7. You Stay Away From Him

My friend, Jane Austen, has recently finished a manuscript of a book she's called, "Mansfield Park". She graciously sent me and her sister, Cassandra, a copy for review and comments. While I really like the book, Cassandra thinks that the ending should be different. She argues that the heroine, Fanny Price, should have married instead the character of Peter Crawford, who is the novel's incurable rake. Cassandra thinks that Fanny could have successfully reformed Peter if she had married him.

Jane and I disagree.

"He hates me!" "Of course he doesn't hate you, Daphne." "He does! He hates me! Lord Hastings told me to stay away from him!" Father, Anthony, and Benedict were all in a room witnessing me having a meltdown. Father rushed over to my side, taking me lovingly into his arms. "Shhhhhh, there, there, dearest. Calm down; you'll make yourself sick. I'm sure the situation isn't as bad as you imagine," he cooed, rocking me.

Anthony grunted, rolling his eyes. "Allow me to disagree with you there, Father. You should have seen the way Hastings treated Daphne on the dance floor just now! He snubbed her right in front of everybody, and all without regard of what this may do to Daphne's or all of our reputation! The scoundrel….." My eldest brother cursed under his breath, glancing away. "It was….. interesting to watch, to say the least," Benedict hesitantly added, trying to find some humour in the situation. Anthony immediately shot him a vicious glare. "Interesting?! That man is a rake! A cad! I can't believe her majesty would pair you up with someone so…. so black-hearted!" His arms flew violently up into the air. Father looked over at him.

"But he was your dear friend all throughout your school years at Oxford, Anthony. Surely he can't be that vile a man if you had gotten so close with him." "That was when I was a boy, Father; before I knew any better. I admit, I did not….. chastise Simon for his wayward ways back at Oxford, but I assumed he'd grow out of it. And I never could have imagined that he'd be engaged to my sister of all people!" Anthony gasped scandalized. "I mean, she could have done worse…" Benedict offered with a single handwave, earning another swift glare from our brother. "What?" "Well, think about it. Hastings is a duke with a vast fortune and well-respected family name. His estate is the envy of the nobility and gentry. And he isn't the worst-looking fellow….. All things considered, Daphne could have done a lot worse."

No one said anything for a minute, instead merely staring at my second-eldest brother. Father eyes drifted down slightly and Anthony looked like he was ready to knock Benny off his block. As for me, I sighed and rested my cheek against Father's chest, letting him continue to cradle me. My lips parted a sliver. "What am I going to do?" I asked no one in particular.

Anthony spun around to face me like a shot. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to stay away from that man." "But he's my fiancé, brother…" "What does that matter? The duke certainly doesn't seem to think it does. He told you to keep away from him? Fine! Do what he wants; ignore him just like he ignored you. You're too good to waste a moment of your time on such a heartless rake anyway, sister," Anthony declared. Father finally released me from his embrace and approached my brother in a calming manner. "Now, now, calm down, son. Don't you get too excited either." "But Father, this is Daphne we're talking about!" Anthony protested.

Father's hand rose up to wave a little in the air. "Perhaps you're all being too hasty. The duke may have rakish tendencies now, but such afflictions are not necessarily permanent. I've always been of the firm belief that there is nothing more edifying than a woman's affection," he said while looking straight at me. My back bucked and my fist rose up to my chest. "Y-You think I should….. I can reform the duke?" Such words, even the very idea was alien to me. But Father nodded resolutely, taking a step in my direction. "Yes, my darling. If anyone can mould that boy into an honourable and respectable gentleman, I whole-heartedly believe it is you."

This wasn't my first introduction to the concept of women being the moral reformers of men. The German and Russian philosophers all thought that it was not just a side-effect but indeed a duty for wives to lead their husbands toward morality. I didn't have much confident in their arguments as they also asserted that a man had legal rights to punish and beat his wife into submission. Something which was still legal here in Britain…. I shuttered at the thought.

My mouth trembled unsure. "B-But I…. I don't know how to morally reform anyone. I wouldn't even know where to start. And why is it my job to improve "his" character? I have other things I need to do, want to get done…. I don't have time for all that! What about MY education?" I suddenly announced, shocking my father a tad. He took another step toward me. "But Daphne. That is your fiancé you're speaking of, your future husband…" I stared him right in the eye once more. "How can I teach Lord Hastings anything if he doesn't even want to talk to me? If anything, I should respect his wishes and stay away from him…. That is the only kindness he will allow me to give him now," and Father gazed at me in astonishment.

