Reflecting The Past

It was late afternoon when Hope found a decent enough establishment to rest. She'd been walking since that morning, enjoying the scenery and the peace of the calm atmosphere. It was nice- listening to the bird's caw while picking at rotten vegetables in the gardens she passed.

Okay, maybe it was a little gross, but she didn't mind it.

Entering the quaint little place, Hope sat down at a rickety but charming wooden table and asked for the stew they had. Which happened to be rabbit and frog eyes. Just imagine it's caviar, she thought as she dipped her wide wooden spoon into the mixture and slurped up the slimy little ball that popped in her mouth.

Hope made a face but ate another spoonful as her stomach growled encouragingly.

"What brings you out here, dear?" A plump woman with gray curled hair and a pleasant smile sat nearby. She was the only one in the place and the person who had brought her the soup. The owner, she assumed.

Looking around, she realized she must seem a bit out of place. Most people here were probably regulars, not from far off Hogsmeade or Hogwarts.

Hope offered a little shrug and a thin smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Troubles?" The woman asked and nodded. "I've been there…" She trailed off and smiled. "Alice is the name." She nodded, leaning back a little and flattening out her apron. "What's got you so troubled?"

Biting her lip, Hope was met with a fork in the road. Confide in a stranger or let it fester into an infected wound. Neither sounded particularly appealing; unfortunately, the liquor had worn off its effects.

Maybe she could get advice from this stranger without spilling everything she harbored.

"A lot of things, but…" Hope trailed off and glanced at her, "it turns out I don't exactly play well with others."

Grinning, she raised her bushy eyebrows and nodded. "Ah, I know the type. I am the type." She winked and stood, going to the mini display case, bringing back a pumpkin pastie and setting it down. "My own recipe. On the house for troubled minds." She sat back into her chair, which Hope didn't realize until now was a rocking chair.

Rocking back and forth, a pair of knitting needles continued a pattern for what Hope assumed was a scarf.

"Hufflepuff?" Hope asked, watching the black and gold colors lace together.

Alice nodded with a grin. "My great-nephew just started this past year at Hogwarts, and his birthday is coming up."

Hope couldn't help but smile at the simple yet kind gesture. "That's nice."

"Hm," Alice looked at her more keenly, "who exactly are you not playing nicely with?"

Pursing her lips, she sighed. "My boyfriend. We don't exactly agree on something, and I…" Hope swallowed hard; was she revealing too much? "I like making my own decisions."

Alice nodded slowly. "Ah, without interference?"

"Exactly." Hope ate another spoonful of stew and resisted the urge to cringe as another eyeball popped between her teeth.

"So you want to do what you want when you want, without someone to interfere?"

Hope paused and looked at her, swallowing hard, but not because of the stew. "I mean…" She felt a strange itch behind her ears as Alice leveled a gaze on her. It was odd how a stranger could make her feel like she'd known her for years.

"You mean you want to be alone. That's what you mean," she scoffed half-heartedly and continued to knit, "because if you didn't want to be alone, you wouldn't be here talking to me, avoiding whoever he is."

"I don't want to be alone," Hope answered instantly. "I just want him to…"

"Be what you want him to be?" She raised a brow at her. "Mmhm," she chuckled when Hope pinched her lips shut, "in my experience, you either work it out or you get out. Life's too short to play games when it comes to love."

Hope leaned forward, letting out a soft but exasperated sigh. "What if he doesn't want to work it out?"

Alice smiled sadly, eyes glimmering. "What's meant to be will be."

Resting her chin on her arms, Hope couldn't help but smile a little. 

The afternoon seemed to go on in a blur as if no time had passed at all. Even as night fell, Hope had a renewed energy from talking to Alice. They fell into conversations of the past without being too detailed, of course. In a way, the easy flow reminded her of talking to Rebekah. This was something she needed. To speak to someone outside of her relationship.

"I have a hard time admitting I'm wrong, but it's easy to let everyone know when I'm right." Hope sighed, poking at her third pumpkin pastie for the evening.

Alice laughed lightly as she sipped her tea. "Isn't it always?"

Rubbing her temples, Hope smiled crookedly. "I just say the first thing that comes to my head and…I usually don't care when my words become weapons, but now…" Hope frowned as her leg bounced under the table, "I can't believe I yelled at him like that, but I also felt like he wasn't listening."

"It's what you say, not how loud you say it, that leaves an impact."

