16. Christmas lights

"Hello?"

Derek smiled as the familiar voice filtered through the phone line. "Hi, mom."

"Derek! My favourite wayward son. I was beginning to believe you had moved to a place without phones."

Derek laughed. "Then how do you explain being able to call me every week?" He countered.

"I'm a mother, Derek. I have magical skills."

"I'm sure you do."

"So, to what do I owe this great honour?" She prompted.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, but knew he didn't have much of a leg to stand on. He very rarely called home on his own accord. "I just wanted to call and say hi."

"You've been gone nearly six months, and suddenly you felt the urge to call and say hi?" Her tone was relatively light, but Derek could hear the undertone of disappointment.

He sighed. "I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry I've been so distant. I want to change that."

There was a long pause before his mother responded. "I'm glad to hear you say that, Derek. We all miss you."

"I'm sorry for that, too," he told her. "I miss you, too. And I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and Christmas is next week, and I don't want to be distant anymore."

"Are you...coming home for Christmas?"

Derek cringed at her hopeful tone. "No, mom, I'm sorry. I've been here less than six months; there's no way I could get off for the holidays."

"Derek, are you planning on staying out there?"

"I am," he answered quietly. None of his sisters lived more than an hour or two away from their childhood home in New York, and none of them had been further away for more than a few years for college. He could imagine the strain it was putting on his mother to have one of her children suddenly so far away, regardless of how grown up he was. "But I promise I'm going to call more. And I'll come and visit when I have a chance."

"Are you happy, Derek?"

"I'm definitely getting there. It wasn't easy to start over, but I really do think it was for the best."

"Is...Addison still out there with you?"

"She's here, but not with me."

His mother sighed heavily. "You know what I meant."

"I just wanted to clarify. We're not together, and we won't ever be again."

"Derek-"

"No, mom. We got divorced, you know that. She's working out here, too, but that's all. We don't have a relationship outside of work."

"She's sorry, Derek."

"I know she is. And I think I'm starting to forgiver her." He sighed. "But it wasn't good for a long time. It's better this way. We actually managed to sit down and talk last week without fighting, and we talked through a lot of what has happened. And we both know it's better this way."

"I just want you to be happy, Derek."

"I know, mom. And I am happy."

"But wouldn't you be happier in New York than Seattle and all that rain?"

He laughed. "The rain sucks, I'll give you that. But I like Seattle. It has ferry boats."

"So does New York, Derek," she responded in the flat, slightly exasperated voice that only a mother can perfect, as if she just couldn't bring herself to argue with her grown son over the merits of moving across the country to a new city because of something so trivial.

"Okay, I'll give you that. But it's beautiful out here. You should see the land I bought. And the hospital is amazing; much more rewarding than my practice."

"But is that enough, Derek?"

He had a feeling he knew exactly what subject she was expertly encroaching on. "Mom..."

"I just want you to be happy, Derek." She repeated.

"I am happy."

"Are you still seeing the intern?"

"Yes."

"Derek-"

"Look, I'm going to tell you what I told Addison. I know that she's only an intern. I know that she's younger than me. And I know that it looks bad. But I love her." He paused. "It's not a fling. It's not a mid-life crisis. I promise you that. She's amazing."

"Derek, sweetheart, I want to believe you, but I don't know very many 'amazing' girls who go after their married boss."

He sighed as his fingers found the bridge of his nose. The hints of a tension headache were imminent. "She didn't know I was married."

She didn't respond right away, so he chose to continue. "We met without knowing we would end up working together. And after we bumped into each other in the hospital on our first day, she told me nothing more could happen. And I chased her until she relented. And I lied to her. I never told her I was married, even when she was asking for more information."

"That's not like you, Derek."

"I know. I wasn't like me for a long time, but I'm on my way back now. And Meredith is a very important part of my life."

"What did she do when she found out you were married?"

He smiled. "She yelled; a lot. And broke up with me."

"Well, I can't say I don't approve of that."

