Chapter 5: Pushing Through the Cracks.

He was here… right across me, and I know he wanted to know what had happened.

"Let's go the other way." I tell Kennedy.

"Wait, why?" She asks. But before we could turn around, Trevor was already up and moving towards us. This moron has no idea how to take a hint, does he?

"Amber!" He calls out, making his way towards me.

"Who's that?" Kennedy asks me.

"Nobody, keep your mouth shut!" I whisper angrily.

"Amber, we need to talk. Now!" He says pulling my arm.

"Kennedy, you're not going to do anything about this?" I call out.

"I'm gonna go buy a chocolate, 2 minutes thanks!" She calls out.

Idiot…

"Let go of me, Trevor! You can't just grab me like that you weirdo. The next time you do I'll knock you out, I'm warning you right now. Don't upset me."

"Are you done ranting?" He asks with his arms crossed.

The thought of slapping him right now sounded too good.

"Listen, Trevor. What happened at the park happened, I didn't ask you to comfort me! You made me comfort you, so who was I, someone in a vulnerable position to refuse the comfort I just so happened to require at that very moment?

"Amber, I'm just checking on you… You don't have very many friends and you seem to have only gotten worse these last few weeks, this isn't like you."

He thought he knew what I was like? All he knew was my name.

"This isn't like me?" I questioned, "How would YOU know what someone like ME is like? We're not friends, Trevor. We don't even have a single class together this year. You've seen me around the halls a few times and know you think you know everything about me? The only thing about me that you know is my name. Now, I suggest you leave me alone or I'll tell Mount that you're harassing me."

"Accept my request." He says.

"What?"

"I know you saw my request, accept it." He rolls his eyes.

I chuckle.

chuckle.

"Oh, there we go. You like to joke around sometimes, don't you?"

"Shut up!" I say walking away.

"Wait!"

"What, Trevor?"

"Accept my request."

I pull out my phone and show him as I accept his request.

"Thank you." He says, ignoring him as I walk away.

"Did you get me one?" I ask Kennedy.

She hands over half her kitkat bar.

"Disgusting."

"Shut up." She says, "Who was that guy?"

"Nobody, just some weirdo."

"Then why'd he look at you like that? She asks

I roll my eyes and ignore her.

…

I finish off my Biology homework and head towards the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. I felt disappointment, swirling in my mind was every thought I could ever think of. But I'll admit, I'm trying to savour the memories that were once what I thought of while daydreaming, because now.. now they're nothing but nightmares.

I tie my hair into a loose, low bun and put on my outfit. At this point, if I wasn't distracting myself with my school work, then it was going to be work, which I've picked up much shifts on.

Even though I am trying to do my best to feel better, I'm not too sure that these distractions will be enough to keep me busy. I'll find something else to do, maybe a hobby or something.

…

I didn't get home until 9:20pm, today being the most I've been awake in a week. It was really hard for me, because every thought that came was accompanied by the thought of Ruben and how dirty he did me, how much pain he's brought be and how he's the reason that my own best friend betrayed me.

I didn't deserve any of that pain, I really didn't.

As I step out of the shower my phone buzzes, I unlock it to see a text from Trevor, 'Hey babe ;)'.

This boy has some issues, which is why I leave him on read.

*BUZZ*, another text, 'That's really rude, say hi back!'

'Hi' I text him back.

Another buzz… I ignore it as I lay my head on my pillow.

A tear, maybe two or even three slide down my face as I memorise what it felt like to be held by Ruben. The only boy I have ever and will ever love.

Sometimes, things don't work out and so I need to accept that. I need to stay strong, but when you're hurting there's only one thing that your mind can think of, there's only thing thing that can fix the hurt. In this case, who hurt you can't fix you. Ruben.

I wake up around 2am, my pillow stained with my tears. This was common the last week, waking up to a pillow that was soaked by something other than drool.

I hated waking up late at night, because it was already hard for me to fall asleep, and now having to fall asleep again without crying was a task.

So I decided to check my phone, 'Wanna hang during lunch tmr?' Trevor texted me a few hours ago, to which I replied with 'No.'.

*buzz* what the-

'What are you doing awake?' He asks, what was I doing awake? What was HE doing awake?

'Nothing, I accidentally woke up'

*buzz*

'So you decided to text me back?'

