His Heart Is Gently Pounding

/Frank POV/

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Hey kiddos, back to hell. Me and Ainz have decided to have some little changes to the plan. Meaning what, you ask? What does changing the plan mean?

And what plan was I talking about? And how did you hear me speak these words when you're just in your basement reading alone?

Haha, that's the funny part. I'm in your skin, and I will be here for a very very long time. Better get comfy. Anyways, we decided to go and waltz around a couple good ways away from the Tomb.

All of the servants took that poorly. Very, in fact. Extremely, which could be applied in certain situations. But after making Ainz promise all the of the Female Floor Guardians "outings", they mostly calmed down to a grumble.

Still though, they made us send Hanzos on Hanzos to protect us. Sure, it may be extra security, but this is kinda ludicrous, considering that whenever we reached a forested area, we'd have to wait about ten minutes outside before they give us the clear to pass through.

At that point there were essentially little to no wildlife left in the place. It was off-putting, and it kinda made things a little boring.

Anyways, we decided to head out way straight over to the capital.

Oh, and did I say that we were the only two of us going? No? Well then you'd be right, since we were being accompanied Sebas, Solution and Shalltear for this little excursion.

The maid-butler duo were doing their best to make things as feasibly comfortable for us as possible, but Ainz is a skeleton, which doesn't have that many nerve clusters left, and I was metal.

Cushions do not take kindly to rusty and jagged metal. The Hanzos were the type that made things far too easy. But since we were in that forest where the trio would encounter some bandits, and subsequently Brain Unglaus, that would mean that I could have a couple choices.

Let Shalltear get hit with the World Class Item just for the shits and giggles, and to keep canon "safe", and let Ainz solo her. Ha! As if me being here ever made it safe in the first place. Chances are, RNGesus would snap his neck and have her go for killing movesets immediately.

Second, let her get hit, but I'm the one that fights her. Fighting Shalltear sounds like a terrible idea, I know, I know, but it's one that I really wanna try at least once.

Third, we could let that Dragon bastard come in to try and get rid of her, only for us to spring from the bushes and yoink his shiny suit away from him.

Truth be told, that was one of the more interesting choices that I could take there. It limits the man's strength, and made things easier for us.

Plus, more stuff for the Treasury. We could also study the thing for the sake of fucking the bellend over. But that in turn would open up a whole new world of issues for us to have to undergo.

We would end up having to handle the other dragons that were a nuisance. And that, was absolutely no bueno. One cancer was enough, more? Yeah, we could think of a worse way to do things.

{Or maybe, just maybe? I could do something out of left field?}

There was something brewing, a very spicy meatball sauce was getting cooked. I had a terrible idea, and I was planning to make damn good use of the World Class Item as an alibi.

{Question is, I may have a sarcophagus loaded onto the carriage, but how do I make things nice and quiet for them to not notice it?}

My thoughts were getting interrupted as Shalltear was starting to frown when looking outside, seeing all of the bandits that were trying their damnedest to not get slaughtered by the Hanzos and Vampire Brides that came along.

(Tch. Foul little weaklings with sub par blood. Forgive me, Ainz-sama, Mekhaine-sama, but would you allow me to handle this issue?)

She was getting antsy, I gotta make the most out of this. So I waved it off to her.

(Clam thyself child. These men, and women, they are nothing more than simply trying not to be slaughtered by our subordinates.

Allow them some minor reprieve from your lambasting. Oh, but continue the murder, it makes it easier to pass through this area for other people.

We can claim that we cleared a significant portion out of these woods to the nobles or judicial groups in charge with ruling these lands.

If there are none, then we simply get rid of "vermin" that chose to set their hovel up in these barren lands.)

Shalltear and the two servants seemed to light up at me being that fucking cold. Hell, Ainz may chalk this up to me being changed by me being in a different body, but that's just not the whole truth.

Ever since day one, I've been on a streak of insanity. Psychosis and sociopathy are considered different. Psychosis is born, and sociopathy is cultivated, and grown.

At least, that's what I've been told. I act so nonchalantly around the sort of pain that I am either subjected to, or subject myself to for the sake of gains or boredom. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure I have a mental issue.

That being said, I then ret to choose my hyperfixation, so I chose to do something retarded.

