Chapter 1- Misery And Mercy

This is a common misunderstanding.

I'm always amazed at how harsh the world can be on me and how many days my sanity can last.

The word "useless" always reminds me of my value.

Right. Nobody is able to console me. I'd hoped for real love for a long time.

Perhaps someone who isn't from this hell?

Hello! Is there anyone who has the ability to read my thoughts?

Is it possible for me to hold you for a moment? Looking for some emotional support? I'm about at the end of my rope... Something about my inner self... will break... very soon.

Thanks.

Could you stand it if I told you what I'm going through right now?

I'm currently in my room. I lay in my sweaty bed, starring at the spider's half-completed, adorable house.

As the wobbly man gripped both of my arms forcefully, my eyeballs rolled up and down.

Yes, everything was just as you predicted.

My older brother sexually assaults me while I moan inconsolably.

Forcefully

If I couldn't raise my tone seductively enough, he'd stop, strangle me until I passed out, and then ride again.

Heaven, as usual, turned a blind eye to my pleas... They did not allow me to die.

My older brother is enjoying himself above me while his five pals are ingesting powdered drugs on the tiled floor.

There are candles, torches, straws, and aluminum foil from packaged cigarettes all over the place.

They inhale and absorb the heavenly aroma that runs past their noses, and occasionally lick a small amount of it.

All of these addicts are the same.

I'm told I'm attractive, intelligent, and well-behaved, but I'm still treated as a sexual object and a punching bag.

Do you feel enraged on my behalf, or do you blame me because I'm weak?

Please give me a chance to provide you with the whole picture before you pass judgment.

To be honest, this girl is completely broken, but her tenacious brain managed to keep working.

Just like right now, chatting to you, an unknown listener.

Perhaps you are unconcerned and are only reading my thoughts.

So, this thought crossed my head:

What are the connections between my hard-to-shallow circumstances and research that suggests the brain doesn't experience pain?

Hmm... When did my brain decide to turn off my emotions?

So, whatever... change the thorny subject.

The nightmare days began when I witnessed our lovely nanny doing something naughty with my father and told my mother about it.

What happened after that?

Imagine a glass crashing to the ground from the tenth floor, and that's how my family gets off the rail.

Both my parents are politicians. You thought political marriage, right? You're correct.

Greed will be, and it will be all about mutual benefits—power, influence, wealth, and whatever else you can think of.

My mother decided to divorce him a month ago. The judge was bribed, and she abandoned us without saying goodbye.

No, that wasn't what I meant. It was a figure of speech and a surge of feeling.

When I saw my father shoot her in the back, a police squadron went after him one by one, and my unfaithful father was eventually proved guilty and jailed.

I, who had been hiding behind the large concrete pillar at the time, was taken aback when my mother survived the fatal injury.

I couldn't put my trust in my eyes in any way. The feeling that I'm the only one in the theater seeing a play

Two police officers have the same camera. One of them gave it to my mother, and she gave the officer a briefcase that included a large number of 1000 peso bills.

My mother has no regard for her children, and my father was declared dead one week after his trial.

She is quite concerned about her luck. She is a ruthless businesswoman.

She brings a lovely young man every night, and that's where my brother comes in.

I saw him sneaking into our mother's room one day, doing nefarious things with his right hand.

And then came the horrible day when I discovered the truth: he had been secretly molesting me.

As time passed, my vision became darker and darker.

I couldn't figure out why I constantly followed these people's orders.

Is there any resistance to them? Outraged? Is it possible to flee to another location?

My body, to tell you the truth, betrays my imploring will.

And I'm guessing my older brother drugged me without my knowledge.

I've tried a lot of things to get out of this funk, but my body isn't cooperating with me at all. It keeps unwanted thoughts at bay.

"What is that?" I know what you're thinking.

"Are you serious?"

Likewise, I'll inquire of you.What would you do if your body was feeble and drugged?

Rehabilitation? What is social welfare? Such things just exist on paper.

A tiny girl, no less...Without power, money, or friends to rely on, the so-called "human rights"? Is she capable of putting up a fight?

My mother was well aware of everything, but she seemed unconcerned. I'm not sure why she kept us around for the ride.

Killing me is a simple task.

Reporting to the authorities is also pointless. My mother dominated the entire island like a king, and anyone who dared to challenge her was muted.

Finally, my older brother comes to a halt and slides down to join his half-naked pals.

So, what do you think? They begin their filthy games, as is customary.

They touch every nook and cranny of their bodies, kissing, licking, and enjoying each other's tongues like soup.

And...

Then there were three pairs of intense moments. Do you get what I'm saying?

I feel relieved knowing that his friends despise me for not being able to please them.

They appear to be having a great time doing it. However, I didn't feel disgusted or satisfied when seeing them.

Well, as fully naked as I am, watching this spider complete her house is the only thing this day I'm pleased with, like watching a legendary artist do his masterpiece.

Not minding everyone else, I cleaned myself up in the bathroom, wore comfortable nightclothes, changed the bed's sweaty, smelly linens, buried myself, and tried to sleep while those manly voices...

Noisy

Yes, my smartphone is my savior and my only hero.

Fortunately, I found someone's smartphone at the school. Since internet services are unavailable on this island, I will take advantage of it.