Anthony, however, clapped his hands once in applause. "Well said, sister. You're absolutely right; it's not your job to moralize anybody. Best to keep your distance and not anger the duke, lest he break off your engagement," he approached my side, putting his hand my shoulder. Benedict blinked in surprise. "You mean you're still going to marry him? This man you're actively avoiding?" I shrugged. "What other choice do I have? If I turn down the marriage, it'll affect our sisters' chances of securing a good match in the future. Not to mention your chances of getting married as well…" I added, lowering my eyes. Anthony patted my shoulder reassuringly.

"Have no fear, Daph. Once you and the duke are married, you can come live with me; you'll never have to see each other again. You can be the mistress of Bridgerton manor until I get married." "And after Anthony gets married you can come live with me, Daphne," Father included, making the three of us look at him. He was looking back my way and smiling ever so tenderly. "Father…." I whispered. "Your brothers and I would never make you live with Hastings, if that's not what you wanted. By law, the duke can have you dragged back to his estate but judging by the way he's behaved to you thus far, I doubt that would be of any concern. Both you and Hastings will get what you want this way: he'll live alone, and you'll get all the tutors and education you can desire. We'll take care of you, Daphne….. Let us take care of you," his hand reached out to give mine a gentle squeeze. My eyes shown onto him. "Father," I repeated in a low, hushed, beloved tone.

The patriarch of our family chuckled teasingly, shaking his head. "And if you want any romance before you die, I'll take you back to Europe." "Father!" I gasped horrified; my brothers also wore scandalized expressions. Father chuckled more, looking at me. "I'm jesting." "Are you?" Anthony's eyebrow raised unconvinced. He shook his head casually again. "Well, I do wish that all of my children could experience the same happiness that your mother and I had together. Love is the most wonderful thing in the world; you have no idea," he paused a moment before going on in a more serious voice. "Do you not desire love, dearest? Real love?"

My mouth shot open to answer, but no words came out. I simply ogled back at my father and brothers, standing there speechless. For the first time in six years, I could see him…. His face came to me like a flash, but I could see him again. The Spaniard was there, watching me and holding my hand in his. He held it so tight and protectively… My eyes progressively widened as I remembered… I remembered what it felt like in that instance, the first time he grabbed my hand back in Spain.

I wonder….. I wonder what it would have been like….. if we'd spoken the same language or lived in the same country. He was of peasant stock, and it could never realistically happen. But that didn't prevent him from helping me, observing me with reverence. I didn't even know his name, and yet that was the closest thing I've ever had regarding a romantic experience. It….. It left me hungry for more. Yes, I wanted more; I didn't want that to be my first and last romantic encounter. I did want it; I wanted real, true love. But…..

My eyes wandered downward a little. But I doubt I'll have anything like that with the duke. I had hoped….. But then, it's silly to assume that fiancés should fall in love with each other. Mother and Father were the anomaly, not the typical. I knew that coming to London…. I knew that when I overheard Lord Hastings talk on the balcony tonight. I knew that when the queen called my name at the ceremony….. The only time I was unsure was when I first saw Lord Hastings, heard the sound of his voice…..

But Anthony is right; I should do as Lord Hastings demanded of me and keep my distance. My brothers have told me plenty of times before that you can't force men to do something they don't want to do. I can't force my fiancé to love me or even tolerate me….. I can only show him kindness and do as he asks. And so I will. I can't reform him anyway; no one can I believe. Once we're back home I shall write to Jane of this and tell her that she made the right decision with her character of Fanny Price. Fanny can't change Peter Crawford, just like I can't change Simon Basset. He hates me….. We know so little of each other, and he already despises me. Yet, do I hate him? No, certainly not. I don't "hate" anyone, even if they hate me. I can't change Lord Hastings, but I still be kind to him- there's no excuse to be otherwise. After all, unlike him I have known what genuine tenderness and concern looks like. The Spaniard took my hand…

That itself is something most British ladies will never know the feeling of.