(I will not deny though, little blood-loving child. The warriors that we have brought along are not yet returned to our vicinity. We will do something about this. Bring me my sarcophagus.)

Ainz seized up a bit at what I ordered her to do. So much, in fact, that he proceeded to [Message] me.

[Oi, Mekhaine! Are you seriously using a different form just for bandits?! That's a bit excessive, don't you think?]

Oh boy, time for this to get all the more fun.

[True, but honestly man, I just wanna get myself a bit more practice for any possible battles. It's been a hot minute since I've punched someone really really hard. The body I'm going to pilot is more than good when it comes to that.]

{Come on, come on you bag of bones, let me do this. This is going to be dar more epic than whatever it initially was.}

[Hmm..... alright then, you could join the fight, or, well, the slaughter really. But make sure that there won't be any witnesses!

As much as I don't really like having to deal with these bodies as of this moment, you aren't wrong about the fact that we could buy some goodwill with this, or maybe money, preferably the former, however.]

[That's all I needed to hear.]

(M-Mekhaine-sama! You don't need to dirty yourself with these creatures! My servants and the Hanzos are more than enough to handle the pests!)

I chuckled a little, which made it sound like my voice was scraping nails on a chalkboard.

(Little one, I can sense something. Strength nearby. I intend to see what this peculiarity truly is. I will endeavor to not be a burden to any of you.)

I then opened the door by myself, dropped off into the dirt, and snapped my finger, which didn't really make the proper snapping sound that flesh would make, and had a couple of the nearby Hanzos carefully lower the sarcophagus.

I placed my ring finger into a hole, which was funnily enough the way that I accessed these sarcophagi. Every finger was like a key, and I had far too many special bodies.

Every single time that I was taking out a fresh body to use, I'd morph the shape of my finger ever so slightly, just to throw people off on how they could try to steal my body for materials.

I was a cancerous pain in the ass, but Ainz Ooal Gown was more than happy to have somebody with as deep pockets as mine to handle all of the gacha. I initially had some doubts, but over time I will happily say this.

It was one of the biggest mistakes in my life.

Anyways, body was right there, and holy shit it was beautiful. If my current rusted form was something out of a horror movie, then this body was something completely overhauled, like it was out of Warframe.

Beautiful exterior, movement capabilities beyond fleshy, mortal form, and my ass looked pristine. The finest cheeks in the world, I shall hereby claim as my own.

Funny enough, I was thinking something more along the lines of a Necron-esque form, considering that I decided that the storage units of these bodies were sarcophagi in the first place, but I'm not going to lie, the more stylish bodies caught my eye.

I touched my forehead with one of my pointer fingers, squatted down, and tapped the body once with the other finger, and everything went dark for a moment.

I could still think, and when the light returned to my eyes, my first words were-

(Holy fuck I can see in Ultra 256K HD.)

My voice, oh my god. That sounded like it was one of the most velvety and sexy voices I've ever heard. Ten out of ten, could probably make a woman cum from just hearing it.

I stood up, and felt the full range of motion that my body could be capable of handling. I knew that each and every single body had one bullshit little skill about them, and normally I supplement the skill with other spells that I accrued over the years in Yggdrasil, but I will say this, I don't think I'd need more buffs for what this skill was.

[Rain of the Metal Meteorites] - the tier? 9. The chant length? None. The power? Hahahahahahahaha. And the cooldown? It resets, as long as it kills something biological. Something, biological. Count how many things that count as biologically challenged.

*moans a little*

If most of my bodies were designed to take hits and dish them out as fast as they can, this one, well, let's just say that when I took five damage buffs from some of our buffing mages and went on a Boss Rush spree, we managed to hit the world record of killing a World Enemy, in under one second.

We were flabbergasted the first time round, then tenth, and then we hunted the Rainbow Buddhas, and went straight for the World Eater.

Three seconds. It lasted three seconds before it lost all of its heath. It has three phases. It took it threw seconds, including the I-frames, to one shot the bastard.

We were shocked, and I felt disgusted. So, horrifyingly disgusted by the sheer strength of the skill that I promised not to use it in any scenario, unless we were farming.

This, is what I was planning to fuck around with. Tis a body that makes things all the more harrowing, and I had a special little treat in store for Momonga to have to deal with.

Well, me and Momonga, that is.

(Oh, the sweet sweet feel of an upgraded vessel. It tempts me so much.)

