17. Christmas

It was still dark when the alarm clock set loose a cascade of Christmas carols playing on the local station. The body behind her shifted as Derek buried his face into the back of her neck. Meredith smiled sleepily, her hands finding the arms wrapped securely around her torso, and tracing across his forearms to his hands. He squeezed her fingers as she weaved them with his, and she sighed happily at the contact.

They needed to get up soon, but she was content to lie in his arms, listening to carols, revelling in her first few conscious moments of the day. Her first Christmas with him. Her first Christmas with anyone, really.

Even breaths transferred through her back as his strong chest expanded rhythmically. He was still awake, but not moving to get up either; and she had a feeling he was doing exactly what she was. It was their first Christmas together. They both wanted to make the moments last as long as possible.

The low key, quiet, Christmas carol turned into a loud version of Jingle Bells, causing Meredith to wince at the sudden assault. She reluctantly reached to turn off the alarm, wishing the moment didn't have to end.

"Merry Christmas," Derek mumbled, his lips meeting the back of her neck several times.

"Mmm, Merry Christmas," she responded, shifting in his grasp to face him. She smiled at him when they were face to face and leaned in to kiss him. "I don't want to go to work."

He laughed and reached for her hand. "Me neither." They were both working the early shift, but would be off in time for dinner.

Meredith sighed heavily. "We have to get up."

"We do," he agreed.

She giggled. "I don't see you getting up."

"I'm comfortable."

"Me too." Meredith closed her eyes and leaned her forehead to rest against his. It was a good feeling; to be happy. After several moments she sighed and pulled her head away. "We're going to be late if we don't hurry."

"If we share a shower, we'll make up some time."

Meredith laughed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I could think of a few things..." He raised an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes and kissed him quickly before pulling away from him and rolling out of bed. She shivered as the chilly morning air hit her bare skin and she quickly pulled on her robe. Turning back to the bed, she met his hooded gaze and smirked. "Are you coming?"

He didn't waste any time to jump out of bed and don his own robe. "Good way to start the day." He grabbed her hand.

Meredith laughed and let him lead her across the hall to the bathroom.

000

The waiting room was quiet when they walked through the front doors of the hospital together. Only a few families sat scattered through the chairs. A large, fake, tree and a number of wrapped boxes sat in the far corner. The coffee cart was open, and Meredith smiled at the sole worker behind the counter, decked out in a red and white stripped shirt and a plush santa hat.

"Two large coffees, please," Derek ordered for them, passing a five across the counter with a simple, "Keep the change."

Meredith reached for his hand and leaned against his shoulder as they waited quietly for their ever important breakfast beverages to be poured. To her surprise, even after their time consuming activities, they were a few minutes early for their shift. More moments to take advantage of.

"Here you go, sir," the coffee cart attendant pushed two steaming cups across to them. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you," Derek responded with a smile as he picked up both coffees and passed one to Meredith.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith called as they turned and headed for the elevator. "Thanks for the coffee, Derek," she mumbled as she dipped her nose towards the lid to inhale the sweet smell of coffee bean.

"You're most welcome," he told her as he reached for the button to call the elevator. "But that's all you get for Christmas," he said lightly, a sparkle in his eyes when he turned to her.

She laughed. "Well, then, I already gave you yours too..."

He narrowed his eyes. "And that would have been?"

She smirked and leaned in close. There was no one around to hear, but she wanted to be careful anyway. "Shower sex."

He laughed and hooked his free hand around her waist. "Right. Good present. I really liked it. It's already on my list for next year."

Meredith smiled and leaned over to kiss him. She didn't usually like to be so touchy with him at work, but right now she didn't care. Because it was Christmas. And she was happy. And he was planning on them having a next year.

The beep of the elevator pulled her lips away from his, and Meredith faced forward just in time to catch a flash of blonde exiting the elevator before she was pulled into a tight hug.

"Merry Christmas!" He roommate called excitedly.

"Merry Christmas, Izzy," Meredith responded, more quietly, but just as happily. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

Izzy pulled back and smiled. "More than I expected. Pretty quiet night." She smirked. "And I probably got more sleep here than I would have at home with you two..."

Meredith felt her cheeks redden as she swiped at her roommate. "Shut up!" She hissed, expertly ignoring Derek's laughter.

Her roommate laughed. "Merry Christmas, Dr. Shepherd," she told Derek with a smile.

"Merry Christmas," he replied warmly.

