The Butt-Sticking Brownie

A huge crowd of curious onlookers immediately gathered as soon as Blink and the captive bandits reached the town plaza. Everybody's gazes were automatically focused on the darkened shin of one of the captives.

"Isn't this bandit the one called "Scar-Faced Mayhem"? a distinguished-looking middle-aged man asked.

"It's him all right! That scar on his cheek is too prominent to miss."

"You mean this is the bandit who killed three men in a raid near Magra?"

Scar-Faced Mayhem suddenly had a haughty look on his eyes. He was about to speak seemingly to boast of a long list of his deeds.

Thwack!

A hard swat from a familiar stick found Scar-Faced Mayhem's mouth, knocking out a few teeth.

"Who told you you're allowed to speak?!" Blink snapped at him.

The man spat out three bloody teeth. He looked at Blink in utter terror.

"You called yourself Scar-Faced Mayhem?" Blink asked him. He found the name very amusing.

"But, of course. A trashy fighter must hide behind an imposing name."

Blink whacked the bandit's knee. The bandit gritted his teeth (at least what remained of it) in agony. He gave Blink a look that complained of unjust punishment.

"That's for being a menace!"

"And this..."

Thwack!

"... is for questioning my judgment."

The bandit wailed soundlessly, his face contorted to comical effect that got the crowd laughing.

When everyone had quieted down, the distinguished-looking middle-aged man spoke.

"Thank you for capturing the Five Unmatched Menace gang," he addressed Blink.

"What?!" Blink scratched his head. 'Clearly these imbeciles thought too highly of themselves,' he thought.

Thwack!

"That's a terrible name," someone in the crowd declared.

"Why so?"

"Since there are five of them, it should be menaces - - the Five Unmatched Menaces."

Blink looked at Scar-Faced Menace. "He's right, you know."

Thwack!

"Weren't they the gang that carted off with about a fifth of last year's harvest?"

"It's them alright!"

"Many of us had no food for days because of that. These bastards should be starved to death."

"They also beat up old Salm's only son. Now, the poor old man is at the mercy of his greedy relatives while his son is recovering from all his injuries."

"The others aren't really all that cruel. It's this Scar-Faced Menace who's the dastardly one."

"I really don't like losing my breath saying such a long name. Does anyone know this bastard's real name?"

"Oh, I know! He's from Makresh, like me. We're also from the same district. I seem to remember his old friends calling him Curd or Turd. It could be one or the other, but definitely one of those names."

Everybody was stunned for a moment, but burst into laughter within a few seconds. Curd or Turd glared at the man from Makresh.

"You are named Turd?" the middle-aged man asked the scar-faced bandit. "Did your father suspect that your mother got you from another man?"

The bandit just glared at the middle-aged man and wasn't about to respond to the question. However, a familiar stick was thrust into his cheek and was forced inside his mouth.

"Answer the man!" Blink commanded.

The bandit nodded his head. Everybody roared into laughter once more.

"So, your name is shit, your fighting skills are shitty, and you talk a lot of shit." Blink raised his staff once more.

Thwack!

The man from Makresh had something to reveal.

"This guy, Turd, is actually infamous in Makresh for raping a sixty-year old grandma."

That drew drew the ire of a lot of people including Blink who recalled his own adoptive mother. He cast a menacing look towards Turd.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

Once again Turd wailed soundlessly, producing that comical effect on his face once more.

This generated an idea from one of the onlookers. He suggested that Turd should receive a whack for each of his crimes to the people of the town and invited everyone to come and spill the beans on the poor bandit.

"He beat my uncle half-dead two years ago."

Thwack!

Blink was all too ready to deliver justice for the people.

"He burned our house down just because my sister refused to come with him."

Thwack!

"He beat me up in front of my fiancee and tried to molest her too. Fortunately, a group of well-built men came to save us, but my fiancee had refused to marry me afterwards."

Thwack!

"He flashed me the dirty finger about two weeks ago!"

Thwack!

"I hate his beard!"

Thwack!

Silence.

Several seconds later everyone was chuckling except for Turd who cast Blink an accusing look.

"Are you complaining? Your beard does look ugly." Blink turned his staff on one end while holding the other end lightly with his palm.

Turd shook his head vigorously.

