H2Oz_Anxious
Dream to create a world to reincarnate in. Discord: H2Oz_Anxious#2334
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And yet you write better than me. 🙂
The story seems good and from the looks of it, the writer has a great way with words. They are learning how to work with perspective but they should soon find their equilibrium with them. The pacing and balance is not perfect but it is not so much that it affects anything. Overall, it’s a great experience with a progression structure where the MC also has experience of his past.
Why’s even interested in anything at all?
It could use some work… 🥲 Like, it’s not that it’s boring, it’s meaningless. There’s no point here, not even the there’s-no-point-to-this point that you tried to make.
‘It’s not like I would ever spare these hideous beasts.’
Using He after calling it an It isn’t appropriate 😃
See, just like how you can’t show this in a FPP, you unconsciously know the whole interaction doesn’t have to be from his perspective.
By just changing the whole interaction into TPP, you can make it so much more impactful, you know? FPP is not really needed here. Try reading it back again yourself.
It won’t be like a fountain.
You’re going from TPP to FPP. It’s not confusing but the transition isn’t as impactful as it could be.
Then make them seem like existences not spectators 🙂↕️
Nah, this better 🥹
Line could get better. Think as a reader.
No. That’s someone else. Highest possible evaluation rank is <SSS>. He got <S> two levels lower than hers. Then there’s <EX> a rank that doesn’t make any sense. Just like how it doesn’t make any sense to become a dragon slayer in the tutorial when you’re (Level-0) and directly jumping tens and hundreds of levels.
Not exactly
I’m surprised you were still reading… not many people read this work these days so seeing someone pointing out the chapter I forgot to correct is rare. (There are times I forget to correct the unfinished chapters or accidentally put the wrong ones but forget about them completely unless someone points it out… there were people that did it previously, but not anymore. Well, thanks for pointing out the last one.) And thanks for reading.
One that shouldn’t have been here. Sorry.