"Well, I need to get home," Izzy said excitedly. "The turkey won't cook itself. Are you two still planning on coming?" Izzy was set to cook her second turkey dinner of the month; this time on her own. Burke and Cristina were off, but not eager to spend the day in the kitchen as with Thanksgiving. Cristina had actually been eager to work; she didn't celebrate the holiday and would have had the run of the floor, but Burke had pulled some strings to get them both the day off. George was spending the morning with his family, and then working the evening shift. And Alex had been effectively banned from their house after Izzy had caught him with Olivia.

Meredith nodded. "Absolutely."

Izzy narrowed her eyes. "Really? Because you never showed up on Thanksgiving..."

"We're sorry about that, Iz, but I promise that, barring any major emergencies, we will be there tonight."

"Great! I'll see you after five?" She barely waited for a response before she turned and hurried across the lobby towards the door.

Meredith shook her head as she boarded the elevator with Derek. "I don't understand how she can have so much energy so early in the morning, especially after being on call overnight..."

Derek shrugged. "It's a mystery." He stepped forward, his hands finding the elevator wall on either side of her waist, effectively trapping her in a tight enclosure.

"What are you doing?" Meredith whispered, her hands snaking out to latch onto the lapels of his jacket.

He smirked and leaned in close, his nose almost touching hers. "Getting my Christmas elevator kiss."

She laughed. "Your Christmas elevator kiss?"

He nodded. "It's a very important tradition for us."

"How can it be a tradition, if this is our first Christmas?"

His hands shifted from the back wall to her hips. "Okay, so it's not a tradition yet, but it should be..."

"Sounds good to me." Meredith pulled him close by the lapels of his jacket, closing any remaining space between them and pressing her lips against his. Her hands slipped up around his neck on their own accord as she lost herself in the feeling of being with him.

It was several moments before the elevator dinged to announce its arrival on the surgical floor, pulling them away from each other just in time for the doors to open.

"I'll see you soon," Meredith told him as she backed off the car. She needed to head to her locker room and get changed, while Derek was on route to his office.

000

Meredith had never worked Christmas day before, but she could remember going to Boston General many times to see her mother on Christmas. It was the only way she had been able to see Ellis on most holidays. She had learned that the hospital was a different place on the holiday. Very few worked, but those who did made the most of it. They didn't complain, as might be expected, but were cheerful and exuberant and wore holiday attire. Within an hour, Meredith had become accustomed to the array of music and singing and red colours.

And the best part of all was that pretty much every patient stable enough to go home for the day had gone home for the day, leaving the staff with little work to do.

"I'm sorry you couldn't be with your family today, Mrs. Jenkins," Meredith spoke apologetically at the older woman. She was the only intern on the floor at the time, and she, Derek and a general resident, Dr. Deston, were doing a modified version of rounds. The attendings didn't schedule surgeries on Christmas, so instead of keeping to their own patients, were in charge of the floor, barring any emergencies. An attending or upper year resident from each department was on call at home for any such situation.

"It's okay. The important thing is that I'll be home next year." She had been in a severe car accident two weeks before, and it had been touch and go for a while. But she had pulled through, and although she was not stable enough to be home, she was well on her way to recovery.

"Is your family going to come and see you?"

Mrs. Jenkins smiled. "My husband is going to bring the kids after they open their presents from santa."

Meredith smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." Rounds were much slower and much more casual on Christmas, and she decided she liked that. It gave her a chance to actually interact with her patients, instead of being on guard to have questions thrown at her at all times. "Well, anyway, Mrs. Jenkins, your scans from yesterday look very good. We're hopeful that you'll be home in time for the new year."

She beamed. "Oh, thank-you, I'm so glad to hear that. I hate missing the holidays with my kids."

"How old are your children?" Derek asked, stepping up beside Meredith.

"Four and six."

He smiled. "Those are good ages for the holidays."

"Do you have kids?"

Meredith felt her breath catch, even though the question wasn't directed to her.

"No, I don't," Derek responded, and she could detect just a hint of sadness in his voice. "But I have fourteen nieces and nephews."

"Fourteen?" Mrs. Jenkins shook her head with a smile. "You must come from a large family."

"Four sisters," he replied wryly.

"No brothers?"

"Nope."

She laughed. "That must have been tough."

"It was."

"I can commiserate," Dr. Deston spoke up from the other side of the bed. "I had three sisters."

Derek laughed. "It wasn't easy."

"Nope."

"What about you?" Mrs. Jenkins turned her attention to Meredith.

"Oh, no. No sisters. Or brothers. Just me." She felt Derek brush along her elbow, reacting to her tone, but not wanting to look unprofessional in front of a patient.

