Monologue of a Maiden In Love

A Day In The Fated Future

Location - Unknown

(Blair's POV)

Back when I was a lot younger, I experienced an identity crisis. It always revolved around one question; "Am I still human? Or am I just some monster isolated from the world?" 

This story all started with a simple dream. Only for me to find out that, it was quite impossible to fulfill.

As I was growing up into becoming the ideal woman "they" wanted me to be, there was this one desire I could never shake off. 

It was to simply live a normal and peaceful life. 

I know, that doesn't sound like anything special but I'm serious, it's the absolute truth. For as long as I could remember, I never had any other grand ambitions. Atleast the ones that existed outside of wanting to live in satisfaction. 

But now that I'm old enough and gone through my fair share of troubles, I can't help but look back at the past and notice something odd about the world. 

You see, there was this lesson I had learnt quite some time around my maturity into adulthood and the day where I came face to face with a "certain conclusion". 

The lesson I learned was something like this; "No matter how natural it may come to many, a "normal life" will always be a difficult concept to logically understand." Sounds like the logic of a monster who never experienced what humanity is, am I right? 

But I suppose in that regard, that's valid.

Our world is one riddled with an infinite number of contradictions. Take for instance a mere commoner and a rich noble. The life of a commoner is vastly different then the life of the noble who rules over them. The difference in the roles these concepts play is what generally defines the term, "society". 

And where there is a society, there are always some form of standards, limitations, and expectations that must be upheld. The only true difference is merely the location in which they are enforced. 

Knowing this, I couldn't help but ask; "If the setting and even ethnic background are so important, what exactly is a normal life that can be applied to everyone? And how could I live in one?" 

Unfortunately, much to my dismay, it doesn't exist in the first place. Simply because no matter how hard the world may preach for equality, those three unspoken laws of society will always affect different people in many different ways. 

And even if there was such a thing, I still wouldn't be able to bypass the "shackles" that restrained me…

But if we were to borrow the unofficial words from general society then a normal life would have to follow the basic pattern of getting an education, getting a job, falling in love, getting married, and eventually….find happiness. 

"Living a normal life, isn't that what makes a person human?" When I asked myself that question, I was already aware that the answer was subjective.

But in the time where I suffered from that crisis, the answer to me was a definite yes. Why? It's because I based it off the notion of "it's what humans do, therefore I should do the same". 

"Wait….T-that wasn't a thought a normal person would have right?" Something I asked myself once. 

It was thoughts like these that made me realize that I had eventually become terrified of myself. I started to question if I was a regular human being, simply because I wasn't living a life the vast majority did. 

The life I lived was practically handed to me on a silver platter to where I didn't need to worry about a career like a normal person would, so that ruled out "getting a job". On the other hand, I did receive a rather consistent education, and I would've counted it as a plus if it wasn't for the fact that I despised the "school" I attended. Or rather, was forced to do so. 

Well, not like home was any better. 

Having to deal with a sheltered environment, nothing around me brought me true happiness. 

Life was stressful and extremely mundane. All the while being constricted by rules and limitations, I was met with unbearable expectations that I needed to live up to. 

Just so I can simply please "them".

I swear, when I was living in that….environment, I learned that whether I succeed or fail, the result would be one of two things.

It was always either A, "You did great! Now do better!", or B, "You fail, now face the consequences!" 

Honestly, how I managed to survive all those years was beyond even me. Or did I? For all I could know, I could just be some monster who isn't aware of when their sanity deteriorates into something worse. 

But what I did know was that I would be unable to not even make my simple dream come true. Because no matter how hard I either worked or held myself back, I was forever "cursed" with a burden that stopped me from living the life I always wanted. 

It was a "curse" that would revoke all forms of my self proclaimed humanity and leave me naught but that of some bloody demon bound by the past. A curse that persisted in consuming every part of me like a parasite until eventually, I came face to face with that "conclusion" I spoke of earlier. 

Heh, I guess, in the very end, it doesn't even matter, right? It's like watching a tragic ending of an even more depressing story.  