"Me neither," he agreed with a smile. "She had every right to hate me. But she's amazing, and she forgave me."

"You really love her?"

"Very much."

"It's very soon after your divorce."

"I know. But we're taking things slow."

She paused for a moment, her breath causing a hiss of static as she breathed. "If you're happy, Derek, then I'm happy for you."

"Thank-you."

"Will I get to meet her any time soon?"

Derek flinched. "Maybe not for a little while."

"If she's an important part of your life, then I have a right to meet her."

"A right, huh?"

"Absolutely. I'm your mother."

He laughed. "You'll meet her one day," he reassured. "But not for a little while. We're taking things slow. And she doesn't have much of a family, so I don't want to overwhelm her by introducing her to you people right away."

She clicked her tongue. "We're not that bad."

"You're very overprotective. And nosy. And there are five of you. She's an only child who grew up with an absent mother."

"Well, take you time then, but I do want to meet her, and if you wait too long, I'll fly out there."

Derek laughed, but knew enough to trust his mother would absolutely stay true to her word. "Okay."

She sighed. "I'm glad you called, Derek."

"Me too. I'll call on Christmas and say hi to everyone."

"I look forward to it."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. And I'm so glad you're happy."

000

Derek was pulled from a light sleep at the sound of the door being shut. He blinked and sat up, recognizing his girlfriend's form moving through the darkened bedroom. "Hey," he greeted groggily.

"Damn it," she muttered. "I'm sorry, Derek, I didn't mean to wake you."

"S'okay," he mumbled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She smiled and collapsed beside him, leaning in for a quick kiss as she did so.

"What time is it?"

She shrugged. "Almost nine." Derek had been on call the night before, and true to the December spirit, had dealt with multiple head injuries. He had chosen to leave before her and get some rest before she got home.

He swung an arm around her waist. "I must have been out for three hours."

"Nice for you."

"Says the girl who slept in her own bed last night."

"Touché."

He laughed. "How come you were so late?"

"I was helping Alex study. He failed his boards and is re-taking them tomorrow. And Izzy was pissed when she found out we were helping him."

"Everything good now?"

She sighed and leaned into his warmth. "I think so."

"Good." He kissed the top of her head.

She turned in his loose grasp and met his lips with hers, her arms reaching for his shoulders to pull him close.

"What was that for?" He asked softly when she eventually pulled away.

She smiled warmly at him. "Because you're you," she said simply. "There were so many crazy family members today. And so many arguments. And I guess I'm just happy that I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she whispered, as he seemed to fall into her eyes. He felt his heart skip a beat as he met her lips once more. She responded eagerly, moving back on the bed as he came down on top of her.

"I'm looking forward to Christmas, too," he mumbled against the soft skin of her neck as his lips travelled downwards from her mouth.

000

"Are you warm enough?" He asked quietly as her naked body shifted against his.

"Hmm," she mumbled against his chest. "Derek, you're like my own personal heater. I'm never cold anymore."

He chuckled, but pulled the comforter over her shoulders anyway. "I love you," he whispered, pressing his lips against her head.

She moved her hand up and down his chest rhythmically. "I love you too."

"What did you do today?" Meredith asked quietly after several minutes of comfortable silence. "I didn't see you much."

"I did two craniotomies on my patient. He woke up after the first one with a major personality change. A new scan showed bleeding in his frontal lobe."

"That sucks. Were you able to get at it okay?"

"I was," he told her. "And he woke up smiling."

"That's good," she commented. "He seemed like a really good dad."

"Mmm-hmm," he agreed. "And I talked to my mom today."

"Okay," she responded evenly.

He smiled sadly, knowing she didn't know what else to say to that. "She wants to meet you."

"What!" Meredith's head shot off his chest, effectively disrupting their comfortably intimate position.

He fought the urge to laugh at her wide-eyed expression. "Not right away," he clarified. "But I made it perfectly clear that you are not a fling or a symptom of a mid-life crisis. It seemed to help when I talked to Addison, so I told my mom. And I'm pretty sure she gets it." He paused. "But, of course, that means she's realizing how important you are to me, and with that, she wants to meet you."

