104. Chapter 104

AN: Thank you to everyone who left reviews and sent me PMs with hopeful wishes for my stepdad. He's stable and home now, and while he's past the point of worrying whether he's going to make it and recover, he's still far from a hundred percent. I've had to spend my weekends at their house, which is a five hour drive one way in good weather and traffic, and have spent my weeks trying to catch up at work. Unfortunately, I haven't had much time to write. I was home this weekend, and finally got to finish this chapter. I really hope everyone likes it. It's an important turning point and addresses several storylines. And it has lots of Meredith/Derek interaction. Lots.

Glad to finally be back in his hospital after spending five days across the country in another hospital, Derek frowned as his eyes immediately caught sight of his wife's name on the OR board. She was scrubbed in with Callie, and would be for at least another hour. Likely closer to two.

His disappointment at having to wait longer to see her was made a little better by the sight of the name that made him smile every time he spotted it on the board.

Grey-Shepherd, M.

Her decision had surprised him. After several weeks of indecision from his wife, Derek had believed she had wanted to remain Meredith Grey. And he hadn't been the least bit upset by that. He truly believed that her name was entirely her choice and wouldn't make a difference to him. But she had surprised him by announcing her choice six weeks into their marriage. Grey-Shepherd. It had quite the ring to it.

She had taken care of the paperwork, with the hospital, the American Board of Surgery and the government, without an ounce of hesitation. And he couldn't help but notice the soft smile that had captured her lips for the first week after her lab coat had been updated.

It had made him smile too. As much as he respected her right to make her own decision, he was more than happy with the one she had made. That she would choose to take his name made his heart swell. She was associating herself with him officially and forever.

He had originally expected to land in Seattle early that morning, but his flight had been delayed. He hadn't arrived in time to have breakfast with his wife, like they had planned. Instead his plane had landed hours later than expected and Derek had taken a cab home to shower and change. He didn't have anything scheduled that day, but he always had paperwork to do, so he thought it best to come in for a few hours. If nothing more, he could take Meredith out for dinner after her shift.

It had only been five days, but it had also been the first time he and Meredith had been apart for any real amount of time since they had gotten married. And the fact that she had obviously been struggling during his absence only made him miss his wife even more.

She had seemed okay after their middle of the night phone call several days earlier, but he still wanted desperately to hold her in his arms and look into her eyes and know she really was okay. Unfortunately, the OR Board's schedule was getting in the way of Derek's plan.

"You're back."

Derek turned his head at Mark's voice and nodded.

"How was Atlanta?"

"Good. I got to scrub in with Charleston twice."

"I still can't believe anyone trusts that man with a scalpel."

Derek chuckled. He and Mark had gone to medical school with Charleston and had more memories of the man at the bar than in class.

"Funny. He said the same thing about you."

Mark huffed. "I wasn't nearly as bad as him."

"Just keep telling yourself that."

"Whatever, man. Did you want to grab a drink tonight?"

Things with Mark had been improving steadily for months now. Derek definitely didn't consider him his best friend again yet, but Mark was definitely getting back into the friend category. They'd been out for drinks a few times.

"Maybe tomorrow. I have plans tonight." His plan for that evening was very simple. Take his wife out for dinner, make sure she really was okay and then take her home and make up for the days they'd been apart.

"Sounds good. Did you want to grab a coffee now?"

"I'd love to. It'll give me more time before I have to confront the Chief." He'd been angry at Richard since Meredith had told him about the conversation she had shared with the man who was supposed to be impartial. He wasn't looking forward to the conversation that he knew he had to have because he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold his temper in check.

"What's the Chief done now?" Mark asked as his pager went off. He pulled it off of his waistband to read the small screen.

Derek sighed. "Enough that it's going to be tough not to strangle him."

Mark looked up from his pager and considered Derek for a long moment before shrugging. "Do you need me to help you kick his ass?"

Surprising himself, Derek laughed. "That would just get us both fired."

"Still. I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks," Derek said dryly.

Mark clapped him on the back. "Good luck with whatever it is you need to deal with the Chief about. We'll have to grab a coffee another time. My OR's free early so I have a facelift to get to."

