deep.

One day, it dug a hole in my mind. A hole that fed my fear. Two red horizontal lines on display were the beasts that run after me.

I was chuckled in dark. Him whom I thought I can lean on, left me boneless. Mama! I am scared. Daddy! I am becoming insane. Afraid of humiliation, terrified to break my mama and daddy' s hearts and unready of the growing seed, I decide to reap it early.

I wanted it, I wished to water it yet my distress is greatest of them all. That day, I stained my sanity. I forgot my humanity, my conscience. Hello, murderer!

My mind lust blood. Blood... Blood... Blood flow between my thighs. Hello, medicine! Welcome home punches! Embrace me, sickness! Not enough, it's still beating inside me.

Before I will become a demon, heaven made its way. After my high school marching, the seed growing inside me was revealed. Amazingly blissfully, that day, I, the demoness start to crawl out from hell.

I painted sadness in our warm home but it didn't last long. My family's love is greater than my sin. They have embraced me, enlighten me and love me still. Heaven really is kind. I deserved to be punished, to be left and to suffer yet It bestowed me help. The help that restored my spirit.

Heaven wasn't satisfied enough, it blessed me a successful battle between life and death. And, the unwanted seed blooms healthy and awesome. Glad was I, to see her genuine smile. Thankful was I, to see love envelopes her.

Though I have no man to hold her with-- wonderfully magically mystically, the flower occupied my heart, leaving no space for grieving.

Restless.

Yes, I am. I am restless loving my sweet naughty little flower knight. My weak heart became bolder. My blackened soul starts to have its wings. Her voice is my tranquility. Her waves of laughter are my foundation of strength. Her whom I tried to slay, is my sunshine, my air, my perfect half.

To Heaven...

This woman on this crying land will always be bound by gratitude. Watch us, guide us and light us that may we come together at your paradise hand in hand.