It's enough to make a grown woman cry. 

But I absolutely refuse to cry, because the past is in the past. What's done is done. Knowing when to let bygones be bygones, I can no longer weep over spilt milk.

I had my fair share of sobbing to last me more than a lifetime. I refuse to cry or let the past dictate who I am as a person.

Besides, Darling doesn't need a wife who always wallows in self pity and despair! That's right! It's important that the old me is dead and gone! I'm a new woman!

Those series of unfortunate events are completely behind me now. The past no longer affects me and I'm most definitely no longer plagued by my "curse". 

If it wasn't for (???????), I wouldn't have the second chance I pleaded for all those years before. I've accepted the new life he handed me, becoming fully aware that this would mean sacrificing any sense of normality you could expect from human civilization. 

It hurts knowing that I would need to abandon the dream I held on to before, but atleast through him I was able to obtain a whole new sense of freedom that I could never dream of previously. I was even able to bear witness to a bigger picture, one that overshadows any of my personal problems.

As for myself? Well, I can't exactly say for sure if I'm still human or have truly become a monster. I may not have a confident answer to give right now, nor do I believe I'll find one at this point. 

But one thing I can say for sure is that my journey towards self-discovery hasn't stopped yet.  Regardless of how I may view myself, at the end of the day, I'm simply making the most out of the time I was blessed with. 

Besides, there was atleast one aspect I was able to pursue during my quest to remain a human; That was "falling in love".  

Dazai Crowley, I noticed something interesting about you.

At one point in your life, you had reached such levels of inhumanity, many would question whether you're still human or a monster. 

In retrospect, wouldn't you say you're just like me? 

No, unlike me, you never questioned for a moment what you were. You went along with the flow. You braved the unknown and accepted whatever lied on the other side whether it was for good or for worse.

I…I wish I could do that. 

It's not fair for you to make me so jealous.

But it's okay, because I forgive you.

After all, a proper wife doesn't hold grudges against her husband. Not if they wish for a normal yet happy life.

Dazai, you don't know much about me or why I exist, so I absolutely understand if you view me as some sort of stalker for right now.

So I promise, when the time is right, I'll explain everything to you. 

But know that I love you. 

And I truly mean that.

I'll say it as many times as I need to.

Whether you like it or not, I'm always going to give you the affection and the respect a wife would give to her husband. 

On the other hand, its sad to say, but you are right.

In your eyes, I'm nothing more than a stranger to you.

What you said earlier was perfectly valid, and one I won't fuss over.

But at the same time, I know many ways to work around that~

So I looked towards Dazai, a little confused as to what I wanted to say.

At one point I questioned him looking at me so closely when for some odd reason I thought I noticed him observing my current expression of confusion.

But those thoughts got sidetracked when the perfect sentence came to mind.  And so I removed all signs of my previous confusion and replaced it with a somewhat genuine smile, allowing a portion of my happiness and affection to leak through as I spoke to him with a slight whisper. 

"Oh, silly. But that's just how a relationship starts. From the bond of two strangers. Besides, it's just the two of us here. So why don't we take this time to…." 

As I was speaking, I softly traced my index finger along his chest, rising from his abdomen up towards his Adam's apple before finally arriving at the chin. 

Quickly approaching his right ear in the same manner I did before where he couldn't react to my movements, I barely left an inch in between us. 

I knew that Dazai's reflexes were fast and in a couple of seconds he would react in some way to put more distance in between us.

So instead I delayed his reaction speed by subtly yet softly blowing into his ear canal, allowing me to take pleasure in his cute and uneasy shivers. 

"Urk..!?" 

Hehe~ Are you feeling it now, Dazai?~

Of course you are, I can already see you getting a boner from back here~

Good, now that his "flagpole" has been raised, I think its time to deliver the final nail in the coffin.

Making sure I was in the perfect spot for him to hear every decibel, I try to speak in my most seductive tone possible. 

"....get to know each other some more?~"