So I shared lots of games from that phone to mine, and somehow a fluffy feeling rose within me. I've come to realize that these RPG games are my sole purpose in life.

Play and play.

They help me enough to survive and keep moving forward, just like my 2D avatars in each game.

Growing stronger with fearlessness

Although my frustration is still there, the imaginary chains blocked me from reaching the said realm.

A realm where you can escape temporarily

My hands trembled slightly...

My cold tears were flowing down the right side of my face...

Why?..

Why did my phone suddenly blackout?...

I wanted to laugh but couldn't...

My frail and wounded heart is shrinking...

Hello, Are you still there?

See? My last. My old scratchy smartphone left me behind...

Trying to revive it... still... all I imagined was a horizontal line.

A miserable fool and self-centered? Two points for you.

I don't get it. Why is everything so unfair to me?

Before I sleep...

Well, school... Yeah.

Since school life is a long story for you, I'd summarize it in two words.

Worst ever

Everyone could experience all the painful encounters I experienced.

Even those people who used me for their gain.

For example, I got fooled all the way around and played my heart for a school-scale bet.

The most popular handsome boy in the classroom confessed to me in public, and the fool, which is me, accepted him as my boyfriend. Everyone is happy, but some aren't.

A week has passed and I have fallen in love with him.

In the afternoon, I confronted that guy and said the three words cheerfully.

And it was at that point that he announced loudly that he had "won," moving his eyes to the right.

Behind the mango tree, a man rushed out and handed him five thousand peso bills while muttering.

The truth hit me over the face, and everyone put their money on the line.

I was told by the boy himself that if I fall in love with him, he will win a lot of money in the pool, as will the rest of the people on campus who have bet on him.

My secret message was heard by all, and guess what?

They laugh as if there isn't going to be another day.

My trust was squandered in the blink of an eye.

All I could say, silently in response to anyone out there-

It's so... frustrating...

I left crying in the midst of the shouting and giggles.

As a result, the dreadful school days continue.

On occasion, I was subjected to physical assault, verbal insults, and sexual harassment.

In any way, shape, or form,

Sorry for not being able to explain anything in detail.

All I have to say is that bullying me is a form of school entertainment.

Who are my acquaintances? Unless they need something from me.

What about the teachers and the principal? They're all male abusers.

If you're a lady, offer yourself and guarantee a mark of 90 or more, and you'll be excused from their tests without a doubt.

The junkies were exhausted and went downstairs, so it was time for me to sleep, possibly for the rest of my life. What a spectacular scene.

Well... Thank you very much, and good night.

****

The bleak dawn greets me, and here I had hoped for a warm embrace from the light.

It's 6:38 a.m. when I wake up, according to my alarm clock.

Heavy rain and thick cumulonimbus clouds blanketed the sky.

The heavy fog in the streets, as well as the idling cold breeze, remind me of a dismal place called Earth.

My room is on the second level, beside the stock room, in the easternmost section.

Seeing those disdainful glances coming in this direction reveals my deceased father's sinfulness.

The town's municipal mayor, no less.

When it comes to town, we're not really wealthy, and we're more of the suburban kind, I suppose. People here are also not poor.

"Hmm..."

What happened last night? Oh, right.

I took a wet towel and wiped the sticky, solidified substances off the floor. After that, throw everything away in the garbage can.

There don't appear to be any people in the area.

After putting the garbage can outside, I cleaned my hands and got ready for school.

You might wonder why I push myself so hard.

I don't have the answer yet, but I'll respond to your next query.

With courage, I raised my voice against them and fought for my rights.

What's more, guess what?

My predicament worsens and nearly kills me right away. Please don't make me say it again...

No matter what I do, I'm powerless.

I tried everything I could to get out of this bleak situation, but nothing worked.

No one can help unless it is in their best interests or a family commitment.

Everyone contributes out of a sense of self-satisfaction or a desire to appear good in public.

And everyone was well aware of the consequences of associating with me.

People in this country, or should I say, almost have that selfish nature regardless of whether they're conscious of it or not.

Yes, I'm mistaken. Not everyone is bad, but in my situation, it isn't.

Empty...

Zero (0)

None...

Nothing...

Those terms fit me indeed.

Wearing a casual uniform and using a transparent broken umbrella is perfect.

Drifting across the frigid fog, which dampens uniform and blurry lanes, like a lone leaf swiftly carried along within the stormy winds.

Letting go of the freaking stubborn umbrella and the non-existent wings helps her to fly freely.

These clouds on the surface tell you that you're an angel.

Dancing in the rain is the best!

Now I remember what it feels like to be happy.

People on the sidewalks are glaring at me, yet the calm, cemented road relieves me of all my pain.

Oh, rain, you make me feel better.

Dance and dance, and dance and dance.

I dropped every burden and undid my clothes.

Freedom at last!

"La, la, la... La, la, la... Oh, my goodness!"

"..."

"Oh, merciful God!"

"Oh, gracious God!"

"Hear me! Hear me! "

"Would you grant my wishes?"

"..."

"Oh, lovely and forgiving God!"

"..."

"Blessed me and let me free!"

"..."

*!!!*

At that single moment, two replies appeared before my eyes...

The time slowed oddly.

A question mark popped above my head.

Where should I go?

The light in the front? Or the light above?