Chapter 6

THREE days had passed since that encounter with Felix happened. Three days had passed since Felix and I broke up. Since that encounter with him happened, I told myself that I will be back with my old self again but I didn’t know that it will be that hard for me. Come to think of it, we were together for years, building our dreams together and with one mistake he made our relationship collapse. With one mistake he made… we broke up. With one mistake… we shattered into pieces.

For years that we were together, we were used to each other’s company. Sleep in the same apartment, celebrated special days together, build dreams together, and now that we broke up, how can I get back to my old self?

In that three days, I was trying to find my old self. I asked myself what are the things I do before I met him so I could do those things again now that he is now out of my life. It was hard. It was just three days since we broke up but I could say that it was really damn hard for me. How much more in the upcoming days?

I was trying to find my old self again but in that three days I ended up crying. I thought I was tired of crying but after I broke up with him but I was wrong, I cried over and over again because of our dead relationship, because every time I reminisce the times when we build together, I could always remember myself smiling while thinking the two of us achieving our goals. I still asked myself ‘what happened? Why did he betray me?’ And a lot of W’s. I asked myself a thousand times and I don’t know if I’ll ever find the answers to those questions.

I was there, I was almost there, on achieving one of our dreams but damn it! He cheated! He cheated on me… The dreams I was looking on forward to for both of us just vanished in the air because of the mistake he have done.

In just one blink of an eye, our relationship ended.

My eyes were puffy because of the crying until now. I couldn’t even eat properly. I was always spaced out. Good thing that we don’t have school for today. I don’t think I could ever go to school after this heartbreak. I might just be spaced out in class. I just imagined myself being spaced out during class and being shouted at by my prof, telling me to get out of the class. I sighed heavily. This is so not me.

I heard the door of my room in Bella’s condo opened and saw her coming in. I silently wiped my tears. She sat in my bed and looked at me in pity but I didn’t care.

“You have been crying for days. Aren’t you tired?” I heard her heavy sigh as I hugged myself in the comforter and looked away.

“Just let me. I’ll get tired sooner,” I said in a low voice, still not looking at her. She prevent herself to talk to me since she knew that it was hard for me. She just let me cry inside my room in her condo.

And just like the other days, she didn’t force me. Inside her condo, we were just silent. She tried telling me funny stories or sometimes we’ll watch movies but it’s no use. Days had passed again and I’m still not going to school. Bella had it done. She just made an excuse for me, telling me that I’m sick.

Saturday comes, it’s been one week since we broke up and I’m still not coming out of this place. I’m just inside Bella’s condo. When she goes to school, I was all left alone and cried all over again but she sent me messages to check on me and go home when school was over. She said she was worried about me because she might come home seeing me hanging on the ceiling.

She was overthinking. I was not numb to commit suicide. I know my limits. Life is important. We all have one life so live with it no matter how hard it is. I just experience heartbreak and it wasn’t enough reason for me to commit suicide. Tss.

It was past 5 PM when I decided to go out of her condo because I was suddenly craving ice cream.

I fix myself and change my clothes. I saw my best friend busy doing something on her phone. Her forehead creased so I went to her.

“You have been hiding inside here,” she commented, still looking on her phone. Busy eh?

“I’ll go outside. I’ll just get ice cream,” I said and didn’t give any comment at her statement.

She looked at me with her wide eyes and stand up in surprise.

“What?”

“Thank, God, Anastasia Audrey! I thought you would isolate yourself inside here forever!” she exclaimed but I just rolled my eyes to her.

“It was just heartbreak. Tss,” I said while rolling my eyes.

“Wow! Just a heartbreak? You were almost on the label of committing suicide!”

“I’m not stupid, stupid.” She really thought that I would commit suicide? That option is just for stupid people and I’m not stupid enough to do that thing. I still love my life for me to do that thing. It’s just that sometimes we really experience so much pain in life but I believe that that pain teaches you a lesson to be a better person.

“You want me to get you one?” I interrogated, referring to the ice cream.

“Nah.” She shook her head. “I’m fine. Just go home when you are done,” she added as she went back on her phone and I just nodded.

Is there something interesting on her phone why she was busy with it?

I go out of the building and look for an ice cream shop nearby. Good thing there is one not so far away from the RA tower.

“Rocky road, please,” I politely said to the woman at the counter.

It doesn’t take me long to wait for my ice cream when the woman arrived and give me the ice cream with the flavor I wanted. I went to the table near the window so I could see the people and cars passing by.

I grab my phone from my pocket and put it down on the table. At least I tried to get out of Bella’s condo after days of isolating myself inside there. I’ll get back to school too on Monday. My profs wouldn’t take another excuse for my absences.

I was near to finishing my bowl of ice cream, yes you read it right, I choose a bowl for my ice cream when I saw a familiar person who gave me so much pain. Felix was outside the shop walking alone. I hurriedly finished my ice cream so I could go back to RA tower when he entered the ice cream shop too. I stunned. I know that there is a high possibility that he will see me here. I gulped and think of an excuse. As much as I can, I don’t want to encounter him right now since I still find it hard when he’s around ever since we broke up.

I couldn’t stand seeing him around after the heartbreak he caused me. I love him to the point that I am ready to marry him not until he made that mistake.

I tried to hide in my hoodie’s cap but I failed. I heard a footstep walking towards my direction and I just bowed my head more.

“Can I join you?” I heard his voice. I could only see his built in front of me. I know that he knows that I’m his ex-girlfriend. Bowing my head wasn’t enough to hide.

A felt a lump in my throat making me hardly to speak. “Y-yes,” I replied in a low voice while still keeping my head down.

He take a vacant seat in front of me and put his ice cream down. So he’s here to eat an ice cream too? Just great! I’m here and he’s here. We went here to eat an ice cream. Damn it! I have just ordered online.

Lord, is this a punishment?

“I know that it was you, Astia,” he stated and I froze. There is nowhere I could hide myself from him.

A couple of minutes had passed when I heard him speak again.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice.

I didn’t respond and just remain my head down. As much as I can, I don’t want to see him because I might just break down in front of him. I couldn’t afford to see him at my state.

“I know I’m a jerk. I changed when I met you, trust me but I did it again and I’m really sorry for that.” I felt my eyes water and look at him.

Please, not now.

“I’m sorry, Astia. I hope you can forgive me-”

I cut him off before he could even finish his word, “I can’t,” I said as my eyes watered while we were looking at each other.

:)