Meredith grumbled and set her head back down on his chest. "How soon?"

He shrugged awkwardly from his position on his back. "I'm not sure. I told her we needed some time. And she said that was okay, but that she would fly out here if we took too long. And trust me, it's better if we go to her, cause if we don't she'll fly out here unannounced and bring back up."

"By back up, I assume you mean your sisters."

"Yup."

She sighed heavily. "Derek..."

He laughed at her tone, and then laughed harder when she swiped at him. "You have to meet them eventually."

"But..."

"But what?"

She sighed and lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I'll be horrible with the family thing."

"You'll be wonderful."

She rolled her eyes. "No, Derek, I'll be horrible. I have no experience, no knowledge on what to say, and do, and think, and how to act and-"

"Mer," he cut off gently. "You don't need to freak out."

"I can freak out if I damn well want to freak out."

He laughed at her tenacity. "Fine, freak out if you want. But I'm telling you not to worry. I'll be able to stall her for a little while, at least a few months. That gives you plenty of time to get used to the idea."

She pulled herself further up his body to rest her head beside his on the pillow, and he turned to face her, his hand finding hers and weaving their fingers together. "Can't we just pay someone to pretend to be your girlfriend to meet them?"

He snorted. "That sounds like a really bad romantic comedy."

She cracked a smile. "You're right, and extra bad for me, cause if it was a romantic comedy, you'd probably fall in love with her..."

He laughed. "It's a good thing it's not a romantic comedy, then."

She sighed. "What if they hate me?"

"They won't."

"But-"

"They won't hate you, Mer," he clarified. "I've already cleared up everything that happened, with my mother. And I'm certain she'll pass everything on to my sisters. In fact, she's probably already done so."

"But still..."

He smiled warmly and kissed her lips quickly. "Nothing they could say would change my mind," he whispered. "I love you. That won't change. They'll probably be annoying and a little judgemental, but they're sisters, it's like their genetically programmed to do so. And it won't take long before they love you more than they love me."

"And I have a few months to get used to the idea?"

"At least."

She breathed. "Okay."

He smiled warmly and kissed her again, longer this time.

"Were you lonely growing up?" He asked quietly when they pulled away.

She sighed and averted her eyed for several seconds. When she met his gaze again, he saw pain. "Yeah, I was," she admitted quietly.

He tenderly cupped the side of her face with his hand and brushed his thumb against her cheek. "I can't imagine having grown up without a mass of annoying siblings."

"I can't imagine growing up with them."

"Was you mother...motherly, at all?"

"Not really. She worked a lot. I had a series of nannies and such when I was young. And as soon as I was old enough to be home alone, I was."

"And you never had a thanksgiving," he commented, remembering their conversation about the previous holiday.

"Nope," she responded with a wry smile. "And never had a real Christmas. I mean, she'd buy me stuff when I was young, if I made sure to specify exactly what I wanted ahead of time. If I didn't, I'd get whatever was popular that year." She shrugged. "When I was older, she just gave me a check." She paused, meeting his eyes for several seconds and the look of vulnerability behind hers made his heart hurt. "One year... I guess I was around seven, I told her I wanted a family for Christmas; a mom that didn't work so much, and a dad." She cut off as her eyes welled, and when she spoke again, her voice was hoarse with unshed tears. "And she scoffed at me, but I think she at least felt guilty, because I got a ton of presents that year."

"But not what you wanted."

"Nope," she shook her head against the pillow as a single leaked out.

"Hey," he said softly, pressing close to her. "I'm sorry you didn't get much of a childhood, Mer. You deserved one."

She breathed a shuddery breath against his chest. "Thanks." She breathed again. "It's just...I knew I missed out on a lot, but I convinced myself it made me stronger and that it wasn't a big deal, that I didn't need it. But then I met you, and you make me want to experience these things, but I feel like I'll always be doing something wrong, like I missed too much."

