Sword God Reincarnation: Takemikazuchi Tensei

The ambulance's blaring sirens pierced the air as a man in critical condition lay motionless on the ground, his irises faded and his life hanging by a thread.

Despite the gathering crowd and the rain pouring down, the man remained unresponsive, his fate uncertain.

Would he survive?

He wondered if it was the end for him.

A life wasted on the trivialities of the common man.

"Sir, can you hear me?", "Unidentified male in late forties... he's currently not responsive and is in critical condition.."

(What in the world happened to me... Oh yeah, I was stabbed. I wonder if Sakura made it out okay.)

The man was enveloped in darkness, unable to perceive anything around him.

He found himself in a state of complete stillness, unable to move or take any action.

It was as if he was trapped in a dark space, devoid of any sensory input.

Then for a brief moment, he could see doctors who attempted to save his life, they'd surrounded him.

"Sir can you hear me!" one said, "Blood pressure is dropping doctor!" another articulated.

(Oh crap, I'm dying aren't I... whatever, it's not like I'd achieved anything in life. I should've at least lost my virginity, this is lame... So I'm gonna die as a girlfriendless virgin, total weak sauce.)

Upon regaining consciousness, the subject experienced a brief period of silence before detecting the sound of two individuals conversing in an unknown language.

Despite his efforts, the subject was unable to comprehend the meaning behind their words.

As the subject's eyes slowly opened, he was met with a bright light, causing him to quickly shut their eyes once more.

(It's too bright, I guess virgins do make heaven... hehe!)

Again, the eyes opened, it had adjusted to the brightness of the room.

Behold, the man and woman whose voices he heard were before him.

(Who the hell are they?)

The man spoke even more unintelligible words, the language was unheard of.

He grabbed the subject and pulled him close, then, he attempted to kiss the fellow.

(He's trying to kiss me?! What the hell?! This isn't heaven, this is some weird purgatory where virgins are stuck to sleep with men! Curses!)

Passing on our individual to the woman, one who had radiant blue eyes and silky red hair, she carried him in her arms. All this while the individual hadn't considered how they could support his weight in their arms given he was late into his forties.

(Ooohh! This place isn't so bad after all, the hottie looks pretty nice..)

After some adjustments of the fellow in her arms, she could hold him next to her bosom. Her smile defined her to be a veritable rose of passion.

(Yowzah! Check out those bazookas on her chest, at least 106 centimeters..)

"Uraprishikia adma utu utu mekari," she spoke once more, these words came as fathomless to the unnamed individual. Then, the man stared at said unidentified person and smiled, it was still unclear to our nameless character what was going on.

(What kind of language is that? It sounds like me trying to learn Chinese from YouTube.. that's by the way, where the hell am I? This isn't the hospital..)

From thinking about where he was, his sight was captivated by the breasts of the elegant woman, he was tempted to touch.

(I mean, she obviously has the hots for me... a squeeze or two won't hurt..)

And then, he extended his arm with aim to grope her milkmakers and it was then he discovered he had not the arm of a man but a child. He took a very long stare at it completely bewildered by this discovery.

(What the?! I'm a baby!)

...

Set into his cradle, the mother and father were next to him admiring the fruits of their labor.

This was the first time they'd engaged in sexual intercourse and they not only had a child, but also a boy.

(Was I reincarnated or something? Like those stuff you read in a Webnovel? Bummer, could've made for some really cool ideas. At least I've learnt their names are Michael and Amara, in their early twenties give or take... Which sucks cause thirty year old virgins are wizards, I'm in my late forties so I'm a sage..)

Then, his favorite part had come.

Amara was ready to breastfeed the child, and the moment she placed him in her arms and loosened her robe, it was on.

An intensely lustful face activated on the lad's countenance.

(ay, caramba... I've never seen a woman's nipples before, well except on my laptop when I was taming the beast so to speak.)

Still, he didn't gain any sexual arousal from being breastfed, it made sense as it was his mother.

It wouldn't have been appropriate.

...

[3 months later]

The grown man in the body of a child crawled around the house.

His parents found this unnatural because they knew from observation that babies usually started crawling when they were eight months old.

Six months was rare but not outside the realm of possibilities.

(So far, nothing much has happened... I spend my days crawling back and forth, the occasional breastfeeding and pooping my pants. The last part, I don't like so much. But I can't help it dammit!)

The house was styled similar to the ones belonging to the Celts. But this had slightly better modifications which made much more comfortable and modern when compared to the Celtics.

The living room which was a large, warm family-oriented room that had a 3 seater sofa and 2 single seater sofa around the fireplace.

It had the relaxing feeling of home every living room should possess.

(I just learnt my name is Archibald, but my parents seem to call me Archie... So at least I know I'm somewhere in Europe. Judging from my mother's chest, I have to say... The women in Europe grow big.)

An extremely perverted look followed by his idiosyncratic stroking of the jaw, was what Archibald did as he thought deeply.

He only wore what looked like diapers.

His slightly chubby physique filled up spaces in his diaper.

As he was not yet toilet trained he knew wearing it was for his own good, as embarrassing as it felt.

(I'm yet to understand the language of these people, if I do then I'll be able to tell what part of Europe I'm in. Maybe Scotland? Nah, Scottish women wouldn't have red hair, but my mother seems to..)

The perverted look on his face dissolved, he appeared much more serious now.

Something bothered him, an ominous feeling, some sort of foreboding that hammered nails into his back.

He knew he was forgetting something.

And then it hit him.

(Oh no! No! No! No! I didn't wipe my hard-drive! All my porn.. ahem, I mean all my research!)

The thought of people having to go through his search history scared him.

Another thing that saddened him was the fact that he didn't get to use up all the money he poured into porn site subscriptions.

It honestly made him feel bad.

Reincarnated now, Haruto Sakamoto now known as Archibald Gilfuns Pendragon had awoken in a new world.

His worries were tied to his own perverted actions, unaware to him that he was in a world of Magic, Guns and Swords.