"Sounds fascinating," Derek called after his friend as Mark walked away. He then sent another glare towards the OR Board, just for good measure, and headed off towards Richard's office.

The office door was closed, so Derek knocked. Almost immediately, Richard's voice yelled for him to 'come in.'

Derek took a deep breath and reminded himself to stay calm before he opened the door.

"Chief," he greeted as he shut the door behind him. It wouldn't be a short conversation, and it likely wouldn't be a quiet conversation, so he thought it best to give himself and Richard as much privacy as possible. The last thing he needed to do was make the situation worse by making it hospital gossip.

"Shep," Richard echoed as Derek dropped himself down onto the chair across the desk from him. "I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow."

"My flight landed a few hours ago. I thought I'd come in and do some paperwork, and then take my wife out for dinner after her shift."

At Derek's words, Richard turned his attention back to his own paperwork. "I heard your surgery went well in Atlanta," he said without looking up. "It's good press for the hospital."

Derek felt his jaw tighten in frustration. He shouldn't have to deal with Richard's behaviour, and even more so, Meredith shouldn't have to deal with Richard's behaviour. As an in demand department head, Derek could stand up for himself to the Chief of Surgery without worry, but as a second year resident, Meredith had to censor herself as much as possible. It was why Derek had wanted to speak to Richard alone. There were things that needed to be said, and he didn't want his wife at a disadvantage because of it.

"The surgery went well," Derek agreed. "Patient should make a full recovery."

"That's good."

"Mmm-hmm," Derek agreed with a nod that was more for himself than Richard, seeing as the older man was still focussed on the paperwork in front of him. He had never met anyone as passive-aggressive as Richard Webber.

"Is there something else you need?"

Derek felt his temper flare, but he forced himself to take a deep breath before he responded. "Yes, there is more. And seeing as you won't look me in the eye, you know exactly what it is I came in here to talk to you about."

Richard sighed and set his pen down. He looked up, meeting Derek's gaze as if proving a point. "I have nothing to say, Shep."

"Well, I have lots to say."

"Shepherd-"

"We've had this discussion already," Derek said, cutting Richard off, "And apparently we need to have it again."

"I assume Meredith told you about our conversation."

Derek nodded. "She did."

"I just stated my opinion."

"You don't get an opinion," Derek countered.

"I made her mother a promise that I would protect her."

"She doesn't need protecting. And she sure as hell doesn't need protecting from me!" Derek snapped. Even if Richard did deserve an opinion – which he didn't – Derek had never done anything to warrant disapproval.

Richard reacted to Derek's tone. "I trusted you with her!"

"It's not up to you to trust me with her."

"It is when you go and do something like this. She deserves better than some rushed wedding to a man she's only known for a year. I trusted you with her, but you pushed her."

Derek forced himself to remain silent as he struggled to keep his anger in control.

"There was no reason you couldn't have waited."

"We didn't want to wait."

Richard didn't appear to have heard him. "And I understand that Meredith's relationship with her mother was...lacking. But Ellis gave Meredith her talent," Richard paused for a moment, "And her name." He shook his head. "That you would push her to change her name on top of everything else..."

"That was her decision," Derek said quietly, forcing himself to stay calm. Richard had no right to be upset about any of this. It was none of his business.

Again, Richard ignored him. "I promised Ellis I would look out for her, but I failed."

Derek snapped. "I'm sorry that you don't think I'm good enough for her, but fortunately for me that's not for you to decide. That was for her to decide. I love her, Richard. More than anything. I didn't push her to get married when and where we did; that was our decision. We wanted to get married. We decided. And I sure as hell didn't push her to change her name; that was her decision. A decision that you need to respect."

Richard opened his mouth to say something, but Derek stood and cut him off.

"After our last talk, I thought everything was okay, but apparently you are incapable of keeping your personal feelings out of your position in this hospital. What goes on between me and my wife is none of your business. And if you try and interfere again I will be filing an official complaint with the board," Derek said before he turned and strode out of the office.

