966. Chapter 966

After The Squab and the Quail

Episode 5.21

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I own neither birds nor Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

This is a sequel to chapters 536, 802, 867 and 927.

"How are my two favorite virtual reality role players?" Todd Manwaring asked as he opened the doors to his company, Sinthesis, Inc.

Rick and Kate smiled. "Very happy to be here again, Todd." Kate replied. "And I can't wait to see what you have in store for us tonight."

Todd gave her an odd look. "Rick didn't tell you?"

She turned to her husband. "No, he didn't. Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

Castle smiled. "This is going to be so cool. I was so impressed with Todd's virtual reality program the times we used it, that I wrote a scenario just for us."

Kate's eyes narrowed. "This doesn't involve Nikki Heat going around as a scantily clad Russian party girl, by any chance, does it?"

"Of course not. It's not anything like that. But I was so impressed with the sword and sorcery game we played the last time, I wrote a scenario, just for us."

Todd laughed. "Don't worry, Kate. We'd like to do a Nikki Heat game someday and if we do, I'll make sure that the Nikki we create meets with your approval. Now if you'll come with me?"

They walked through Sinthesis' headquarters to the VR room.

"At least this time we won't have to worry about Erika Vaughn." Kate said.

"No, but she hasn't been caught by the police, although her financial empire has collapsed after all of her frauds were exposed. She's been hiding somewhere for six months now. Considering the number of governments looking for her, I'm surprised she hasn't been caught. "Todd said.

Kate had a number of reasons to hate Erika Vaughn. One she had gotten away with murder and two, she was hot for Rick. "She's wanted by the Saudi's, several of the Gulf States and a couple of African dictatorships. I hope she gets caught by one of those."

"I'm sure she had money and phony ID's all set up, just in case she ever got caught." Rick said. "And there are places where she'd be welcome, as long as she can pay and be useful.'

Kate laughed. "I can just see her enjoying the good life in North Korea, Iran or Syria. Only rogue states would take her in."

They sat down in comfortable chairs and Todd helped them put on the VR goggles. For a moment Kate couldn't see anything, and then she was standing in a forest glade. She looked over at Castle and goggled. "Rick, is that how you see yourself?"

"Rick? I am Castle the Barbarian." He flexed his massive biceps and made a fist.

"Castle! You make Ahnold look like a ninety-eight pound weakling." Kate was laughing at the hugely muscular Castle, wearing only a headband, a loincloth and sandals.

"Speaking of looks, take a look at yourself."

Kate looked down and screamed. "Castle! I do not want these! There's huge. They look like double Ds."

"They're double E's." He said smirking. "It's just a joke."

"I want my own boobs back and I want them back now, do you understand?" She said angrily.

Before she finished the sentence, her boobs returned to their normal size. "And I'm wearing a chain mail bikini?"

"All the sword and sorcerer chicks….women wear chain mail bikinis. Everyone knows that."

Kate glared at him and then smiled. "Okay, since it's just us here. But no one had better see me like this."

"Just me. And the rest of the group."

"What rest of the group?" She asked suspiciously.

"Me." Said a familiar voice. "Rick, the ruggedly magical wizard."

She turned around to see another Castle, but this one wore a psychedelically patterned robe with a tall, pointed hat. He leaned on a wooden staff that was taller than he was. "Did you borrow that outfit from your mom?"

Another familiar voice spoke. "Of course he didn't. I stole it for him. I'm Katie of the Thieves Guild." She smiled. "I'm the Chief of the Thieves Guild." Katie the Thief was dressed in a black patent leather bikini and was, of course, Kate, but with long, lustrous black hair.

She just shook her head. "One of me isn't enough for you?" She teased.

"There could only ever be one of you. You're not just remarkable, you're unique."

She held out her hand and he took it. "Then let's go adventuring, Castle the Barbarian."

They soon left the woods and came to a large clearing. In the distance they could hear a rhythmic thumping.

"By the prickling of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." Rick the Wizard said.

"Shakespeare or Agatha Christie?" Kate asked.

"Both." Castle replied. "Oh, look. It's an evil giant."