Mrs. Jenkins nodded. "I grew up in exactly the same way," she said flatly. "It was lonely."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed.

"But I met David, and he convinced me family was important." She shook her head. "I can't imagine my life any other way."

Meredith smiled at her. "Good for you."

"And now I should be home for New Years."

"Our fingers are crossed for you."

"Thank-you."

Meredith nodded. "You're very welcome."

"We should move on to our next patient, Mrs. Jenkins," Derek spoke. "Do you have any questions before we go?"

"Nope, I'm good."

"Well, Merry Christmas, and I'll be by later to check on you."

"Merry Christmas to you, too; to all of you."

They said their goodbyes and stepped out of the room, meeting Alex in the hallway.

"Ah, Dr. Karev, will you be joining us for rounds?" Derek asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, sorry I'm late. I was stuck in the pit. A guy actually wanted to bring a reindeer home for his kids, only the closest he could get was a deer. And he tracked it down overnight, and when he actually caught it and was trying to strap antlers to it, the thing bit him..." Alex laughed. "Now he's worried he has rabies..."

Derek cracked a smile. "People will always do stupid things, Dr. Karev. That's part of the fun of being a doctor. I once had a patient who tried to go down the chimney in a santa outfit. He got about halfway before he got stuck. It took them two days to get him out. And we had to treat him for exhaustion, dehydration and mild hypothermia."

Alex shook his head.

"The stupidity of the human race," Meredith muttered.

"What was that, Dr. Grey?" Derek asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"That's what Bailey called it, on Thanksgiving, the stupidity of the human race. She said she liked working Thanksgiving because she always got lots of surgeries."

Derek laughed. "I'm sure she did."

They slowly made their way through the floor, checking on the remaining surgical patients. Derek and Dr. Deston were paged to the pit when a couple of accident victims were brought in, leaving Meredith and Alex on the floor.

"This is painfully boring," Alex complained as they leaned against the empty nurse's station.

Meredith shrugged. "It's not so bad. Hey, did you hear about your test results yet?"

"Nope."

"How soon will you?"

"Don't know."

"Oh, well, for what it's worth, I'm sure you passed."

He scoffed. "I thought I passed the first time."

"Are you okay?" She asked gently. He seemed more down than usual.

"I just hate the holidays."

"Oh... Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Yup." His reply was terse and short.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex. You just seem down."

He met her gaze and looked ready to tell her off, but he paused and his expression softened. He glanced around to ensure they were alone. "I just hate the holidays," he reiterated. "Especially Christmas. I have horrible memories from growing up. And they're obviously not going to be replaced any time soon..."

Meredith sighed, feeling for her friend. It wasn't easy to be alone. She could speak from experience. Her friends had become her family, but Alex had been banned from celebrating the holiday with them. And even though she knew he put himself in the situation, she couldn't help but feel bad for him anyway.

They broke off from each other, each turning to wander half of the floor, checking on their patients. She paused in the doorway of Mrs. Jenkins room, smiling at the sight. A young boy was curled in her lap, with a slightly older girl sitting beside her in bed, talking animatedly. Her husband was sitting next to the hospital bed, his hand on his daughter's back, just to make sure she didn't topple back, as she was sitting near the edge.

"...You should have seen it, mommy!" She was saying. "Santa brought us so many presents."

"That's wonderful, honey." Even in her injured state, she was upbeat and enthusiastic for her kids.

The little boy sat up. "Santa brought me a twain!"

"A train! Lucky you. He must have known how good you were this year."

He nodded.

Mrs. Jenkins smiled at her son, and her eyes lifted as she caught sight of Meredith in the doorway.

Meredith smiled and stepped into the room, reaching to pull the chart off the foot of the bed. "I'm just here to check your vitals."

"Are my mommy's doctor?" The small girl asked.

Meredith nodded. "I'm one of them."

She crawled closer to Meredith, stopping by her mother's knees, oblivious to her father's hand still following her carefully. "Mommy said you saved her life."

Meredith glanced up from her chart, meeting the innocent eyes of the small blond girl. She glanced up to her mother, who nodded. "Your mother was very hurt when she was brought in," Meredith said gently. "But we have some very good doctors here, and she was very strong."

"I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up, so that I can save people's mommies."

She couldn't help the smile that fluttered to her lips. "Good for you." She finished making notes into her chart and set it down, stepping up to the side of the bed. "How's your pain?" She asked gently. "Do you want anything?"

Mrs. Jenkins shook her head, her hand stroking her son's head. "Oh, no, I'm fine. They're all the pain relief I need."

