Heart

They both were there before me, they were so close yet so far.

I don't know exactly what I was hoping for. I don't know why I turned around. I regretted it so much because if I had just known I would have not been in this situation I would have not been in so much confusion, pain and in a sea full of hatred.

Everybody turned to my direction, looking at me. I glanced at the floor to see the wine glass break and the beautiful deep red wine glistening on the white marble floor. It seemed like a magical mysterious painting that came to life with the bright half moon that shone through the window walls.

I tried to turn my body but my body did not listen to my mind; it had a will of its own, it was in fear as the shaking was violent. My heartbeats were getting louder, I felt it as if I were my heart because I even felt it to my head. My movements felt clumsy and I think it seemed like that to everyone else around me. I breathe in and breathe out letting my anger get to me to stop any emotions that made me weak and showed the broken and empty parts of me to anyone else.

The body that I thought I had control of was not working the way I wanted it to when I needed it to do so the most. Was it the mental shock that is now making my body shake like this?

I looked directly down to see the wine class had cut my leg, down where the dress had its leg slit.

I looked back up to see their faces and it reminded me of a past that I try to forget everyday.

I was still somewhat hoping it was a hallucination, an image that was portrayed in front of me while it also being an effect of some type of drug. But it wasn't because she was giving me a look, one that I would not be able to forget for the rest of the time I kept seeing her, or maybe for the rest of my life, or maybe I'm portraying an image that I wish to see so badly, to have her feel guilty for leaving her children like that. Maybe that would be the only way I could let her go, along with those bitter sweet memories. Seeing them made me feel like I was in the clouds, but then I would fall and hit the ground so harshly.

"Why….?" was all I could barely manage to say through my lips. 'Why would she look at me like that?', is all that could go through my head.

She was giving me that look but the emotions seemed to be mixed. From what I saw for the moment was confusion and fear there was no guilt in those eyes is what I soon came to understand. I was trying to portray some emotions that I wished she would have in my head, only to realize, it clashed brutally with my reality.

Then the sudden urge of pain came, everything was burning within me, and it was painful. It was more painful than having vinegar and salt sprayed on open cuts.

"Ale... Ale… Alejan... Alejandra!"

I looked next to me, snapping out of my trance, Carlos was whisper-yelling in my ear looking at me with concern.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Alex was on the other side asking with the same concerned and worried face.

"I…" My voice was as low as a whisper. I wanted to say that I was fine but I still couldn't get words to come out of my mouth like I wanted to. I looked back into the crowd to see that they were looking at me directly and their faces were completely different to what they were like moments before. There was a flash of guilt that was written over their faces but it soon was overwritten by a cold face like nothing had happened that was of importance.

It was like a splash of cold water poured on me. They looked around me and then started to walk in the direction I was in. Among the whispers and low talking the crowd of people were doing I heard their footsteps loud and clear.

They were getting closer and closer. I forgot how to breathe for a moment, my chest tightened a bit and my head started to feel heavy.

Yvonney came to me before they got to me. She stood next to Alex and spoke to me "Honey what's wrong? Are you okay? Why don't we go somewhere for you to rest and take a break. Maybe the new environment is what caused this."

Her words were doubled-edged. I knew she did not like me and I did not like the way she spoke to me right now. In other words she was telling me and the people around me that I was from somewhere else, a lower class that did not know better. Yvonne's words were also a way for me to be dismissed, but I was thankful that she interfered instead of the others who stood in their place in the crowd

My brain was pounding against my head, my sight started to get darker and darker, I was sinking into an abyss and soon I saw nothing.

It was later on, did I realize, it was the false love you gave that had started all of this.