After a while the townspeople asked Blink to help them get rid of several ruffians in town. Before it was even noon time, Blink had rounded up sixteen thugs and delivered them to the distinguished-looking middle-aged man, who turned out to be the mayor of the town.

The mayor thanked Blink profusely and asked for anything that he could do in return for the favor.

Just then Blink realized he had not eaten breakfast and it was already lunch time.

The mayor personally accompanied Blink to the best restaurant in town. He talked to the owner and introduced Blink to him. The owner generously served Blink the best dishes from their menu.

"It's on the house," he assured Blink. He also had a pretty girl wait at Blink's table in case the latter asked for something.

The girl was wearing a very short dress that showed her beautiful legs for maximum effect.

Blink ate heartily while stealing surreptitious glances at the girl's legs. The girl smiled sweetly at him. Then, she shifted from her position to give Blink a much better view.

Blink had a really enjoyable time checking out the girl's bum and her perky bosom, which the girl jiggled ever so slightly. Blink absent-mindedly stuffed food into his mouth while ogling the girl. The girl smiled at him the whole time.

Suddenly, the image of Berge being held in Flip's embrace flashed into his mind and ruined the moment. Blink's gaze sank into the table. He suddenly lost all interest in engaging some aesthetic pleasure.

Eating, however, is a different matter altogether. Jealousy is no excuse for passing up a great feast.

While eating lunch, Blink was interrupted by a sweaty young man with unkempt hair and the clothes he must have waken up in. He looked like he had run a long way and didn't even bother to take a bath or change his clothes.

It turned out the elders in his village sent him to see the martial artist who took care of the Five Unrivaled Menace gang. They were hoping to get Blink to drive away a dozen bandits who camped in their village and living like royalty at the expense of the villagers.

"Lately, they've been bothering the womenfolk, too," the young man named Hurg reported.

Hurg added that the village elders had since ordered all females to lock themselves at home.

"But I'm afraid they might eventually decide to forcefully barge into one house and gang up on some poor girl or wife."

Aftet hearing Hurg's story, Blink hurried over to the village. He found the bandits about to break the door of a house down while the voice of a very scared woman pleaded to be spared from whatever they were planning.

The bandits were laughing hard and blabbering carnal thoughts when Blink attacked them unnoticed. Blink had already taken out four of the bandits with his quarter staff before the others realized they had been attacked. Even then three more of them crumpled to the ground in quick succession.

Blink didn't really want to be bothered to waste time with this bunch of ruffians. The leader of the gang was about to say something, probably to talk tough, but Blink threw his staff right to his nose. And while he held his nose screaming insults at Blink, the latter kicked his nuts so savagely his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

The remaining bandits didn't stand a chance. One got flung five meters away by a palm to his chest. Another took a flash to the chin and went down with a broken jaw. The two others still had enough wits about them and, thus, ran away before Blink could touch them.

Hurg was totally dumbstruck. The fight didn't even last a minute. No, not 30 seconds even!

By the time the villagers gathered around, the bandit gang leader had recovered somewhat. He just had to be a moron and threaten to beat up and "enjoy" Blink the next time they meet. He ended up worse than Scar-Faced Menace.

The villagers naturally didn't disapprove. In fact, some of them thought the cute brownie was rather merciful. They talked animatedly of the kind of torture they'd deal to the bastards who shamelessly lived off them and even entertained themselves at the expense of the villagers for weeks.

Everyone gathered at the village center for a celebration. Every now and then, some of the villagers went to some area from which the sound of screaming could be heard shortly thereafter.

That night Blink and the villagers ate heartily to the musical sound of bandits screaming. Every time a particularly loud scream shattered their eardrums, the men breathed in the full sweet flavor of justice. Some of the women shared in the men's delight, too.

Before the feast was even over, several men from the surrounding villages came looking for "the brownie who pokes bandits on their fannies."

Within six days Blink had been to ten villages and three towns. By this time, Blink had captured over a hundred bandits. He had also completely terrorized over a dozen gang leaders with his staff making probing pokes on their bottoms.

Thus, the legend of the "Butt-Sticking Brownie" was born.

Of course, Blink didn't relish the name at all and tried to suggest some other names later on. However, there wasn't a name he could come up with that stirred the imagination of the common people better than the Butt-Sticking Brownie.