I said out loud as I saw a bandit look at my form in awe, before it turned into fear as he saw that there were Hanzos looking at me in awe.

(Hello there, little maggot. How'd you like to be one of the first to be my personal dummy for this body, hrm? You feel like being a subservient little boy, you say? That's wonderful news! Shalltear, remove this one's hands and legs, would you?)

Before they even got a chance to speak, Shalltear went and flicked her nail and lopped off the parts perfectly. They screamed in pain as they fell straight into the dirt, the blood flowing out of their bodies.

(Tsk tsk tsk. We can't have you losing all of that blood there, little one. Here, allow me.)

I opened my right palm and saw that it was glowing pure white, and as I tapped a nearby tree once with it, it burst into complete flames and immediately got turned into charcoal.

(Perfection. Now then, to lessen the heat.)

I controlled the heat coming from my palm slowly but surely until it only glowed a nice and dull red, in which I grabbed the poor bastard by the scruff of his burlap sack shirt and cauterized all of the bleeding stumps off.

(Good good, breathe deeply and slowly. We don't want you getting knocked out, because that means that we're going to have to do worse things to you. Shalltear, hold him for me.)

Shalltear was such a good assistant in this moment. She did exactly as she was told, nor even whining a little bit at her having to deal with something that she considered dirty.

(Good, thank you little one. Now, throw him high into the air. Don't break any of his bones, I want to make sure that it won't be too difficult for the shot to hit.)

(Understood, Mekhaine-sama!)

And it was at that moment, that the bandit knew, he was gonna get fucked up. She fucking sent the man to space. Forget Kerbal Space Program, we got the Nazarick Space Agency over here with these NPCs.

(The naming sense of the skill is otherwise terrible, but the effects, oh my. [Raining of Metal Meteorites].)

Despite what the name of the skill may be, it's not a basic big boom boom spell like [Catastrophe], [Petite Catastrophe], or [Grand Catastrophe].

Funny enough, the devs didn't really have any good names at the time for this skill when they made it. So when they did, they decided to just leave it as is.

Do you know what else did they do? Not limit it from getting Triplicate Maximized. This skill was capable of getting buffed. We only figured out that the skill was still naturally buffable by the caster when I decided to throw it out as a gag.

It wiped out all of the wildlife in a five hundred kilometer diameter. Passive, Aggressive, and Neutral were all just, gone. That was after we got the world record for the damned thing. It was harrowing the first time round, but this was just excessive firepower.

I wanted to ask the devs to rename it, but they decided to just outright yeet the skill to oblivion, because they did not want to have to deal with something that could oneshot every single enemy, barring Players with specific builds and a World Class Item.

Except, as much as I was terrified of what it was, I still liked keeping nukes. So I grafted the skill on about five hundred of these bodies.

How does the skill work? Remember that GI: Joe movie with the orbital gravity cannon thing? The weapon that specifically uses the gravity of a planet to make it really really effective at crust cracking?

How do you multiply that with some horrifying mixture between a mass driver, and a railgun, with it getting launched at a black hole? With additional spells that graft onto the chunks to make them experience even more gravity.

Now, the way it does work. The vacuum of space is not perfectly empty. There's about a couple molecules for every fifty cubed feet, if I last recalled.

The mass driver/railgun mutated lovechild fires about twenty of these chunks, that may or may not have the weight of a couple neutron stars.

The chunks are shot at a very very strong blackhole. And right at the very nanosecond that they enter, a matrix envelops the chunks and send them to get shot at whatever the caster is pointing at, while they get slightly warped into a more spikier form.

In summary, rocc go-

*reality fucking suffers an aneurysm while Frank laughs like a madman, as the atmosphere may or may not have been compromised*

[YOU SAID THAT YOU'D KEEP IT REASONABLE! THIS IS ONE OF YOUR STRONGEST SKILLS! THERE WASN'T ANY POINT TO USE IT ON A BANDIT OF ALL THINGS.]

[I just wanted to go "whippity wine, your molecules are not going to be fine" is all. It's been a hell of a long time since I've used this skill. Plus, it's not as strong as it would actually be with all of the buffs that you guys slap onto it.]

Poor man was having a stroke on how that would have justified anything that I've done. Even now I'm still as immature as always. God it feels good to be fucked in the head sometimes.