Just me and him

Lowell

He has been avoiding me all week.

I mean, he said all he needed to last week, but that doesn't mean I have to listen to him. He can't help but choose Ash.

Fuck no.

I have thought about it all week.

I have wondered why this would happen, no matter what runs through my mind. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

If she really is his mate, then why would he be conflicted?

He shouldn't want me in the way that he has wanted me. He shouldn't have wavered, and that is the only reason why I have the courage to be in front of his building, waiting for him to at least come out.

At least talk to him.

I know what an empty feeling is like. I felt that when I lost her. I felt like nothing else could bring me out of that space, but I feel alive again and I don't know if I want to let go of that for anyone.

Not even my sister.

I know how he feels, I know that he feels all the things I feel, if only he would just give this a chance. I know he's scared. I know this is all new to him and I want to help him through it.

I watch him as he walks out of the house, I watch him as he goes in the direction of the lake.

You are being a creep.

My wolf tells me.

I know that but at this point, I will be a creep if it gives me a chance with him. Tonight is the last night and I don't know how I feel about that. I am not okay with saying goodbye to him.

He hasn't met up with Ashina, so that could be a good thing. She hasn't told me anything about them being mates and it is not like I even want to hear about it. I am not surprised that I have feelings for him, but I didn't know they would feel this big I've wanted to express everything I am feeling but he doesn't give me the chance. He is avoiding me and I understand why.

I understand him more than I have ever understood anyone.

I wait for him to come back, somehow, I know he is not going out to have fun. This is someone that hasn't been outside in a week. Once he comes into view, a heavy sigh escapes from my chest. Just looking at him and how beautiful he is.

Fuck.

He looks up, almost like he senses me. His eyes widen, and I see the flicker of fear in them.

I expect him to run away, to walk in the opposite direction, but he doesn't. His chest heaves and I notice a strange look on his face, one that I can't read. I want to know what he is thinking. but I don't want to scare him off. It's as if he can't escape my gaze and I don't want him to. I stare at his hazel green eyes, I stare because I can't look anywhere else. He swallows me in completely.

He entraps me in the gaze of the green depths in his eyes I've never felt so safe in all of my life before. I had a plan for my life, but that plan never included him. He wasn't even in the picture. He is all I see, all I crave, and it should scare me, but it doesn't.

"Hi,'' I breathe out just a word.

This is something I keep locked inside my heart, this weakness. I am bringing it all out for him.

"I missed you,'' I confess, the desperation oozing out of me.

"I can't do this with you. I am not supposed to see you,'' he tells me but I watch him as he takes a step closer to me.

His actions are different from his words, but I understand him.

I don't know what is happening, but this is a lot for him and I completely want to go into this at his pace.

If he wants a break, I would give him a break, but I just can't let go of him. It is not something that I have the willpower to do.

"I missed you,'' I repeat as I take a slow step toward him. I don't want to scare him, rush him.

I am doing this at his pace.

He closes his eyes and exhales a shaky breath. All I want to do is touch him and he is so close.

So fucking close.

"I know what you are going through. I know why you can't do this. Trust me, I understand but I can't let you go. Something is pulling me to you and if I leave you, I might just die.''

Maybe this is an exaggeration but that is how I feel.

I don't even understand this mating process anymore. I have had a mate, I have gone through all this but this time is different. There is more, there is an uncontrollable pull to him. One that I can't just back out of. Me and my wolf, we are one. We want him and nothing has ever felt this right.

"My dads want me to take a step back. Figure things out before I leap,'' he breathes out with his eyes still closed.

His dads would never let him choose me.

I am not the kind of man they would want for their son. I am far from perfect and they know that.

This is not about them but for the first time in my life, I want to please people. I want to do right by them. I want them to see me as the perfect partner for their child.

I am being greedy and everything is happening so fast.

I am not even thinking about Ashina because this isn't about her. It has never been about her.

Just me and him.