Hope glanced at her and pursed her lips. "I do love him," she finally murmured, "I can't imagine not getting to spend every day with him, but how am I supposed to tell him to just not be afraid anymore? I can't make him believe me when I say I'll be okay, but I also can't live behind a wall. I want to be…reckless."

Alice frowned a little. "You said you've been together for over a year now. Has he always had these views?"

Slowly shaking her head, she tried to recall the beginnings of their relationship. Sure, he'd been keen to tell her to be careful walking along the bridge. He'd always worried for her safety, but never before had he given the impression that he thought what she did was reckless and selfish.

"Not to the extent now. I suppose he's gotten a bit more severe since…" Hope frowned. Since she died, she wanted to say but didn't. Looking at Alice, she bit the inside of her cheek. "Something happened to me that he witnessed. I guess it's been since then that he's been more on edge." 

Hope had changed drastically since then. With her memory back, she'd been virtually unstoppable. She'd taken on the people who had Albus and…left Newt in the hallway. Thinking back to his expression, the distant and hurt look in his eyes.

Could that be what this has been about? Did Newt know she could take care of herself, and that was why he was so upset?

Alice frowned and, as she'd been all night, didn't pry for more information, but offered her insight with less loaded questions. "When whatever this was that happened to you, and he witnessed it. He didn't help you?"

"He couldn't," Hope frowned, "but I don't hold that against him."

Smiling sadly, Alice nodded. "But maybe he holds it against himself."

He couldn't protect me then, and he can't protect me now.

"I think I need to talk to him," Hope murmured.

With a nod, Alice set her cup of tea on the table. "I think that would be a good idea."

Hope couldn't help but grin as she stood. "Thank you, Alice. For…listening."

"Not at all," she said before getting to her feet and gathering up leftover pumpkin pasties from the case that weren't purchased, "take these. Yes, take them," she shoved them into Hope's hands as she tried to decline. "The geese won't miss them. I expect to hear more about this anyway. I'll provide the food you provide the tea." Alice winked with a grin and sent her on her way.

Hope was still shaking her head with silent laughter as she started making the quiet trek back toward Hogwarts. Despite being so far away, Hope could still see Hogwarts. It was lit like a beacon as if it weren't miles away.

It called to her. Promising warmth and the embraces that she'd been missing all day. 

Hope would find Newt, and she would listen to him. She wouldn't brush his fears aside, but rather, she'd try to understand them to help him overcome them.

In return, she would open herself up to the idea that she couldn't have all of the control in making decisions.

Hope cringed. 

The premise sounded like an uncoated pill to choke down without water.

It had to be nearly midnight when Hope's aching feet finally reached Hogwarts grounds. Shivering through the newly fallen rain, she started toward the castle, but a shapeless mass caught the corner of her sight.

Looking to her right, Hope shoved her hands deeper into her pockets as thunder rumbled and light flashes lit the forest's edge.

"Newt?" Hope called after the figure that left the little hut for the Care of Magical Creatures class to disappear into the darkened forest.

He must have been trying to escape from everything, too- she supposed it was as good a time as any to talk. At least they'd be alone and could hash it out without Albus needing to get involved. 

Hope let out a sigh and forced her legs to walk through the growing muck that devoured the lawns, finding a bit of refuge under the forest's canopying leaves. 

The long branches covered in prickles seemed to lash out at Hope as she struggled through the thicket. "Newt!" She called when she saw his shape ahead, but he didn't stop. 

No matter how angry he was, Hope knew Newt would have stopped.

This couldn't be Newt.

Swallowing hard, the slight twinge of fear that made her heart skip made her instincts scream…run.

Hope took a squishy step back and waited a moment. The figure ahead looked like Newt from behind, or at least what he would look like if he'd been leached of all color. It was more like a Newt-shaped figure but as a dark void.

Then, when Hope was sure she was ready to turn and leave, something strangely ethereal glittered in the distance. The figure that once stood in the trees was gone, and in its place was a pool of something low to the ground.

It was like Hope had no dictation over her body. Her limbs pushed her forward, and the closer she got, the more enchanted she felt.

Swarms of tingles bubbled over her body, the cold chill of rain running down her back long forgotten. Just a few feet in front of her was a blue, glowing pool that lit the angles of her face in highlights, through the rest of her features into stark shadow.

Hope blinked, stars gathering in her eyes as she lowered herself to her knees, and a strange happiness filled her soul. There was a part of her that knew if she took just a sip of this enchanting glowing water, then all of her problems would vanish.