"You must have gotten the short straw, being stuck working Christmas and all," her husband commented with a wry smile.

Meredith smiled. "It's not so bad. I'm off at five."

"Big family dinner?"

The thought made her smile. "Kind of. My friends and I are having a dinner. When you spend this much time in the hospital, your friends kind of become your family."

"It must be tough, not to be able to see your real family."

Meredith sighed. "I guess my friends are the only family I have."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Mrs. Jenkins spoke up.

She shrugged. "It's not a big deal. It means I don't have to worry about missing holidays."

"I used to feel that way, too. Tell me you at least have someone to spend it with?"

Meredith smiled. For the first time she could say she did. "Yeah, I do."

"Dr. Shepherd?"

She stuttered. "How...how did you know?"

"Oh, please, dear, I knew there was something between you the moment you two first walked into my room last week."

"I'm sorry, we really try to be professional at work..."

She waved a hand. "Nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong. I just notice these things." She smiled at Meredith. "And he has a big family."

She nodded. "He does."

"And that scares you."

She laughed. "Like you wouldn't believe."

Mrs. Jenkins clucked her tongue. "For a doctor, you don't have a great memory. I said I grew up alone as well. I know exactly how you feel." She motioned towards her husband. "David has two brothers and a sister. And aunts and uncles and cousins."

Meredith laughed. "You really do know how I feel."

"I do, and trust me, Dr. Grey, from someone who has been through it, even though it's scary, it's worth it."

000

It was noon when Meredith sitting cross-legged on the couch in Derek's office, facing him as he mirrored her position. They were sharing an array of salad, French fries and Christmas cookies between them. Derek, for his part, was forgoing his strictly health foods kick for the day, and had eaten more fries than he had salad so far.

"Stop hogging all my fries!"

He laughed at her, reaching to snatch two more. "Your fries? I thought they were our fries?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, they're my fries and your salad..."

"Well, that hardly seems fair."

She laughed. "That's how it is every time we eat lunch together here."

"Yeah, but it's Christmas. I want Christmas food."

"I didn't realize fries were Christmas food," she shot back.

"They're not. But they're the closest I can get in the cafeteria."

She shook her head as he grabbed another one. "What would you normally have on Christmas?"

He sighed. "Well, we'd always get up really early cause the kids seem to have it in their minds that if they don't open their presents before sunrise, they don't get to keep them..."

She laughed.

"So, we'd have cinnamon rolls and bagels and hot cross buns and stuff, anything easy to prepare in the morning. And lunch would be pretty informal, the adults would take turns having naps, so we'd make a bunch of hors d'oeuvres and sandwiches and such. And then, of course, a huge turkey dinner, at like four, because we'd have been up since four in the morning."

"And early to bed?"

He laughed. "Well, for the kids. We'd have recovered with the help of our afternoon naps, so the adults would stay up."

"That must be nice."

"Yeah, it is." He sighed and she reached for his hand.

"Do you miss them?"

He met her eyes evenly and nodded. "I do. And I know it's stupid for a grown man to be homesick, and I really didn't get to see them all that often, especially the last few years..." He shook his head. "But it's Christmas..."

She squeezed his hand. "You can go and visit them, Derek. I...we can go and see them. I'm...working on...being ready."

Nothing could prepare her for the beaming smile that took over his facial features. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"That's the best present you could give me today."

She bit her lip, fighting to keep her eyes on his. It was scary and overwhelming, but it was what she wanted. "Having someone to be with today is my present."

He leaned across the precariously placed food and pressed his lips against hers. "I love you so much, Meredith."

She smiled when she met his honest eyes. "I love you too, Derek."

He moved the food onto the floor and motioned for her to come closer. She scooted over and settled herself in his arms, making him laugh when she reached for the fries and set them in her lap.

"What am I going to do with you?"

She shook her head. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

She grumbled and pushed his hand away as he reached his fingers towards the plate. "You don't get any if you're being mean to me."

He laughed and his other hand found the ticklish spot along the side of her ribs, forcing her attention away from the fries for long enough to steal some.

"Mean," she mumbled.

He kissed the back of her head. "I only want a couple."

She huffed, leaning back against him and smiling as his chin found a resting place along her shoulder. "Comfy," she whispered.

"Very," he agreed. There was a pause and then, "Crap."

"Crap? You're sitting here, all cuddly with me and you say crap? That's not good for the ego, Derek."

He laughed. "Nothing to do with you, I'm loving the cuddling with you. But I promised my mother I would call home."

"So, call...oh, unless this is something you need to do alone," she sat up and tried to pull away.