After spending a little over an hour trying to do some paperwork, Derek realized he wasn't making sense of what he was reading. With a sigh, he stacked the department paperwork he was trying to get through and then shoved the pile into a folder. He'd get to the paperwork tomorrow when he was in a better mood. Right now, he just wanted to spend some time with his wife.

With a glance at his watch, he stood. Meredith's shift was over soon and by Derek's best estimate she should be out of surgery.

He left his office and was half-way to the Resident's lounge, phone in hand as he prepared a text to send to his wife, when he bumped into her. Literally.

Meredith yelped as their bodies collided at the exact moment they each attempted to turn the same corner. Derek reacted on instinct, and managed to keep himself and Meredith on their feet, while his phone and the items she had been carrying clattered to the floor.

"Fancy bumping into you," Derek quipped.

"You're home," she said, with a giggle at his comment. Her hands, which had clutched to his arms to keep her balance, slid up his shoulders and around his neck.

Derek quickly closed his arms around her, pulling her in close. Her familiar, and very welcome, flowery scent wafted into his nose as he breathed her in. "I am," he murmured before brushing his lips against hers. "I missed you."

She kissed him back before responding. "I'm glad you're home," she whispered, tightening her arms around his neck and pressing her cheek to his as she hugged him.

He ducked his head to press a kiss into the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry about this morning."

"It's not your fault the weather sucks and your plane was late."

"Still; I'm sorry I missed taking you out for breakfast. Can I make it up to you by taking you to dinner?"

Meredith leaned back in his arms to meet his gaze. Her lips curled upwards in a gentle smile. "A dinner date with my husband? I think I'm okay with that."

Derek cocked his head as he smiled back at his wife. She was tired; he could read that in her eyes, along with a sense of some underlying anxiety. But her smile was genuine and her body was relaxed in his arms. "What are you in the mood for? Italian?"

She smirked. "Something quick."

"Quick?"

Meredith nodded. "Quick," she agreed, "So that we can get to the welcome home sex sooner."

He chuckled. "Welcome home sex, huh? I like the sound of that." He kissed her again before releasing her and crouching to retrieve his phone and her charts. "How much longer is your shift?"

Meredith crouched as well. "Technically, half an hour, but it'll take me at least an hour to round on my patients and catch up on my charts." She shot him an apologetic glance as she stood upright.

He stood as well and passed her the small pile of charts he had picked up for her. "No problem. It's still early enough that you can finish with your patients, I can take you to dinner and we'll still have plenty of time for welcome home sex."

She giggled, drawing a triumphant smile from Derek. He loved making her laugh. It was enough to brighten his mood, which was especially important now, after his conversation with Richard.

"At least you have your priorities," she said dryly.

"You're the one who suggested it."

Meredith giggled again. "Good point."

He pecked her lips. "I'll let you get back to your patients. Text me when you're ready to go?"

She nodded her agreement. "I'll be as quick as I can."

With a smile, Derek turned to head back to his office, but was stopped when Meredith reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned back to her, not realizing that had she not stopped him, he would have bumped into Richard, who had just stopped to hover around the corner.

Still clutching to his hand with her free hand, she stepped into him and stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss him again. "I'm really glad you're home," she whispered when she pulled away.

Derek brushed a few strands of hair from her temple as he considered her expression and behaviour. She was okay, but she was struggling with something. She wasn't normally clingy at all, and she almost never allowed herself to be vulnerable or emotional at work. "I'm really glad I'm home too," he responded.

"I love you," she told him.

Not knowing aetiology of her behaviour, but recognizing her need for support, he wrapped his arms around her again and pressed his lips to the side of her head. "I love you, too, Mer."

She inhaled deeply, her ribcage expanding in his arms, and then released a shuddery breath.

He tightened his grip on her. "Are you okay?" He asked softly. Maybe he had read her wrong from the beginning and there was more than a little wrong.

"I'm fine."

He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes.

She released a breathy chuckle. "I'm fine," she repeated. "Nothing's wrong. Well, nothing new is wrong. I'm just..." She sighed, looking up at his eyes. "I'm just really glad you're home."

"Mer..."

She shook her head. "I'm fine," she said again. "I have to finish with my patients and my charts. And then we'll have dinner. And then you can take me home and I can be not fine. But right now, I'm fine."

