Life x Before x Death

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called life.

Looking back, most of my core memories aren't that great. There's the time I first thought of killing myself in the back of my mom's car after a good beating. I was only 10 years old.

Then there are the times my parents screamed at eachother. I always wondered how those two even ended up together. Eventually my mom managed to blame me for it all. Tsk... the audacity of this bitch. I'll be the first to admit I was never the most socially gifted. I guess that made it all the easier to pin it on me.

I managed to bottle up most the self-hatred and depression, but it left me scarred and devoid of confidence and no friends to confide in.

Things got better eventually though. Me and my brother got kicked out of the house and they divorced. I was so happy to be rid of them. Alas, the damage had been done.

I've always known someday I would kill myself, but there were some things I had to do first.

My dream to have a happy family had long been shattered, but I wanted to solve my brothers issues before 'moving on'. Since long before the divorce he started doing way too much weed and I saw how he was no longer my funny, friendly and compassionate brother.

He's come far in these last three years. He's picked up hobbies, broke off his toxic relationship and no more weed. I'm sure after graduation he'll become a damn good doctor. I'm truly proud.

So there's nothing left for me here. I'm just an empty shell of the person I could've been. Waiting patiently for this day. I've worked a little extra the last couple of months to set aside some money for my brother. Just because... money is nice is guess. I somehow hope it'll ease his pain. I've booked some psych appointments for him already and wrote a letter saying I'll definitly haunt him if he doesn't move on with his life. I know him and he can't just keep this bottled up.

So here I am, slowly losing consciousness from drug overdose, wearing my nicest clothes with the authorities on speakerphone.

xxx: Huh... so i'm dying... this is it for me... finally...I'm free.... I'm sorry, brother

Or so I thought