He was indeed an evil giant, filthy, with matted hair and a necklace of human skulls around his neck. He carried a huge club in one hand. He was also…..

"Demming?" Kate said. "Won't you ever stop being jealous of my old boyfriends?"

"Never." Castle replied, flexing his muscles.

"Do you want me to handle this one, Boss?" Rick the Wizard asked.

"Sure. Do your thing."

Rick stepped forward, lifted his staff and muttered and incantation while making mystical gestures. Mystical gestures mostly involving one finger of each hand. There was a puff of smoke and the giant disappeared, replaced by a small black and white animal.

"You turned him into a skunk?" Kate asked, giggling.

"A special kind of skunk." Rick replied. "He'll keep spraying eau de skunk. No one will come near him."

"Castle, he may have been an evil giant, but now he's just a little animal. Be nice to him."

Castle the Barbarian bowed to his lady love. "Your wish is my command."

Kate looked down and saw that the skunk was now a little black and white kitten. She picked him up and carried her with them.

"You might enjoy the next person we meet a bit more." Castle said.

The came around a large tree to find Ellie Monroe sitting and reading her reviews aloud. "The Return of the Swamp Thing stank. The stinkee was Ellie Monroe." She began to cry. "Ellie Monroe played Ophelia in Hamlet last night. Ophelia lost." Now she was sobbing. "I don't wear my seatbelt when driving to see Ellie Monroe's films in hopes that I'll die first."

As Ellie sobbed, network chief Howard Weisberg walked up to her. "Monroe, I have a job for you."

Ellie brightened at once. "Did I get the part of Nikki Heat in the TV series?"

Weisberg laughed sarcastically. "Are you kidding? The only person who could play Nikki Heat is Captain Kate Beckett and she's too busy saving New York. No, I got you a job with the North Korean TV network. Ah, here's your ride to your new job now."

An ICBM rose under Ellie and lifted her in the air, then the missile ignited, sending Ellie skyward. Several miles above the Earth, the missile exploded, causing Weisberg and a group of his hanger's on to go "Ooh!" and "Aah."

"Castle I wasn't that jealous of Ellie. I just thought you were making a fool of yourself over her. All she wanted from you was the part of Nikki Heat."

"You weren't that jealous?" Castle smirked.

"Okay, I was jealous. Are you happy?"

"I'm always happy. After all, you're my wife."

"Shall we continue?"

Castle put his hand to his ear. "Wait. Another miscreant comes."

Across the clearing rode a knight, dressed in all black armor, riding a black steed which was also encased in black armor. The knight, and the horse were bristling with weapons. "Go away, Barbarian. It's me and Beckett."

"Josh? Josh is the Black Knight? Really, Castle"

As the Black Knight charged, the sky was darkened with arrows and spears thrown by the knight and his horse. All of these were easily batted away by Castle the Barbarian's sword. Then, as the Black Knight swung his huge axe at Castle, Castle swung first, shattering the knight into thousands of tiny pieces.

Kate bent down to look at one of the pieces. "Legos? You made him out of Legos?"

Castle nodded. "I couldn't find any Tinker Toys."

Kate slowly shook her head. "Can we go now?"

"You'll like the next one a lot better."

Coming through a small section of woods, they arrived another clearing. In the center of the clearing was Meredith, surrounded by a group of men.

"You're the worst actress ever." Said Martin Scorsese. "I asked you to play a plate of cannoli in The Mean Streets of Malibu. You couldn't even do that."

George Lucas spoke. "How hard was it to play the broken droid in The Return of the End of the Empire?"

"I asked you to play a lump of elephant dung in Indiana Jones Retires to Africa and you failed." Steven Spielberg complained. "You gave me nothing."

Quentin Tarantino yelled at her. "You played a katana in Death Ninjas of Sunset Strip and you failed utterly."

Friz Freleng sadly shook his head. "The only part you didn't stink in was when I asked you to play Pepe le Pew. He's a skunk! He's supposed to stink!"

"Damn straight." The kitten in Kate's arms said.

"You can talk?" Kate said, surprised.

"Duh. This is virtual reality. Now listen to Meredith."

To be continued.