He nodded in understanding. She didn't want to get into anything at work.

"Okay," he agreed, "But how about we go out to dinner later this week? Tonight we can pick up takeout and go right home."

"You'd be okay with that?" She asked hopefully.

"You mean would I be okay with changing the plans we made three minutes ago? Absolutely."

He was rewarded with a genuine laugh. She then leaned in close to him and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Are you being the supportive husband or are you just trying to get to the welcome home sex faster?"

"The second one," he deadpanned, drawing another laugh from his wife.

She swatted at his chest with her free hand.

He shrugged. "Okay, and a little bit of the first one. Kinda like ninety-ten."

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me," he quipped.

She made a face. "Right; I knew it was something..."

"Hey, be nice," he warned, "Or I won't give you your present."

"You got me a present?"

He nodded. "I got you a 'My husband went to Atlanta and all he got me was this lousy T-shirt' shirt."

She laughed again, and he silently prided himself in his ability to make the vulnerable look in her eyes disappear in just a few short minutes.

Leaning close, he pressed his lips to her cheek. "Go be an awesome doctor. I'll meet you in your lounge when you're ready to go."

She nodded and then paused to stare at him, her lower lip trapped under her upper incisors. "Thanks," she whispered after a long moment.

He smiled warmly at her, knowing she was referring to him letting her be 'fine' now and for knowing her enough to make her laugh. "You're worth it."

Her eyes flickered, but remained trained on his. "I'm really glad you're home," she said again.

"I'm really glad I have you to come home to."

Meredith snorted and quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry. I'm...sorry. It's just..." She giggled. "Derek, that was...really corny."

"That's what I was going for." The truth was he'd say anything to make her laugh. He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Text me when you're ready to go."

She nodded and turned to head towards the surgical wing.

Derek smiled after her, more grateful than ever that she was who she was. In just a few minutes together, she had made all of the stress and negativity he had been feeling since his talk with Richard disappear.

With a sigh, he turned to head back to his office, and had he not been distracted by thoughts of his wife, he may have noticed the flash of movement as the Chief ducked into a doorway.

After spending another hour on paperwork, Derek breathed a sigh of relief when his phone vibrated along the surface of his desk. He grabbed it and held it up to confirm the text was Meredith letting him know she was finished with her patients.

With a smile, he stacked his paperwork for the second time that afternoon, and then hurried to the residents' lounge.

She was pulling a change of clothes out of her cubby when he pushed open the door. "Hey."

She shot him a warm smile. "Hey, yourself."

He sidled up to her, his hands finding her hips, and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I haven't seen you in a whole hour..."

Meredith giggled. "Yeah, I'd almost forgotten what you looked like," she said dryly.

He chuckled as he slid his hands from her hips around her waist to the small of her back and dipped his head to press his lips along the crook of her neck, taking full advantage of the privacy of the lounge.

Meredith made a 'humming' sound and buried her free hand in his hair. Her other hand still clutched to her change of clothes. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Mmm," he agreed. "Me too. I think we should make another modification to tonight's plan."

"Like what?"

He lifted his head from the crook of her neck to meet her eyes. "Welcome home sex and then dinner."

Meredith laughed. "How about welcome home sex and then dinner and then more welcome home sex?"

He pecked her on the lips. "Perfect."

She laughed again. "Just let me get changed and then you can take me home and we can get to our evening."

Derek reluctantly released his wife, but found it difficult to keep his hands off of her as she pulled off her scrubs inches away from him, exposing smooth skin he was so familiar with.

"You're making this extra difficult," she pointed out as she struggled to pull on her jeans with his hands running along her sides.

"Sorry, but I can't help myself."

She gave him a playful shove before pulling her top on.

"I liked the look without the shirt on better," he commented, reaching mischievously for the hem of her shirt. "I think you should take it off."

With a roll of her eyes, Meredith balled up her scrubs and tossed them at his face.

He caught them before they fell to the floor and mock glared at her as he stepped around the bench to toss the scrubs into the laundry bin in the corner. Meredith was slipping on her shoes when he returned to her side.