Derek sighed as he pulled her even closer. "Don't ever think that, Mer. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But-"

"You're perfect, just the way you are."

She sighed. "You may think that, Derek, but what about your family? I can't deal with all of them laughing at me when I don't know how to cope."

He was surprised to feel the backs of his eyes stinging at her openness. "They won't laugh at you. They're annoying, and they're nosy and over-involved, but they're good people." He sighed and tightened his grip. "Tell you what, when you're ready, we'll just fly out for a weekend, and stay away from any holiday the first time. Just a quick couple of days."

"I think I can handle that," she said quietly.

"Okay." He kissed her gently. "I love you so much."

She sniffed and offered him a brave smile. "I love you, too, Derek."

He smiled and carefully brushed a few strands of hair off her face. "Can I ask you a question?"

She nodded.

"What happened to your dad?"

Her expression darkened. "I don't know." They had never discussed any of her past beyond a shallow few talks about her mother. "He left and then my mom and I moved to Boston. I never saw him again."

"Do you remember him?"

"A bit," she admitted. "I have a few fragmented memories, but nothing solid. I was only five when he left."

Derek sighed. "I can't imagine how any man would just leave their child and never see them again." The death of his father at such an early age had shocked his family. But his father had been a wonderful man, and only death could have kept him from his family. He shook his head. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"It's okay," she told him. "It was a long time ago, and that's what you're supposed to do in a relationship, right? Ask about those things?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"Then it's okay. Even if it's hard, I still want to do this right."

"Okay."

She hesitated. "Is there anything else you want to know?"

He kissed her, overwhelmed by her strength. "Not tonight," he whispered.

"Thanks."

He loosened his hold as she readjusted herself against him, and then closed his arms when she stilled. Her breaths began to even out and he closed his eyes, knowing now, more than ever, that he had made the right choice. The thought of not having these moments sickened him.

He was just drifting off when he was jolted by a crashing sound from downstairs.

"What was that?" Meredith mumbled.

"Sounds like something fell."

She groaned and rolled out of bed. "I better go make sure it wasn't Izzy passing out while spending her second night in a row turning my living room into santa's freaking village." She padded across the floor to pull pajamas out of her drawer.

Derek laughed and joined her at the dresser, pulling out his own pair of sweats.

"You don't have to come with me."

He smirked. "What if it's a burglar and I have to protect you?"

She laughed. "I think a burglar would be scared off by the mass of decorations."

"Hmmph," he mumbled, causing her to laugh louder and place a kiss on his lips.

"Come on, then," she muttered as she grabbed for his hand and led him out the door and down the stairs.

They came to a stop at the room previously known as the living room, and Derek caught sight of two bodies sticking out from under the massive Douglas fir that barely resembled a tree anymore with the multitude of decorations. Meredith glanced at him with an eyebrow raised and shook her head.

"What are you two doing?" She called.

"Lights," Izzy answered. "They're pretty from here."

"What was the crashing noise?"

"That was George."

George lifted his hand from the other side of Izzy. "I didn't see the stuffed santa in the doorway," he explained.

Derek glanced to his left, and sure enough, there was a newly acquired stuffed santa with two reindeer, sitting on the floor.

"Come look at lights with us," Izzy called.

He could tell Meredith was hesitating, so Derek squeezed her hand and stepped towards the tree, pulling her with him as they navigated stepping over the strewn bodies together. She smiled at him and dropped to lie beside George. Derek turned and smiled at the four stockings hanging across the mantle. He had been pleasantly surprised to find his own name hanging beside Meredith's that morning. Even if he was outwardly commiserating with his girlfriend regarding her roommate's overindulgence in decorations, there was a small part of him that was silently excited about it. He loved Christmas.

Lying down, Derek pulled his head under the tree, smiling when Meredith snuggled close to him and reached for his hand. He lost track of the time they spent there, sprawled on the floor, fingers weaved together, heads just touching. And a week before Christmas, he found he already had more Christmas spirit than he could remember in so many years prior.