Slowly, she moved her face closer to the water's surface. Losing herself in an endless swirl of glittering movement that made the ache in her eyes disappear.

Hope touched her lips to the water and closed her eyes.

The sensation of free-falling into nothing was all Hope knew. Though it felt like she'd fallen a thousand feet, it ended instantly. Her back slammed to the ground, and she coughed up water, rolling to her side to let it stream from her nose.

Blinking the moisture away, she sat up and looked around. 

"What the hell," Hope murmured, looking over her shoulder where the pool of water had been but was now gone. 

How is this possible? Indeed, she hadn't dreamt it.

A chill far worse than she'd felt all night entered her bones, and Hope quickly wrapped her arms around her body with a quick shudder. 

She must have fallen in, but then where did the water go? 

Anything could have happened, she supposed. It was a magic forest. After all, maybe the soil sucked it all up before she could even taste it.

It was probably some kind of high-inducing water. That would make sense; the side effect could be extreme cold in her extremities.

Looking up at the sky, Hope frowned as snowflakes landed on her lashes.

Snow? It was the middle of summer.

But while the mystery was taxing, Hope couldn't stand to sit here any longer. She was freezing. Standing on her feet, she started her journey back to Hogwarts, but to her surprise, the moment she set foot on the grounds, she realized everything was covered in snow and ice.

"What-" Hope couldn't finish as another cold wave hit her like a blast of frigid air.

Shivering and shaking, sopping wet, she trudged through the snow and into the castle, where she could get some much-needed warmth.

To her disappointment and confusion, it wasn't much warmer inside than outside. While there wasn't snow and ice on the ground, the castle's overall coloring seemed to have been toned down. 

Hope could still see colors, but it was as if they had been muted. Desaturated in intensity.

Whatever was in that water pool had not been good for her.

"Relax," she murmured, "talk to Albus and Newt. They'll know what to do. It probably just needs to leave your system."

Hope took a shaky breath as she made her way up the staircase, still shivering. Why had she even gone near that pool?

She knew why.

It was as if she hadn't had a choice.

The time it took her to take the stairs was almost as long as it had on her first arrival at Hogwarts. Malnourished and weak from two years of abuse and neglect. Now, she felt powerless for an entirely different reason.

Blood. She needed blood.

Hope sighed in relief when the Gargoyle came into view. She quickened her pace and stepped forward to take the way up, but it didn't open. Even as she shouted the password.

"Oh, come on." Hope sighed, thinking Albus must have changed the password. "This is a little far in wanting to avoid, isn't it?"

To her luck, she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Turning quickly, she grinned as she spotted Newt.

"Newt!" She ran to him. "Newt I-"

He walked right past her, head lowered and shoulders sunk as he went to the Gargoyle and half-heartedly muttered the same password she had.

Frowning, Hope followed after him.

"Newt, I know what I said before, but we need to talk. I have to apologize. I shouldn't have…" She frowned as he continued up and entered Albus' chambers. "Look, I know you're upset with me, but you don't have to ignore me completely."

The Gargoyle slid closed behind her, and she followed Newt to the seating area where he sat in the chair next to the fire. Not looking at Albus, who sat opposite.

"Have you heard from her?" Newt asked, finally looking up, letting Hope see the red in his eyes.

Hope frowned and looked at Albus. "Heard from who?"

Albus slowly shook his head with a solemn frown. "No," he swallowed, setting his still full cup of tea onto the table beside him, "but she'll return Newt." He forced a small smile. "She needs some space. Some time for herself."

"Who does?"

Newt nodded and silently pressed his shaking knuckles to his lips.

"This is getting ridiculous." Hope sighed in irritation, reaching out to touch Newt's shoulder, but it was as if her hand was met with a glass wall when she did.

Blinking, Hope pulled her hand back and tried again, but just as before, when she extended her arm to him, her palm pressed against something solid. Though, she couldn't see it. She put up her other hand now, too, and pushed forward, but whatever barrier kept her from touching him seemed to be the same distance on all sides.

As if she were stuck inside an invisible box, but a box that conformed to her body.

"Newt?" Hope asked.

No response.

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at Albus, who stared longingly at the fire, deep in thought.

"Albus?" Her voice gave a soft squeak.

He, too, said nothing.

Hope took a shaky breath as she stepped back from the seating area. She stared at them in rising horror before looking down at her palms.

Hope whispered softly.

"What did I do…"