"Ready to go?"

"You're awfully eager to get me home, Dr. Shepherd," she commented.

He pressed himself into her side and looped his arms around her loosely. "I am. I haven't seen you in five whole days." He brushed his lips against her cheek and then rested his chin on her shoulder.

Meredith closed her hands around the arm he had wrapped across her abdomen. "That was a really long five day," she whispered.

He tightened his hold on her as he lifted his chin from her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek again. "I'm home now."

She turned her head and offered him a tender smile. "I'm glad."

He kissed her on the lips this time, silently telling her he was there for her. She would open up to him when he got her home, and he planned on making her forget all that was worrying her. She was the strongest person he knew, but with everything that had been thrown at her the past few months, she couldn't handle it all by herself. He just had to make sure and remind her that she had him to help, even if all he could do was listen and promise her everything would be okay eventually.

"Come on," he whispered, releasing her, "Let's get out of here. And on the way home I can tell you about my conversation with Richard."

"You did that already?"

He nodded.

"And?"

"He definitely thinks I pushed you into getting married so soon. And changing your name." He sighed. "He said it was his job to protect you, but I don't think that's the whole story. I think he feels left out."

Meredith released an angry breath. "I'm not any of his business. He doesn't get to feel left out."

Derek bit back a smirk at her exasperation. "I'm not disputing that. I'm just telling you what impression I got. I think he's been moody about it from the beginning, but you changing your name sent him over the edge."

Meredith set her jaw and shook her head unhappily.

He offered her a smile and a shrug. "He'll get over it, Mer. And I told him if he continued to act this way I'd file a complaint."

She huffed.

This time he did smirk. Angry and annoyed Meredith was always entertaining – provided it wasn't directed at him. "Come on," he prompted, holding out his hand. "Let me take you home and I'll walk you through the whole conversation in the car."

The corner of her mouth twitched before she relented. "Okay." She took his hand and reached for her purse, which was sitting on the open shelf of her cubby, but as she dragged her purse off the shelf, a large Ziploc bag fell to the ground.

"What is that?" He asked, trying to get a better look at it.

"Nothing," she said quickly, pulling her hand from his and bending to pick up the bag. She shoved it into the back of her cubby without letting him see it.

"Meredith..."

"It's nothing." She turned back to him, her eyes avoiding his, and he knew without a doubt that it wasn't nothing. Her body language had changed dramatically in the past thirty seconds. Her eyes ticked around nervously, her stance was tense and her lips were set in a grim line.

Derek sighed heavily. "After everything we've been through, you're really going to hide something from me? I deserve more than that."

She shook her head. "Derek, please..."

He sat on the bench and ran his fingers through his hair.

She set her purse down the bench beside him, but remained standing, her arms crossed protectively across her chest. "I just don't want to deal with it tonight. I don't want to deal with it period, but apparently I have to, but I don't freaking know how and I didn't want to say anything to you until I figure out how."

She was meeting his eyes now, and he was able to see how much she was struggling. Derek found himself struggling suddenly, not knowing what to say.

Meredith reacted to his silence. "I don't have to tell you everything. There's no law that says just because we're married you get to know everything single thing that happens in my life. I'm allowed to have secrets that have nothing to do with you."

Derek closed his eyes, wondering how they had gotten from happy and carefree with a plan to go home and make up for the time they'd spent apart to their first married fight. All he had wanted to do was take her home and show her just how much he loved her; just how much he had missed her.

"I'm not saying you have to tell me everything."

"Then drop it." Her eyes were filling with tears now, and he could see her exhaustion in her stance.

"I'll drop it if that's what you really want," he said quietly, knowing that no matter what their evening was effectively ruined. If they both dropped it, they'd still never be able to get back to the mood they'd been in before.

She huffed. "Don't give me the freaking guilt trip, Derek."

"Well, then I don't know what you want me to say!" He hissed.

"I don't want you to say anything. I don't want anyone to say anything! I just want this to be over. I can't sleep, Derek. I can't freaking sleep. And I don't want to talk about it. All I wanted was to spend tonight with my husband. And now it's ruined. And I can't..." She trailed off as she struggled to rein in her emotions. "I can't get any of this right. I can't seem to do anything right for anyone. And I'm tired of being freaking ordinary."

