Chapter 5

DO you know the saying expect the unexpected? I also thought that we could be happy until we reach our dreams together. Just a few more weeks and we’ll finally get the diploma that we both wanted. After that, he promised to travel around the world with me. He said a lot of promises to me and there I am, happy and hoping that he could fulfill his promises to me. I was the happiest when he said that he will marry me after we graduate. But all of the hopes vanish in the air just like a bubble.

I expect him to fulfill all of the promises he said. I guess too much expectation will just really hurt you in the end. It will hurt you big time.

“Listen to me, Astia, I am telling the truth. There was no sign of you in the apartment. Just those decors for our anniversary. I know you decorated them when you go home at lunchtime like the other special days,” he explained but I just shake my head slowly.

The confusion in his eyes was very evident as I continue to shake my head slowly. Until now, I wasn’t still enlightened about why he did that. He just… betrayed me.

“You know nothing, Felix,” I started while shaking my head slowly. “I was there,” I added.

“What do you mean?” he asked. But I’m not blind to see how nervous he was when he asked me that question. Well, he should be.

“I was at the apartment, Felix,” I painfully said. I gasped for air and take all the courage I could take to speak and stop my tears from falling.

“I was t-there and s-saw you… with a-another g-girl.” My voice broke. Then I now failed to stop my tears from falling slowly.

He was shocked after what he had heard from me. He must not be expecting this, that I’ll reveal what he has done on the day of our anniversary. Yes, Felix. Don’t expect. Don’t expect that I won’t be able to catch you from doing these things behind my back.

“I h-heard loud and clear how y-you two m-moan each other’s names,” I painfully continued as my tears were continues falling like a waterfall from my eyes. Fuck these tears. No matter how hard I tried to wipe them, they just won’t stop. He couldn’t respond.

“Really, Felix? Of all places, in o-our apartment? The day of our a-anniversary?” I sarcastically laugh despite the tears. “Of all people, Felix! Of all people!” I shake my head slowly. “You! You betrayed me!” I madly said.

“I-I…”

“What?! You didn’t mean it? You’re sorry?! Damn you, Felix! Damn you!” I cried more while he couldn’t look at me in the eyes. He was just there, sitting, and couldn’t even talk. He probably didn’t expect me to reveal this to him. He couldn’t react to what I said. He was just too… shocked.

Secrets couldn’t be forever secrets. Some secrets may be hidden but in just a short period of time. The time will come that those secrets will be revealed. And I just revealed his. I even caught him with my own eyes.

“I’m sorry.” That is all he could say. He just bowed his head and couldn’t look at me right now.

“Wow. Just wow.”

“I’m sorry, Astia,” he repeated but I just shake my head slowly.

“What happened, Felix? Do you really love me?” I asked because I wanted to be enlightened. As far as I can remember I did my job to be a good girlfriend to him.

“Or did you really love me?” I continued. He suddenly lift up his head to look at me when I questioned him that.

“Don’t say that, Astia. I love you.” His eyes were also red from the tears that were forming in.

“Then why did you cheat?” I painfully asked. “I also heard you said that you love her the most. Really? If you didn’t love me anymore, can’t you just break up with me?”

Why can’t he just do that? Instead of hurting me like this? Is it fun hurting someone? What will you get by hurting someone anyway? Does it have a reward?

“I can’t do that, Astia. I love you-”

“Liar!”

“Astia-”

“Don’t call me by that name!” He bowed his head. I sighed and look away. I could feel other people looking in our direction but I don’t care.

Silence embrace us that lasted for a couple of minutes. I wanted to end this conversation so I decided to speak first.

“I really don’t understand, Felix. I guess… were here,” I started and he look at me with fear in his eyes. He should have fear when doing his monkey business behind my back.

I smiled bitterly while we were looking at each other’s eyes. “Let’s end this.” Fuck this. It hurts like hell.

Felix looked at me with disbelief. “No, no, no. Please, Astia. Please give me another chance,” he pleaded with me but I shake my head to him. He tried to grab my hand but I didn’t let him.

“I love you, Felix but I also love myself. One mistake is enough,” I explained and I hope he get what I meant. It’s time to love myself back.

“Please, Astia…”

I wipe my tears and stand up and take a step to walk away when he tried to grab my hand again but I shake it off.

“I won’t change my mind, Felix.” This is how we ended. We stop here. It’s time to give time for ourselves. Back to our old self where we still didn’t know each other. I cried more as I walked away from that place. Every people who walked past me was looking at me. Who wouldn’t? But the hell I care.

I called a taxi and tell him to just stop in the park. The sun was setting. I went to the swing and seat there. I cried more until there were tears left for me to cry. It hurts like hell. I should get back to my old self. No Felix. No love life. Just Audrey. I didn’t know that being in love needs to be hurt like this. I didn’t know that loving someone hurts like this. Do I deserve this? I just love someone. Why do I need to be hurt like this?

I questioned myself multiple times if I deserve to be hurt like this even though I know that I won’t be able to find answers to my questions. Tears finally dried in my cheeks. I guess… I finally get tired of crying when I didn’t feel any tears streaming down. I wipe my face and fixed myself. I grab my phone from my pocket. 7 PM. Did really I cry that long?

I roamed my eyes at the park and see that there were just a few people walking around the place. I sighed heavily and stand up. I was about to take a step when my phone ring.

Bella-Bella…

I just look at her name and let it ring until it stops. I decided to just compose a message for her to tell her I’m fine. I turned off my phone before I sighed and look up at the night sky. Starting this night, I’ll be back with my old self again. I’ll move forward and get that diploma that I have been working hard for. Starting this night, there will be no Felix anymore…

:)