Love or guilt

I flared up at his question "How dare you say that, are you questioning my love for him?"

My tears began to flow vigorously "Off course I feel guilty for him but that doesn't mean that I didn't love him. It was because of me that he died and I have been dying inside with that thought everyday wishing for death to come and swallow me. The only reason I am alive is because this life is given by him and I can not do any harm to it. Now I have decided that I will take the revenge for him and then die peacefully."

James smiled "How long are you going to do this to yourself, he didn't save you because he wanted you to blame yourself. You did love him but all you feel now is guilt moreover if he was here, would he be happy to see you like this, you could live happily at least for him."

His words were so true but they were hurtful too, I cried harder and then I said "Get out, leave me alone."

He got up and turned around to leave before saying "I will go out but I can't leave you alone because I promised him never to do that so no matter how much you escape, I will find you but this time I have my selfish reasons too. I used to wonder what he liked about you but then I don't even know what it is about you that attracts people."

He left after speaking and without hearing me out but a small smile formed on my lips with tears still in my eyes as I thought about how wonderful Ethan was "I love you so much, I wish you had taken me with you."

Although that was what I was thinking, I also knew the reason why he left me behind and now that I was guided to the right path, I knew what I had to do so I focused on getting better and then returning back. After he left the room his words rang into my mind and I began to think is it really my love towards him or do I feel guilty for his death. I could not bear to think about this even for a little while so I pushed this though out of my head and closed my eyes, being drained out of my energy completely, I finally fell asleep.

Next morning when I woke up, I had expected James to be my side but noticing that I was alone in the bed, I felt a little disappointed. I tried to sit up in the bed when a pair of strong arms supported me and helped me sit. I looked at his face with sleepy eyes and looking at his condition I asked "Didn't you sleep"

He looked away "I was unable to fall asleep, how are you feeling now?" He asked changing the topic of conversation.

I didn't want to show any weakness so I said "I am fine"

He shook his head and said "You don't need to pretend, I can see how bad your body is right now."

I looked down at my body and feeling a little embarrassed covered myself up with the blanket. He smiled at my action and said "I still have to apply the ointment."

I looked at him in anger "You..."

He cut me off "You have your food first and then I will apply the ointment."

I nodded my head because it was difficult for me to apply the ointment myself so I had to be shameless and ask for his help. There was no other option anyways he had already seen my body. He brought in the food for me and helped me eat and as the atmosphere had turned a lot more peaceful, I ate quietly and comfortably until he asked "Why does he call you his wife?"

I choked on my food hearing his question thinking why does he have to interfere in my business and began to cough as the food was stuck in my throat. He quickly got up and poured me a glass of water which I drank quickly. I didn't look at him even after I was fine nor did I have any more appetite at his question as the horrible events passed through my head.

It was not only Ethan who had sacrificed himself, I too went through horrible things but I could not tell that to him. I was not comfortable doing that and the worst part was that James was not the person who gave up easily. As I was looking down at my food he said "Eat it of you are not waiting for it to enter your mouth by itself."

I glared at him and began to eat, I had just had one bite when he asked again "Now tell me why does he call you his wife."

I banged my spoon loudly on the table and said in anger "He call me that because I am his wife and now don't ask anything else about that."

He didn't have any change in reaction as if he already knew this and he said "So he forced you to marry him and you are legally his wife for so many years."

There was sharp pain in my chest as that thought crossed my mind and I nodded my head, he came to sit next to me and gently held me in his arms making sure not to hurt me and he said "Sorry, I didn't want to hurt you but just wanted to know the relation. I was under the impression that he called you his wife because he wanted to forcefully marry you but I didn't know that you were already married."

I lowered my head and blurted out "I have a daughter too and that is Ethan's"

This time his eyes widened "What?"

"I have hid her because if Cameron finds about her, she will be dead. He will make sure to kill her."

He looked into my eyes "Why are you telling me, are you not scared, I will tell it to someone."

I didn't know either why I told him but I knew my daughter will always be safe.