The term had his attention and within a heartbeat he was on his feet and had pulled her into his arms. She clutched to the fabric along his chest with both hands and buried her face between them as he held her tight. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair.

She shuddered in his arms. "I'm just so tired."

"I know." He rubbed her back. "I know."

"I'm sorry, Derek. I just..."

"Shhh," he insisted. "Just breathe."

She did. Her inhales and exhales gradually evened out and eventually she released her grip on his shirt and slid her hands around his middle.

He continued to rub her back as she relaxed in his arms. "I love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head.

"I love you, too."

"I don't want you to not have secrets," he told her. "But I'm your husband, Mer. So, if something upsets you this much, I want to know about it because I want to help you with it. I want to help." He paused, debating how far to push. "It's my job to help. I can't take the bad things away from you, but I can be beside when they happen." He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "I just want to be here for you, Mer. That's all I want."

She lifted her head to meet his eyes. She was biting into her lower lip, a giveaway of the internal debate going on in her head. And she had that scared look in her eyes that he had seen at the airport two and a half months before when she had gotten on a plane with her friends and left him behind.

When she pulled out of his arms and turned her back to him, he sighed, frustrated, believing he had pushed her too hard.

But she surprised him when she turned back, offering him the Ziploc bag from her locker.

He took it carefully and sat on the bench to examine the bag full of... "What is this?"

She sat heavily beside him.

"Mer?" He prompted.

"It's my mother."

"Your- what?" He took a closer look, now recognizing the material in the bag as ashes.

"It's not that strange," she insisted.

He stared at her, trying to make sense of why his wife had her mother's ashes in a Ziploc bag in her cubby at work.

"You have to say something," she demanded.

He nodded slowly. "Okay. Well. On one hand, I'm grateful my mother-in-law's ashes are no longer stored in out closet..."

Meredith loosed a light chuckle.

"But on another hand, I'm a little confused."

"I couldn't have her in the closet anymore."

"So you put her in a bag and brought her to work. That's not exactly a linear conclusion."

"She liked it here. And I can't have her at home. She was haunting me. I couldn't sleep. She was haunting me," she repeated.

"Okay, see, now I'm wondering if I need to take you up to psych for an evaluation," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. He was rewarded with another small laugh.

"I'm not saying her freaking spirit or whatever was haunting me, but she wasn't letting me sleep." She paused for a moment. "I kept having dreams about her."

"The nightmares?"

She nodded.

"How many times?"

She avoided his eyes.

"Mer?" He prompted softly.

"I gave up trying to sleep. It was easier."

"Oh, Mer." He wrapped his free arm around her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

She leaned into him. "It's not your fault you married a crazy person."

He chuckled. "You're not crazy."

She shot him a look.

"Okay," he relented, "Maybe you're a little bit crazy. But I knew that when I married you."

She relaxed and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I tried to hide it from you. I'm just... I'm exhausted and I just wanted to go home and pretend everything was fine. I don't know how to deal with my mother, but I do know that I sleep the best when you're sleeping beside me. And I just thought that if I could get some sleep I'd be able to deal with her better."

He rested his head against hers. "We can do that, if that's what you need. We can go home and pretend everything's fine. We can get a good night's sleep and figure out how to deal with your mother tomorrow."

"You'd do that?"

"I'd do anything for you," he reassured her. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I just hate to see you struggling by yourself."

She sighed. "I just want it to be over."

"Then let's figure it out now," he suggested. "There's no guarantee we're going to get a good night's sleep before we figure it out, anyway."

She sniffed. "I wish I knew her better. Then I'd know what do to."

"Are you sure you don't want to have a ceremony?"

"I'm sure. She'd hate that. That's one thing I do know."

"You know her better than you think."

"I don't," she insisted. "She'd hate a memorial service, she loved being a surgeon and pretty much lived in the hospital. I don't know more than that right now."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Have you considered keeping her here?"

She lifted her head off his shoulder to meet his eyes. "That's why I put her in the bag."