'…'

'I'm rolling my eyes. I'll see you during lunch love.'

I leave him on read from there. Maybe he's not so bad, I could use a new friend. But.. what happened the last time? I can't forget what she did. She treated me like dirt, she's evil. Nobody cares about me, I'm treated like dirt. It sucks, but its exactly what I thought it would be like waiting for Ruben.

I'll do whatever it takes, I will make him pay one day.

I have no boundaries when it comes to revenge, only strengths,

I wasn't looking when I stumbled into him, so I will get over him, and then I'll have him repay.

I poured my heart ate to him, I loved him so much it hurt, let down my guard.. I tried to stop him from leaving, I spent the last month texting him everyday trying to get him to text me back.

I would've done anything for him, I adored him more than anything.

One day, he'll regret what he did.

…

The next morning, he was there to greet me at school gate, what a weirdo…

"Morning, love."

"…What do you want?"

"Are you not a morning person?"

"No…"

"Do you need a coffee?"

"Trevor, why are you acting weird, what do you want?' I say.

"Damn, acting all feisty again? Here I was thinking that I was getting you to open up to me."

As we're walking inside, two girls passing by are chuckling to themselves and I can't help but overthink that it's about me, that it's about what Ruben did. How many people know? This is so embarrassing, they all think I'm a loser.

"Amber, are you okay?" Trevor asks.

"Yes, Trevor, I'm fine! Please leave me alone." I bitterly say before quickly walking away.

I make my way to my locker, followed by Trevor.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, "You look stupid."

"I'm just trying to be a good friend to a friend who isn't doing so well."

"We're not friends, Trevor."

"So you admit, you aren't doing well. I want to know what's going on."

"Trevor, please. I can't talk about it right now."

"Why not?"

"Because"

"Because what?"

"Trevor, you're pushing it."

"Sorry, I'll see you during lunch, okay?"

"No."

"Ok, see you!" He says walking away.

"What was that?" Nicole asks walking up to me.

"What was what?"

"Are you two friends?"

"No."

"Hmm, okay."

"What?"

"Nothing…"

"Stop acting weird, Nicole."

"Whatever. How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay.."

"Good, because we're going to watch a movie tonight."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Nicole, go away. I have to get to class."

…

As soon as the lunch bell had gone I got up and left class, making my way to my locker trying to make it there before Trevor sees me.

"Amber!" He calls out.

I roll my eyes in annoyance, why is he always everywhere?

"What, Trevor?"

"Let's go hang at the library."

"I'm not hanging out with you, Trevor."

"Yes, you are. You have no other friends, let's go."

We head towards the library and sit down.

"Are you going to tell me now?"

"Tell you what?"

"What happened, remember?"

"Trevor.."

"Please, Amber. I was worried. I've been worried about you for the last week. I mean, you missed out on an entire week of school."

I sigh, fighting the urge to tell him everything but needing someone to talk to.

"It's nothing, I was just feeling unwell."

"That did not look like you were sick, you looked depressed."

"You're not a therapist, what would you know about depression?"

"Then what was it, heartbreak?"

I quickly moved my gaze to the floor. He knew, and he was going to make fun of me just like everybody else is.

"Amber… someone broke your heart?"

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah.."

"What a piece of sh-"

"He cheated on me with Aliah and left me for another girl…"

His jaw dropped.

My heart began racing, I shouldn't have told him. This is so embarrassing, he thinks I'm such a los-

"What a loser, he is such a loser and Aliah? Dumbest girl I've ever met. Why would she choose pleasure from him instead of your friendship? They're both pathetic losers."

Why did I feel like this right now? Proud almost…

"Who is this guy anyway?"

They knew each other… in fact, they were even friends when Ruben used to come here.

"Just some guy, you probably don't remember him."

"Remember him, he used to come here?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to talk about him right now. Please."

And so we didn't, instead we spoke about other things. Turns out we have a similar sense of humour.

…

"That was a good movie, I can't wait for the second one." Nicole said.

"No it wasn't, I almost fell asleep."

"That's because you haven't slept well in ages. You know, you can come sleep at mine if you need to."

"I'm fine, Nicole. I'm a big girl, I can sleep on my own."

"Ha! Don't you sleep with a night light?"

We both look at each other and giggle.

But that giggle didn't last long.

There he was, right outside the movie theatre…