Derek closed his arms around her, keeping her close. "No, please don't do that. I can call them with you here, as long as you're comfortable with it."

"I'm okay."

"Good." He pressed his lips against the side of her head and loosened his grip, trusting her to stay close. He reached to his waistband and pulled out his cell phone, scrolling through the menus before he found the number he was looking for and pressed send.

Meredith bit into a fry, glad he was okay with her being there. She threaded her fingers through his free hand and waited quietly; this was a good way for her to feel like she was getting used to his family without actually interacting with them.

"Hi, mom, Merry Christmas!" Derek said suddenly.

He laughed. "Yes, I got your card. Did you get mine?"

"How early did the kids get you up?" He asked.

He grimaced. "Funny, even without the time difference, you probably got up before us."

"Yeah, I'm still at work. Another couple hours."

"No, not busy at all. I'm having lunch, actually."

"Yes, she's working too."

Meredith froze, knowing it was she they were talking about.

"Yes, she's here," Derek was saying. A pause. "Oh, I don't really think that's a good..." Another pause. "Yes, mom, I know it's Christmas." He sighed, pulling his hand away from hers to cover the microphone on his cell. She craned her neck to face him, meeting his pensive expression.

"She wants to talk to me, doesn't she?"

He nodded. "I can tell her no..."

For a moment there was nothing she wanted more than to tell him no; to tell him she couldn't possibly handle speaking to his mother. But her patient's words echoed through her mind.

Trust me, Dr. Grey, from someone who has been through it, even though it's scary, it's worth it.

She took a deep breath and reluctantly nodded. She had to try. Any family that was related to Derek had to be worth it. "Okay, I...okay."

He looked stunned. "Really?"

"Yeah. Just, if I motion, will you bail me out?"

"Absolutely." He removed his hand from the phone and returned it to his ear, his free hand snaking around her waist again. "Mom." A pause. "Yeah, she'll talk to you. Just be...nice." He rolled his eyes. "I know you're always nice. I meant-" There was a much longer pause. He rolled his eyes again. "Okay, I'll pass you over." He gave her a supportive smile and held out the phone.

She reluctantly wrapped her hand around the small phone and used her other to block out the microphone again.

"What are you doing?"

"Making it seem like we're further away so she doesn't know I'm practically sitting in your lap," she hissed. He bit back a laugh and wrapped his second arm around her, pulling her close. Once she was comfortably settled against him, she put the phone to her ear.

"Hello, Mrs. Shepherd. Uh, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you, dear," a soft, older voice responded. "I'm sorry you two have to work on Christmas."

"It's not so bad," Meredith responded, and then cringed, wondering if the polite thing to do would have been to simply agree. "I, uhm...are you having a good Christmas?" She cursed herself for such a pathetic attempt to say something.

"Wonderful, as always. It's such a joy to have the little ones around for the holidays."

"I think Derek said all of his sisters were there this year?"

"He was right. All of my daughters are here, and all of my grandchildren."

Meredith took a breath. "That must be nice."

"It is. What about you, dear?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Any brothers or sisters? Or nieces and nephews?"

Meredith closed her eyes. "No. I was an only child, so...no."

"That's right. Now that I think about it, I do remember my son mentioning that."

"Okay," Meredith stuttered, having nothing else to say.

There was a pause. "You sound nervous, dear."

"I am, a little," Meredith conceded.

"Whatever for?"

"Well, I, uh... You're Derek's family..."

"That's still no reason to be nervous, dear. My son says he loves you, and that's good enough for us."

She was speechless.

"Though I do want to meet you in person at some point, preferably sooner than later."

Meredith nodded. "I...you too. Derek mentioned it, and we're going to see when we can be free..."

"I'm glad to hear it. Anyway, I'll let the two of you get back to your day. It was nice to talk with you."

"You too."

"And Meredith? Do me a favour, and tell my son I was nice to you. He seems to have forgotten he grew up with a wonderful mother in the time he's been gone," she said wryly.

She couldn't help but laugh. "I'll tell him."

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." Meredith passed the phone to Derek, who said a quick goodbye.

He was silent as he hung up his phone and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"That was okay," she finally admitted.

"Yeah?" He asked softly.

She breathed. "Yeah. She, uh, she told me to tell you that she was nice..."

He snorted. "She took great offence to me telling her to behave."

She laughed. "She seemed...nice. Motherly, or whatever."

"She is."

"It's scary, Derek," she admitted quietly.

"I know. And I'm sorry for it."

"But I think... I think it's worth it."

He hugged her tight. "I'm glad."