He chuckled. "No, I meant have you considered having her here permanently. We could talk to the Board, maybe set up a small tribute to her. She was a pioneer for this hospital. I think they'd go for it."

She seemed to consider it for a moment, but then shook her head. "She wouldn't like it. She wouldn't want to be on display; she wouldn't want people to know she was there." She sighed. "It's too bad I can't scatter her through the hospital or something. She'd like that."

"You could scatter her off the roof?" He suggested.

She smiled. "That's what Cristina said. But she was afraid of heights."

"Okay. What was her favourite place in the hospital? We'll find a way to put her there."

Meredith shrugged. "The OR."

He made a face. "Sterile room; it's going to be difficult to find someplace to put her. How about the gallery?"

Meredith bit her lips again, thoughtful, and then she laughed as if she's had the most obvious thought. "The scrub room."

"The scrub room? You're sure?"

"Yes." She nodded and reached for the bag.

Derek let her lead the way to the surgical floor, which was quiet this time of night. ORs four and five were occupied, but one through three were deserted as they made their way down the quiet hallway to an empty scrub room.

"You're sure about this?" Derek asked as Meredith set the bag inside the sink and carefully opened the seal.

"Completely," she assured him. "This is where she would want to be."

"Okay." He rested a hand on her lower back for support.

She leaned into the contact and took a deep breath. "She wasn't a good mom," she whispered, but she was an amazing surgeon."

He nodded. "She was, but that doesn't forgive what she did to you."

"It doesn't. But I know now that she didn't do it on purpose. She didn't set out to be a bad mom. She was selfish and preoccupied, but she didn't intentionally ignore me. It just happened. And after everything that happened with Thatcher..." She trailed off as her voice cracked.

Derek stayed silent as he rubbed her back.

"She took me across the country, so some part of her must have wanted me. I don't know if she loved me, but she must have wanted me to some degree."

With a sigh, Derek stepped closer to his wife and hooked his arm around her. He rested his chin on her shoulder like he had earlier in the residents' lounge.

Meredith leaned her head against his. "I don't think she realized everything she did to me," she admitted. "I know she didn't do it on purpose. She just didn't believe in love and affection and having a personal life."

"She wanted you to be a doctor."

"Yeah."

He pressed his lips against the side of her head, right behind her ear. "You being a doctor led you back to Seattle. If you weren't a doctor in Seattle, we may not have ever met. So, that's a good thing."

She sniffed.

He kissed her on the cheek. "You don't have to know what to feel, Meredith. Just know that you did absolutely everything you could for her. And know that this is where you can let her go."

She turned in his arms and hugged him fiercely. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Meredith pressed her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply. And then she pulled away, stepped towards the sink and turned on the water.

Derek followed her movements and wrapped his arm around her as she reached for a handful of ashes.

Silence reigned in the small room as the water easily emptied her hand.

She took a breath before reaching for a second handful, which disappeared with the water as quickly as the first.

She leaned into him before reaching for a third handful. "This is right for her," Meredith whispered, "I can feel it."

"Good," he whispered back.

The third handful was taken by the water. Meredith was reaching for a fourth handful when the door opened.

"What are you two doing?" Richard asked, standing in the doorway. "This is a sterile environment."

"It's my mother," Meredith explained softly before Derek could say a word.

Richard's authoritative expression softened immediately. He glanced from Meredith to Derek and then back.

"I've been trying to think of how to put her to rest, and I really think this is where she would want to be. The OR was her favourite place in the world."

"It was," Richard agreed, still regarding them carefully, but making no move to leave.

"We're saying goodbye," Meredith added, as an open invitation.

Richard stepped forward cautiously, joining them at the sink. He watched silently as Meredith reached for another handful of ashes and held them under the water.

"Can I?" He asked quietly, motioning to the half full bag.

Meredith nodded as she reached for another handful. Richard followed her lead and then they both held handfuls of ashes under the water together; the two most importance people in Ellis's life.

When Meredith reached for another handful, Richard did not. "I think you're right. This is exactly where your mother would want to be."

Meredith smiled softly and leaned into Derek. He could feel the tension leaking out of her body and couldn't help but press a kiss to her cheek.

"She was an amazing surgeon," Richard continued, "And she would be so happy to see the surgeon you're becoming."

"You think?"

"I know." He reached for a second handful of ashes and remained silent as he held them under the water. "She cared for you more than you know. The day before she died, she made me promise to watch out for you," he said, and then continued before Derek could react to his words, "I just wish she had been given a chance to know you at this point in her life. Then she would have seen how much you don't need protecting." He met Derek's eyes and a look of understanding passed between them. Richard had taken Derek's earlier words to heart.

"But she did know you were happy," he continued. "She told me she wished she could have been as happy as you said you were."

Derek felt his heart tug as Meredith's eyes filled with tears.

"Thank you," she whispered shakily.

He tightened his arm around her and pressed another kiss to her cheek. She was crying, but they were good tears. She was letting go. Her mother would no longer have such a hold on her.

The bag emptied quickly and when the last of the ashes had been washed away and the water turned off the three surgeons stood silently for several moments, lost in thought. Richard silently said goodbye to an old lover as he wondered what could have been. Derek thanked whoever was listening that his wife had gone to med school when she had and had subsequently moved to Seattle and met him, because his life had only improved for the better. The woman in his arms was the love of his life and his future, of that he had no doubt, and he added a thank you to whoever was listening that Meredith would no longer be haunted by her mother. Meredith felt freer than she had in a long time. Her mother hadn't been perfect, but she had cared. And Ellis would have wanted exactly this. Meredith could finally let her go.

Surprising the men in the room, Meredith loosed a quiet, freeing chuckle and then turned towards her husband and snaked her hands around his waist. Derek smiled softly at her lack of inhibition as he hugged her back.

Richard met his gaze over Meredith's head, and nodded in acceptance towards Derek, as if officially recognizing him as Meredith's partner for the first time.

Meredith pulled back and smiled up at Derek. "Let's go home."

He nodded and threaded his fingers through hers.

"Thanks for being here," Meredith told Richard. "I know it's complicated, but she would have wanted you here."

"Thank you for letting me be here," he responded, taking in their joined hands. "And if I haven't said it, congratulations to you both."

"Thanks, Chief," Meredith said.

Derek nodded.

"It's my pleasure, Dr. Grey-Shepherd," he said honestly, nodding at Meredith and then Derek, "Dr. Shepherd."

Derek sent Richard an approving look, before they said their goodbyes and left Richard in the scrub room to ponder how his life could have been different. He and Meredith walked together back to the residents' lounge to get her things to go home. They were an hour later than before, but that one hour had made a huge amount of difference. His wife was freer than he had seen in some time. She didn't let him pull away when they stepped off of the elevator on the busy floor like she normally would, but held his hand as they walked together through the halls. The tension was gone from her shoulders and her expression. And while there was still tiredness in her eyes, it was a good type of tired; as if she suddenly had hope it would be over soon.

"So, home, food, welcome home sex?" He broke the silence with a quiet joke as they re-entered the residents' lounge.

She giggled as she extracted her purse from her cubby for the second time that evening. "I thought it was home, welcome home sex, food, more welcome home sex?"

He made a show of shrugging. "If you insist..."

She laughed out loud and reached for his hand as they began the trek to the parking lot. "I just might have to insist."

Derek smiled to himself, marvelling at the difference an hour could make. "I just might have to insist that you insist."

She bumped his shoulder as they walked together.

He bumped hers back.

It wasn't until they reached his car that they spoke again. "Thank you, Derek," she said softly as she settled into the passenger seat. "You don't know what it means to me that you were there; that you understood."

He leaned across the center consul of the car and kissed her softly. "I think I may know."

She smiled tenderly at him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

With one more kiss, he pulled back and started the car, eager to get home.

The drive was quick, and once home, Meredith and Derek had welcome home sex, dinner, and then more welcome home sex. And late that night, naked and sated and exhausted, Derek wrapped his arms around his nearly sleeping wife and pulled her as snugly to him as possible. She was calm and peaceful as she fell into sleep in his arms, trusting him to keep the bad dreams away. With a contented sigh, Derek closed his eyes and joined her.